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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Guest_01013409 just a quick vent
  • replies: 1

hi, I'm 14 and I have a girlfriend (we will call her gf as to not expose personal info) but I used to be very depressed since 2020 due to trauma and I picked up bad addictions. and my friend invited me to go and like do one of these things together, ... View more

hi, I'm 14 and I have a girlfriend (we will call her gf as to not expose personal info) but I used to be very depressed since 2020 due to trauma and I picked up bad addictions. and my friend invited me to go and like do one of these things together, and my gf is upset at me because I've been doing it alot over the holidays and they don't want me to and they said they won't be around me at school for tomorrow if I end up doing it. I love her alot and I just want to talk to people to feel a bit better as I have been recovered from depression due to my relationship and medication

CMF Lonely Hearts Club. Do we miss the person or the relationship?
  • replies: 91

So I've been wandering around the forums and reading people's threads hoping I can be of some use to someone. I've noticed I've been gravitating to threads regarding relationships and breakups and they sound quite similar and the same as my own exper... View more

So I've been wandering around the forums and reading people's threads hoping I can be of some use to someone. I've noticed I've been gravitating to threads regarding relationships and breakups and they sound quite similar and the same as my own experience. Our hearts are broken by people who: no longer want to be with us; cheat on us; stay with us but don't treat us right; That's just to mention a few. There are many reasons why relationships don't work and its always hard on the person trying to keep it together. So if someone cheats on us, treats us badly, lies to us, isn't around when we really need them, why are we so heartbroken when they leave us or why can't we leave them when we are clearly unhappy with the situation? Why do our hearts hurt so much even though it's been broken? Why do we want to stay with the person who broke it? Do we miss the person or miss the relationship or the idea of the person? I can't stand my ex most of the time, he has good traits but at times is rude, irritating, careless, selfish, treated me very badly but still I find myself feeling sad sometimes when I think of the good times but I remind myself that i'm not sure if that was the real him. I question this because he treats him mum the same way and yet she does everything for him. Yes she is annoying and overbearing but how do you treat your own mother like that when she does as much as she does for you? I used to love his laugh, the late night calls, that he made me feel like a teenager again. Now I find his laugh annoying, he's laughing at my expense, I find him irresponsible and childish. Yet I feel sad. I don't miss HIM. I miss the company, the fun, having someone to do things with. I feel lonely. None of this is a new revelation. You can google the topic and read up on it. In time we may start to enjoy being on our own again, being our own person, not being put down or treated badly. We realise we have the chance to meet someone else, someone who really wants us and treats us great, our soul mate. So why do we feel lonely and miss a person who mistreated us, or cheated on us? Why do we fight hard to be with someone who doesn't want us? Why is it so hard to move on? cmf

Guest_36619862 someone just tell me something- im so lost and done.
  • replies: 1

my boyfriend left me. context: hes been my best friend for 4 years and boyfriend for 1.5 years I kept the relationship a secret for 1.5 years, and finally told my parents (kept it from them for cultural and religious reasons). after telling them that... View more

my boyfriend left me. context: hes been my best friend for 4 years and boyfriend for 1.5 years I kept the relationship a secret for 1.5 years, and finally told my parents (kept it from them for cultural and religious reasons). after telling them that i will fight for him, against their wishes, they had no choice but to accept my choice. this was extremely hard to do, but i did it for him. I made a promise to him, to tell him and keep him informed on everything my family says. My family said they dont like that his parents are uneducated, despite him being educated, and therefore they think he would have different values and ethos to us because of this. After telling him this, he felt beyond disrespected, and having valued his family so much he decided to leave me. He couldnt be with me because he knows that in order to be with me, it means choosing me over his family in his head. It means accepting what my parents said about his. We are very much in love, soul tied, but cannot be together because of this. For him, a moral line was crossed. After all the fighting i did for him, for it to end like this kills me. I had no control over anything and now im left in excruciating pain, wondering how to process and move on. i know the first step is starting to accept and respect his decision, which to me means not reaching out and remaining in no contact. However, I cannot escape this unbearable feeling that I lost the one. My best friend for life is gone. Help.

AWILL My depressed teenage daughter dating a marijuana addict and now is too!!
  • replies: 2

I really can't believe it when the words come out of my mouth " my beautiful, intelligent 15 y.o daughter is addicted to dope as is her boyfriend" I don't know the girl we're living with. We used to have a bubbly, funny gorgeous well adjusted soul. W... View more

I really can't believe it when the words come out of my mouth " my beautiful, intelligent 15 y.o daughter is addicted to dope as is her boyfriend" I don't know the girl we're living with. We used to have a bubbly, funny gorgeous well adjusted soul. We have a happy family and a beautiful life. In year 10this year she has really struggled this year with school, friends etc which is generally quite normal during these adolescent years. We've sought medical advice and she has been prescribed anti-depressants which seemed to be helping along with loads of support. Unfortunately having very low self esteem, a couple of months ago she started dating a 16 y.o boy, also with depression but who also happens to smoke a large amount of marijuana. I didn't like him from day one but of course you can't say that to a 15 y.o in "love"!!! I suspected she also might be partaking but when she started ditching school to hang out with him, her behaviour dramatically changed and her will to do anything disappeared we were left in no doubt. She finally admitted it and we seemed to be helping her withdraw but any suggestion that the boyfriend is not a bad person but just not good for her and contact should be limited results in unparalleled breakdowns. over the past few weeks we appeared to be on top of it but today it was bought to our attention (along which suspiscion due to behaviour again and many false denials) she was smoking again, and he was faciliting it. Once again saying that she would only see him On our terms resulted in another breakdown. We just don't know what to do next. People say -just stop her seeing him!!! If only it were that easy, forbidding a teenager to see her 'love' drives her further into his arms. She can't see that she can't be around people who will facilitate drug use especially given her delicate mental state. I know she is angry at me but I keep assuring her that the Decisions we are making are from love and concern for her welfare?? this is just a nightmare. Will it end???

NAM3-- Choosing to stay through the hard times
  • replies: 3

I suppose I'm writing this looking for a little hope that eventually it will all be worth it. I'm a 33 year old women, been married to my wife for about 5 years and the clock for children is ticking. This has created alot of resentment in our relatio... View more

I suppose I'm writing this looking for a little hope that eventually it will all be worth it. I'm a 33 year old women, been married to my wife for about 5 years and the clock for children is ticking. This has created alot of resentment in our relationship because I was never proactive on this topic. I was not sure I wanted kids due to my own poor upbringing (abuse/neglect) and had said as much. This ambivalance/lack of need to have kids has meant that my wife believes I do not want them. In the past few years, I have grown a desire to be a mother out of my own personal growth and realising I get to choose the life I provide my children...except Covid happened, my wife works remotely and worked very hard in a high stress job through this time due to short staffing so it was never discussed as our communication suffered through this time. We moved recently for a new job for her with better balance...except in that time, her resentment for me has grown so now she thinks I'm saying yes to children to appease her so doesn't trust that I'm not going to blame her in future and leave if I am unhappy. I've tried to explain my perspective and she knows some details of my childhood (not much as I find it very difficult to talk about). We're in councelling but she doesn't see any progress because it is her choice to let go of the resentment but she hasn't made it. It's been a year now and I'm just looking for support to hang in there basically.

Ryan82 I am struggling in my marriage
  • replies: 4

Hi I am a father of 4 our kids range from 3-9 years. I have been married to my wife for almost 9 years. I am writing here to see if anyone else has experienced my situation and to see if anyone has been able to resolve this in their relationship. Fir... View more

Hi I am a father of 4 our kids range from 3-9 years. I have been married to my wife for almost 9 years. I am writing here to see if anyone else has experienced my situation and to see if anyone has been able to resolve this in their relationship. First of all I love my wife very much. My struggle is when it comes to the children. I have never been allowed to take my two boys or two girls anywhere without my wife being present. To me it is normal to take the boys on just a father sons trip ( a weekend at most) but my wife is flat out against it. Her words “Its not necessary, your not a mother you don’t understand, you didn’t grow them in your belly” I understand that I haven’t physically birthed my children and I am not a mother that’s obvious. She says why would I try and hurt her knowing she doesn’t want me to take them. My intention isn’t to hurt her but she doesn’t understand my needs. Is a father not as important as a mother? Does he have no needs in bonding with his kids? I don’t feel much like a father because she always makes the mother the most important figure in a child’s life. When it come to the children she decides everything. Sleep times what they eat where they go everything. I even get told off for giving my 3 year old food because she is feeding her. She won’t even spend time alone with me just to go out for dinner without thinking about the children the whole time we are at dinner. Romancing her trying to treat her to a night out and spend time just the two of us is a waste of time she’s never there with me. I don’t know how to go on from here. I am struggling. I feel like she’d be happier without me.

Luke9 Alcoholic dependant spouse
  • replies: 3

where to begin. My wife and I have been dealing with her alcohol dependency for about 4 years now. We have 3 beautiful kids 8 years old, 6 years old and 4 years old. Long story short for roughly 3 years the drinking was so bad it got to a point where... View more

where to begin. My wife and I have been dealing with her alcohol dependency for about 4 years now. We have 3 beautiful kids 8 years old, 6 years old and 4 years old. Long story short for roughly 3 years the drinking was so bad it got to a point where my wife was buying vodka and transferring into plastic water bottles where she would hide it in order to drink “without me knowing”. I knew every time as it’s quite obvious from the smell to the stumbling, to the same conversations as she wouldn’t remember and so on. I seeked help from my parents to speak to my wife as it was taking quite on toll on our family. My wife ended up realising that she had an alcohol problem and agreed to seek help. Made an appointment with her GP, booked in for a day treatment program that went for 2 weeks. She was on a medication that if she drank it would make her very ill. I stopped drinking also and was happy to never drink again if that is what it would take to beat this illness. Roughly 4 months sober supposably there was a shortage of mediation so she was unable to get anymore. I was hopeful that it had been long enough to not fall back into old habits, however roughly around the 6.5 months I started noticing small signs again that she might be drinking and just before 7 months sober I caught her stumbling down the hallway trying to hide a vodka can. I confronted her, she tried to hide it and then just didn’t care, went and sat outside and proceeded to drink. It has been 2 months now and she will drink everyday. She tries to claim she doesn’t have a problem even though she still hides drinking, will happily start drinking from 10am on the weekends, will find any excuse to go to the shops to then also buy alcohol. She doesn’t work Friday’s so will drink mid morning, sleep and then go buy more alcohol to drink in the afternoon. She has made it quite clear she doesn’t want to stop and thinks she doesn’t have a problem. Every time I bring it up it just causes a fight. She works 4 days a week and since drinking again has only done the full 4 days twice. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this as I am so embarrassed and I also don’t want to embarrass my wife. I haven’t even told my parents that my wife has started drinking again. I don’t know what to do, I am so lost. I told my wife to choose between drinking and our family and it went exactly how I thought it would telling me to go if I want. I can’t make her leave and there is no way I will be leaving our kids with her so I can’t just leave. What do I do? What can I do? My kids are my everything, they don’t deserve this.

Lonelygirl95 My friends don’t seem to care
  • replies: 1

Hey there, I (29F) have been really struggling with feeling lonely/isolated for the past month and a bit. It feels like talking to my friends is getting increasingly difficult because they’re responding slowly, if at all. I keep telling my friends ab... View more

Hey there, I (29F) have been really struggling with feeling lonely/isolated for the past month and a bit. It feels like talking to my friends is getting increasingly difficult because they’re responding slowly, if at all. I keep telling my friends about how I’m feeling and it’s just starting to feel like they don’t care. I haven’t seen any of my friends in a little over a month and it feels like none are really interested in doing things. I’ve tried to suggest things to do, even if it’s just as simple as playing games online together but they either express disinterest in what I’m offering or they cancel on me. I really don’t know what to do anymore, and don’t know how much more I can express how terrible I feel. I just keep getting the response of “I’m sorry if I’ve done something to make you feel like that.” It honestly makes me just want to start all over again somewhere new.

Camilo Help with my current situation with my wife who suffers from depression
  • replies: 4

I dont want to make this post too long, but I am a bit lost and want some other people here that might guide or help if possible. I met my wife during covid, long distance relationship, she finally had her visa approved in Jan 24 and came here. She h... View more

I dont want to make this post too long, but I am a bit lost and want some other people here that might guide or help if possible. I met my wife during covid, long distance relationship, she finally had her visa approved in Jan 24 and came here. She has depression, which I already knew, however, when I visited her a couple of times before and we met we had a sort of regular couple's life, with intimacy and whatnot. However, ever since she is been here we have no intimacy, and living together of course is different, there is also no affection from her. She says is because she wasnt feeling as sad as how she feels here, which makes me feel horrible cause I think is my fault. She also said intimacy with me is not pleasurable, which according to her is nothing personal, is just that she doesnt feel desire at all. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt but what she said was very hurtful. Besides, she says I do not understand her nor she feels she can talk to me cause I have a very cold approach to what she says. I understand that, and I told her is just the way I am, is not that I dont care but also in this case sometimes I dont want to say or do the wrong thing, cause it has happened, so I have decided to listen and just not say anything if I dont think is going to be for good. I have never experienced living with or having a relationship with someone with depression, and of course the lack of intimacy has been an issue for me, but I have tried to accomodate. She says if we reset everything and sort of begin as friends while she takes care of herself maybe things will develop naturally. I am not sure what to do, I dont know if she is being honest, depressed or not, or she is just buying time until she gets PR. I have read and know that depression does cause a lot of things, but I am just not sure how to handle the situation. I feel I am also being affected by my overthinking a lot of stuff that probably isnt there and I need help. She has gone to therapy but stopped due to financial issues, I have persuaded her to go back, since I could see it was helping, but I dont want to push her too much, so I desperately need guidance in what can I do to improve as a husband, and also remain in good mental health in the process because its a bit too much sometimes. I just want to know if someone has been in the same boat, and know of a good online or offline support group for people like me.

Matilda99 I'm starting to despise my family and blame them for how my life is
  • replies: 2

This sounds incredibly selfish but I feel like I need to let this one out. I can't help but look at my life and feel really sad and sorry for myself. I have suffered for a really long time since I was 12 with different mental health issues but I feel... View more

This sounds incredibly selfish but I feel like I need to let this one out. I can't help but look at my life and feel really sad and sorry for myself. I have suffered for a really long time since I was 12 with different mental health issues but I feel like my family has ignored this. The only time I felt like they did something was when I had an eating disorder and all they cared about was getting me a back to a healthy weight. While I recovered the body weight and body image side of things I never got help with my depression and anxiety. Meanwhile I can't help but compare my life to my little brothers. I feel like so much attention was given to him to set him up to have a good life. He has a lot of friends, has a social life and goes out on weekends, travels, etc. My parents have paid for him to travel multiple times to travel internationally/study abroad, paid for him to stay at an elite boarding house for Uni, organised a job for him, help pay for his car, got him braces etc. Me on the other hand because I am a twin (who I am really close with and has similar struggles) the answer is always no. They refused to send us overseas when we asked even if we used our own savings because its too expensive for the both of us to go, couldn't get braces because it's too expensive, had to rent because sending us both to a boarding school was out of question. I always had to walk and catch buses because having a car was too much. Therapy was too expensive for the both of us so they stopped with that. Whenever we see our extended family my parents and them all can't help but gloat about his accomplishments, his appearance, how he is going to be really successful one day, etc how charming he is. I don't think I ever recall a conversation about any of my or my sisters accomplishments except for them saying that they think we both chose the wrong degree or them complaining that we didn't do the dishes when our brother hasn't ever done them in his life. My sister and I are always told to do all the chores and that my brother doesn't have to because he is busy studying even though we study full time. I have told them that at 25 years old, I feel so behind at life and that my mental state has robbed everything from me. Have no social life, no career, no accomplishments. I tell them I struggle but they always shut the conversation down and tell me how ungrateful I am being. I don't think they really see how much I struggle because so much attention is given to my brother.