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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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blues23 Confused
  • replies: 7

I have no idea how to handle this my family member who I’ve mentioned before as kinda I guess it could be considered low contact as in they are avoiding me and my child but are leaving gifts in my doorstep, lying to me about not wanting gifts for the... View more

I have no idea how to handle this my family member who I’ve mentioned before as kinda I guess it could be considered low contact as in they are avoiding me and my child but are leaving gifts in my doorstep, lying to me about not wanting gifts for their children then turning up with 200$ of Easter eggs and telling me they wernt getting us any beforehand, sending me into a tizzy because I wanted to get their kids eggs and we both agreed not to the most recent thing is my family member is asking what my child wants for their birthday ( the precursor is oh target is having a toy day” they just heard about that sale has been on for 3 weeks) lol my child has told me numerous times that they don’t want anything from this family member because they have hurt my child’s feelings calling them a cow and blocking them out of seeing their cousins, i know this tactic of my family member is called hoovering but im really not sure how to manage it i know my child doesn’t want gifts on the back door step I also know that my child Says they don’t want a present from them .. I find these things so triggering I’m trying not to react and be like well going the same tactic my family has used on me which is to ignore or say I don’t know what my kid wants… it’s all so weird and completely confusing , another development is the family member left a birthday card in my letterbox thanking me for all I do ???? I haven’t seen this avoider for 6 months and I wonder why like why are they up to ? Also family member left birthday present in my back door step at 9:30 at night I’ve bearly opened thembecause I’m like who actually puts presents on peoples back doors steps I find the whole thing extremely hurtful and weird

Annie_03 Want to move out but have manipulative parents
  • replies: 3

Last year, I was working on my relationship with my mum. We were getting better after years of a bad relationship with each other. But around end of that year, she really invaded my privacy by reading my diary. She read all my diaries. I journal a lo... View more

Last year, I was working on my relationship with my mum. We were getting better after years of a bad relationship with each other. But around end of that year, she really invaded my privacy by reading my diary. She read all my diaries. I journal a lot, as recommended by my psychologist. So I have a lot of thoughts in there. Obviously after reading everything, she was furious. I decided to move out right that week but got talked out of it by my cousins who told me not to avoid the situation and not act impulsively. So I faced it, and I took her out to dinner and sorted things. My dad however, we haven’t talked after that whole ordeal because even the thought of me moving out is so against “our culture”. He told me he would drag me out of the house I would’ve move out to and drag me back home. I’m nearly 23 by the way. I have always wanted to eventually move anyway. Whether or not my relationship with my parents is good or not, they still have their strictness and olden day thinking and I grew up differently. I just want to live my life. Moving out for me is now more than just a privacy reason but also because I feel like I do not know how to be an adult. Yes I have a full time job but I barely know any life skills. And I know for a fact if I don’t move out then I will never grow as an adult because my parents will constantly be like “come home by this time” or “no don’t do that” or “it’s not in our culture” which I am *so sick* of hearing. I just want this burden lifted off my shoulders. I don’t want to walk on eggshells every time I’m around my mum because she changes her mood every few minutes. I don’t want to live around my dad because he’s just so so toxic. I want to finally be happy and content. What do you suggest I do?

Vikjeet Life
  • replies: 1

Hi there my life is in really bad situation at the moment wont ongoing issues in relationship with my wife. I have twins who are overseas with my wife and my wife won’t let me talk to them and is arguing with me allthe time. She doesn’t respect me pa... View more

Hi there my life is in really bad situation at the moment wont ongoing issues in relationship with my wife. I have twins who are overseas with my wife and my wife won’t let me talk to them and is arguing with me allthe time. She doesn’t respect me parents and always scares me she will take the kids away if I ever did anything I am so much stressed and been thinking about some nasty stuff how can I overcome this please?

Sans89 My partner developed a paranoid personality disorder
  • replies: 1

I have been with my partner officially for 6 months, but we knew each other for around 2 years. When I met him at first, he was great and the most loving person in the world, but I couldn't enter in a relationship at first, due to a previous break up... View more

I have been with my partner officially for 6 months, but we knew each other for around 2 years. When I met him at first, he was great and the most loving person in the world, but I couldn't enter in a relationship at first, due to a previous break up that left me with several trust issues. He demonstrated his unconditional love for me for almost 1.5 year, when I felt finally ready to start something with him. We are in a long distance relationship, and he agreed on this situation at first, we are both people that like experiencing things and we didn't need much physical contact. We started talking a lot about his past, about his problems, and he was so glad to talk to me as I was the first person he opened with in his life. Few weeks ago, out of the blue, he started experiencing some very deep paranoic thoughts. He broke up with me out of the blue, he started accusing me of every possible thing. Then he became lucid again for few days and he was deeply sorry. I tried to tell him that I wanted to support him, but he had to go to get some medical help. He booked himself a session to the psychologist that he recommended him going to a psychiatrist. I was very happy and proud of him asking for help. Than the situation worsened very rapidly. He started to call me, saying very confusing things, accusing me that I don't work for real, I don't care about him, that I manipulated him and so on. I contacted some friends in common that are located in his city to check on him, and this made the things worse. He got so angry, he said next time he will beat the shit out of them. He doesn't need to be checked on. Then he started mentioning about some very tiny details that happened more than one year ago, that a normal person wouldn't even remember, saying things like 'you used sex to manipulate me', that I made him feel so bad for some very tiny things I did, that now he understands everything. I feel it's not him talking, but his illness. He refuses to get help at the moment. Also he lives in a different country, he has no family support, no medical insurance, nothing. I am struggling to understand what to do. I deeply love him, but I am his worst enemy at the moment. I have to accept that the person I knew is dead. I feel so frustrated because I feel I lost the love of my life due to his traumatic childhood. He asked me to go back to him and bring him to the psychiatrist. I am very confused on what to do. I feel I have two choices: going back and dedicate myself to him, abandoning my life and my dreams or to abandon him to his problems. I need some help please. Thank you

Daisyblue Boyfriend with ROCD broke up with me, but I’m not sure if that’s the reason or something else/
  • replies: 1

Recently my bf of a year broke up with me for multiple not exactly clear reasons, and I’ve been left trying to understand. He claimed that “we had no spark, our conversation was boring” and “he feels he is too young to be tied down.” He never told me... View more

Recently my bf of a year broke up with me for multiple not exactly clear reasons, and I’ve been left trying to understand. He claimed that “we had no spark, our conversation was boring” and “he feels he is too young to be tied down.” He never told me about these feelings properly until the day he broke up with me, but he still clearly cared and seemed so torn in his decision, said he still loved me cried for me hugged me. I want to work through things with him, but I don’t want to invade personal space after we broke things off. I understand these could be legitimate feelings but it sucks that he won’t try work through them with me, and I do wonder if it is ROCD even though he seems to thinks it’s not, despite having rocd in multiple other aspects of our relationship. I wish I could try again and message him tell him how I feel…

Nyxy Relationship breakdown with son - red flags ahead
  • replies: 1

My 26 year old son is planning to marry into a family of felons and fraudsters. I have been a Sole parent to my son - life seemed good for us until he reached 15 years old . He chose friends I didn’t approve and by 17 he was drinking alcohol and usin... View more

My 26 year old son is planning to marry into a family of felons and fraudsters. I have been a Sole parent to my son - life seemed good for us until he reached 15 years old . He chose friends I didn’t approve and by 17 he was drinking alcohol and using recreational drugs. He has struggled with self esteem and has zero self worth. I lost the ability to communicate or have any control . I appreciate my faults in not setting the firm boundaries partly from guilt that he was a fatherless and only child . He finished high school and amazingly completed a degree- that he has not used . He stated working for a family run restaurant at age 20 -the owner seemed to really care about him and he became the male role model my son never had.my son by this time my son had 2 dui and lost his licence for 4 years . I accept that this man helped my son get off the drugs and at the time showed genuine care. The red flags started about two years in when I could see he was grooming my son to marry his daughter ( 4 years older ) and encouraged him not to leave the business to fledge a career of his own . My son took easy street and stayed with the restaurant . Then the owner was either not paying him (cash flow probs ) and started asking him for money. Three years in I learnt that this man had been in jail a few years before for embezzling $7 mill and had had a hit on him. Not a nice guy - regardless of my reservations my son has stuck by them and our relationship has deteriorated into nothing more than a hotel which he come and goes from occasionally, with little more than a hello and goodbye. They have sucked him dry of any money complete financial abuse I suspect totalling $150 k plus , he spent $20k on an engagement ( he earns $30 an hour) yet they all live a life of fancy dinners and excessive spending. He is now marrying the girl, obscenely massive wedding of which I was expected to pay more than my share- reluctantly I offered $25k . Last week I had a call from my son desperately asking for $35k needed immediately as the father is in debt to his eyeballs ( btw the restaurant has been bombed twice) . I gave the money caveat if not repaid then consider it my wedding contribution and the father owes me $10k. I have not had acknowledgment from the family and have not heard or seen my son since I paid them. I know there will be future requests that I’m not prepared to give. My son will manipulate with likely outcome that it will be my fault if the wedding can’t proceed. All I want is for my son is to see what I see … I have zero joy about the wedding or his future . . This family has convinced him that I have never been there for him and that’s why he took drugs bla bla . I own that I was emotionally distant at times ( I drank a lot of wine back then but I was never abusive and he had everything on a plate)I worked in a senior position travelled a few times a year which he now says I abandoned him for my job - that same job that provided a home and private education and a nest egg for my retirement . Money that I know the father thinks he is entitled to “ borrow “ from what do I do next . And how do I manage the fallout and likely estrangement emotionally …

S1lver Back again, still haven't figured everything out
  • replies: 1

I (19M) posted a while back about getting broken up with, losing myself, and going on to use drugs as my outlet. Its been about 4-5 months since the relationship ended, in my previous post I talked about breaking no contact and how it affected me mor... View more

I (19M) posted a while back about getting broken up with, losing myself, and going on to use drugs as my outlet. Its been about 4-5 months since the relationship ended, in my previous post I talked about breaking no contact and how it affected me more than I thought it would. All the support and love I received on my last post was absolutely amazing, and I thank everyone for their kind words of support.Unfortunately since I posted, things from my point of view haven't changed much. As I am typing this it will be my first day without marijuana since the breakup, I have also unblocked my ex on all platforms, with no incentive to break no contact in the slightest. I have since been put on 2 forms of sleep medication, yet I have still been struggling.I am completing university, currently in my second year. For this, I have moved 5 hours away from home, and whilst the university life isn't bad in the slightest, I'm finding it hard to deal with my issues as I feel I don't really have good friends to talk to here like I do back home. I have still been immensely struggling when it comes to the thought of my ex, I haven't broken down or cried or anything, but I have had my fair share of sad days staying in my room for hours on end. I have tried to think logically about this, and have even tried to log what I am feeling but nothing is changing what's going on inside my head. No matter what I do, or how hard I try, I can never get the image of her or the memories I have about her out of my head.There are still so many things I wish I could have done differently during the relationship as I was by no means the greatest boyfriend, but my mind is still caught on the fact that I was the one blamed for a lot of the problems during the relationship, despite making major sacrifices and dealing with unfair treatment all the time. I just really don't want the relationship in my head anymore, I really want to move on and try and enjoy my life and time at uni, but I am finding it extremely hard and taxing and I'm not sure what to do anymore.

dogloverr My life is a mess right now and i dont know what to do
  • replies: 4

Hi, it took me a long time to write here,i dont even know where to start, i just feel helpless and feel like there's no one i can openly talk to.Long story short, i met my husband online, i moved countries for him, left my family,and we had a long di... View more

Hi, it took me a long time to write here,i dont even know where to start, i just feel helpless and feel like there's no one i can openly talk to.Long story short, i met my husband online, i moved countries for him, left my family,and we had a long distance relationship for over 6 years, being a total of 10 years together(we have no kids). Not even gonna mention all the money that he spent to finally get me here.The thing is he was never clear on how the living arrangements were going to be, my goal was to get a job when my visa allowed me, and work work work and build a life together, just like a normal couple. Another long story short, we now have a mortgage that me, his brother and his brother's partner are included, and we all live in the same house. On his brothers part, he has 3 kids, his mum, and also my husbands daughter (from his past relationship). Theres 9 people living in the house and i hate being here everyday.I have so much resentment build up, that sometimes i just spend the whole day in my room, my only safe place. Every day i feel like i hate everyone, and i dont want to talk to them, sometimes i get my dog and walk for hours and i dont even feel like coming back.Its very messy, like disgusting messy, theres no boundaries, kids come sleepover all the time, theres no limits.Everyone work everyday and when i have a day off, they expect me to watch their kids, pick up, drop off from school.His brother barely look after his kids because everyone else in the house do it for him.His youngest is now 4 years, and hes autistic and addicted to screens, he screams all day and if you stop watching he starts smearing poop all over the couch or the walls for example.I did so much for them in the past, i also work so much and now i just feel like im burnout.My husband keep saying this wont last forever and we gonna sell this house in 5 years. I dont know if i can last that long. This place has a very weird family dynamic where the brothers dont talk to each other, even my brother in law dont talk to me. I feel like i have no connection, all i wanted was to have my own quiet and clean place to live with him and my dog.People come and go in this house everyday and i just feel like i dont belong here. Sometimes i think i was happpier living in my home country with my simple life, my family, my freedom.I forgot to mention i was diagnosed with PMDD, so when it hits its pretty bad.I dont know if im being a horrible person, please share your thoughts.

tronic Need someone to talk to
  • replies: 2

My partner left me last year and I’ve been depressed ever since. I’m in Melbourne and need someone to talk to.

My partner left me last year and I’ve been depressed ever since. I’m in Melbourne and need someone to talk to.

ashley___ Scared
  • replies: 1

So I have been thinking about wanting to do game art/design for the past two years now, however i havent told my parents about it yet because im scared. im scared of how theyll react, im scared that they wont support or at least accept me for this. b... View more

So I have been thinking about wanting to do game art/design for the past two years now, however i havent told my parents about it yet because im scared. im scared of how theyll react, im scared that they wont support or at least accept me for this. but ive told everyone else (all of my friends, even my favourite teacher) about wanting to do this and they all support and encourage me. but what if i dont get the same from my parents? im not really open with them too so this is really scary for me.I just used to lie to them about not knowing what uni course i want to take, but lately ive been lying/telling them that im thinking about doing an art related course, but again they keep talking about demand, which is just making me more afraid to tell them as im not sure if game artists are even in demand. i feel so bad as im able to tell the truth to everyone else so easily, however when it comes to my own parents ive just been lying.I know they are just worried about my future and i know i have to tell them eventually, but my fear is stopping me and i dont know what to do anymore.

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