Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Travis1988 I need help
  • replies: 1

Hi, my name is Travis I have suffered from RJ OCD for many years. But my current relationship is getting bad because of myself.My girlfriend ex boyfriend is 10 years younger then her he is her first Australian boyfriend. She is half chinese half indo... View more

Hi, my name is Travis I have suffered from RJ OCD for many years. But my current relationship is getting bad because of myself.My girlfriend ex boyfriend is 10 years younger then her he is her first Australian boyfriend. She is half chinese half indonesian. She is only around 4,11 tall. Her ex boyfriend was taller stronger and good looking. She told me 4 months in our relationship he had a big long pp. And he was handsome they was in a relationship 4 years lived together. And before him she was single over 1 year. She dated a malaysian boyfriend 2016 then met her young australian boyfriend 2018. The one who she dated 4 years. Then we met 6 months after they broke up. But she told me she met 2 other australian guys in this time period but nothing happened with them. I have seen the photos of her special tall handsome australian boyfriend. He still has pictures of her on his profile. I think of what it was like when they first met and how excited she must of felt. When I asked her about it she get angry and ego and showed me photo them kisses and together. She told me the malaysian ex had a small penis also. I just want to feel like her australian ex boyfriend is not lucky special big. And that she had a young good looking australian boy before her that she made him jealous and he was better and better then he was. Anyways I really need help to stop my brain from thinking and asking questions that her ex was smaller. And her ex before was better and he is not special. If you read this far thanks

KezzaJ Dealing with separation from grandchildren.
  • replies: 1

Hello all. I'm a grandmother who has very recently become involved in the separation of my son & his long time partner & now I don't know what to do as I have no one to talk to about how to proceed. The separation is becoming quite heated as is the o... View more

Hello all. I'm a grandmother who has very recently become involved in the separation of my son & his long time partner & now I don't know what to do as I have no one to talk to about how to proceed. The separation is becoming quite heated as is the often the case with both parties inevitably ending up being the victims. My point is that I am being prevented from seeing my grandchildren & this is very distressing. I have had to take time off work because I am so upset about what is going on & how a person can be so vindictive & cruel to the people who have given nothing but love & respect. I can't afford to seek private legal services but am unsure about accessing legal aid. I'm so worried that all of this is going to go very badly for my son & that he will be the biggest loser in the end because the lawyer he has engaged doesn't seem to feel that there is any urgency in getting things in motion & that I won't be able to see my grandchildren as often. Where do I go from here? Who do I contact other than a counselling service?

Safran Responding to partner's hygiene habits
  • replies: 5

I'd really appreciate some objective advice on how best to respond to some pretty confronting bathroom habits from my 41yr old partner. We've been together almost 8yrs and throughout this whole time we have constant arguments about the state he leave... View more

I'd really appreciate some objective advice on how best to respond to some pretty confronting bathroom habits from my 41yr old partner. We've been together almost 8yrs and throughout this whole time we have constant arguments about the state he leaves the toilet in - not just the toilet bowl, but the seat too as it's continually smeared with poo. He assures me it's not a medical issue - just laziness on his part as he 'forgets' to clean it up. Our relationship is otherwise very healthy - we own a house together and are very committed but this is about to break me. I've tried every possible approach to get him to stop (raising it with him calmly using 'I' statements and clearly articulating how it makes me feel and impacts me, through to firmer conversations and ultimatums) and every time he says he'll improve but he doesn't. Lately this has escalated to full blown arguments because he keeps saying he'll stop doing it but the behaviour doesn't change. Today was the last straw and I've threatened getting a portaloo for his own use if it happens one more time. Am I being unreasonable? Are there any other approaches I can use?

flossie62 Husband of 50 years emotionally abuses me
  • replies: 8

There was an episode over the weekend where we had visitors and I was planning on cooking a pork roast for dinner. I won't go into full details right now, but I had put the roast in for 40 minutes for the crackling, following the written instructions... View more

There was an episode over the weekend where we had visitors and I was planning on cooking a pork roast for dinner. I won't go into full details right now, but I had put the roast in for 40 minutes for the crackling, following the written instructions on the packet. After a while my husband saw smoke filling the room and carried on in a childish manner blaming and disrespecting me for stuffing up the oven and drinking too much and not knowing what I was doing. It was very embarrassing and I couldn't hold back my tears, not wanting to get into a full blown fight in front of visitors. These sorts of issues have happened over the years, but I think this was the worst. We have had a talk and I have said that I will not stay if this happens again. He has apologised but I really don't know what to do.

white knight Disowning relatives
  • replies: 5

10 years ago I turned 58yo and forcibly retired from work due to MH issues. I needed to regroup, put myself, my daughter and my wife ahead of- everyone. Like many I had a toxic family that ranged from borderline PD to bipolar to anxiety and the dread... View more

10 years ago I turned 58yo and forcibly retired from work due to MH issues. I needed to regroup, put myself, my daughter and my wife ahead of- everyone. Like many I had a toxic family that ranged from borderline PD to bipolar to anxiety and the dreaded narcissism. Having my own bipolar, anxiety and high functioning autism (recent revelation), I was not much different to my blood relatives except for the narcissism. Ok, that said I decided to give some relatives one last chance which fed my need to not hold any guilt in the future by rash decisions. There is the hard and the easy way to cope with rejecting relatives. With previous attempts when younger I'd crumble at the thought, then crumble again when I grieved for them, so I had become a boomerang family member. When I returned to my family the narcs were happy not to talk about what the issue was, to resolve so recurrence didnt happen, so again and again it repeated. But something changed at 58yo. I decided a few things- that blood relatives no longer automatically had my presence, that I had the right to reject them for a peaceful existence.that seeking stability I needed to ensure I didnt have unstable people in my life, that I was to create my own "more" stable worldthat my wife should no longer carry the burden of my family upsets when she had come from a stable upbringingthat 58 years was long enough and if I was lucky enough to last another 25 years that I could choose then to mould those years into happier timesThe above decision making says it all and I've gradually found peace from family problems. Yes, the occasional relative I still have in my life will call and ask if they can mediate and I politely decline. Those calls are examples of the triangulation from rejected family members. Do I miss them- oh, yes, but the cycle would return if I allowed them back in. My family ensured that guilt was a major weapon so I know my guilt especially that my 93yo mother is still alive, would eat at me. But alas, if I visited her after so many years I know the guilt would be her priority then she'd haunt me from her grave. Troubled people have to build a world around themselves and only issue passes to those that either understand or have a level of loyalty that you feel safe with. These are desperate situations, suicidal thoughts, attempts, suffering through rage and comments from despicable people. Being blood does not mean you are a punching bag. If thats you then untie the rope, let that bag drop... TonyWK

Soul_shattered Where can I get help for the accused Family (content warning: potentially distressing themes)
  • replies: 14

I am desperately seeking a support group for the families of accused sex offenders. My brothers step daughter has made some horrific allegations against him and because i have chosen to support him everyone is turning there back on me. I have done no... View more

I am desperately seeking a support group for the families of accused sex offenders. My brothers step daughter has made some horrific allegations against him and because i have chosen to support him everyone is turning there back on me. I have done nothing wrong!!! but the judgement is just as bad for me as it is for him. I am so desperate for someone to talk to but there only seems to be support for the accusers and there family not the accused at all. I know i have years of hell in front of me and i know i will not survive this if i don't find some support, somewhere.

nixxyboo I don’t know what to think anymore (relationship)
  • replies: 1

Long story short my partner and I have been together 3 years but have been friends for about 6. I genuinely love with with all I have but lately he’s been distant. We spent most of our relationship long distance but together now. But in the 4 months ... View more

Long story short my partner and I have been together 3 years but have been friends for about 6. I genuinely love with with all I have but lately he’s been distant. We spent most of our relationship long distance but together now. But in the 4 months he’s been here he hasn’t really hugs or kissed me in any way and it’s usually me to him. He’s back visiting family and I have hardly heard from him since he’s been back (it’s the second time in 4 months he’s been back). I found out from my sisters today that he’s made a few comments in the past that they weren’t to please with. But now I just don’t know how to feel or think

Walto17 How do i apologize to a friend that i hurt
  • replies: 1

Hey everyone just need some advice.Long story short, i was friends with this person for about 4 years, we used to play xbox everynight until we had a falling out, bascially it was me and him who played all the time and then another person came into o... View more

Hey everyone just need some advice.Long story short, i was friends with this person for about 4 years, we used to play xbox everynight until we had a falling out, bascially it was me and him who played all the time and then another person came into our circle and caused a lot of drama because my friend and the other person butted heads. My friend did some childish things but i regret how things went down. Anyways, we haven't spoken for over 2 years and he blocked me on all of our social medias and it bugs me that things ended the way they did because i do miss our conversations, so i was thinking of trying to get in touch with him and saying sorry. I'm just curious as to how i should go about it. If i did message him, i wouldn't expect a response or anything but just to let him know that deep down i am sorry and would rather him know that i regret what happened instead of us never speaking and him maybe thinking i don't care about him because i still do. Any advice would be appreciated.

Von is lost Boyfriend travelling overseas for 6 months
  • replies: 1

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months and it has been so wonderful. We have recently said I love you to each other and our relationship feels solid. We’ve talked about a trip he’s taking with a mate overseas for around 6 months since the... View more

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months and it has been so wonderful. We have recently said I love you to each other and our relationship feels solid. We’ve talked about a trip he’s taking with a mate overseas for around 6 months since the beginning of us dating. He hasn’t booked his return flight back yet and has said a few times he might even come back early. We have three weeks left before he goes and I’m starting to feel sad and anxious about him going away. We’ve made a plan of how often to stay in touch etc and even a loose plan of meeting somewhere for a trip on his way back from Europe (might meet in Vietnam). I am pretty confident we will be fine but I’m worried I’m going to get depressed when he's gone and feel alone. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Mav2030 Need some advice please
  • replies: 6

Hi there, 51yr old, 30years married but it looks like I may have stepped too far this time and it's probably over. I have several issues, I'm finally starting to get help but my biggest problems are I don't/can't listen to my wife, and I always have ... View more

Hi there, 51yr old, 30years married but it looks like I may have stepped too far this time and it's probably over. I have several issues, I'm finally starting to get help but my biggest problems are I don't/can't listen to my wife, and I always have to be right. A lot of it stems from 20+ years of me thinking I was helping her with her mental health problems, when all I was doing was making hers and mine worse. Sometimes when we're arguing, I'll just blurt out stuff - sometimes I do it cause I'm sick of feeling like I'm being attacked, other times it just happens. Yesterday when she was trying to talk to me about her fears with addictions (in particular for her alcohol) for some god knows reason I giggled and told her of a time we got drunk when we were younger. This was with young kids, and I didn't even think of the ramifications of bringing it up, I just did. She doesn't remember the time, and definitely swears black and blue she didn't do it, couldn't do it but I remember it. Maybe I got the times / dates wrong, but I remember it. Right now, she's not even looking at me, let alone willing to talk - I know I've let my mouth jump in again, and I've probably sealed my fate, but if anyone else has had similar foot in mouth issues, have you got any advice? I can't justify what I said, especially knowing her background but this woman is the only person who has ever given a damn about me, and every few weeks I let my mouth run away with what's happening. This is something I'm talking about, but right now, I'm lost and afraid I can't get back.