Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Pinned discussions

BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

All discussions

Firefly So LOST and confused
  • replies: 1

I have been married for 18 months, and with my husband for 7 years.8 weeks ago, he came home from work like any other day and says "I need to talk to you about something and its going to hurt".Immediately my heart drooped and I felt sick! He said I'v... View more

I have been married for 18 months, and with my husband for 7 years.8 weeks ago, he came home from work like any other day and says "I need to talk to you about something and its going to hurt".Immediately my heart drooped and I felt sick! He said I've been talking to my 1st girlfriend (from 30 years ago when they were teenagers) and there's a spiritual connection and its real. She's my twin flame, I need to go and see her! Mind you she lives in another state, and of course my reaction was WTF we're married, have you lost your mind?I basically told him to leave the house and he did drive 8 hours to see her that weekend. Early the next week he comes home after work like everything is normal, so thinking he's going to stay in the house with me, and tells me he's moving in with her in the New Year! I said you need to get all of your stuff out by the end of the week. Which he did and we havent had ANY contact since. That was 8 weeks ago. He said I can keep the house, he thinks its as easy as signing a piece of paper and told me I didn't need a lawyer. Turns out it is not that easy, I have to get the mortgage refinanced into my name, thats a whole other kettle of fish. I am a mess, crying all day, everyday, I don't understand how this happened.Is it just me or is this absolutely absurd? He's living in a fantasy! There were no signs or red flags, he was literally telling our mutual friends 2 weeks prior how much he loves and adores me. This has broken me. Has anyone had a similar thing happen, can anyone shed some light? Am I crazy?

Guest_86892083 43 years of absolute attacks.
  • replies: 1

It seems Australia is meant to be a lucky country. But not for us who seem to be on the receiving end of evil people who see that kind gentle nature as easy prey. Yes we know evil is generally weak for they not attack evil but send kind people into t... View more

It seems Australia is meant to be a lucky country. But not for us who seem to be on the receiving end of evil people who see that kind gentle nature as easy prey. Yes we know evil is generally weak for they not attack evil but send kind people into trauma death abuse. Can I say mental health wouldn't exist if good people became empowered protected and the reassurance of safety. Primarily people generally as a majority call it the game of life to destroy others and it seems they know how to avoid the red tape. Yes we know why good kind people are targeted because they do not revenge and the perpertraitors know this. If bad people thought good people were vigilant as a majority towards chaoticism in society good would be a dominating force. Good kind people face phobias fears generally a period of depression plus other mental health conditions as bad person culture is becoming a fashion trend. Bad people are empowered in television movies media of life. It seems we make or fear standing up to bad people because 9 times out of ten they are affiliated to a group. General rule is fear of pain in all facets of the body or loss stops the ability of defence. Best advice is if your kind or good detach completely instantly from the chaos. Do not use drugs to self medicate trauma it will still be there until you work through it to become a survivor. It seems 20 times of bad things are happening than reported to legal systems and reported statistics. It seems we sympathise with attackers and fear them for our whole lives. I have many not by my bad behaviour but as seen as a easy target because I was never allowed to find myself in a very extreme drug fuelled household and environment that involved a large group of murders drug dealers rapists. This environment aling with a misconception of soiling my pants which was not true made me a target in high school by the well off popular bullies in my year level. So for six years traumatic assaults abuse slander thefts and torment. Because of constant trauma fears dysfunction I fell into weed addiction. This with default stress triggers everyday led to scizoaffective disorder and boy ohh boy was that a blow. So now insanity that cannot understand a reality based life of painful tension anxiety distortion and fear based phobias. So really. My advice is the way to find peace is leave chaos and seek peace within. Being alone with sanity peace is better than living in chaos with insanity mayhem. It seems democracy isnt something that will prevent bad people but generate more as sin is paramount in democracy.

LostSoul Am I Selfish?
  • replies: 2

About six months ago I had an issue with my stepdaughter and felt that she was being disrespectful towards me at a time when I needed her support and here we are... I feel the same way again!. But, With outside influences, I feel as though I'm being ... View more

About six months ago I had an issue with my stepdaughter and felt that she was being disrespectful towards me at a time when I needed her support and here we are... I feel the same way again!. But, With outside influences, I feel as though I'm being told, im being selfish and disrespectful towards her. My stepdaughter has been a major part of my life for the last 11 years. She has become my best friend. Things started to change a little when her partner proposed about 12 months ago, they started getting a bit more involved with his family. She recently acquired her licence and was so thrilled to tell me that she was able to pick me up from work when I needed and about all the things we could do together but that very quickly faded when the mother in law started asking her to pick up her kids, baby sit her kids, take her second eldest to and from work when needed, that now I hardly see her and the couple of times I've actually needed her help I just get told "cant someone else do it, as im too busy chauffeuring everyone else around and looking after kids". She so desperately wants kids that I feel as though this women is just using her and using her kids to get to her.Maybe I'm the selfish one??

Bushy Blinded by my own stupidity
  • replies: 2

My partner and I of 7 years have recently split up. We have 2 beautiful kids and alot of happy times. We were stuck in a vicious cycle that I was to silly to realise after 2 years of her attempting to connect with me and fix the issues. After having ... View more

My partner and I of 7 years have recently split up. We have 2 beautiful kids and alot of happy times. We were stuck in a vicious cycle that I was to silly to realise after 2 years of her attempting to connect with me and fix the issues. After having chance after chance I would fall into my old ways and repeat the cycle. I feel ashamed to admit it but ive been unintentionally shrugging her off, not making time for her and not being able to show my emotion. After she called it quits ive had alot of time to reflect and realised everything on how to improve myself and be better to her and our kids. I want to be that better person that she deserves to have. I've finally woken up to the issues that ive been to blind to see right infront of me and with a burning fire in me for change I'm met with nothing. I'm struggling with losing her and cant stop beating myself up over it! I want to give her everything she's ever deserved and a life full of happiness but I feel I've been blinded for so long being emotionally unavailable that ive ruined our family and will never be able to have the love of my life back. I'm struggling so much and don't know what to do. Most days I don't even want to be here as I feel like such a failure of a partner and dad

KateH Marriage turmoil
  • replies: 1

I have been married to my husband for over 25years. He worked away on a DIDO (drive-in/drive-out) crazy "lifestyle" roster for 15 years. I was the one at home raising kids, working part-time etc. Since he resigned from the roster work and came back h... View more

I have been married to my husband for over 25years. He worked away on a DIDO (drive-in/drive-out) crazy "lifestyle" roster for 15 years. I was the one at home raising kids, working part-time etc. Since he resigned from the roster work and came back home (now over 3 years ), we have been struggling to keep our relationship going. I truly love where we live and I don't want to leave here but I am unable to maintain it on my own. I asked him to go to counselling with me 2 years ago and he refused. He brought the counselling idea up to me recently and said that he will go. He is now trying to rescind on this. He has been verbally abusive and once (recently) threatened to punch me because "I stir him up". I know I am not perfect and I have been holding myself in because I never know when "Hyde" will surface. At times, life will be smooth.. I just don't know if this is part of a long term relationship cycle - a "bad patch" or if this marriage is over. I don't know that anyone has answers - I know that I am the one to make the decision but I just had to get it out.

Mitch93 I’m a 32 year old gay male struggling to find a partner
  • replies: 2

Hi all, Thanks for reading this. I’m a fairly new resident of the Newcastle, NSW region (roughly six months) and I have recently settled down here with a home and a full time job. I do have a supportive family and a good circle of friends but one thi... View more

Hi all, Thanks for reading this. I’m a fairly new resident of the Newcastle, NSW region (roughly six months) and I have recently settled down here with a home and a full time job. I do have a supportive family and a good circle of friends but one thing that I am struggling with and have been for years is finding a partner. I am a 32 year old gay male and of course have been trying all the apps - Grindr, Hinge, Tinder, Bumble etc but have had no success with them. So many guys that I have matched with don’t even bother responding which is quite frustrating. Haven’t even gone on dates to tell you the truth. The process is frustrating and I’m not really sure how to try to overcome this challenge. Any ideas on what to do next?

Halecia I’m 38 and have traumatic DV experiences and I’ve never been understood by immediate family
  • replies: 1

I’m 38 now 12 years ago I left a horrific full abusive DV relationship I just walked away he never understood my wants and needs. I’ve never been understood by my family because they have failed to get to know me always crossing me off and singling m... View more

I’m 38 now 12 years ago I left a horrific full abusive DV relationship I just walked away he never understood my wants and needs. I’ve never been understood by my family because they have failed to get to know me always crossing me off and singling me out. I have not opened up to a councillor yet. As this is the first time I’ve spoken properly about this. It is Such A Touchy Subject!!! With a phycologist I think it will be good. I left home when I was 16. Home being dad’s house. I’ve always turned to food for happiness and I’ve always had an eating disorder. Still I’ve managed to not get past 72kilos. When my boyfriends at 17 and 18 parents chucked me out. I turned to food and got to 100. I met boys and girls along the way from school who I had to become friends with. So yes never really a clear healthy forms of relationships. I’ve got rentals alone. I met my now ex in a Shared living house. He beat me up every two weeks for three years. Yes police were involved. AVO is on him. But I went online to a dating site as an escape. And I was fcked over. So badly that I couldn’t determine who I was or think like I was feeling & thinking previously. He kept seeing me relentlessly without me wanting him to. Happily took my life and helped himself to my time. Police were involved but they said to focus on my other relationship and heal. I’ve now moved . And I am so lost. I get up and do extra thinks every day. But I don’t want to.

GreatGran47 A great grandma at 47. Hmmm....
  • replies: 2

• The 5th generation of my family is due to arrive in a month and I'm 47 years old!!! I'll be a great grandmother and my daughter will be a grandma at age 30. This is not my ideal situation and I'm focusing on the fact we'll have 5 generations and th... View more

• The 5th generation of my family is due to arrive in a month and I'm 47 years old!!! I'll be a great grandmother and my daughter will be a grandma at age 30. This is not my ideal situation and I'm focusing on the fact we'll have 5 generations and that's a rare opportunit for our family... Great Great Grandma is 70, going on 50! 🤦🏻‍I'm having trouble getting enthusiastic about ANY of it and I feel terrible for my granddaughter. She has all of us though... Wish us luck please!

Guest_70157676 Friends
  • replies: 1

I have just had some really bad couple of days at school and people r mad at me and I just got ignored yesterday and I know I was in the wrong but like I don’t know how to fix it and I’ve tried to say sorry but everyones just upset with me and i feel... View more

I have just had some really bad couple of days at school and people r mad at me and I just got ignored yesterday and I know I was in the wrong but like I don’t know how to fix it and I’ve tried to say sorry but everyones just upset with me and i feel like I’m making it worse by avoiding them but I hate being in trouble and I don’t know what else to do and I should feel worse but I feel like they have overreacted for what happened but I also feel like I’m under reacting to what I did and I just can’t stop crying cause I showed people a video of us dancing and I loved the video and thought it was funny but the others didn’t like it and said let’s not show it to other people cause a friend was really uncomfortable cause she can’t dance and I showed the video but not the full thing I just wanted to show my dancing and cause we were all sharing stuff but I didn’t think it was such a big deal but now they are all upset at me and ignoring me and I don’t know what to do I have said sorry and apologised multiple times but they are all still ignoring me and have been been really depressed recently and this made it worse

KA2007 am I dramatic for being upset over this?
  • replies: 1

(for context, please read the other forums I’ve posted about my dad so maybe you can understand my feelings). I’ve just recently graduated high school and I’m incredibly burnt out. I put my all into year 12, as I owe it to my mum to get a good ATAR. ... View more

(for context, please read the other forums I’ve posted about my dad so maybe you can understand my feelings). I’ve just recently graduated high school and I’m incredibly burnt out. I put my all into year 12, as I owe it to my mum to get a good ATAR. I’m tired. So incredibly tired that I just want to rest. Unfortunately, I pushed back my entire life for year 12, like exercising and getting my P’s. Ever since school ended, I’ve been staying up late and waking up late. I don’t do much throughout day. I have applied and gotten a waitressing job, which I believe might set me back up into starting my life again. I just want to provide context before I get into why I’m so angry. Around 9:20 this morning, my sister bursts into my room and tells me to wake up without explaining why. I’m too groggy, so I fall back asleep. I walk up at 12pm, go downstairs to have breakfast, and my mum tells me my dad was locked out of the house for 20 minutes because me and my sister were dead asleep whilst he was outside. She told me that he yelled at her and my sister for a long time because of it. She told me that from now on, I have to wake up at 7 everyday and pray. I’ve never been interested in my families religion but if I tell them that, I’ll likely be kicked out. So I said okay. Later today, my family went walking but I didn’t feel like it so I stayed behind. Throughout the whole walk, my sister told me that dad was calling her fat the entire time and told her she needed to walk more, and told her that he wants her to tell me that I have to wake up early, pray, and go walking everyday or he’s gonna beat me up. my gripe is this, I’ve been busting my ass this whole year, put my life on pause to get the ATAR he wants me to have, and I’m burnt out. I understand that he thinks I’m throwing my life away but IM TIRED. It’s been less than a month since I’ve graduated so I think I deserve to sleep in a little and be a bit lazy before I start working and getting my p’s. All of this, because he was locked out of his own house. Does he not have a key? I don’t understand why he feels the need to threaten me to get my life together when he’s a hypocrite. He doesn’t even go to work anymore. He wants to be a “singer”. He gets people to work for him, and he splits his pay with them so we get the bare minimum. My mum doesn’t work. We rely solely on him for an income. And he fights with my mum saying she spends too much money, when all she does spend money on is groceries and the gifts she got for my birthday and graduation gifts. Yet he spends THOUSANDS of dollars on dumborah’s (a kind of guitar in my culture) to fuel his non-existent singing career instead of working for his family. I understand having dreams and passions, but he has a family he needs to work for. He can begin this singing career of his after his kids have full time jobs and has a down payment for retirement. He has the AUDACITY to fear monger me to get my life together not even a month after I graduate highschool (to which he never congratulated me, never attended the graduation dinner or events) when he’s throwing not only his life away, but making our family scrape by for a dream that’s likely not going to happen? Not to mention my sister didn’t deserve to be called fat and worthless that entire walk just because we didn’t open the door for him for 20 minutes. He sure is one idiot to talk. I realise I sound dramatic but I’ve had enough of him. I will get my life together at my own pace, after I sacrificed my mental, and physical health to get him the atar results that he wants.