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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Lawzy My story.
  • replies: 2

I never thought I’d be in a position like this, but here I am, finally being honest with myself and maybe helping someone else see things a bit clearer.It started out intense. The kind of connection that grabs you by the heart and makes you think, “T... View more

I never thought I’d be in a position like this, but here I am, finally being honest with myself and maybe helping someone else see things a bit clearer.It started out intense. The kind of connection that grabs you by the heart and makes you think, “This has to be it.” It was deep, emotional, full on. He said all the right things, made me feel like I was everything he ever wanted. And at the time, I truly believed it.But over time, the reality hit. The lies, the manipulation, the gaslighting. Everything became about what he needed from me, from life while I slowly stopped recognising myself. I gave him so much of my time, my money, my energy… and it was never enough. He was either in jail or on the outside acting like I was a second option. He’d treat me like shit, disappear, and then when he was in trouble suddenly I was the only one he could count on again.Every time I wanted to leave, he’d reel me back in with sweet words, promises of change, dreams of a future that never came. And stupidly… I held onto it, thinking the good version of him was the real one and that one day it would stick.Truth is, I was more in love with the idea of who he could’ve been than who he really was.I kept making excuses for him. Telling myself he was struggling, or misunderstood, or just needed someone to believe in him. But all it really did was break me down. I started losing who I was trying to love someone who didn’t even love himself.If you’re reading this and any of it hits home please don’t wait for things to get worse. You don’t owe anyone your peace. You don’t have to be loyal to someone who keeps showing you they don’t value you.It took me way too long to realise that love isn’t meant to hurt like this. And just because someone keeps coming back doesn’t mean they care it might just mean they know you will.I’m still picking up the pieces, but I’m done making excuses for someone who never showed up for me the way I showed up for him.Just wanted to put this out there in case it saves someone else from going through what I did.

Cartons_of_milk I wish I had a normal mother
  • replies: 4

Today I had a huge fight with my mum today and something inside me finally snapped. When we fought, she must have hurled at least a dozen insults at me. I blocked my ears so I couldn’t hear what she was saying and It was like the build up of emotions... View more

Today I had a huge fight with my mum today and something inside me finally snapped. When we fought, she must have hurled at least a dozen insults at me. I blocked my ears so I couldn’t hear what she was saying and It was like the build up of emotions from the past year came out in that one singular moment. I screamed and shouted at her with a sort of rage and angst that I haven’t expressed in a while. Because of my forgetful behaviour and disorganised life (possible ADHD) she’s been hurling insults at me ever since she realised I was too old to be spanked. But things have gotten so much worse in the last few years (I’d honestly prefer the spanking). I’m 15 now and she is a living nightmare. She gets upset about every single thing I’ve ever done and acts like I’m some sort of horrible, unlovable, stupid beast with no feelings. Nothing that comes out of her mouth is ever nice and mostly consists of her expressing how much she hates everything, which is mostly just me. She hates me so so so much. When she’s mad it usually ranges from ‘You’re such a disappointment’ to ‘F***ing loser’ and ‘Do you really expect anyone to like you?’. But it’s the stuff that she says when she’s not spiralling that really hits the deepest, because she says it EVERY SINGLE DAY. How she feels ‘desperate’ about me and how she compares me to some stranger’s kids online because I’m so unextraordinary. Then she’ll tell my little sister to never be like me because I’m so awful. I get where she’s coming from, I really really do, but when she’s angry she acts like I deserve to DIE or something just because I don’t get straight A’s or because I left my water bottle at school or because my room is messy or because I’m not winning any awards or prizes. I know that my grades aren’t as high as they could be and I know that I’m forgetful, disorganised and messy and there are things that I do that have frustrated her for so long but I don’t do it on purpose. And after everything she’s put us through, I still try to understand her and I still try to be empathetic (she’s a single mum half the time because my dad does FIFO) but she’s never cared about my emotions even once. When I cry, she’s either yelling or laughing at me. She makes me feel so horrible about myself. For me, self-loathing isn’t new at all, but she makes me feel like killing myself. And what’s absolutely crazy is that she’s too stupid to realise what her words mean to other people. She acts all abusive when she’s upset and then goes back to normal as if she didn’t just tell me that she wished she never gave birth to me. But what I truly hate the most are the twisted ideas and thoughts she’s implanting into my 7 year old sister’s head. She talks about how she won’t love her anymore if she turns out like me and how I’m some sort of failed investment. She takes all her anger out on me when things aren’t even my fault and works herself up over the stupidest little things. I see the relationships that my friends have with their mum’s and it makes me feel so horrible. Their mum’s support them and love them meanwhile my mum barely even talks to me. And when I tell my friends about what she’s like they either simply dismiss it as Asian parenting or they just sit there and in awkward silence with no comment whatsoever. Sometimes they tell me to get help. I hate the sound of her whiny voice, I hate everything associated with her, I hate this house, I hate myself, I hate the way she thinks she’s always right and I hate that I have to stay with her for over two more years. I want to be normal and I want her to be normal too. I’m scared things will never change and I feel so alone in this household. I think she’s turned my sister against me. Anyway I just wanted to vent for a bit. If you actually read this whole rant (for some weird reason), then thank you for your time.

TrueSeeker Does the pain ever going to go away?
  • replies: 9

Hello,I grew up in a narcissistic family and due to comfort zone ended in a short abusive marriage as well. My new partner grew up in similar environment and because his parents divorced and remarried more narcissists, we have to deal with three narc... View more

Hello,I grew up in a narcissistic family and due to comfort zone ended in a short abusive marriage as well. My new partner grew up in similar environment and because his parents divorced and remarried more narcissists, we have to deal with three narcissistic families. We haven't really realised what is going on in our lives till recently when we did more research on what is going on in our lives and why we seem to be so unlucky. Unfortunately, we had to cut all our ties with our families as it became very mentally challenging, had a very negative influence on our lives and we started feeling that it's becoming life threatening too as one of my partners brothers committed suicide 20 years ago. I think we have done what we could to deal with the damage that has been done but I still have this pain inside me that keeps interfering with my happiness. It doesn't help that more pain still keeps coming from those families as they're not happy that we're distancing ourselves and still keep causing more harm. I've lived with this pain most of my life and I'd love to hear whether anyone has a similar experience and some tips how to make the pain go away.

Guest_91655419 I am 😔
  • replies: 1

I have NEVER had a girlfriend, yet all my friends have a girlfriend. I have always been a lonely kid, but I have gotten used to it. I want to ask for support as I am Neurodivergent and struggle to read social cues. What can I do? Wiki How has not wor... View more

I have NEVER had a girlfriend, yet all my friends have a girlfriend. I have always been a lonely kid, but I have gotten used to it. I want to ask for support as I am Neurodivergent and struggle to read social cues. What can I do? Wiki How has not worked at all and almost all the Information is false or non-reliable. I understand If you don't care. I mean I have been fine by myself for most of my life but I wish there was something more than sitting by myself. But I know that I want to support someone so they don't feel like me all the time. If you could help I would really appreciate it.

McK Alcohol and self esteem issues
  • replies: 6

Hi first time for me posting here. I was a everyday drinker to drinking only 3 days a week in-between drinking non alcoholic wine a couple of nights which has been helping. Sadly last night I relapsed and lied to my partner about how many I had. This... View more

Hi first time for me posting here. I was a everyday drinker to drinking only 3 days a week in-between drinking non alcoholic wine a couple of nights which has been helping. Sadly last night I relapsed and lied to my partner about how many I had. This resulted in an argument and as always called me an alcoholic fat bitch and I'm an alcoholic like my mother. I have low self esteem and I'm honestly trying to keep the drinking down that's why I lied about how many I had as I knew that I was going to be put down again. I was bullied at school as a teenager and my mother was an abusive alcoholic which has resulted in the way I am.

Loula Cement in artery and stroke
  • replies: 6

Hello, I have bipolar1, OCD, PTSD and BPD. Last year my mum had 8 hour spinal surgery. They had to use rods, bolts and cement to put her spine into place. A freak accident happened that’s only happened to 31 people in the world. Half has passed away ... View more

Hello, I have bipolar1, OCD, PTSD and BPD. Last year my mum had 8 hour spinal surgery. They had to use rods, bolts and cement to put her spine into place. A freak accident happened that’s only happened to 31 people in the world. Half has passed away and mumwas the first in the country. A large piece of cement found its way into a main artery that goes to the heart. At any second it could break of and piece her heart and she would be in heaven. She had to have emergency surgery and the chances of her surving was low. But she did thank Jesus. Because of this surgery she had to hernias that she had to have taken out and I’m already freaked about her going intosurgey again. She was fine. Due to the first surgery she had a leak in her spine that the surgeon gaslit for 6 months until a patch of fluid make its way to the bottom of her spine. she had a major headache and would sleep more then half the day. She started acting weird and forgetting things like she had dementia. 4 weeks ago she had to go to another state tohave surgery on her spinalcord and they sewed it up and glued it. It takes 8 weeks to see if it works. During this time my father who told me he has not daughter and never wants to hear my voice had a major stroke. My uncle texted me about it. He was in hospital for 6 months. I was non stopped abused by the family for not helping out of visiting him. At the same time my best friend my grandad was diagnosed with liver cancer and went to heaven. I it’s been four months and I cry about it every day. I just found out yesterday my dad has had another stroke four weeks ago and it’s affected his speech. He’s desperately trying to get in my life but why would I want a man who hired a hit man to beat up my mum in my life? I’ve non stop been seeing psychologist, doctors, social workers and DBT coach and have adjusted my medication. but since I found out yesterday about dads stroke I’m fully broken. I’ve been snapping the last few weeks and not moving from the couch. My bipolar has been finally triggered and im on higher medication for it. Nothing can be done for my BPD except therapy which imdoing and taking relaxents for my PTSD. my whole family has rejected me as they dont want to face this so i have to look after mum. I dont have the energy for it nor am i a care giver or can do it. It’s making me violently sick. my friend live in different states and have not been there for me or asked about mums surgery so im ignoring them. I feel so sick

Guest_67956491 Blamed for Everything
  • replies: 1

Hi! Been married for more than a year. Wife is struggling emotionally and is going to therapy every now and then. She also has hyperthyroidism. I tried to understand her whenever she loses it and lashes out at me and blames me why she has to go throu... View more

Hi! Been married for more than a year. Wife is struggling emotionally and is going to therapy every now and then. She also has hyperthyroidism. I tried to understand her whenever she loses it and lashes out at me and blames me why she has to go through with anxiety and depression. And just a few hours ago, she blamed me why some people at her workplace is talking shit about her. She said that I’m not protecting her because people will not be doing that to her if they know I will defend her. Day and night, I’m listening to all her share her thoughts. Whether we’re driving, eating, watching or even before we go to sleep. Am I wrong for telling her that why is my fault that there are people like them at her work?

_Gigi_ Tired of Peacekeeping
  • replies: 7

My family constantly argues. We live together, so it's inescapable. I'm the peacekeeper who gets along with everyone, but it's a lot to handle. I'm so worn out from the stress and the nightmares and the loneliness. What should I do?

My family constantly argues. We live together, so it's inescapable. I'm the peacekeeper who gets along with everyone, but it's a lot to handle. I'm so worn out from the stress and the nightmares and the loneliness. What should I do?

Trudy Is this my life?
  • replies: 3

I am so lost.I have been married for 20 +years and I have never actually been seen. Like really seen.If I am not the support, the cleaner the cook,the mum, the good wife, he does not see me.I can't say how I feel or show how I feel, I am basically to... View more

I am so lost.I have been married for 20 +years and I have never actually been seen. Like really seen.If I am not the support, the cleaner the cook,the mum, the good wife, he does not see me.I can't say how I feel or show how I feel, I am basically told I am a terrible person. I am expected to smile through hurtful comments, betrayal,empty promises, lies and so much more. If I voice my feelings it is twisted and I feel worse for saying how I feel.I feel like I am alive but not actually living. I am literally a human robot.I have so much built up hurt inside and 2 nights ago I tried to explain and I should have known better as I ended up being the one apologising for causing issues and I was left feeling unvalidated and unseen again.I don't know if this will ever change or if some people are just meant to grieve a life, love and respect that they know they will never have.I have never gossiped or said anything negative about my husband to anyone, he is the father of my children and I won't do this but I constantly find him dismissing me and mocking me with his family.I have endured this for most of my life with him and it was easier to brush off when the children were babies because life was just so busy.The older and more independent they get, the worse I feel. There are less distractions and I am faced with rejection, ridicule, and all these feelings I am expected to hide. I am truly alone.Recently I tried to explain how something he did made me feel, I was shouted and given the silent treatment and then there was a family emergency and I tried to discuss it with him and the week of silent treatment and I was told that I don't care, I am not thinking about the emergency situation, just thinking about discussing how I feel.It had me questioning if I am an awful person.To be honest I don't think I don't care, I just think I have so much hurt and resentment built up in me over the years, I am just numb. It is so hard constantly showing up for someone and respecting someone and validating their feelings, who never does the same for me. Are some people just meant to do life like this, just keep giving of yourself with nothing in return.How do I keep doing this? How do I keep smiling through the hurt, betrayal, rejection, years of empty promises and lies?I don't know what I am seeking by putting this all down in words.