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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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beyond_confused Found my partners hidden Viagra and currently loosing my mind over it!
  • replies: 3

Has anyone ever found a secret stash their partners sexual enhancement pills in their partners cupboard? Did you ask them about it straight away or did you wait to see when the next time they used one to see if it was with you or someone else? I felt... View more

Has anyone ever found a secret stash their partners sexual enhancement pills in their partners cupboard? Did you ask them about it straight away or did you wait to see when the next time they used one to see if it was with you or someone else? I felt something was off yesterday so I searched for answers and I found them hidden, there's currently three pills missing and I'm loosing my mind as to what to do about it. Any tips or advice would be great... thank you!!!

Goofy Porn addicted husband spent 22k on prostitutes
  • replies: 2

5 years ago I found out my partner of 20 years has a 35+ year porn addiction and had seen 2 prostitutes. Despite evidence he denied he had seen them, said he just booked them but couldn't go. That there were only were these 2. He then proceeded to th... View more

5 years ago I found out my partner of 20 years has a 35+ year porn addiction and had seen 2 prostitutes. Despite evidence he denied he had seen them, said he just booked them but couldn't go. That there were only were these 2. He then proceeded to threaten to kill himself despite it being me that had been treated appallingly. We had councelling. He lied all through it. Never admitted what happened. A couple of years later I was fed up with no progress. I said get help or I'm leaving. He went to a counsellor. He NEVER mentioned his sex issue in therapy. I found out that he had spent over 22 thousand on prostitutes and continued to see them the whole time he was supposed to be dealing with his issues in therapy. He lied to me, his own therapist, and in couples therapy. He still said he never went to visit them. Later he said he visited 1 but never had sex. All he has ever done is lie and not address the issue. I had enough. Last we I asked him to move out. For a trial separation. If he doesn't work on this in therapy it will be permanent. My therapist and friends think that as he's had over 20 years of not going to therapy when asked it doesn't seem likely he will now. I agree. Unfortunately his behaviour has greatly contributed to mental health decline for me. I have severe stress, anxiety and depression. My therapist recommends I get a job because she's seen it so many times that husbands just disappear leaving partners penniless. I have been out of the workforce for over 18 years raising kids. I can't seem to get a job. My anxiety is so bad I can't even drive right now. I feel like I need time to sort out my mental health now he's gone but I can't afford to take that time because I could end up homeless at any point (he has engineered it so EVERYTHING is in his name) I have no assets, no employment references and I'm sure you've seen the rental market right now. So what yo do? I need recovery time but I need work. Anxiety makes it impossible to get work, not having work makes anxiety worse.

Guest_23347732 Husband cant regulate his emotions and is negative and sometimes verbally abusive
  • replies: 2

Been married for over 18 years and to cut to the chase my husband is someone who I feel like I'm constantly walking on egg shells in case I say or do something that triggers him to fly into a rage or become quite rude towards me and my family. He's h... View more

Been married for over 18 years and to cut to the chase my husband is someone who I feel like I'm constantly walking on egg shells in case I say or do something that triggers him to fly into a rage or become quite rude towards me and my family. He's had some counselling over the years and has gotten better in the past 4 or so years despite this he still has periods of time where he is quite irrational in his emotions and it is now impacting my teenage daughter. Just when he seems to be calmer and in control (usually lasts anywhere from 3-6 weeks) he then has periods 1-2 weeks where he is so negative, angry and sometimes verbally abusive. He has upset my teenage daughter several times when driving her to school. She approached the school councilor and despite thinking we might actually get some additional help via the school interjecting (to say his actions are impacting my daughter) they decided not to get involved and referred me to an organisation who contacted me telling me how to escape the marriage a. This wasn't what I needed. As there is no physical abuse and 80% of the time my husband is okay I've endured the relationship. My daughter is entering year 11 and I do not what to separate at this time as I know the huge impact it would have on her life. I'd much rather see out the next 2 years then make a decision. Is there anything in the meantime that can assist me and my daughter? Perhaps family counselling - I feel my husband needs a professional to tell him straight that his inability to regulate his emotions is harming our daughter and myself. When I suggest this he gas lights me and makes me feel like I'm to blame!

Guest_27548865 Social
  • replies: 1

I think I am a very nice and approachable person. I have friends, but I never go out with them. I reach out from time to time, and if they ask for help, I always go above and beyond to help sort things out. My coworkers often ask me to go out with th... View more

I think I am a very nice and approachable person. I have friends, but I never go out with them. I reach out from time to time, and if they ask for help, I always go above and beyond to help sort things out. My coworkers often ask me to go out with them, but as much as I want to have deep connections with people, I always end up saying no. How should I connect with people? I really want to change but I don’t know where to start…

Guest_55359737 Please help me leave my marriage
  • replies: 1

How do I leave? What is the process and what happens to the children? Especially when one parent is threatening to take them off the other. How can I make this split amicably?I am enduring abuse, emotionally and mentally. I need a therapist. But I am... View more

How do I leave? What is the process and what happens to the children? Especially when one parent is threatening to take them off the other. How can I make this split amicably?I am enduring abuse, emotionally and mentally. I need a therapist. But I am not sure what kind. I feel like I will just cry at them the entire time.What financial aid is available to single parents in NSW ? I earn an ok wage, but things are so expensive atm I feel financially stuck here.My husband is an angry person at the best of times. He blames me for everything, he berates me like a child. He claims he is a 'traditionalist' this just means that I, as the woman cleans and does everything. As well as work my 40+ hours a week job. I have many reasons I want to leave that i believe would be legit reasons anyone would leave. But I am worried that he will paint me as crazy. That is how he makes me feel. I am in desperate need for help. How did you do it?

Guest_00962104 I dont know what to do anymore.
  • replies: 1

My partner and I have been together almost 6 years. I love her so much, we have the same friends and she fits into my family so great. This past year my mental health has been extremely low due to a lot of factors. I have always been one to say “once... View more

My partner and I have been together almost 6 years. I love her so much, we have the same friends and she fits into my family so great. This past year my mental health has been extremely low due to a lot of factors. I have always been one to say “once a cheater always a cheater”, and I have never and thought that I would never be one to do such a thing. But I did. I felt disgusting, awful and full of guilt after and the guilt was just growing in me everyday, I couldnt bring myself to tell her. She found out by reading some old texts and it was absolutely heart breaking seeing the pain I have caused to her. We’ve talked about it and she wants to work on our relationship and so do I. I have taken full blame and responsibility for what I have done. Im in therapy currently but each day I feel as though Im about to break, I feel like im a bad person and I dont deserve the love she gives me. I feel like I cant breathe, I feel like Im being smothered and I just want to be alone. I dont want her to think I dont love her anymore, because I still do very much. We argue and fight and she brings it up all the time(I know, shes grieving and allowed to) I’ve lost myself, Im not independant, I dont see my friends(she didnt like me hanging out with other, even before I cheated) I just want to get myself right first and start loving me again so I can return the love for her that she deserves. Yet I feel that she thinks Im going to abandon her or break up or cheat on her again(I understand her feeling this way, because of what I did). I just want to fix me because I dont want us to end up hating eachother. Im just at a point where everything I do feels wrong. And I dont get joy in anything anymore. I want this relationship but I also want to be alone. I dont know what to do anymore. Also please dont come for me about cheating, I already feel low enough.

Phantom68 I just want to hide !
  • replies: 1

Hello. First timer and all the conversations running through my mind are so hard to type. Not sure where to start. Quite a few issues going on all at once. In my teens Family sexual interference. 1st real romance broke my heart age 17-22. New Marriag... View more

Hello. First timer and all the conversations running through my mind are so hard to type. Not sure where to start. Quite a few issues going on all at once. In my teens Family sexual interference. 1st real romance broke my heart age 17-22. New Marriage at 24 ended due to violence and unfaithful husband , divorced at 26.now in 2nd marriage Not sure how I feel about my 26 years, but still here after we did separate for 6months ….mourning 3 lost baby’s. We have 1 only child now 24 and 3 older step children. Only child now been chronic suicidal for 10yrs. I’m now drowning in my own guilt and self hate I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to hold down a full time job to help support us, through tough times. I now have found friendship in another man who 3 yrs ago said he would support me but as usual he has slower started to fade away. It’s almost like I’m a stranger again. My head is mash potato can’t think or concentrate at anytime if the day. Just on autopilot it seems. This all won’t make sense but at least I have got it out there. I’m just lost in my own head. not knowing how to deal with what’s next. All I want to do is hide

Guest_70028286 My mum might be a hypocrite
  • replies: 2

Hi, this is my first time using Beyond Blue so forgive me if I get something wrong. I have fights with my mum a lot because we're both super headstrong and stubborn. A lot of the time she'll do or say something to me that she can't stand me doing or ... View more

Hi, this is my first time using Beyond Blue so forgive me if I get something wrong. I have fights with my mum a lot because we're both super headstrong and stubborn. A lot of the time she'll do or say something to me that she can't stand me doing or saying to her, and it doesn't sit with me right. I tried bringing it up, asking how she would feel if I said that stuff to her etc, but she says that since I don't work full time and I'm still just a kid I have no idea what she goes through so it's ok for her to say that stuff. She might be right but it still doesn't make it ok and I can't talk to her about it without getting shut down. And respect should go both ways and everything. Thoughts?

Not Single dad, imploding
  • replies: 2

I’m on my own with my two boys, youngest is slightly developmentally delayed and eldest is nonverbal severe asd. I am so angry and resentful about my divorce and how I can’t be there as much as possible for my kids, and when I am there I feel frustra... View more

I’m on my own with my two boys, youngest is slightly developmentally delayed and eldest is nonverbal severe asd. I am so angry and resentful about my divorce and how I can’t be there as much as possible for my kids, and when I am there I feel frustrated and aren’t doing the best I can do, and am imploding. I work as a teacher and it’s affecting my work and relationships in all facets of my life. Going to psych isn’t helping, training isn’t helping, meds aren’t helping…any other suggestions as I’m at my wits end

MidnightThinker People don’t like spending time with me
  • replies: 2

So I’m 29 and keep coming to the same realisation as each year passes - I have no real friends. I have some acquaintances, sure, but no actual friends that I talk to on a somewhat regular basis or that want to hang out with me. I posted months ago ab... View more

So I’m 29 and keep coming to the same realisation as each year passes - I have no real friends. I have some acquaintances, sure, but no actual friends that I talk to on a somewhat regular basis or that want to hang out with me. I posted months ago about how no one asks how I am, which is still 100% the case. I can’t help but feel like there has to be something wrong with me - I must be the problem because I’m the only common denominator. I just don’t understand what is so off putting about me or I would fix it. I’m completely alone even when I’m surrounded by people and it sucks. I’m getting close to accepting that this is my life, that no one likes me and they never will. No one really knows me at all because they never care enough to get to know me. As I said in my last post, when I ask how someone is, they never ask me the same question - that’s how bad it really is and I’m not even exaggerating. How do I cope with this reality? I’ve officially given up on trying as of this moment because it honestly hurts a little less than continuing to kid myself into thinking that anyone besides my partner could possibly give a rats behind about me and my unfortunate existence in the world. How do I move on without feeling so worthless?