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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Hyacinth4DSoul Unresolved Conflict
  • replies: 2

Hi. I'm new here and notably very nervous. Please be patient with me. My story spans years so Ill try to be brief as possible. I lived with my partner for 3 years before we tied the knot. We were very happy and contented, we were convinced we were so... View more

Hi. I'm new here and notably very nervous. Please be patient with me. My story spans years so Ill try to be brief as possible. I lived with my partner for 3 years before we tied the knot. We were very happy and contented, we were convinced we were soulmates. We both worked. 6 months after our marriage, he left his job to look for a better one. Then he started an affair with a woman 10 years older than him at work.This affair lasted 5 years without my knowledge. Well, he came home every night, was attentive to me, even our sex life was alive and constant throughout this period, so I didn't ever suspect that anything was wrong. He had various medical hospitalisations and I, as a devoted wife, loved him and looked after him, dutifully caring for him 24/7 when he needed me. When he came home from work, dinner is hot and ready. His sandwiches were home made because I loved doing it for him. I did everything to make his life easy. I was very much in love with my husband. We did all what happy couples do. Until we didn't. He was suddenly working a lot of weekends, staying up most nights on his computer. He started going for walks by himself. He became short-tempered. These behaviours crept up slowly over the years. But he always asked for intimacy all the time. He would get so angry if I wasn't feeling well and I'd beg off for a couple of days. One day while he was at work, I asked him if I could use his PC cos mine gave up the ghost. He didn't mind. That's when I found an old email address of him that he said hed discarded ages ago, in a small folder where the photos were. That's how I uncovered his entire sordid affair. 350 emails over 5 years complete with pictures. I read them all and cannot unsee them ever. We went to marriage counselling. He left his paramour. But everytime I asked him why, he kept on saying, he can't remember why. I started going downhill with depression. 3 years later, he was diagnosed with a terminal illness and 3 years further, he was in hospital with me as his carer till he lost the fight. I spent 2 years in bed with severe depression. I can't go on because I never understood why he went AWOL in our marriage. I've seen Psychologists...but nothing. I feel extremely lonely but afraid to trust again. They say men have affairs because they can, often without a reason. Really? I'm not young nor naive. For every action there is always a reaction. I didnt have clarity. What did I do wrong? I just don't know how to move on from here.

Zetta Wife struggeling to accept sexless marriage
  • replies: 9

Hi guys, I have been with my husband for over 20 years. We also have a 13 year age gap between us. My husband is at the stage of ED and we've known it for about 4 years now. We have tried alot of strategies to keep the sex life happy as I have a much... View more

Hi guys, I have been with my husband for over 20 years. We also have a 13 year age gap between us. My husband is at the stage of ED and we've known it for about 4 years now. We have tried alot of strategies to keep the sex life happy as I have a much higher libido. But the past few weeks it's been really tough. I have realised I am usually the one initiating sex 80% of the time. The last week or so I haven't initiated sex of any for of intimacy and I got nothing from him. I am feeling very emotional as we spoke about it last night and he's happy to be in a sexless marriage. I am not so happy about it. We've been through cheating( on both sides), gambling addiction and porn usage (on both sides), and now this. I have not been this upset and crying soo much since the last time we went through the cheating and porn saga. I am literally down. I have had my depression under control with hypnosis for the last 10 years. I am completely lost and sort of heart broken. I don't even want to sleep next to my husband tonight. I have not felt like this in a very long time. Just needed someone to listen and hear me out. Really needing a good ear at the moment.

Guest_61508902 Co-parenting an anxious child, with a difficult ex
  • replies: 1

My 10yo daughter is very anxious and has always been a 'big feelings' kid. She has recently changed schools, which has been really tough, and I can imagine that a lot of things in her life feel out of her control. So she has started having huge meltd... View more

My 10yo daughter is very anxious and has always been a 'big feelings' kid. She has recently changed schools, which has been really tough, and I can imagine that a lot of things in her life feel out of her control. So she has started having huge meltdowns saying she doesn't want to go to her dad's house (who lives with a new partner and two stepchildren, and they just announced their engagement).My ex and I both don't really know how to support her, but he is refusing to get support from a counsellor. Additionally, he is saying really nasty things to her, like 'she won't be taken on a family holiday', or 'she will never have any friends' or (get this...) 'she is not welcome in the family if this behaviour continues'. It is heartbreaking! I'm tired of defending him and picking up the pieces when she is distraught in my arms. It does seem that she shows far more emotion at my place, and at his house (after a few unsettled days after changeover) does seem quite 'happy'. Because she is emotional at my place, he says that clearly I am the problem. And the sad thing is that I am starting to feel very overwhelmed and reactive, and I'm starting to wonder if he is right...Does anyone else have issues with the ex, and how do you handle when they are not cooperating, saying mean things (to the kids and to you)? I'm finding it very hard to take the high ground and really just want to yell at him. Ultimately I just want my kid to feel safe and secure at BOTH households... Thanks in advance for your responses

Fiatlux Disrespectful, Dependant Adult Child
  • replies: 15

I am just so distressed today. I can’t stop crying. I am at work and trying my best to earn more money. Covid lockdowns destroyed my business and I am almost starting over. I am in my mid 50’s. My real issue is with my adult son who relies on me for ... View more

I am just so distressed today. I can’t stop crying. I am at work and trying my best to earn more money. Covid lockdowns destroyed my business and I am almost starting over. I am in my mid 50’s. My real issue is with my adult son who relies on me for everything including money. He refuses to apply for Job Seeker. Today he sent me an awful message blaming me for his position. He refuses to move out of home and refuses to look for work, expecting me to find him a job through my connections. I am at my wits end today. I can’t even focus on my own work let alone him today. Help and advice would be appreciated.

riverrock1981 Marriage over?
  • replies: 1

Hi all,Wife and i have been together 20 years, married for 14 with 2 kids (9 and 11). Just looking for thoughts on whether situation is hopeless and if I should just walk away. Wife has adhd and anxiety and is taking medication for bothProblems start... View more

Hi all,Wife and i have been together 20 years, married for 14 with 2 kids (9 and 11). Just looking for thoughts on whether situation is hopeless and if I should just walk away. Wife has adhd and anxiety and is taking medication for bothProblems started approximately 5 years ago. Sold our house and struggled to find a suitable option during covid when price rises were crazy. We found a renovator which we struggled through over 3 years to complete which placed huge financial strain on the relationship and are only now in a place where we can finally refinance to consolidate everything to give us breathing room.Throughout all this, she has blamed me and holds me responsible for what we have had to endure. She says that she didnt have a voice and that I am angry and controlling. That my decisions led to the challenges we faced. I don't agree, as I have always tried to do the right things by her and the kids. I have reflected a lot on my behaviour and can acknowledge how she may have felt sidelined in joint decisions as I would argue logic, instead of ensuring she felt hard. Similarly, I would react during arguments when taunted or baited, as things would often become heated. She has a tendency to become highly emotional during conflict and will revert to personal attacks rather than focusing on the specific issue.Regardless, she now considers us separated, has not worn rings in 6 months and sleeps in separate room. Now that house is finished, she wants to sell it and separate.During the week, I discovered what I would consider highly inappropriate messages from a male work colleague, which she insists is nothing - friends, nothing has happened, that he overshares and she has asked him to stop. Whilst his messages were quite aggressively flirtatious and suggestive, none of hers appeared to be, but at the same time she did not shut it down or distance herself from it (first messages were in Nov last year). At one point she said "go to bed", to which he responded "your bed?", amongst other things. She did share some personal information about our relationship (reasons for separation, finances etc) Nevertheless, it was incredibly hurtful to find, and there was no acknowledgement of thatb on her part.She has agreed to go to marriage counselling this week but I am unsure of her motivation, or indeed if it is likely to be of benefit. From my perspective,I would like to save marriage but initially I just want to get to a point where there is a reduction in the contempt and disrespect she treats me with, so that we can actually communicate effectively whatever happens. To keep things calm and respectful so that if s separation happens, it is amicable and puts the kids first.Am I being naiive in thinking there is any hope here, or should I just accept it's over and move on? Why would she agree to marriage counselling if she didn't want to explore improvement in relationship?Thanks

dane Hi im 53 prostate removed.
  • replies: 1

Hello not sure if anybody will see this but i had my prostate[cancer] removed about eights months ago,had to leave work to get centrelink money,i have to boys and married always been the strong one of family,sorry thats all i can put in at the moment... View more

Hello not sure if anybody will see this but i had my prostate[cancer] removed about eights months ago,had to leave work to get centrelink money,i have to boys and married always been the strong one of family,sorry thats all i can put in at the moment i will try again another time.

M-ia_123 ADHD?
  • replies: 2

So I again think I have adhd or depression (probably both) and still cant seem to find a way to tell my parents.so I’m 14 and I’ve tried to tell my dad about me thinking I have adhd but without saying that, I find it hard to talk about myself and lik... View more

So I again think I have adhd or depression (probably both) and still cant seem to find a way to tell my parents.so I’m 14 and I’ve tried to tell my dad about me thinking I have adhd but without saying that, I find it hard to talk about myself and like who I really am or who I think I am. I tried to explain that I’m not just lazy but there are times where I just can’t like I am unable to get up and do something, wether it be eat, do my jobs or homework or even do one of my hobbies and how I cannot get up and do it. He told me I shouldn’t lie about these things and that I was exaggerating and “it’s not that hard just do it.” But it really is hard for me. Like I find it really hard. And he doesn’t belive me. He and my mum call me lazy and say that I’m choosing to be lazy and choosing to push everything out to the “very last second” but I’m not trying to. It’s also been hard to get up in the mornings and go to school. I’m not allowed to skip school unless I’m physically sick and even then it’s rare. I often just lay in bed for ages after my alarms (I have 3) and then during school I sometimes (on worse days) find it really hard to do work and often just sit there which makes me teachers frustrated. One of my teachers (from two years ago) figured out that something was going on even before I had named it but I feel like it’s too late to talk to her and I’m not comfortable talking to my other teachers. Also after school I’ll just go to bed sometimes, I have a lot of things on after school but I’ve been less and less motivated. Even some of my friends are noticing but my parents don’t. I mean sometimes they do and they’ll ask but I’ll just lie and say I’m fine because when I do try and talk I’m either a liar or we end up fighting. (It’s probably my fault when we fight though.) Yeah. It’s been happening for at least two years and comes in waves and at this point I can’t tell if I’m lying to myself and just trying to get attention (even though I don’t like it.) or if It’s and actual problem. I don’t know how or even if I want to tell someone but I also don’t know how to cope alone. I think my brother also struggles (he says adhd but he’s not sure) and he also doesn’t want to talk to anyone about it so I’m not sure if my parents don’t belive me because of that I’m not sure. He definitely has a more physical condition where he like talks or just makes noises he’s super fidgety and really unaware of him where I’m the opposite so they probably think I’m the ‘normal’ one.i probably could of broke this into a few posts but if anyone has any advice I’d really appreciate it.

TipTup04 Too ugly to find love
  • replies: 10

I turned 16 pretty recently, and I realised something quite sad... I'm too ugly to be genuinely loved by someone. I'm not overweight or overly stupid or anything, just very unattractive in the face. I've always dreamed of finding a nice partner and m... View more

I turned 16 pretty recently, and I realised something quite sad... I'm too ugly to be genuinely loved by someone. I'm not overweight or overly stupid or anything, just very unattractive in the face. I've always dreamed of finding a nice partner and making a family, but unfortunately, that'll never happen. It's a shame that I'll never be loved because of something out of my control... I just want to know what being loved is like once before I die, but I can't see that happening. I don't know why I did this, I won't get any responses. Never got help irl, it won't be any different here. Anyway, I've just been depressed because of my lack of physical or emotional love. I just want to be hugged or complimented by someone, just once. How can I find joy in life with things other than love?

Warrior823 My partner is still married
  • replies: 6

I have been with my partner for almost 9 years, we both have children to previous marriages. All of the children are over 18 now. We have been through a lot together, we were both there for each other during hard times raising our children from 2 sep... View more

I have been with my partner for almost 9 years, we both have children to previous marriages. All of the children are over 18 now. We have been through a lot together, we were both there for each other during hard times raising our children from 2 seperate homes each, he supported me when I was diagnosed in 2023 with Stage 3 Breast Cancer, loss of family members, etc.However my partner is still legally married. I have asked him several times to get a divorce and every time I bring it up, he rolls his eyes and says "I don't think about it". Recently I told him that I feel that it is disrespectful to me, as I believe I have been very patient and had originally asked for him to be divorced by their 25th wedding anniversary (obviously that didn't happen) It's not like he is isn't amicable with his (ex) wife, he still pays her each month for his 2 children (another sore point) as 1 works full time, the other works part time and is attending university. Am I out of line wanting him to get the divorce?

Sheetu My husband will hurt me and my kids
  • replies: 8

I have started feeling my husband is going to tongue me and my kids , he has taken all the financials in his hands and I don’t have any control so I have to keep asking for money and then arguments starts and he starts blaming me , I am earning money... View more

I have started feeling my husband is going to tongue me and my kids , he has taken all the financials in his hands and I don’t have any control so I have to keep asking for money and then arguments starts and he starts blaming me , I am earning money which he used to take earlier but I changed my account and do that has stopped but he just wants to control everything and so he uses aggression . I have to just work according to him and things are ok , even a slight disagreement he gets triggered . I have been in this marriage for 21 years now but it’s getting very difficult to stay anymore . He also has frightened me and said he will take my or back and lot of other things . I don’t think I can cope up any more with him . Whenever I am alone at home I am just worried that he will hit me as he has done once . I don’t know what can as I thought once I will walk out of house with the kids but then where do we go and everything goes for a toss my job , kids school and uni what do I do . Please suggest

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