Relationship and family issues

Marriage breakup + kids

replies: 928

Hi So my wife and I met in high school and have been together for 24 years, married for 14 years. Over the past 8 years or so (after second child, now was born, we have had some ups and downs. I would just sometimes have a go at her about random stuf... View more

Hi So my wife and I met in high school and have been together for 24 years, married for 14 years. Over the past 8 years or so (after second child, now was born, we have had some ups and downs. I would just sometimes have a go at her about random stuff; money, clothes or food. Then she would try and talk to me and I was too pigheaded and wouldn't really listen. Now the time has come where she has had enough and wants to sell our new and amazing house, separate into smaller houses/units and rent. We share the custody of our two kids. I am really scared about telling the kids and don't think I can be there for that process. They will be devastated. I have been trying to say sorry to my wife via emails, text, chatting, video montages and poems but she tells me to stop and that she doesn't love me anymore. She said as I keep hassling her about getting back together, she doesn't even like me and the thought of talking to me or seeing me makes her physically ill. She also said that because I am making her angry, the shared custody will be so much harder. I have been trying to show her over the past few weeks the new me. I have been calm, positive (as best I can in this situation) and more composed. I would sometimes shout at the kids for being silly but now I use a calm voice always (even when they test my patience). I haven't been sleeping much and not eating hardly at all for 5 days (lost 4.5kg), due to being nauseous and anxious. We have just communicated over email and she doesn't even want me to talk to her anymore or make dinner or hot drinks. I responded with I would like to keep doing it. I told her I still love her and apologise a lot for making her angry, when that is not my intention. I am really scared of not being with her anymore and not living her. I love her so much, even when she verbally attacks me and says she doesn't love me anymore. I can't rely on my parents as they are away and my wife and my parents never really got along. They kind of caused a lot of the tension and some of the reasons we fought. How am I going to get through this?

Unfaithful husband

replies: 4

I recently found out that my husband has been cheating again, this time he was on gay dating apps, he claims he isn’t gay in any way, he just wanted to try something different.I caught him cheating around 2 years ago on other dating apps. He had also... View more

I recently found out that my husband has been cheating again, this time he was on gay dating apps, he claims he isn’t gay in any way, he just wanted to try something different.I caught him cheating around 2 years ago on other dating apps. He had also been saving videos and photos of women, which is how he was caught, he accidentally showed me stuff when he was trying to show me something else. From there I found out that he had been sleeping with prostitutes as well. He worked away (truck driver) so he was able to do this on a regular basis. He also has an addiction to porn. After finding out about his recent cheating, he admitted to me that he had been regularly having sex with prostitutes in the first 5 years of us being together. I had found out about it earlier but he denied it and said my information was wrong, it clearly wasn’t.He has been verbally abusive towards me over the years, and has also been verbally abusive towards my older children from my previous marriage. His mother is also very abusive, she has abused myself and my older children multiple times. In recent times she has started to abuse my husband as well.We have 2 boys together 2 & 4, our youngest has health problems and I am unable to work, which is incredibly hard as I don’t have any support. My husband has also stolen money from me, I sold my car to rebuild my older car, and he spent it all behind my back. It was only when I went to use it, and was unable to that I discovered he had used it all without permission ($55,000) he was very angry at me at first for being upset about it, but after a little while he said he was sorry. He has put us in a financial mess because of his spending on prostitutes and other stupid things. After finding out about his latest cheating he say’s that it is like a light bulb has switched and he no longer has any desire to be with anyone but me and he will do whatever it takes to make me trust him and fall in love with him again, but how do I do that? How do I believe someone that was so quick to do the wrong thing to me in the first place? Can people change? He say’s he wants to be a better person, husband and father. Has anyone ever been through this or something similar and did they change, did things settle? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. He has also decided to block his mother from our lives because she has been so horrible towards all of us.

Partner says he doesnt think he can do this anymore

replies: 2

My husband said to me yesterday that he doesnt think he can do this anymore. He doesnt think he can move past the hurt. We have been in marriage counselling and both hurt each other over the years. I dont think we each have really let go of past hurt... View more

My husband said to me yesterday that he doesnt think he can do this anymore. He doesnt think he can move past the hurt. We have been in marriage counselling and both hurt each other over the years. I dont think we each have really let go of past hurts.I am a mess and feel broken. Just reaching out to others.. I dont have anyone to talk to.

From everything to nothing

replies: 3

Hi all, I hope you’re all doing well. A few months back, my then partner decided to call me out of the blue and end the relationship. Neither I nor any of the people I had in my life could expect it. From the outside we seemed like the perfect couple... View more

Hi all, I hope you’re all doing well. A few months back, my then partner decided to call me out of the blue and end the relationship. Neither I nor any of the people I had in my life could expect it. From the outside we seemed like the perfect couple, and I felt that was the case too. It turned out she’d been holding in some resentment about something that had happened literal months ago. Between then and the breakup, I’d made multiple deliberate reminders that she could always come to me to work out our problems and that I’d rather talk through something than let it push us apart. Despite my efforts, that’s exactly what ended up happening. It really sucks. It’s been a few months and I haven’t been able to get better or move on, and it’s impacting every part of my daily life, partly, I reckon, because she was connected to every part of my life. She was my everything… until she wasn’t. I’m really struggling with all this, and I’m being absolutely consumed by it all. I personally feel that if we’d been trying to work our way through this all and both felt like we couldn’t do anything, I’d feel better, but I never had the chance to fix it and I didn’t even know this issue was a problem until she’d already pulled the plug. I hate feeling like this and so I’ve tried everything I can do to get past this and get better: sleeping and eating right, exercising, socialising, keeping up hobbies, journaling, etc but I’m still stuck. I’ve never been through this before so I don’t know what to expect or how to get through this. After reading my ramble, what do you have to say? If you’ve bee theough something similar in the past, what do you wish someone had told you then? Much appreciated, thanks in advance for all your insight.

Feeling hopeless about moving my relationship forward due to complex issues with my family

replies: 3

I'm in my early twenties and about three years ago, I got into my first relationship. My partner is much older than me, which I am okay with. I come from a South Asian background, and cultural issues coupled with valid concerns from my family are aff... View more

I'm in my early twenties and about three years ago, I got into my first relationship. My partner is much older than me, which I am okay with. I come from a South Asian background, and cultural issues coupled with valid concerns from my family are affecting my relationship. It doesn't help that I still live with them. We met while I was living alone for uni. My family moved to my city from overseas, which was a long term plan for all of us. I didn't tell them we when we met because it was still new in every way, and I didn't have much to write home about. I'd been staying over at my now partner's an odd night here or there. I called my family nearly every day at the time. A few weeks after we met, I happened to pick up their call. They discovered I wasn't home but at a stranger's place, and they freaked out. On their insistence, I was dropped home that night. Shortly after, they somehow discovered my partner's number and sent them calls. It was alarming. When they arrived and my partner met them, they were open but distant. We didn't disclose the extent of the age gap, which they were uncomfortable with. When I moved back, I stopped staying over, which put a strain on a young relationship. It was unprecedented for my partner. Over the next year, it was difficult to negotiate developing our relationship. Christmas that year, my family discovered the extent of our age gap and since then they were insistent on meeting my partner, whom they'd message whenever I was out with my partner, in the middle of my fighting with them for me to stay over, and on odd weekends requesting a chat, which my partner declined due to discomfort with the way they discovered my partner's contact info, requesting my partner's full work details and home address. This was less than a year in. A personal matter was ensuing for my partner who was in grief at the time. This lack of honesty upfront, owing to fear and uncertainty, developed into major disapproval. My partner was polite and tolerant but would not concede to meet up, believing that my family would request us to separate, which one of my parents did indeed insist on a handful of times. So our second year together passed. In all this time I did not stay over with my partner.

Excessive empathy - leading to expectations

replies: 4

Empathy, to be considerate, to walk in their shoes is an amazing trait that my father taught me. To forecast how it would be like to go through someone elses situation is, I believe, one of my qualities and could be yours also because those with ment... View more

Empathy, to be considerate, to walk in their shoes is an amazing trait that my father taught me. To forecast how it would be like to go through someone elses situation is, I believe, one of my qualities and could be yours also because those with mental health issues are often sensitive, kind and reach out when others think twice. That makes you a great friend but if your empathy is excessive you also run the risk of smothering someone with love. Just as importantly these receivers likely wont have any chance of returning your high level of care, then it becomes a one sided friendship. In most cases one doesnt reach out to receive anything in return but being human when a real need appears, eg if you have depression or a family trauma you would assume that same person you've reached out for many years would be there for you right? To at least listen and some advice. Not necessarily. I'm 70yo and know from many years of experience that for me I'm far better off reducing my friendships to include only those that I know will be there for me. That's not the fault of the ones I've discarded, it's the fragile nature of my needs. To include a person as a friend that is one way, is to categorise that friendship wrongly, they're an acquaintance and as such I should not have the expectations of them as a "friend". I imagine this pigeon holing is automatic with the normal person but isnt with me and might not be with you. If it isnt and you have expectations of them as a friend you open yourself up to being hurt when the real need for support comes along. So what can you do? Limiting people classified as friends (those that will drop things to help you) is one thing that can help, this small circle might widen and contract but often it means you could count them on one hand. Also we with mental health issues can appear needy, we can overload people with issues they cannot visualise which could mean they dont have the capacity to relate, that can be frustrating and they'll pull away finding us "hard work". Finally, these people have their own issues, they too might have a stretched life helping others or why they cant offer support. That's why I included that a persons incapacity to help might not be their lack of empathy, they cant spread it far and wide. Empathy is the aces in a deck of cards. But for some the rest of the pack is just as important and thats ok, seek your support on this forum or professionally, not all are so empathetic... just different. Thoughts? TonyWK

Confused

replies: 2

HiI never write on here but i thought I would try and hope someone could help me I have been feeling very lost and lonely in my relationship my anxiety is back and I feel l don’t have a voice now and I get very angry. sometimes I just want to leave b... View more

HiI never write on here but i thought I would try and hope someone could help me I have been feeling very lost and lonely in my relationship my anxiety is back and I feel l don’t have a voice now and I get very angry. sometimes I just want to leave but the I don’t cos I care for my guy but he dose nothing for me we can have fun laugh and have the best time together but when l ask him to do things or not do thing he get very mean and say upsetting things to me puts me down but then the next day he forgets we been together for 6 years he has a gambling addiction and a substance addiction but I really don’t know what to do my head is telling me to stay and fix things. My heart is just confused.

Here I am again; regretting I moved.

replies: 3

In the last 18 months to 2 years, I have moved from A____ to M______, left the job that I loved, left my gorgeous little unit, left the meetings that I loved in A____ (in particular the women’s meeting), no longer cuddling with my Pippi puss at night... View more

In the last 18 months to 2 years, I have moved from A____ to M______, left the job that I loved, left my gorgeous little unit, left the meetings that I loved in A____ (in particular the women’s meeting), no longer cuddling with my Pippi puss at night because he doesn’t like it, reached menopause and probably the biggest thing in amongst all of that; I lost my Dad. He died one year ago on the 11th of this month. It’s been such a huge change and part of the issue lately, is that my partner seems to think that the gathering of weight around my middle is due to me being lazy. He hasn’t said those exact words, but he has certainly eluded to it. He just doesn’t get menopause at all. And I have been working TWO jobs lately. Going to the gym when I can, trying to keep the dog entertained by playing catch/fetch in the yard …. Because as much he ‘said’ “Yes I do” one time when I asked him if he has been walking the dog, I don’t believe that he is. In fact my partner, it seems, has little to NO empathy and NO patience whatsoever. I do not feel supported or understood by him at all. And his tone of voice is set on ‘cranky, defensive and irritated’ 24/7. He’s never happy about anything and doesn’t celebrate anything at all. And I have achieved a lot! Not just with getting work here in this tiny little community, but with my art and writing also. He just doesn’t give a hoot about that though. There’s barely anything at all that impresses him. As much as I hate to admit it, I am not enjoying living here and I think OFTEN about moving back to Albury. I had hoped that, by now, after having lived together for more than a year now, we would both be more 'adjusted' to the idea and be more content, but that does not seem to be the case. Also, he retired at the end of last year and that too has been a big adjustment for him. But he doesn't talk about how he feels about that either. He seems so focussed on every little thing that he can find is 'wrong' in his eyes. I keep praying for some sort of change ...... I just don't know how to get out of this rut without someone being hurt. I feel so stuck and sad.

My Wife is an Alcoholic

replies: 2

Hello this is my first time in any forum.I've been married for 12 years now and my wife has been drinking almost everyday for the last 9 years. We have a daughter that's 11yrs old and she's been exposed to all that happens with her drinking with gett... View more

Hello this is my first time in any forum.I've been married for 12 years now and my wife has been drinking almost everyday for the last 9 years. We have a daughter that's 11yrs old and she's been exposed to all that happens with her drinking with getting yelled at for no reason at all. When my wife is on the drink she gets angry and can get violent at times, her mental health is quite bad where she gets herself in a state and randomly screams and yells things out of nowhere. Whenever I am around or not she will always blame me for making her life miserable. I have had to call an ambulance on about three occasions. The first time was when drank too much to the point of unconsciousness. Straight to hospital - long story short she was very very close to death. The other times were less serious. In the mornings she is fine and normal, I try to chat to her about the drinking but she doesn't say much and acknowledges what's happened, yet she will make up an excuse to go out (need to buy something from the shops) and get her alcohol. She will always hide her drinking until I find it to which straight away empty it down the sink. I will not tolerate any alcohol in the house with my daughter around. We have seen the doctor about her problem and she had been put on depression medication but that only lasted a couple of days and back to square one. Her mum and brother have had enough of her problems and don't want to deal with it any more. Her mum will always be there to talk but that's it. Won't spend the time to be around and help her through this. I am living in a state where I have no family support for myself and is all alone with this problem to which makes it more difficult for me to deal with.

Older step children issues

replies: 8

Hi everyone,I have been a step mother to my husband's two daughters for nearly ten years and things still aren't great between myself and them. They are aged 21 and 18. When I first started a relationship with their Dad, they were aged 8 and 11 and w... View more

Hi everyone,I have been a step mother to my husband's two daughters for nearly ten years and things still aren't great between myself and them. They are aged 21 and 18. When I first started a relationship with their Dad, they were aged 8 and 11 and we got along pretty well for about the first two years. They clung to me quite quickly, as their Mum had mental health issues, so we had the girls full-time for the first four years. Things started to go downhill when the eldest girl turned about 14 and then also started to have more contact again with her Mum. The eldest girl went back to live with her Mum at this time, as she didn't like Dad's rules and then we continued to have the younger daughter until about two years ago. Their Mum remarried a man that is wealthier than us, so both girls went back there so they could get on the money train of overseas holidays and having anything they want.We don't have a lot of money, so we can't give them these things, but I have always showed them love and support, but I can see they really don't care about me.At times they can be nice to me, but it is short lived and I am mostly still met with one word answers to any questions I ask them (e.g. how is Uni going? how is your boyfriend going? etc) and they leave me out of conversations and only include their Dad. I just still feel that they don't respect me and it is getting to the point of them showing their rudeness to me that my parents and other people are noticing their behaviour. I bring it up with my husband, but he just says that I take their behaviour towards me as being too personal and to just ignore it.It really upsets me, to the point that, I think it will come between me and my husband.I don't know what to do. Is it bad of me to ask my husband that I don't want them to come over to our house very often?Thank you for any advice

Pinned discussions

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

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All discussions

Marriage breakup + kids

replies: 928

Unfaithful husband

replies: 4

Partner says he doesnt think he can do this anymore

replies: 2

From everything to nothing

replies: 3

Feeling hopeless about moving my relationship forward due to complex issues with my family

replies: 3

Excessive empathy - leading to expectations

replies: 4

Confused

replies: 2

Here I am again; regretting I moved.

replies: 3

My Wife is an Alcoholic

replies: 2

Older step children issues

replies: 8

Relationship and family issues

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about replies: 0

Marriage breakup + kids replies: 928

Unfaithful husband replies: 4

Partner says he doesnt think he can do this anymore replies: 2

From everything to nothing replies: 3

Feeling hopeless about moving my relationship forward due to complex issues with my family replies: 3

Excessive empathy - leading to expectations replies: 4

Confused replies: 2

Here I am again; regretting I moved. replies: 3

My Wife is an Alcoholic replies: 2

Older step children issues replies: 8

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

Marriage breakup + kids

replies: 928

Unfaithful husband

replies: 4

Partner says he doesnt think he can do this anymore

replies: 2

From everything to nothing

replies: 3

Feeling hopeless about moving my relationship forward due to complex issues with my family

replies: 3

Excessive empathy - leading to expectations

replies: 4

Confused

replies: 2

Here I am again; regretting I moved.

replies: 3

My Wife is an Alcoholic

replies: 2

Older step children issues

replies: 8