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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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KELLY_ANNE_K Cheating
  • replies: 4

Hi I'm married and I'm currently cheating with a coworker that's also married. We started as good friends and ended up growing into a love affair we tried to out a feelings aside as none of us want to leave our partners but our feelings were too stro... View more

Hi I'm married and I'm currently cheating with a coworker that's also married. We started as good friends and ended up growing into a love affair we tried to out a feelings aside as none of us want to leave our partners but our feelings were too strong. He has been attentive and thoughtful and made me feel like a priority which has been a welcoming change. Lately I feel that he isn't as intrested as he was before and this makes me have anxiety attacks and makes me want to cry all day I dont know what to do

Patches89 i cheated on my husband and the guilt is not letting me live
  • replies: 7

With my partner's and his family pressure, we came to Australia as a student 4 years ago. Being betrayed by some close people(his side) we were somehow managing our life. I used to work part time and go to Uni while my partner worked two jobs to supp... View more

With my partner's and his family pressure, we came to Australia as a student 4 years ago. Being betrayed by some close people(his side) we were somehow managing our life. I used to work part time and go to Uni while my partner worked two jobs to support his family back home. We barely used to see each other. We were struggling but at the same time were excited to begin our new journey together. After few years i was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. My partner supported me a lot during that time. My partner lost his job 2 months before our wedding. Everything had been planned. So we burrowed money from our friends for the wedding thinking we would pay them back after he gets another job. Two months had passed after the wedding and still no job. My depression got extreme. There wasn't a single night when i didn't cry myself to sleep. I started thinking about other men. i started talking to a guy from my high school who was also going through depression. we shared everything. With him i felt heard. And then i cheated on my husband with him after 2 months of our wedding. I had to tell my husband and he was devastated. We went several counselling but then i decided i didn't want to try anymore. I realised i had never been happy in this relationship. I was saying okay to things that i was not okay with. My husband is a nice guy. But i don't love him. I want to move on and i want him to move on too. I'm ready to start new but i feel like m stuck. We still live together for some personal reason but everything i do for him, it feels like m doing it out of guilt. The unanswered question, "what went wrong?" is not letting both of us to move on. I started my therapy again and i was told that m suffering from persistent depressive disorder. Now i want to start a new life with this new guy. But i feel like m stuck. I have tried sharing my story to my close friends but i feel judged. I blame myself for everything.

Guest_68316668 Anger
  • replies: 3

Hey guys i don’t know what to really say im just going through abit lately my anger has lead to me loosing one of my best relationships and iv told her im giving my self time and we have agreed on a month or so time and i need to change how i can get... View more

Hey guys i don’t know what to really say im just going through abit lately my anger has lead to me loosing one of my best relationships and iv told her im giving my self time and we have agreed on a month or so time and i need to change how i can get angry with things im young im only 18 iv never been shown how to love and respect myself let alone others i just tell and say really nasty things to my close ones and idk how to stop it im really at wits ends with it all and idk what to do

Louise__ Continued:
  • replies: 0

Guys I’m really scared of what the future will look like. I’ve had moments of wondering whether or not it’s worth sticking around. I’m not suicidal, and my heart hurts for those of you that are or ever have been. I understand the pain. i don’t know w... View more

Guys I’m really scared of what the future will look like. I’ve had moments of wondering whether or not it’s worth sticking around. I’m not suicidal, and my heart hurts for those of you that are or ever have been. I understand the pain. i don’t know why I’m holding on anymore. Maybe I do have hope, somewhere deep in my subconscious? But for the first time in my life I met someone and finally felt seen and held, and like I was home. Without her I just can’t see a point to anything. i have always had my shit together. Besides excessive drinking and substance abuse when I was in my late teens/early 20s. (Quite a common thing in the UK unfortunately) Since then my life has been fine, never fulfilled, but fine. I moved to Australia, had a really specific routine, spent weekends with my sister and her family, had a rental with my ex partner of 2.5 years, we’d adopted a rescue dog, I have a great career. Everything was fine, I wasn’t ever happy in the relationship, but I liked my life. I realised that I was only in the relationship for convenience and we didn’t actually like each other. It was scary, but I left and started again. And I barely cried. I didn’t have feelings for her.a few months later I met someone new and she was just incredible. I admired everything about her, strong, bold, career-driven, adventurous, stable, beautiful. She was everything that I’ve ever wanted and had no idea existed. it was my issues that hurt her and ultimately, over time, I chipped away until she couldnt do it anymore. (See my previous post about people-pleasing and inconsistencies) it’s the biggest regret of my life. For the first time EVER I felt seen. I’ve never experienced contentment, happiness, or safety like I felt at the beginning. After a while, I knew she was pulling away. And so I panicked and recoiled and became even leas of what she wanted. I felt weak and all of my behaviours were sub-par. after 6 months she’d had enough. And I’ve never felt heartbreak like it. I’ve lost the thing that I spent 29 years looking for and I’m so angry at myself and at the world for not giving me the tools I needed to know how to love as a child. I don’t speak to my parents, or my siblings anymore. And that’s because I wanted to break the toxic communication patterns and actually be a strong her version of myself. It been a battle, but it was the right decision. Even with that knowledge, I’m still feeling incredibly alone. I haven’t made friends becayse I didn’t need any. She gave me everything, she was my person and nothing else mattered to me. but now she’s gone and I have nothing. She is my entire world and I’ve ruined it. I have nothing idea how to exist in a world now, knowing that it took 29 years to just get a glimpse of that. I don’t want to sound dramatic, but I don’t know how I’ll ever feel happiness again

Cjay Constantly think my partner is cheating.
  • replies: 6

Hey everyone, I was just looking to get abit of advice from some people who may have had a similar issue to me and my partner. I am diagnosed bipolar since 18 however I’m now 27 and currently being reviewed as it would appear I might have bpd. I have... View more

Hey everyone, I was just looking to get abit of advice from some people who may have had a similar issue to me and my partner. I am diagnosed bipolar since 18 however I’m now 27 and currently being reviewed as it would appear I might have bpd. I have been in a relationship since January this year so relatively new and have struggled the last 4 weeks. My brain is constantly telling me my partner is doing the wrong thing... when she goes out I think she is cheating... when she’s on her phone I think she’s talking to other women and in response to this thought I am treating her like she is guilty. This has taken a toll on her and our relationship. I don’t know how to stop the thoughts overpowering my rational side and I don’t know how to see things from her perspective. I have explained the place that these feelings come from but she has told me I am wearing her down. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if anyone else in a relationship has had a similar problem with these obsessional thoughts around their partner and infidelity but I can’t seem to shake them and I clearly can’t continue to question or treat her like she’s guilty. So I’m looking for any kind of advice on what I can do to help the situation or what I can say to her to make her understand or what I am doing wrong and how I can stop. So whatever advice anyone has for me would be much appreciated because I really love her and I really don’t want my mental health to ruin this relationship. Thanks, c

Lost003 Lost son in custody waiting hearing
  • replies: 3

My 20 year old son finished school and went to uni away from home - 6 months into uni he could not pay his way although we were supporting him with food parcels. He just had to cover a small rent - this was all discussed with him prior to his choice ... View more

My 20 year old son finished school and went to uni away from home - 6 months into uni he could not pay his way although we were supporting him with food parcels. He just had to cover a small rent - this was all discussed with him prior to his choice to go this this particular Uni….wanting to leave home that this cost was on him. Evidently he drained our savings account that we had offset for him for when he completed uni - within 5 months of uni he got kicked out of dorms because he did not make rent. Not sure where he lived between may and December. He never told us that he was not on campus. Truth came out over Christmas- we set boundaries that he needed to pay us back - uni was up to him - he said he would defer. I suspected drug use or some form of addiction which he denied. Then re ran away - after stealing our credit cards…..if you can call it running away at the age of 20. We lost all contact with him. I since learnt that he then stole from his friends and their parents where he was couch surfing.A few months down the track and we had some random text from him - he was living somewhere in the city. Apparently he was fine but reading between the few lines we got and mothers intuition new better. Then the phone call came from police they were looking for him. we searched the streets at night looking for him to no avail. Police caught up to him / 21 cases of intent . Stealing cards and using them to purchase food. He’s been living on the streets by the sound of it.He has had his first hearing which we were not allowed into - was not given bail and will go before the court next week. He obviously does not want us in his life which I am struggling with big time. Not sure how to navigate the family with all of this especially if we can not contact him.roller coaster of emotions along with the guilt of what we did wrong. Not sure where to go from here and if we should show our support at the next hearing. Will it be too confrontational for him ? Will his legal aid reach out to us to get get background history? completely lost and overwhelmed.

BMelonB Life’s rough patch
  • replies: 2

My life has really hit a rough patch rn, I didn’t even know what I did to cause this my affliction. So our relationship has been okay, like we’ve been together for almost 9 years we have 2 kids together. Kids do put a strain on things but I tried com... View more

My life has really hit a rough patch rn, I didn’t even know what I did to cause this my affliction. So our relationship has been okay, like we’ve been together for almost 9 years we have 2 kids together. Kids do put a strain on things but I tried communicating and other means like counseling, she refused. But yeah Thing got bad when I need to go down to qld for surgery. We are still together at this point she takes me to the airport we say good bye I hug and kiss everyone goodbye. I’m in qld for a week, we are talking every and she ask me to buy plane tickets for her to come down so after surgery we could turn it into a family holiday. I bought the plane tickets we were excited. But it comes the day of the flight and she breaks up with me over message not a call not in person over text. Says she can’t do it anymore and she thinks she would leave me. Fast forward over mind games of her saying one thing to me the saying something different. Giving me false hope of rebuilding our relationship. The the other night she starts sending me videos and photos of her with other people, she goes on belittling my appearance saying that she did gods work being with me, that I was only ever punching in our relationship, she was completely destroying my self image and worth and I feel utterly destroyed because I believe it and I can’t stop feeling that way because of the course of our relationship she would remind me that. I should have seen signs earlier, just done stuff in the past to make me question myself and the last time she did something to me she begged me to stay so I did because I still loved her and the kids. I feel absolutely torn apart. I sacrificed a lot during our relationship cut out a lot of people my family. I wasn’t able to do things my opinion ment nothing I felt unseen and isolated but I stayed because that’s all I ever knew I choose her along time ago and I didn’t want to let go. I feel so stupid

LoveConquers Forgiveness and grace
  • replies: 3

Please be careful about making assumptions about people's intentions. It can absolutely destroy a family, friendships and your own inner peace. If you think someone has done or said something against you, give them the benefit of the doubt. Ask their... View more

Please be careful about making assumptions about people's intentions. It can absolutely destroy a family, friendships and your own inner peace. If you think someone has done or said something against you, give them the benefit of the doubt. Ask their intention. If it was good or bad they'll likely shine a good light on it, I get that but you will never know their true heart. Only God knows this. By viewing people's actions/thoughts as though they had good intentions gives you inner peace, softens your response and allows the relationship to connect at a deeper level. No one really benefits from relationship breakdown. We are all humans who miscommunicate, do and say silly things (not a single person is exempt from this). We all need to move to have a forgiving heart, grace for each other, a willingness to listen, and courage to be heard - my prayers go out to all estranged families for all of this...our families are too important to not to fight for. God bless you all.

tramezzini Betrayal and humiliation
  • replies: 26

When we first met, our values and morals were completely aligned. Our relationship felt strong, and we built a life together, raising children, sharing responsibilities, and supporting each other. I became runned down from things happening ,life and ... View more

When we first met, our values and morals were completely aligned. Our relationship felt strong, and we built a life together, raising children, sharing responsibilities, and supporting each other. I became runned down from things happening ,life and we talked about it , i didn’t feel like being intimate for a very long time, only on and offs. The first serious betrayal happened in September, after a big fight. He had left for a week so we could get space. Despite that, we continued our relationship. On 26/12, we were intimate. At times, I didn’t want sexual contact because I was tired or exhausted from work, family, and daily life, but I offered other forms of intimacy, which he declined. I felt sad that I couldn’t meet all his needs in the way he wanted, even though I was trying. Then, a few days later, around 3/1, he went to sexual service again. This was shortly after we had spent time together and had been intimate. I discovered this by accident, and it felt like the trust I had was completely shattered. He admitted what he had done and expressed shame, taking responsibility for his actions, but he also said he didn’t know if he would have stopped if I hadn’t found out. That left me feeling scared that this pattern could continue. He has said that he wanted closeness and intimacy, but still sought sexual services elsewhere. It’s hard to reconcile that he wanted connection with me but also chose secrecy and actions that hurt me. We have also discussed how his behavior affects our relationship and the children, though they don’t yet know the details. It’s worrying to think about how this impacts their sense of security and trust. He has started taking on household chores and responsibilities for the kids on his own, which I notice. After 9 years together, it’s hard to understand why these actions happened now. Our intimacy, values, and life together had been strong. Still, these behaviors emerged under stress, exhaustion, and other pressures, showing that patterns and choices sometimes override intentions. This is the timeline of what has happened, how I felt, and the steps being taken to address it. I’m sharing this to be honest about the process, the hurt, and the attempts at accountability, while also acknowledging how complicated and confusing it all is. what would you do?

Shine Rock and a hard place
  • replies: 2

My wife has been diagnosed with Bipolar, &is in the mental health unit for her 3rd involuntary stay in the last 3years following another psychosis. She has very low insight &characterizes the episodes as just being a stressed mum, or blames me for be... View more

My wife has been diagnosed with Bipolar, &is in the mental health unit for her 3rd involuntary stay in the last 3years following another psychosis. She has very low insight &characterizes the episodes as just being a stressed mum, or blames me for being manipulative &making the hospital take her away. I have spent the last three years desperately trying to help her to get help with her condition. She doesnt believe there is anything wrong, cancels her appointments (psychiatrist, psychologist, community mental health), has cut me out of her supports, so I dont have any connection with any of the supports she has had (gp). Also, she was very clearly told to cease weight loss stimulants, &medicinal cannabis last year when she was in hospital, but started back on the MC the day she was released, &ceased the antipsychotics straight away. I have said twice now, that if i find that she has started back on the cannabis without getting a proper second opinion &medical advice, we will separate. She told me she threw everything out &promised not to use it anymore. We have 3 kids, preschool, primary school &high school age. We have been seeing a clinical psych for couples therapy for the last year following her discharge from hospital. It is the only support she will consistently attend. There has been no progress, &no adherence to even the simplest of plans set in the sessions. I have developed depression, insomnia &ptsd as a result of the last psychosis, and the difficulty of trying to live with &support someone who denies there is a problem, blames me heavily for the situation, &refuses to seek help or follow the recommendations of anyone who doesnt say what she wants to hear. I can see the impact on the kids. Like me, the constant walking on eggshells, inconsistencies &unpredictability, and the lack of recognition is causing an emotionally volatile home environment. She is also a good mum. she cares deeply &she genuinely believes that there is nothing wrong with her, so she deflects all of the emotional tension into blame on me. It's really hard for me to sit with. We have been relatively separated for about 6 months now. sleeping in different rooms, &basically haven't had a conversation outside of practical matters for that time. She ended up back in the hospital a few weeks ago. I found cannabis. I cant go through all of this again trying to help someone who wont help herself. I think we need to separate, but Im really conflicted about it all Any advice?

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