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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Guest_06457016 My partner cheated on me
  • replies: 3

My partner cheated on me and I feel like my whole world is falling apart, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep I cry all day and I can’t even look at myself when I get into the shower without thinking of how he touched her body instead of mine but I’m finding ... View more

My partner cheated on me and I feel like my whole world is falling apart, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep I cry all day and I can’t even look at myself when I get into the shower without thinking of how he touched her body instead of mine but I’m finding it so hard to leave him, he has shown no effort to try and win me back or make sure I’m ok but all I want to do is talk with him and be around him and it’s killing me

Gypsey Stressed and upset
  • replies: 6

I am 55yrs old and having so much trouble being in control of my emotions and thoughts.I have a few things going on My eldest son who is only 22 has found out he has a heart condition and is having trouble passing work medicals. Im having to pay for ... View more

I am 55yrs old and having so much trouble being in control of my emotions and thoughts.I have a few things going on My eldest son who is only 22 has found out he has a heart condition and is having trouble passing work medicals. Im having to pay for his living expenses as he is no longer at home. Im torn between feeling troubled over his health and then the financial burden of it all.I have anxiety over my younger sons future as he is getting to the age yr 10 that he has to get good grades and start his own future.My husband and I are fighting all the time nit picking and talking of breaking up. He is really copping it from me.We want to retire in 3yrs and money is giving me anxiety super, sale if a block of land etc we have the added worry of a neighbour signing up for a windfarm we do not want.I have all this going on and menopause on top. My boss is looking to sell his business too.I have been on low dose antidepressants since having children as I get nervous and feel vulnerable in social situations.I also have just been diagnosed with a couple if health issues.I feel angry sad and out of control.

Anon43 I’m always in the wrong
  • replies: 5

I honestly don’t know why I keep being wrong. Partner is angry my parents are helping me and our kids with a financial contribution to an upgraded car. The car I drive is very old and neither reliable or safe any more. He believes the money should be... View more

I honestly don’t know why I keep being wrong. Partner is angry my parents are helping me and our kids with a financial contribution to an upgraded car. The car I drive is very old and neither reliable or safe any more. He believes the money should be going to him because it would make up the shortfall in what he earns and what I earn. I come from a very close family where we have always looked out for us. He is from a separated family where he doesn’t talk to his brother or dad and treats his mum awful with the way he belittles and berates her. She laughs it off like he is making a joke. We communicated on the car situation and he showed very little interest in being part of it and helping with advice. We have been talking about it since August last year where he said after a holiday he would help me and offered to help financially. That never eventuated and when I was quoted $7-8k for repairs for a car worth half that I said to him it would need to happen soon as I was worried it would breakdown when the kids were with me. He now wants to be reimbursed the amount they are gifting me for the car because he believes it’s owed to him. If you’ve read this far thank you, I don’t really know what I want out of this just I needed to get it off my chest

Empathic Making friends in your 60s
  • replies: 1

I have never been one to have a large friend group and over time have been OK with that. However, I am now in my mid 60s and have only one friend who makes any effort. Unfortunately she is in ill health and lives about an hour away so catching up is ... View more

I have never been one to have a large friend group and over time have been OK with that. However, I am now in my mid 60s and have only one friend who makes any effort. Unfortunately she is in ill health and lives about an hour away so catching up is infrequent. I have tried to expand my friendships by joining clubs, volunteer groups and reconnecting with acquaintances but I simply cannot find my place in any of them. I find most people my age extremely boring and all they want to talk about is holidays, grand kids or church. The fun ones all appear to be drinkers and while I've had some amusing evenings and certainly dont have a problem with alcohol, the pub scene isn't for me and I find it tiring having to explain over and over why I don't drink (medical reasons) It is so difficult to get out there and meet new people. Everywhere I go, people are already locked into their friend groups and I end up off to one side feeling lonelier than I would be at home! I'm tired of doing everything one is told to make friends - it doesn't work!

Nazza FIFO partner
  • replies: 1

Has anyone experienced severe fretting when their partner took FIFO job and what tips do you have to overcome the feelings of despair? I have been in this relationship for only 5 months and he accepted a FIFO job in Darwin last week. Being a truck dr... View more

Has anyone experienced severe fretting when their partner took FIFO job and what tips do you have to overcome the feelings of despair? I have been in this relationship for only 5 months and he accepted a FIFO job in Darwin last week. Being a truck driver all his life, driving all over the world, I was aware when we met that he wanted an opportunity to drive road trains in NT but I was led to believe that it would be in the next 18-24 months. I feel it is too soon in our relationship for him to do it now , the roster is 2 on 2 off. I was never my place to tell him to not go. I’m fretting terribly, the situation made worse by limited mobile reception, I am able to speak with him once a night for around 40 minutes. Thoughts of not being his priority and choosing this job over our relationship keep flooding my mind. He insists that he’s doing it for our future and that the two weeks he is home with me will far outweigh our time apart. I try my best to not show I’m upset when we talk but sometimes my emotions spill over and this is not received well by him. I’m accused of being childish and giving him a hard time unnecessarily. I am at a complete loss with how to deal with this.

Fiatlux Disrespectful, Dependant Adult Child
  • replies: 14

I am just so distressed today. I can’t stop crying. I am at work and trying my best to earn more money. Covid lockdowns destroyed my business and I am almost starting over. I am in my mid 50’s. My real issue is with my adult son who relies on me for ... View more

I am just so distressed today. I can’t stop crying. I am at work and trying my best to earn more money. Covid lockdowns destroyed my business and I am almost starting over. I am in my mid 50’s. My real issue is with my adult son who relies on me for everything including money. He refuses to apply for Job Seeker. Today he sent me an awful message blaming me for his position. He refuses to move out of home and refuses to look for work, expecting me to find him a job through my connections. I am at my wits end today. I can’t even focus on my own work let alone him today. Help and advice would be appreciated.

Peter56 Been alone all my life.
  • replies: 3

I am 61, never been married and have lived on my own since my mid 20's. At school I never had any girlfriend and I wasn't given any direction or taught anything about how to date. By the time I left school and entered the workforce that was a male-do... View more

I am 61, never been married and have lived on my own since my mid 20's. At school I never had any girlfriend and I wasn't given any direction or taught anything about how to date. By the time I left school and entered the workforce that was a male-dominated industry, my pattern was set... In my teens, 20s, and 30s it made me thoroughly miserable and incredibly lonely as female company didn't seem like an unreasonable thing to want, yet seemed as improbable as winning the lottery. The skills required appear to be something learned in adolescence and if for some reason you don't acquire them, the whole area of relationships becomes an alien world. In many cases I've suspected women of being put off by it with any interest being shut down. As one age I suspect it increases the difficulty of a relationship ever happening. Throughout my life, I’ve known that there is something wrong with me, but I just do not know what exactly it is and as time continues I feel a little more helpless and hopeless. From my experiences, being single at my age is a major red flag for the majority of women when you get to my age. It's bothered me so much that at one stage I even considered suicide, but sought counseling about it and my social life in general. I had 2 uncles both on my mother's side and another on my father's side that never married and I've had always believed I inherited a poor set of genes that have resulted in this. I realise that the only way I can imagine to stay alive is learning how to live with it and learning to accept myself. I worked most of my life, own my own home and now that I am retired life has become very lonely and depressing. At my age now I realise I'm going to go through life without having a girlfriend as I'm simply too old now. I have another maybe 20 years to live in this world and I've got to be able to learn to live with this fact and at the moment it's not easy. Life's just not meant to be sometimes, I didn't choose to be born in this world, I didn't choose to go through this in some ways, its natural selection playing its part and I have to fully accept it. Buts it's very depressing, almost like grieving knowing my life will have to be this way. No one will miss me when I'm gone.

radish58 No touch, No intimacy, No sex
  • replies: 11

Hello,I have been married for 42 years and I love my wife, though at times I feel empty, sad.I am a social person, I talk to just about anything, I keep myself reasonably fit.The relationship with my wife has gradually become frustrating. We are for ... View more

Hello,I have been married for 42 years and I love my wife, though at times I feel empty, sad.I am a social person, I talk to just about anything, I keep myself reasonably fit.The relationship with my wife has gradually become frustrating. We are for the most good friends, while I am an outwards person, my wife is happy to watch her favourite shows on television, or a streaming channel. If that makes her happy, I don't have a problem. My wife does suffer from anxiety and at times as I have said to her, it is not so much what she says, it is her tone of voice, it can deflate me.Our marriage, we had ample sex and if the children weren't around she loved me carresing her body, especially hey bottom, just gentle rubbing.Our sex life has taken a nose dive, I mean it is non existent. Each time the mood is there, something takes it away, the mood dies completely. This morning as I walked behind her, I gently touched her bottom, she was dressed as was the case most times except, in the bedroom, her reply " would you stop doing that ". I said you used to love that, stone silence.Yes she has body issues, I am her husband, to me it makes no difference. I saw her naked the other day, her response " can i have some privacy " , I replied I am your husband, again dead silence, I walked away.We have 3 beautiful adult children and 2 of the best grandchildren. We see each other at least once a week.I feel torn, I do get upset, angry. I have retired just 5 months ago and although helping out family keeps me busy, I ask my wife where would you like to go on a holiday? Her response is family or the painful one, we can't afford it, I ran a successful business for 38 years, she was all for selling and retiring, we made money, we have money. I am questioning whether I should go to Bunnings and get something for a project as she makes m3 believe I am wasting fuel, now I don't know what to do. I do know th8s cannot continue and I will again try and raise the matters. Thanks for reading.

Roshelle Feeling unsupported and frustrated
  • replies: 2

My aunt keeps checking in on me and asking how I am. When I tell her the truth, that I'm struggling, she tells me to pray or says she's praying for me. I have told her many times I do not believe in god, prayer, Jesus, or any of the things that I tri... View more

My aunt keeps checking in on me and asking how I am. When I tell her the truth, that I'm struggling, she tells me to pray or says she's praying for me. I have told her many times I do not believe in god, prayer, Jesus, or any of the things that I tried so hard to make work my whole life and was always disappointed by. I feel very frustrated and disrespected and I don't know what to say to her so I just avoid answering her because I don't want to say things in anger that upset her. My parents and only sibling are dead, she's the best support I have and I don't want to lose her. She always says I should tell her when I need help, but kind of refuses what I ask for and offers unhelpful things I've told her I don't want (prayers). I don't want to avoid her, or upset her, but I don't know how to respond to her. And when I do avoid her she gets worried and bothers my friends which I think is inappropriate. I'm trying to be understanding, and not entitled, but I'm also confused by her offers to help. Just after some advice on how I can talk to her because me trying to get boundaries and tell her my needs obviously hasn't been working. Hope this all makes sense.