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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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CathyC Escape or survive a loveless marriage?
  • replies: 55

I'm 45 and my husband is 49. We've been married 11 years, with two kids aged 8 and 6. We haven’t had sex in more than 6 years. We’ve slept in separate beds for at least 5 years. There is zero affection or physical contact. (Before we had kids, no rea... View more

I'm 45 and my husband is 49. We've been married 11 years, with two kids aged 8 and 6. We haven’t had sex in more than 6 years. We’ve slept in separate beds for at least 5 years. There is zero affection or physical contact. (Before we had kids, no real issues.) Over the years I have tried to address this many times. My husband was diagnosed with depression and low testosterone, but stopped taking his medication as he insisted it didn’t work. I’m not sure if he is still depressed - he seems content to live in this loveless and sexless marriage. I begged him to try counselling, which he did for a few sessions about 2 years ago. Then I joined for 2 sessions - before he refused to go back. He didn't tell me - he just didn’t go back, despite me asking him to go several times. In the sessions I attended, he asked me not to nag him about our relationship and give him space. I did this and nothing happened. He has never once in all these years instigated a discussion of these issues. At least on three occasions, having lost patience, I told him I wanted a divorce. He just says ok, then jumps into action, looking for somewhere to rent, etc. After me venting, he agrees to couples counselling - but never goes through with it. He just carries on as usual until the next time I get angry or upset. Apart from this, he has not lifted a finger to save our marriage. He just says we should stay together ‘for the kids’. I really don’t matter to him at all. In my darkest moments I feel he also wants to stay together because I brought a lot more into the marriage financially (he had nothing). I can barely stand to be in the same room as him now and avoid conversation. It’s hard to describe just how humiliating and lonely it’s been. He knows I’m very unhappy, but never asks me about it. Instead, he commonly treats me with disdain, rolling his eyes or dismissing anything I say. The therapist even pulled him up on this, but he doesn’t get it. If I raise I’m unhappy in any way whatsoever, he’ll turn away, raise his hand up to motion me to stop speaking and yell, ‘Get a divorce then.’ I'm being forced to accept this loveless, sexless marriage - or else. I’m heartbroken because I really wanted my kids to have a stable, ‘normal’ family life. I never wanted a divorce, but what choice do I have? How do people stay married just ‘for the kids’? I’m so very lonely and tired of keeping up appearances. I’ve kept all of this to myself all these years and it has truly become unbearable.

Rosiejane Lost
  • replies: 4

Hi I am feeling lost, I do not know where would I put this.. I feeling lost and I am feeling little depressed lately that I do not know where to go.. I have a long distance relationship with my partner who is incarcerated in the US max prison.. every... View more

Hi I am feeling lost, I do not know where would I put this.. I feeling lost and I am feeling little depressed lately that I do not know where to go.. I have a long distance relationship with my partner who is incarcerated in the US max prison.. everything was very good but I would not say smelling flowers as yeah we had good and bad days like most all relationships.. but 2 weeks he got taken out with an stretcher and he got put into hospital.. well at the start he was put on a ventilator but now I finally his heath is improving… I get the updated news from his mother and brother over the phone but my heart aches.. but i can not tell them how I feel as that’s her son and brother so of cause they feel and suffering more then me right now, so I do not want to feel a burden on them.. I got my family here; there more of old school, everything would be fine but I do not feel fine; I feel my depression coming on.. he can not contact me and I can not contact him.. so I feeling a little bit of a strain rn..

Guest_08434089 Navigating others opinions on your breakup
  • replies: 1

Hi guys, so about nine months ago I broke up with my boyfriend and I guess seven months ago I cut off a friendship with my best friend who was also my boyfriend to give you a time frame. Since then, in most social gatherings I have dealt with people ... View more

Hi guys, so about nine months ago I broke up with my boyfriend and I guess seven months ago I cut off a friendship with my best friend who was also my boyfriend to give you a time frame. Since then, in most social gatherings I have dealt with people bringing up my ex in a negative light. People will jump to any opportunity to criticise my actions, and my choices or boyfriends and say really cruel stuff about my ex and his personality or his looks. So friends will almost attack me for dating my ex and attack our relationship. A lot of it comes from assumptions as nobody really knew our relationship. At first, I never told anybody about our break up but as soon as I did nine months down the line I am still dealing with a lot of name-calling and negative comments about my ex in our relationship. Although, our relationship wasn’t meant to be - he was still my best friend and I loved him with everything in my heart. I am doing a lot better and I am happier but it’s still really hurts and I’m still mourning the loss of my friendship and relationship. Every few months kind of comes with a new wave of mourning, as more time passes without talking and anniversaries come up. Sometimes, on my close friends on Instagram. I will make silly posts about a photo of us together and then a year later a photo of me in the same place but without him as a way of journaling and conceptualising and moving forward. My friends criticise me for thinking about him or doing that but then bring him up and say really nasty things about him and it doesn’t feel helpful and it just hurts me and I don’t really know what to do or if they have earned the right to do that. Since, they apparently didn’t like him or our relationship this entire time and maybe this is their way of venting-but I’m not really asking for it. And I think I’ve made it clear, that I don’t like it or maybe this is them trying to save me from i’m thinking about it and maybe they just are trying to help me. I don’t really know what I can do or how I can be less hurt by it. Any advice? All I know is I feel cornered and I walk away feeling angry. It doesn’t seem helpful or supportive. Most of my friends don’t even ask if I am ok? They just bash him and then say he’s old news and to move on. I know it’s been awhile, but it still is hard sometimes. Sometimes I get really sad - none of my friends have gone through this. I feel alone. My friend does make jokes about “how lonely” i am. i felt more lonely in that relationship. but i feel alone in what im going through. but i don’t feel lonely that im single? how can i stop them from saying these things about me and him. i loved him. surely that means something?

C1234 My husband is in love with someone else and wants to leave me for her
  • replies: 3

I am completely broken inside and have nobody to talk to as I don’t want family or friends knowing what’s going on but losing my mind. I just recently discovered my husband is having an affair as he left his phone open on messages & fell asleep. I ap... View more

I am completely broken inside and have nobody to talk to as I don’t want family or friends knowing what’s going on but losing my mind. I just recently discovered my husband is having an affair as he left his phone open on messages & fell asleep. I approached him about it and he admitted it’s been going on for almost 4 years. 4 years ago we were separated due to Covid and while he was trapped in our original home country and us in Australia his dad passed away. Whilst this happened I had fallen into a rut and was drinking a lot and got drunk and wasn’t there for him when his dad passed away and I fought with him in my drunken state. I also worked so hard that I lived past him when after 10 months of being apart from us he was finally able to come back to Australia. I then continued to drink and hurt him pushing him away from me by my actions and fighting all the time. About 18 months ago I stopped drinking and changed my ways as he was ready to divorce me then. I also have a son who was a nightmare step son to him. This woman met him while he was in a very dark place and became friends with him supporting him through all the tough times. He is in love with her as they became friends and then fell in love. He has claimed that he is physically attracted to me way more than her and it’s an emotional bond they share which he can’t give to me as I hurt him so much. About a year and 3 months ago I fell pregnant and his reaction was not good. We since had our baby and I have just found out about this going on and I don’t know who to turn to. We are still intimate sexually in a big way but he is shut off to me emotionally and I’m afraid he leaves. I have completely changed, stopped drinking etc and want to work on our marriage. I used to be very stubborn, defensive and very disrespectful however I have worked hard to change all those traits and I have been showering him with affection the past 15 months. Just need to get this off my chest and see if anyone can offer any good advice

Kim24 Help with son wanting to date someone online.
  • replies: 2

So my just turned 18yr old son has just come out to tell his dad and I he has feelings for someone he made friends with online about 6yrs ago. Now this friend is born a male but wants to become a female.It orginally all started with he wanted to come... View more

So my just turned 18yr old son has just come out to tell his dad and I he has feelings for someone he made friends with online about 6yrs ago. Now this friend is born a male but wants to become a female.It orginally all started with he wanted to come over and meet my son and hang out. Then we got told he was male but wants to transition into a female. Now my son has always had issue with anxiety and never has gone out. He has always been a home boy. I feel like this friend of his is putting pressure on him to be in a relationship and is trying to control him. I never thought my son felt like this and im confused and don't know what to do. I feel like this friend seem like he is sucking my son in as my son isn't really mature enough yet in my opinion. He has never gone out and experienced things in real life. I would love some help.I just dont think my son should have a relationship with this person but how do I stop it.In the 7yrs they have only ever spoke online. Now this friend is 19yr old.My head is all over the place and I don't know what to do.

Stormgirl2012 He's a pathological liar!!!!!
  • replies: 1

Me ex is a a pathological liar - I cottoned on just over a year ago when he started telling some pretty far fetched and unbelievable stories when challenged on certain things. I've caught him out with hard, fast proof yet he still looked me in the ey... View more

Me ex is a a pathological liar - I cottoned on just over a year ago when he started telling some pretty far fetched and unbelievable stories when challenged on certain things. I've caught him out with hard, fast proof yet he still looked me in the eye and denied. He's really ramped up since perhaps September last year. The things he has lied about since they, you wouldn't believe! Now we are no longer together I only have contact with him regarding the rental we lived in together when I left him. This weekend takes the cake, though. Supposedly taken to hospital by ambulance as he injured himself. I wake up to a message through his WhatsApp from a so called nurse saying he had surgery and there were complications and is in high dependency etc. Didn't say which hospital or anything. I am still his next of kin as he hasn't changed it - I would have thought they'd ring as he wouldn't have access to his phone if the story is correct. Upon calling all the major hospitals around, there is no trace of him and it's been confirmed there was no ambulance pick up yesterday evening. How do you stop stuff like this doing your head in? Love to hear from anyone who's in a similar boat please!

Guest_10089 my relationship with my dad is not good and I need advice
  • replies: 9

my dad cheat on my mum a long time ago and he had a lots of girlfriend at the time when I was growing up and he care more about woman the me abd then he meet someone and he got engaged and then married within two years in 2013 and my sister was a bri... View more

my dad cheat on my mum a long time ago and he had a lots of girlfriend at the time when I was growing up and he care more about woman the me abd then he meet someone and he got engaged and then married within two years in 2013 and my sister was a bridesmaids and I was not that hurt my feelings and plus my dad doesn't understand my intellectual disability it was hard for me too cope plus he never ring or text me on my birthday or Christmas and I try too reach out in the past but it didn't work and I try and suggest things but he didn't want too do it and now I'm still hurting from it and I hold onto this pain for years and I don't know what too do now

PS- Young partners different support needs
  • replies: 2

hello. It appears that my partner (21M) and I(22F) have different support/communication styles when it comes to the big topics. I need to talk things through, a lot. Even when I tell myself that its fine and we have moved past it, somehow the topic w... View more

hello. It appears that my partner (21M) and I(22F) have different support/communication styles when it comes to the big topics. I need to talk things through, a lot. Even when I tell myself that its fine and we have moved past it, somehow the topic will appear at the front of my mind and I just need to say it out loud. It will be three days later and logically we have covered the issue at hand, but then the smaller issues or more hidden issues come up and I gotta talk about them as well. I could just talk and talk all day. I am going though a really stressful time in my life right now and feel that every second or third day its another issue on my mind that I need to get off my chest and feel supported with.However, my partner isn't as talkative about these issues. When I'm having a bit of an anxious episode or a cry, he comforts me (or tries to) by physical touch which is nice but I need someone to talk back to me. He tells me he loves me, that I will get through this, that I'm strong, etc, but it's not what I want. I don't even know what I want him to say, I just want to know that he has thoughts on the topic, that he is thinking about it. I guess in short I don't feel like I'm getting the right support from him, but I don't know what to do about it. I assume people have been in similar situations and were able to overcome them.

Blue1999 Husband is not getting the boy he wanted
  • replies: 3

My husband and I have a 20+ year old age gap. He’s in his 50’s and wants a son. Many of his friends have 2 or more sons and he envies that. We have a 10 year old daughter together. I have had difficulties conceiving after having my daughter and was d... View more

My husband and I have a 20+ year old age gap. He’s in his 50’s and wants a son. Many of his friends have 2 or more sons and he envies that. We have a 10 year old daughter together. I have had difficulties conceiving after having my daughter and was diagnosed with low ovarian reserve in my early 30’s. My husband begged for a second child and wanted me to agree to the donor egg route, using his sperm. He said he wanted our daughter to have a sibling, and it didn’t matter whether we were having a boy or a girl (that was a lie). I ultimately agreed as I’m a single child so I felt the loneliness of growing up without a sibling. We went through ivf with donor eggs and the baby within me was the only embryo that survived out of a cohort of 10. Through NIPT test results last week, we learned that we are having our second girl. Since learning of this my husband has been really disappointed. His first reaction to the news was that he won’t be buying any more girl toys as our second daughter can use what her older sister has. He has also stopped asking about the baby or my pregnancy symptoms. I’ve been taking time off work since my embryo transfer and haven’t gone back as I’m feeling nauseous and weak all the time. It makes me sad that he’s feeling so disappointed. I feel excited about my baby regardless of the sex and can’t wait to meet her. The fact that I’m not genetically related to my baby doesn’t change that. I feel sad that he doesn’t see things this way (and this child is genetically related to him!). I wonder whether he will get over it and come to realise how special this baby is? Any thoughts would be much appreciated.

Loveanimals Why does my twin sister hate me
  • replies: 15

I am in my late forties. I have a twin sister whom I have never got along with. She has always been a bully and a control freak. We have an older brother. As kids they used to play together and leave me out. They used to enjoy making me cry. I often ... View more

I am in my late forties. I have a twin sister whom I have never got along with. She has always been a bully and a control freak. We have an older brother. As kids they used to play together and leave me out. They used to enjoy making me cry. I often was left alone. Parents were not great (understatement). Mother passed away five years ago. Dad is in his eighties and is not very well. Brother lives overseas and I have nothing to do with him. She has taken it upon herself to take control of all of Dad's affairs. Money being the main issue. He is doing ok but she is hassling me to see him more and do more for him. I try to organise things but he is busy doing is own thing! She gets frustrated as she has created this co -dependant relationship with him....nothing anyone does or says is good enough for her. She is creating problems where there aren't any. I have learnt that Dad has paid for her new car. Dad wanted to give me some money and she told him I didn't need it?! I earn one third of what she does! I actually think she is taking money from Dad and I would never know as she is in control of his bank accounts. I saw her this morning at Dad's and the aggression coming off her was so toxic. I have no idea why. She scares me because she is such a horrible aggressive person. I have had decades of her horrid behaviour and I am totally sick of it. I always come away feeling absolutely awful. I have rung Lifeline many times due to her. I know I have to totally avoid her. That is obvious. I suffer as I do not know why she does this. She has attacked me verbally, physically..my whole life. She shows no care towards me whatsoever. I guess I just spend my life hoping she will change. Wondering what I have done wrong. Then getting angry and upset. I wish I could kick her out of my life but that won't be so easy. I love Dad and want to see him. He is being controlled by her I think. I am so lost and sad. Please help. Thankyou.