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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Dot20 Scared, weak
  • replies: 1

I'm scared I'm not strong enough that my ex will not get it through his head i no longer want a relationship not with him not with anyone, we have a police issued family violence order (for him) last weekend, he's promised before to change but I no l... View more

I'm scared I'm not strong enough that my ex will not get it through his head i no longer want a relationship not with him not with anyone, we have a police issued family violence order (for him) last weekend, he's promised before to change but I no longer believe I've tried too hard for too long waiting for him to change its never going to happen i need to stick up for my kids that is his target (verbally, minimal physical) not acceptable never acceptable and I'm so guilty for letting it go on for so long my eldest son left me because of this (now 17 at his dads) and my 12yr old daughter became the new target of derogatory remarks teasing bullying belittling nit picking bossing being jealous of my kids, picking on my 5yr old (also his, 12yr old not not 17yr old), how do I be strong and stick to my decision I've given in too many times before I feel he thinks this is the same and I'm determined it won't be but I don't feel strong, I've given in to conflict so much lately because I can't handle the drama the anger. I'm not that person I'm not angry all the time but he made me feel that was my only choice, I am ashamed of myself for the past for now I don't feel I can talk to my family about how I feel I'm so terribly ashamed. I'm not in a good place but I have to return to work as I'm letting them down too by taking time off and I think I need the distraction and friends, I can't stop cleaning my house and decluttering i just want to throw it all out, I want him to get his stuff but don't want to push him as I'm afraid when he realises it's over for real he will get mad and I will have more to deal with I'm scared I don't have enough fight in me

Alone4me Separating from lying, cheating, cross-dressing Husband - upset and confused
  • replies: 5

I'm very new to reaching out - here goes... My husband and I are currently separating (living under the same roof - until he house sells). There have been warning signs which I have put down to his health issues (diabetes) for that last 15 years of o... View more

I'm very new to reaching out - here goes... My husband and I are currently separating (living under the same roof - until he house sells). There have been warning signs which I have put down to his health issues (diabetes) for that last 15 years of our 30 yr marriage (he has not been interested in 'special cuddles'), has been secretive about Tax returns, deletes all phone txts, messages, recent call lists etc. Recently also discovered he has been siphoning money from his pay each fortnight (we have joint accounts where our pay goes), has accumulated significant debt (on credit cards I didn't know existed), has been having 'emotional affairs' with people at work and online, lies about having to go to work on the weekend (I went there and he wasn't there), plus found photos on his phone of him dressed in my clothes with a wig and makeup. He has also been secretly drinking alcohol and seems to be in a constant state of drunkeness ( which I stupidly though it was the diabetes and eating the wrong foods making his blood sugars sky-rocket). He has been very argumentative and aggressive. So now we are separating and while I know there is no other way out of this (I have suggested counselling but he has refused on multiple occasions - just promised things would get better).. I am so struggling and am very emotional (close to tears all the time). He, however, doesnt seem upset at all and is telling everyone he is very happy - is on multiple dating sites etc., I am struggling with the fact that I think he never really did have feelings for me as he has moved on immediately. The future no longer looks like I thought it would be with the person that I loved (not sure he actually is who I thought he was). After 30 years and looking forward to retirement - my world now is upside down. How to put this all into perspective and 'keep going' every day? The last 15 years haven't been great and I wasnt sure how I could keep going inside the marriage - and now I am wondering how to continue outside the marriage...

Guest_51784955 My mum wants to divorce from my dad, but we don't have much options for housing?
  • replies: 1

This may be lengthy but please bear with me here. My mum has been wanting a divorce for a couple years now, but the main things that have prevented her from this out have been the lack of clear housing options for us.currently living together is my m... View more

This may be lengthy but please bear with me here. My mum has been wanting a divorce for a couple years now, but the main things that have prevented her from this out have been the lack of clear housing options for us.currently living together is my mum, my dad, 17yo daughter (me), and two 6yo sons.Her main reason for wanting to separate from my dad is his incompetence and the unequal division of labour. This is something I noticed on my own growing up. My dad really does nothing in terms of raising his kids. Ive never seen him read to my younger brothers, or give them baths, etc. He rlly does nothing for them or for me . We are not close at all. All of the responsibility and the work that comes with parenting is laid on my mum. I help out as much as I can but I know it's nowhere near enough since a 17 year old girl probably can't substitute a father well. I'm also about to enter my final year of high school which includes major exams. I don't want to sacrifice my own opportunities and my life just because of the misfortune of having a poor excuse for a dad. Genuinely all my dad does aside from going to work is eat, nap 50 times a day, watch stuff on his computer. He also has an office of his own where most of his time is spent (the eating, watching movies, other work stuff, etc). If hes not in his office he's sleeping. My parents also have separate rooms-mum with the boys and dad in his own room, so! We dont have very many options in terms of housing or where we could go if a divorce actually does happen. I doubt the custody over me and my brothers would be shared or split 50/50 given his incompetence. I see myself to be pretty independent and I dont have issues taking care of myself, but I also doubt anybody who knows my dad and his "parenting" style would trust him to raise two primary school kids on his own. So the living situation almost definitely would be mum + 3 kids.We're already not in the best financial situation. Its not that we're 'poor' but things are still tight. Whilst my mum was on maternity leave after giving birth to my brothers, her work place shut down permanently and she has not worked since.I feel a sense of urgency here because my dad sets an example for my brothers, no matter how much I or my mum can interfere. I would seriously appreciate any advice or some semblance of a solution anybody has to offer!

I_need_a_name I don’t like being a parent
  • replies: 27

I feel sick saying this because I love my children dearly, but I absolutely hate life with kids. Nothing can prepare you for the relentlessness of parenthood and how much of yourself you lose in the process. Everyone says it’s hard but you don’t trul... View more

I feel sick saying this because I love my children dearly, but I absolutely hate life with kids. Nothing can prepare you for the relentlessness of parenthood and how much of yourself you lose in the process. Everyone says it’s hard but you don’t truly understand what that means until you’re in the thick of it and once you’re there, I feel like there’s nothing you can do about it. If I disliked anything else in my life - where I lived, my job, my husband, I could leave, change careers, do something different, but you can’t take back having kids and yet it’s the one decision that I really wish I’d had more background info on before I took the plunge. I have a 5yr old and a 1yr old, they’re so very loved and clever, and funny and wonderful, they’re great kids and I’m a great Mum (mostly), but I grieve all the time for my lost life, all the freedoms I had and all the TIME I no longer have. I used to have so much choice in my day - I could spend my day sleeping, exercising, crafting, eating, listening to music/podcasts/audiobooks, binge watching tv or movies, relaxing, renovating our house, organising, literally anything I could imagine or think of I could do. All I do now is work, cook, clean and parent, there isn’t time for anything else. If I do get any free time, it’s post 8pm when the kids go to bed and I’m too tired from the day to do much more than sit in front of the TV and scroll on my phone. It’s such a crappy life. The kids needs are never ending, someone’s always in my space and requiring my attention, even if they just want to play, I feel like everything’s draining. I don’t want to play, or cook, or clean or do family admin etc., every task that fills my day now is not one that I would choose, all of them are required to keep the family running and someone has to do them, so I do, my husband is really helpful and we share the load pretty evenly but even so, we still both feel permanently burnt out. I can organise some extra time away from the kids etc. and I have done; feels great while I have that time but it’s always only a cpl hours, or a day max. and the second I have to go back to reality I hate my life again. I long for my pre-child life and all the wonderful things I could do with a day, presently i probably get about 10-30mins of each day to choose something for me and it’s not enough, I didn’t know how hard this was going to be and now I’m here and I don’t like it and I feel stuck. What can I do?

tramezzini Betrayal and humiliation
  • replies: 16

When we first met, our values and morals were completely aligned. Our relationship felt strong, and we built a life together, raising children, sharing responsibilities, and supporting each other. I became runned down from things happening ,life and ... View more

When we first met, our values and morals were completely aligned. Our relationship felt strong, and we built a life together, raising children, sharing responsibilities, and supporting each other. I became runned down from things happening ,life and we talked about it , i didn’t feel like being intimate for a very long time, only on and offs. The first serious betrayal happened in September, after a big fight. He had left for a week so we could get space. Despite that, we continued our relationship. On 26/12, we were intimate. At times, I didn’t want sexual contact because I was tired or exhausted from work, family, and daily life, but I offered other forms of intimacy, which he declined. I felt sad that I couldn’t meet all his needs in the way he wanted, even though I was trying. Then, a few days later, around 3/1, he went to sexual service again. This was shortly after we had spent time together and had been intimate. I discovered this by accident, and it felt like the trust I had was completely shattered. He admitted what he had done and expressed shame, taking responsibility for his actions, but he also said he didn’t know if he would have stopped if I hadn’t found out. That left me feeling scared that this pattern could continue. He has said that he wanted closeness and intimacy, but still sought sexual services elsewhere. It’s hard to reconcile that he wanted connection with me but also chose secrecy and actions that hurt me. We have also discussed how his behavior affects our relationship and the children, though they don’t yet know the details. It’s worrying to think about how this impacts their sense of security and trust. He has started taking on household chores and responsibilities for the kids on his own, which I notice. After 9 years together, it’s hard to understand why these actions happened now. Our intimacy, values, and life together had been strong. Still, these behaviors emerged under stress, exhaustion, and other pressures, showing that patterns and choices sometimes override intentions. This is the timeline of what has happened, how I felt, and the steps being taken to address it. I’m sharing this to be honest about the process, the hurt, and the attempts at accountability, while also acknowledging how complicated and confusing it all is. what would you do?

Dot20 Separation overdue
  • replies: 1

I recently separated from my partner of 7 years, sadly we have been together probably 4-5 years too long (my feelings) it has been so hard, my rights as a parent were taken from me by him he controlled my kids (there are 3,2 not his) my eldest left t... View more

I recently separated from my partner of 7 years, sadly we have been together probably 4-5 years too long (my feelings) it has been so hard, my rights as a parent were taken from me by him he controlled my kids (there are 3,2 not his) my eldest left to live at his dads due to my ex and then my exs behaviour turned from my eldest son to my daughter, degrading her belittling her, laughing at her picking at her bullying her throwing things trying to hit her constantly arguing with her, his behaviour not much better towards our youngest son saying he couldn't deal and swearing all the time anger all the time with me asking all the time for peace and to be nice stop arguing stop the stupid comments, he's promised before too stop he lied,I feel stupid and so so guilty for letting it go on so long and I can't answer as to why I let it happen, I work he does not he doesn't get any benefits I supported him and it felt like I was looking after another child only a nasty one with no respect only cared for himself put himself first fed himself first. I'm feeling down today really down, I've spoken with a dr and increased meds I'm unsure if this is a side effect I don't know why I feel like this but so numb also and like this is not ending he's not getting it not listening to my wishes as usual I'm not given a voice I feel like I'm never considered I don't matter. Police have been involved and I'm still waiting for things to blow up again I think he is still hopeful and I need to stick to my decision

Sadmama93 Postpartum depression- strong dislike for my baby.
  • replies: 2

TWI believe I am severely depressed. I dislike and am embarrassed of my baby. I had a traumatic birth and couldnt breastfeed. I just feel everything is so so wrong with this particular baby. I see the other well developed breastfed babies and look at... View more

TWI believe I am severely depressed. I dislike and am embarrassed of my baby. I had a traumatic birth and couldnt breastfeed. I just feel everything is so so wrong with this particular baby. I see the other well developed breastfed babies and look at my idiot baby on formula. I am also triggered by people talking about loving the natural childbirth experience etc. My jaw, arms and head hurts all the time. So much worse since having a baby. I dont want to be here anymore or be a mother.

PPPPPPP_ Something is wrong with me.
  • replies: 3

Hi, Idk whats wrong with me I don't know why I am like this. I really wish I wasn't. I am currently a college student yr11-yr12 so it has definetly been stressful haha but I dont know why I am like this it actually pains me why cant I be normal. I ha... View more

Hi, Idk whats wrong with me I don't know why I am like this. I really wish I wasn't. I am currently a college student yr11-yr12 so it has definetly been stressful haha but I dont know why I am like this it actually pains me why cant I be normal. I have a loving family, an older sister, mum and dad and they are the best but we always have fights, like normal families but I always cry. I always cry at little arguments, I always have a hint of breaking down in my voice at big arguments and am asked why I am crying. I don't know if I have anger issues but I probably do? I get irritated at very little things and complain without actually thinking how it effects the person, or when its not the correct time like once my sister, my older one was wearing my earrings and I got instantly mad, this is when the door was open and she was holding my dog bc he always trys to run out and I asked her can you take it off, completely ignoring the fact that she was holding my dog? and now i was told about it by my mum how i acted which I understand now but I get irritated at so many little things and dont think in the moment, then later I do all alone in my bed and get embarrased. Why did I do that. I feel like im always a drama queen or thats how I'm painted as, like a villain in the house and i understand I really wish I wouldnt. I dont know if its either all this built up resentment, I always cry I wish I didnt, im supposed to be mature. I know I am like this but I don't have anyone to talk to when my feelings are hurt or I could just ball out to and hopefully someone will answer me, or even a sorry in cases when its not my fault, little things hurt. I am really lonely. Most of my feelings and arguments are like this at home, bc when we get into my arguments its always "you always do this and that you never did this" and I start breaking down, Afterwards that none of my family members talk to me or wants to resolve with me. I know im like this once again but I feel like I haven;t got the mental help or genuine help to be heard and help me deal with these feelings (etc crying, arguing and complaining a lot). I don't know if its bc i'm the youngest sibling? I sometimes feel like im a clown embarrased just for complaining about something little or even no one taking me seriously bc im the youngest, and when I complain for something little, I understand it later but its embarrasing, or when I complain for something or cry i feel embarrased. I've even asked gpt if Im valid help

Sammy Stressed
  • replies: 2

Following on from my thread I am now living together with my boyfriend just been a week as we had been on long distance for 1 year.now my heart says noUnder one roof I don’t feel attracted to him . We are 49,58 years oldI was all happy talking to him... View more

Following on from my thread I am now living together with my boyfriend just been a week as we had been on long distance for 1 year.now my heart says noUnder one roof I don’t feel attracted to him . We are 49,58 years oldI was all happy talking to him for last year and now I see he is not physically attractive, not enthusiastic about finding a job, self centred, superficial, very basic human to me . Have to start partner visa if I agree to go ahead as he needs it to start work herenow I feel bad to have brought him here. Not excited but also feel not great options in the pooldont want to be alone and single First 2 months I enjoyed and when I saw he was tight fisted, not providing them my attraction started fading but we both kept pushing forward as we wanted it to worksoo much time energy and plans wastedif it’s just living together and see how it goes then it’s okbut Visa process has to start which involves money and effort what’s pulling me into it…. Finding it hard

AMW Isolated and alone, marital issues, etc
  • replies: 14

Hi, I'm a mother of 3 and have been married for 19 years. 3 years ago I found out that my partner is cheating on me, with an ex-girl friend. He has been cheating on me on and off with this person for about 22 years. Yes, he has been cheating on me pr... View more

Hi, I'm a mother of 3 and have been married for 19 years. 3 years ago I found out that my partner is cheating on me, with an ex-girl friend. He has been cheating on me on and off with this person for about 22 years. Yes, he has been cheating on me prior to getting married too! Since I found out, I have been completely distraught, felt like my whole world has ended. He is apologetic, and wants to work it out with me. But I do not trust him. He lied and cheated for 22 years. Everything I know about his affair to date are things I have found out through other people. He has never disclosed anything 'new'. I feel so isolated and alone. My kids do not know anything about it. When I am with them I pretend everything is normal. But I am dead inside.