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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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boopeedoo Feeling like the unpaid live-in manager and therapist for my housemate
  • replies: 2

I’m carrying the mental load of maintaining our household and I’m becoming increasingly resentful. My housemate and I have lived together for 7 years. Over time I’ve realised I’m usually the one who notices, tracks, organises and maintains things. Ex... View more

I’m carrying the mental load of maintaining our household and I’m becoming increasingly resentful. My housemate and I have lived together for 7 years. Over time I’ve realised I’m usually the one who notices, tracks, organises and maintains things. Examples:I track when our kitchen tap and shower filters need changing and I change them.I run the drum clean for the washing machine every 2-3 weeks. I’ve been the only one doing it since we bought the machine 2 years ago. A light flashes when it's needed and I even put a note on the machine saying “Drum clean needed when light on.” Nothing changed.I was usually the one putting the bins out, so one week I stopped. That was the week they didn’t go out.I recently raised this with her. She apologised and said she’d keep on top of it, but then the drum clean light was flashing while she was doing laundry and she still didn’t run it. The next day I had to run it before I could wash my clothes. It’s not just chores, I’ve also become the default manager. I organised utilities/internet when we moved. I calculate bills and what we each owe every month. I’m usually the one navigating when we go places. When household problems come up, I’m the one who notices and deals with them. On top of everything, she vents constantly about work, coworkers and whatever has annoyed her that day. This has become exhausting. When I sit in the shared living area hoping to watch a movie or have a relaxed evening, it often turns into her venting for ages. I’m under a lot of stress myself, but talking to her rarely makes me feel supported. It feels like I’m being used as a therapist and a house manager. I’ve started avoiding shared spaces because I feel so drained and resentful. I think we'd probably get along better if we didn’t live together. I actually looked into moving on my own last year, but my financial position doesn't allow it. I feel very stuck. I'd love to move into my own place, but that isn't a possibility right now. I've tried stepping back from some things, hoping she would take more initiative, but that hasn't happened. I don't think she's malicious, but I do feel like I've spent years compensating for things she doesn't notice or think about. The result is that I'm now carrying A LOT of resentment. I feel drained, trapped, and irritated by everything she does. All I can think of when she's here is that I wish she'd just LEAVE.

Guest_33788042 Leave or stay
  • replies: 3

Any advice, please. He holidays with his mates, overseas and here in Australia, they go motorcycling together. He goes out to lunch with them, he drinks with them, yes we talk and have an afternoon drink. I think he has never initiated a holiday, rar... View more

Any advice, please. He holidays with his mates, overseas and here in Australia, they go motorcycling together. He goes out to lunch with them, he drinks with them, yes we talk and have an afternoon drink. I think he has never initiated a holiday, rarely takes me out, is not remotely interested in doing anything I'm interested in, if I suggest going to something He will often reply, go on off you go then. No kids, married 45 years, he raced motorbikes, if his mates were involved I was excluded. He would give my sailing position away on our yacht, like I didn't matter, and now has a skiff style boat too small for me. I have craft, tennis, a vegetable garden, love bush walks and being outdoors, he's not remotely interested in any of these and whatever I suggest he shows no enthusiasm. I don't think that I can handle any more rejection.

Guest_32272477 My adult son has wiped me from his life
  • replies: 1

I’m a grown woman remarried & 3 children and 2 grandchildren . I’ve lost a grown child 8yrs ago & have 1 with very bad mental health issues who lives with us . My children suffered childhood trauma from their father ‘ my ex ‘ my oldest son has 2 chil... View more

I’m a grown woman remarried & 3 children and 2 grandchildren . I’ve lost a grown child 8yrs ago & have 1 with very bad mental health issues who lives with us . My children suffered childhood trauma from their father ‘ my ex ‘ my oldest son has 2 children & a partner who has never liked me . I’ve been a very good mother and a wife & have tried to love her and be nice and have always put them first . My daughter was ill for over 20 yrs before passing . I’ve tried with my daughter in law but I know my son has tried begged done everything he could to keep her happy. They came to my house last yr and my daughter in law was really off and it felt really wrong . I was in the dark … long story but I asked them to leave when I heard her talking negatively to my 8 yr old GD about me . I asked them all to leave .. my son has since separated from her & she’s being very toxic about my whole family . She has shouted and screamed and hit me over the years and I’ve always forgiven her ‘ no apology of course ‘ but I love them and always see the best in her knowing she has problems . My son refuses to talk to me now and in a very bad mediation with her . I feel sick that he has cut me out . It’s coming up to a year since they were here . I’m so trapped in thinking he’s blaming me for a failed relationship .. or angry with us both ? I only ever stood up for myself and put in boundaries . Please someone help me …

Guest_23898152 What is wrong with us.
  • replies: 2

I am so upset with my husband I have two small children and ive never truly felt supported. The most recent issue relates to how he treats me....he has sworn at me on multiple occasions, today he called me a miserable pos. Infront of my small childre... View more

I am so upset with my husband I have two small children and ive never truly felt supported. The most recent issue relates to how he treats me....he has sworn at me on multiple occasions, today he called me a miserable pos. Infront of my small children. I simply said we were going to be late if we dont hurry up and tidy up bbreakfast.I am constantly baffled about how he speaks to me and wonder what happened to him to believe is okay to do that. When he speaks to me like this I often walk away and cry because I don't want to get upset in front of the children. I so am embarrassed about his he speaks to me. I've told him many times that I dont like it and it upsets me and its not okay and how would he feel if someone spoke to our daughter that way. And it falls on deaf ears. He tells me I've been in a bad mood for months ever since he last told me to eff off. Naturally ive not really wanted to engage in much conversation because of the way hes spoken to me. And hes basicaly told me its my fault that he speaks to me that way. He simply has no compassion and no empathy and not once has he ever apologised. ...ever. I am always in a rush to get the kids to school, to do chores etc so at times I probably am short and sharp because we are in a rush, and I am frustrated that I have to do everything myself,while he dilly dallys around, plays on his.phone, while im clearly stressed managing everything, he has no sense of urgency and no initiative when if comes to household tasks. I am a stay at home mum so I know this is my responsibility but i have to clean up after the children and him and it feels like he us the 3rd child. Tonight I confronted him after he had a go at me for not closing the windows when I had lit the house fire, he called me ignorant, and hes sick of telling me to close windows (by the way I always shut the kids room up to keep the cold out) but our room gets warm so.i like the window open, anyway its incorrect in his book but I don't think it warrants him swearing at me, being disrespectful. Anyway ive gone to bed upset and he sends me a reel of how a woman makes a man feel so exhausted by not using a warm tone and kindness.....and I am truly mortified 1. Because he chooses to communicate that way wheb he won't have an adult conversation and 2. Because that is utter crap, you've just called me a pos and told.me to eff off and im clearly upset and hes annoyed at me because im not using a warm kind tone...... oh my goodness. I am just mortified. Im deeply embarrassed that he treats me this way.

BethD Missing my son - whom I have blocked
  • replies: 7

Hi,I just want to know how to stop feeling guilty like grief like, missing my son who I chose to block for financial manipulation issues which have been going on for over 15 years. I have photos of him that I look at as I pass them and I ask myself h... View more

Hi,I just want to know how to stop feeling guilty like grief like, missing my son who I chose to block for financial manipulation issues which have been going on for over 15 years. I have photos of him that I look at as I pass them and I ask myself how did it get to this. Has anyone else blocked a family member and then grieved, missed, and felt guilty about doing so.

Alice850 Rebuilding after a traumatic breakup on the other side of the world
  • replies: 5

I moved to Norway from Australia in early December to be with my long distance boyfriend. We had met while travelling in November 2024 and did long distance for a year. We decided I would make the move because I was on a 12 month contract for work he... View more

I moved to Norway from Australia in early December to be with my long distance boyfriend. We had met while travelling in November 2024 and did long distance for a year. We decided I would make the move because I was on a 12 month contract for work here in Aus and was renting, while he owned a place and had just changed jobs. We made the decision to live with each other earlier than most people might expect because he turned 31 last year and I turned 30, we wanted to start our lives together. I was excited for the move and starting my life there. Even though it meant not having job security, learning a new language and fitting in in a new country. I was applying for jobs, going to Norwegian courses and trying to start my life there with him. He dumped me four months later. There were a few issues in our relationship, on both sides, and we both didn't handle things in the best way. I was willing to try couples therapy or get some space from each other before making the drastic decision of me moving all the way back home. Ultimately, he felt it wouldn't work and he's very good at protecting his own peace and looking after himself so he sent me home. It devastated me, this was someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I've now had to move back in with my parents, have turned 31 and don't have a job. I've been back for a month and had a job interview where I used to live and still have friends there, but found out yesterday I didn't get the job. I had a breakdown for the first time and feel so hopeless. Meanwhile, he's still got his job, friends around him and is keeping busy. He seems fine. I don't want to be stuck at my parent's house and it feels like I am. I'm going to therapy, journaling, going to the gym, eating healthy... doing all the things I'm meant to do to be able to heal, but it's so hard and this blow of not getting the job has sent me to rock bottom. Is there anyone who has gone through something similar, or has any tips for me on getting through this? I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

misabean Empathy
  • replies: 7

empathy is something i'm good at, but also my biggest struggle. I often provide people with excuses, created by my own mind, because i am an empath, and good is all i see in people. While this could be proposed as a gift, its also my biggest weakness... View more

empathy is something i'm good at, but also my biggest struggle. I often provide people with excuses, created by my own mind, because i am an empath, and good is all i see in people. While this could be proposed as a gift, its also my biggest weakness. when does it get to far, to where i can understand maybe whats done is meant to hurt me. Well, im yet to reach that. im having friendship issues, which isnt based solely on their actions, but aswell as what i tolerate. I avoid speaking up about whats hurting me, to make sure they dont get upset. I know I shouldnt do this, and that i shouldnt let people walk all over me but I think i do it because i know what its like to be seen as that rude friend, but really its because i was struggling. this isnt an excuse, but a reasoning. Please let me know if i should lessen my empathy, or, if i should just give it to those who will reciprocate it. because right now, in every relationship in my life, it feels like im giving 100 and their just taking 100, not thinking about if they should return even 1. thank you

Illbeok how to help
  • replies: 6

The other day, my next-door neighbor, an elderly lady I only exchange casual hellos with, told me her husband had passed away and that she was struggling to pay rent. I felt terrible for her. I told a friend I wanted to help her out, maybe by bringin... View more

The other day, my next-door neighbor, an elderly lady I only exchange casual hellos with, told me her husband had passed away and that she was struggling to pay rent. I felt terrible for her. I told a friend I wanted to help her out, maybe by bringing her some food or helping around the house. My friend thought it was a great idea.I went to knock on her door, but she wasn't home, so I just left the food on her doorstep. A few days later, I ran into her. We exchanged our usual hellos, but she didn’t mention the food. I started overthinking it, maybe she didn't know it was from me, or maybe she just didn't like it.When I told my friend about this, they suggested that if I genuinely wanted to help, I should just put some anonymous cash in an envelope and drop it in her mailbox. That’s when it hit me: I didn't want to do it anonymously. I realized a part of me wanted to connect with her and, honestly, feel good about myself for helping. It made me feel embarrassed and like a total fake.To prove to myself that I wasn't being selfish, I put $100 into an envelope and slid it under her door anonymously. The next day, she ran up to me, incredibly excited, saying that "God gave her money." I had a massive urge to blurt out, "It was ME!" but I managed to control myself. I left the interaction with mixed feelings, but overall, I was okay with it.But then, another neighbor mentioned to me that the old lady has been telling everyone how God rewarded her with money because of her devotion.I don't know why, but ever since hearing that, I’ve felt a bit bitter. I am agnostic, but I generally respect other people's religious beliefs. I feel terrible for harboring this bitterness...Now that I know I am a charlatan for wanting some recognition, how can I overcome this bitter feeling and just be happy that she got the help she needed?

Nate_2020 Is my GF seeing another bloke
  • replies: 2

Hey everyone, I’m pretty sure my GF is seeing another bloke and just wanted some clarity. I apologise in advance. We dont live together and see each other 3-4 times a week and chat on apps or voice call at night. We are older. Im 48 and she is 65. Ye... View more

Hey everyone, I’m pretty sure my GF is seeing another bloke and just wanted some clarity. I apologise in advance. We dont live together and see each other 3-4 times a week and chat on apps or voice call at night. We are older. Im 48 and she is 65. Yes, a big age gap.recently her schedule, timing and messages have become not distant but last minute changes, going away more, a long time replying to messages and looking younger. New hair colour/cut, spray tan..Then the guarding of her phone, not returning call or messages in my presents and talking very general to how we normally talk has me thinking. I have to accept her answer of NO to me asking is she seeing/sleeping with another man. On Monday she dropped the I’m going away this weekend to see my friend and I’ll be back Tuesday. First I’ve heard about this Monday evening. Very short notice. Now today we spoke and she was packing and leaving tomorrow morning but is too busy to catch up and see me before she leaves. We talked over message and I said I’m happy to call over for a send off 2hrs of power but was shut down as too busy. Now I’ve been shut down till I here next from her. Writing this you must think I’m an idiot not seeing the picture but it’s clear what’s happening. I want closure but what am I best to do from here?

Sp25 Betrayal of trust
  • replies: 15

I've been in a relationship with my partner for 14 years, and while I love him deeply and we share two children, I feel emotionally exhausted, unsupported, and heartbroken. I've consistently put myself and my needs last while managing our home, raisi... View more

I've been in a relationship with my partner for 14 years, and while I love him deeply and we share two children, I feel emotionally exhausted, unsupported, and heartbroken. I've consistently put myself and my needs last while managing our home, raising our kids mostly on my own, and enduring ongoing emotional letdowns.8 months ago i caught him in the shower watching porn (for context this has been a hard boundary from the very beginning of this relationship to which he entered knowingly and have discussed on multiple occasions with me being given his assurance that this wasnt an issue and that it wasn't something he didnt need to watch) we spoke about it and agreed to continue with the relationship on the provision that he not watch porn anymore. Recently, I discovered he was still constantly watching porn behind my back which shattered what little trust I had left. This most recently happened while I was recovering from yet another surgery for endometriosis, making the betrayal feel even deeper. I haven’t felt emotionally or physically fulfilled in our relationship for years, yet I’ve continued to sacrifice my needs in the relationship because I loved him and thought that it was mutual. I'm starting to feel more like a housemaid than a partner.He also fails to stand up for me, particularly with his mother, and often puts work and his own interests above our family. I'm exhausted from raising concerns, only for the same issues to come up repeatedly with no real change. I feel like a broken record, and I don’t know how much more I can give.At this point, I know I need to put myself first—but I don’t know how because I’ve spent so long prioritizing everyone else. I feel numb, angry, and unsure if I have the energy to keep fighting for this relationship. I want my partner to take accountability, to show through his actions, not just words, that he wants to work on things. That includes him organising therapy not me because I need to see that he’s serious. Actions speak louder than words, and I can’t be the one carrying the emotional load anymore.While I’m waiting for my own therapy, I’m trying to find ways to cope with the emotional burnout and protect my energy. I feel alone in this process and unsure of what comes next, but I know I can’t continue in a relationship were there is neither trust or respect for my boundaries

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