Relationship and family issues

A great marriage of 35 years is breaking down

replies: 2

My marriage of 35 yearsis breaking down. Why - because I love her too much I want more of her, she’s the most beautiful person I could ever imagine being my partner and I’ve always wanted to show her how much I feel for her. I want to give more to he... View more

My marriage of 35 yearsis breaking down. Why - because I love her too much I want more of her, she’s the most beautiful person I could ever imagine being my partner and I’ve always wanted to show her how much I feel for her. I want to give more to her than she is prepared to give back. It’s been like that for the majority of our marriage. Her preference is television, books, social media, coffee with friends and long telephone calls. It’s like she needs constant stimulation, but not from me. We have three brilliant kids. Everything is pretty okay but over the years, she has called me things like greedy, a spoilt child, the more I say I would do anything for her the more she angry she gets. So I pull back, I feel another chip has been cracked off my block. The Love is not round and wholesome. It’s a jagged shitty little rock. We talk about it but we get nowhere. It’s become all about my frustrations and hurt and the things I say like how she’s ungrateful she is for what I give her. I say things like there will be people out there that don’t have anyone loving them like I love you. The more I say the more angry she gets. I call her skin deep because her anger just hurts. Big mistake. So it’s now got to this point where she’s saying she’s had enough, she’s sick of having to deal with my hurt tantrums, she says I’m like a fourth child. She claims she loves me but it’s hard to accept when she’s walked back so far away from me. Kids are gone and now she’s going

The never ending saga

replies: 4

As to form my family member took another disrespectful step towards me today I cut all contact around 3 weeks ago sent them a letter outlining what they are doing; ( pointless but I needed to purge for my mental health) they went to my local newspape... View more

As to form my family member took another disrespectful step towards me today I cut all contact around 3 weeks ago sent them a letter outlining what they are doing; ( pointless but I needed to purge for my mental health) they went to my local newspaper shop ( I got their kids and mine paper rounds a few years ago and have been paying them for their work and vise Versa) today my family member went in behind my back to the owner and told them to split the round in half ) so she can do her bit by herself and they tried to get the poor owner involved in my family members triangulation of me ) I felt so sorry for the owner I apologised and told her I’m sorry that she got put in the middle and it’s very unprofessional of my family member to behave this way she was quite understanding and said it was up to me if I want to let her split it so I did I was just purely shocked by it all most people address issues with the person not drag strangers into it But the effect of my family member doing this to me again just to twist the pain they are causing me to like get a reaction out of me to hurt me more I did my best and just accept that the rounds be split & that’s fine : my family member doing ( who I requested in my letter to not contact me again they did to twist the pain again and hurt me again insinuating I was like withholding their payment for their paper rounds ( cause that’s just what I do steal things & lie sure ) and ask me for receipts of payment and stuff like this …my only reply was to come get it on my doorstep cause that’s where they are most comfortable.. im honestly sick of this like I set barriers they break them they do anything to hurt me to discredit me to tarnish me and I’ve spent so much of my time & efforts trying to give them chances and understanding and I still end up despite setting barriers and laying out how hurt I am I still get smacked down and disrespected . I’m a little sad and hurt and I’m like why am i bothering myself with all this petty nonsense . They will never respect me or even acknowledge what they are doing to me

Helpless

replies: 1

Our Adult son separated last year straight away she served ADVO for absolutely no reason, she instigated the separation, leaving behind his daughter 5yrs and 2 of her children from a previous relationship who he adores …. She is a text book Narcissis... View more

Our Adult son separated last year straight away she served ADVO for absolutely no reason, she instigated the separation, leaving behind his daughter 5yrs and 2 of her children from a previous relationship who he adores …. She is a text book Narcissist and so very revengeful and is using the little girl as a pawn. As a grandparent is there any thing I can do…. I’m so angry I’m actually concerned…..

Estrangement- total cut off

replies: 0

IN USA ATM there's many movements that claim adult children (AC) are cutting off their parents (that are often grandparents) as a epidemic i.e its now often a first reaction to a dispute or even no dispute. There isnt a clear answer why this is happe... View more

IN USA ATM there's many movements that claim adult children (AC) are cutting off their parents (that are often grandparents) as a epidemic i.e its now often a first reaction to a dispute or even no dispute. There isnt a clear answer why this is happening but clearly communication has broken down. There is certainly a case or "prevention is better than cure". So this post is in two parts 1. prevention 2. remedy. Prevention. Look for signs. Are your children stressed? Both working, juggling kids, child care, financial stress, marriage tension. Such signs can grow triggers that normally wont be there that can lead to over reactions. Their actions under stress is to remove one of the causes.Some parents dont identify their AC as full grown adults. Instead of a calm support with wise experience conveyed to them there is a contrast if the parent is seen as an authority, an insistent advisor and addresses their AC in the same manner and tone as they did when their child was a teenager. The few short years between then and mid 20's to you is a gulf to them, a teen they left behind many years ago.Be wary of how deeply you are in their lives. Quality is better than quantity. A parent spending hours every week in their kids home might seem all is happy but they could hide their frustration and how hard is it for them to ask you to limit your presence?Know your boundaries. My sister and her husband were only 19yo when they came to live with my parents after marriage. Every time the couple argued my mother yelled out "what's going on". A clear breach of her role and should never interfered. Old enough for marriage, old enough to sort it out themselves. Constant cups ot tea with her daughter my mother kept her away from her husband. After 2 years they left and cut contact. It is clear what happened but (interesting) my mother kept saying "look what I did for them, I supported her and raised her"Remedy.If you are already estranged, get counselling even if you feel you've done nothing wrong. It doesnt hurt. It might give you an insight into how best to cope in the least.Find hobbies, interests and fill in your days.Refrain from many texts or calls. Its when they are ready that is the key. A xmas card with a little love is good, a birthday card the same- no more.In long term situations love those that love you. Spread your love maybe a foster child or any child. I adopted an older lady as my mother for example.Open for discussion "One cant underestimate the pain ...) TonyWK

Feeling unsupported by my husband after the birth of our first child

replies: 7

I've been with my husband for 11 years and had our first child three months ago. He has been very unsupportive since the start of my pregnancy, despite saying how thrilled he is and how much he loves me. He didn't not take up any additional responsib... View more

I've been with my husband for 11 years and had our first child three months ago. He has been very unsupportive since the start of my pregnancy, despite saying how thrilled he is and how much he loves me. He didn't not take up any additional responsibilities, such as buying baby products, saving up money or attentive to my needs. He also missed multiple Ultrasound appointments and picked fights with me throughout my pregnancy even when I'm 37 weeks pregnant.After our son was born, both my parents and his mother were in our house for a while (my mother is still here to help me with caring for our baby). While my mother does all the cooking, clean, and supporting me with the baby when asked, his mother kept on dragging him away to have random conversations. My husband practically spent 80% of his paternity leave on keeping his mother company. After his mother finally left, he keeps on bringing up wanting to ask her back to help with our son. But I told him, she practically helps with nothing, while distracting him from his responsibility of being a father, that's why I prefer my mother's help. He keeps on picking fights with me about this, and what's fair. I tried to explain to him, in this situation the new mother is the vulnerable person who needs the support.I'm not normally a needy or clingy person, but not having his support in the most vulnerable time of my life hurts and I don't believe he loves me or our son. So we're heading to divorce.I wonder if anyone else has experienced the same situation or if you're a man, what is your perspective?

Depression being exacerbated by child wish

replies: 2

Just a bit of a background: I've been married to my wife for 11 years, I've been with her for maybe 13. She suffers from major depression and anxiety, as well as OCD and, apparently, ADHD. In the past, she had been diagnosed with BPD, but this has be... View more

Just a bit of a background: I've been married to my wife for 11 years, I've been with her for maybe 13. She suffers from major depression and anxiety, as well as OCD and, apparently, ADHD. In the past, she had been diagnosed with BPD, but this has been questioned now.Up until we started wedding planning, everything was great (or she hid it well, I'm not sure which one), but with the stress of the wedding planning wasn't helpful. She would get angry very frequently and what I would describe over noting. Then over the next couple of years, she took a turn for the worse, she undertook six suicide attempts (she'd dispute that number, but that's what I counted) and I had to admit her to psychiatric facilities against her will on two occasions (luckily her mother was supportive of my decision).8 years ago, we had our first child maybe a year later and she completely shut down with postnatal depression. For 3 to 6 months, I was nearly single parenting. What made this worse is that our son had extreme reflux and would vomit around 30 times a day (I wish this was an exaggeration, but we had towels and a bucket in the living room at all times because of how much he would vomit.I feel like I got close to getting PTSD from this and it was a terrible time.Then things got a bit better again and we had our second child. Currently, we're in Europe for the year (something that I wanted as I'm European and wanted the kids to learn the language).Right now, she's worse than she has been in years. The biggest issue is that she wants another child and I'm just SO done having children. There are a few reasons, one is also that my dad died two years ago and I can't imagine having a child he didn't know (he was an amazing grandfather).She has begged me to have another child and I have tried to want it, but every fibre of my being just doesn't want to. I feel a bit guilty, but I also don't think it's a good idea for her in her state.For completeness, I should mention that my 8yo has been diagnosed with autism, I'm 99% our 4yo has it too and think it's quite likely I do too.She has mentioned that she will leave me if we don't have another child. I don't want that to happen, but I definitely don't want to be responsible for having an unwanted child (on my part).This is just a brief overview of the current situation. I was planning to go into more detail, but can't because of the character limit. But life is a mess right now!Has anyone gone through anything simliar?

Financial manipulation adult son

replies: 26

Hi, I have just blocked all contact with my 35-year-old son who for quite some time has been (don't want to call it financially abusing because I have willingly given him the money) but manipulating, guilting, for want of better words and I am now fe... View more

Hi, I have just blocked all contact with my 35-year-old son who for quite some time has been (don't want to call it financially abusing because I have willingly given him the money) but manipulating, guilting, for want of better words and I am now feeling extremely guilty and heartbroken for having done this and want to know if anyone else has done similar and how they have overcome the guilt, grief of losing their child.

50 marriage gone stale

replies: 11

Im a 70 year old male. My partner tells me I stopped her having a career as I asked her to be a stay at home mum till the 3 kids had started and settled in at school. 40 odd years ago there was not the society support there is now, which our kids are... View more

Im a 70 year old male. My partner tells me I stopped her having a career as I asked her to be a stay at home mum till the 3 kids had started and settled in at school. 40 odd years ago there was not the society support there is now, which our kids are benifitting from which is great.Our relationship has deteriorated to the point where I feel like she is now gaslighting me. Things like "I told you that" all the time, when Im 99.9% sure she hasnt 40% of the time. Ive lost a lot of confidence and not happy in our relationship. I was always saying im sorry for an argument we had which she dosnt. Ive stopped this now because it always felt like i was at fault. Not sure why im posting this but any comments would be appreciated. Cheers

I just need to Rant

replies: 2

Hi all, I am at 23 year-old female, turning 24 at the end of this year. There's a few things that I would like to get off my chest. For one I'm an enrolled nurse in New South Wales , i've started university to become a registered nurse, Which uni can... View more

Hi all, I am at 23 year-old female, turning 24 at the end of this year. There's a few things that I would like to get off my chest. For one I'm an enrolled nurse in New South Wales , i've started university to become a registered nurse, Which uni can be stressful. Secondly, I have a loving partner who I've been with for five years, who has Aspergers, and although I try so hard to help understand him, Sometimes i question his love as he can't show emotions. When we have an issue, I'm always blamed , even when I haven't done anything wrong. He always thinks he's in the right whenever I try and talk to him about a situation. He turns it on me which is very frustrating. Thirdly I still live at home. My dad is an alcoholic Mum acts like a child rather than a mother. My mum has three kids full-time she was 21. Me being the middle one, i have two sisters an older one who my mum had at 15 and a yonger one my mum had at 20. My mum had me at 18. I feel like everytime i try and put boundaries in place, my parents don't listen. I'm constantly waking up with a pitting feeling in my chest as if someone one or something you're sitting on it. I've noticed I do traits of anxiety such as nail biting, skin picking ,scratching my hair alot , biting my inside of my mouth leading into mouth ulcers and when im anxious i go shy and rub my hands together or i'll scratch my skin. I feel like i'm constantly having so much pressure on me all the time,i bottle my emotions and then i burst out on loved ones. I want advice on what i should do? Should i see my GP about me possibly having anxiety or should i start counseling to help me get through everything. Sorry for long post. Just needing gudiance.

Worried about daughter's relationship

replies: 1

Hi all.My 25 year old daughter has been with her Bf since they left high school. He's a nice lad but he has issues. The pair of them have constantly been on and off in their relationship, with him always hurting her by ending it because he doesn't wa... View more

Hi all.My 25 year old daughter has been with her Bf since they left high school. He's a nice lad but he has issues. The pair of them have constantly been on and off in their relationship, with him always hurting her by ending it because he doesn't want to commit to the relationship. He is quite controlling and gets upset when she doesn't put him first. They have isolated themselves and neither of them have many physical local friends, they just have each other. When they are apart, she becomes her bubbly self again. When they are together I hardly hear from her. Long story short, they split up again recently and I had the same conversation with her about needing to set herself boundaries, put herself first, stop isolating herself from her friends because of him and to stop putting him first over everything and everyone else. Every time I have this conversation with her, she listens, gets it, then as soon as he gets lonely, one phone call and she is back with him again. She is addicted to this relationship. Ive been very supportive of them both in the past but now I am done. She has just messaged me to say they are back together again because he now realises that he has been an idiot and misses her and now wants to commit to marriage etc. I haven't replied yet, because I am so angry she has fallen for this crap once again. I don't know whether to just ignore this message, be polite and not say anything - silence says a lot right? or do I have it completely out with her and tell her exactly what is what at the risk of loosing her. They are both good kids really but they are terrible for each other. It's not just me that sees this, my husband and my daughters Dad see this too. advice would be great. Thanks.

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Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

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