Relationship and family issues

Constantly think my partner is cheating.

replies: 6

Hey everyone, I was just looking to get abit of advice from some people who may have had a similar issue to me and my partner. I am diagnosed bipolar since 18 however I’m now 27 and currently being reviewed as it would appear I might have bpd. I have... View more

Hey everyone, I was just looking to get abit of advice from some people who may have had a similar issue to me and my partner. I am diagnosed bipolar since 18 however I’m now 27 and currently being reviewed as it would appear I might have bpd. I have been in a relationship since January this year so relatively new and have struggled the last 4 weeks. My brain is constantly telling me my partner is doing the wrong thing... when she goes out I think she is cheating... when she’s on her phone I think she’s talking to other women and in response to this thought I am treating her like she is guilty. This has taken a toll on her and our relationship. I don’t know how to stop the thoughts overpowering my rational side and I don’t know how to see things from her perspective. I have explained the place that these feelings come from but she has told me I am wearing her down. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if anyone else in a relationship has had a similar problem with these obsessional thoughts around their partner and infidelity but I can’t seem to shake them and I clearly can’t continue to question or treat her like she’s guilty. So I’m looking for any kind of advice on what I can do to help the situation or what I can say to her to make her understand or what I am doing wrong and how I can stop. So whatever advice anyone has for me would be much appreciated because I really love her and I really don’t want my mental health to ruin this relationship. Thanks, c

Lost son in custody waiting hearing

replies: 3

My 20 year old son finished school and went to uni away from home - 6 months into uni he could not pay his way although we were supporting him with food parcels. He just had to cover a small rent - this was all discussed with him prior to his choice ... View more

My 20 year old son finished school and went to uni away from home - 6 months into uni he could not pay his way although we were supporting him with food parcels. He just had to cover a small rent - this was all discussed with him prior to his choice to go this this particular Uni….wanting to leave home that this cost was on him. Evidently he drained our savings account that we had offset for him for when he completed uni - within 5 months of uni he got kicked out of dorms because he did not make rent. Not sure where he lived between may and December. He never told us that he was not on campus. Truth came out over Christmas- we set boundaries that he needed to pay us back - uni was up to him - he said he would defer. I suspected drug use or some form of addiction which he denied. Then re ran away - after stealing our credit cards…..if you can call it running away at the age of 20. We lost all contact with him. I since learnt that he then stole from his friends and their parents where he was couch surfing.A few months down the track and we had some random text from him - he was living somewhere in the city. Apparently he was fine but reading between the few lines we got and mothers intuition new better. Then the phone call came from police they were looking for him. we searched the streets at night looking for him to no avail. Police caught up to him / 21 cases of intent . Stealing cards and using them to purchase food. He’s been living on the streets by the sound of it.He has had his first hearing which we were not allowed into - was not given bail and will go before the court next week. He obviously does not want us in his life which I am struggling with big time. Not sure how to navigate the family with all of this especially if we can not contact him.roller coaster of emotions along with the guilt of what we did wrong. Not sure where to go from here and if we should show our support at the next hearing. Will it be too confrontational for him ? Will his legal aid reach out to us to get get background history? completely lost and overwhelmed.

Life’s rough patch

replies: 2

My life has really hit a rough patch rn, I didn’t even know what I did to cause this my affliction. So our relationship has been okay, like we’ve been together for almost 9 years we have 2 kids together. Kids do put a strain on things but I tried com... View more

My life has really hit a rough patch rn, I didn’t even know what I did to cause this my affliction. So our relationship has been okay, like we’ve been together for almost 9 years we have 2 kids together. Kids do put a strain on things but I tried communicating and other means like counseling, she refused. But yeah Thing got bad when I need to go down to qld for surgery. We are still together at this point she takes me to the airport we say good bye I hug and kiss everyone goodbye. I’m in qld for a week, we are talking every and she ask me to buy plane tickets for her to come down so after surgery we could turn it into a family holiday. I bought the plane tickets we were excited. But it comes the day of the flight and she breaks up with me over message not a call not in person over text. Says she can’t do it anymore and she thinks she would leave me. Fast forward over mind games of her saying one thing to me the saying something different. Giving me false hope of rebuilding our relationship. The the other night she starts sending me videos and photos of her with other people, she goes on belittling my appearance saying that she did gods work being with me, that I was only ever punching in our relationship, she was completely destroying my self image and worth and I feel utterly destroyed because I believe it and I can’t stop feeling that way because of the course of our relationship she would remind me that. I should have seen signs earlier, just done stuff in the past to make me question myself and the last time she did something to me she begged me to stay so I did because I still loved her and the kids. I feel absolutely torn apart. I sacrificed a lot during our relationship cut out a lot of people my family. I wasn’t able to do things my opinion ment nothing I felt unseen and isolated but I stayed because that’s all I ever knew I choose her along time ago and I didn’t want to let go. I feel so stupid

Forgiveness and grace

replies: 3

Please be careful about making assumptions about people's intentions. It can absolutely destroy a family, friendships and your own inner peace. If you think someone has done or said something against you, give them the benefit of the doubt. Ask their... View more

Please be careful about making assumptions about people's intentions. It can absolutely destroy a family, friendships and your own inner peace. If you think someone has done or said something against you, give them the benefit of the doubt. Ask their intention. If it was good or bad they'll likely shine a good light on it, I get that but you will never know their true heart. Only God knows this. By viewing people's actions/thoughts as though they had good intentions gives you inner peace, softens your response and allows the relationship to connect at a deeper level. No one really benefits from relationship breakdown. We are all humans who miscommunicate, do and say silly things (not a single person is exempt from this). We all need to move to have a forgiving heart, grace for each other, a willingness to listen, and courage to be heard - my prayers go out to all estranged families for all of this...our families are too important to not to fight for. God bless you all.

Betrayal and humiliation

replies: 26

When we first met, our values and morals were completely aligned. Our relationship felt strong, and we built a life together, raising children, sharing responsibilities, and supporting each other. I became runned down from things happening ,life and ... View more

When we first met, our values and morals were completely aligned. Our relationship felt strong, and we built a life together, raising children, sharing responsibilities, and supporting each other. I became runned down from things happening ,life and we talked about it , i didn’t feel like being intimate for a very long time, only on and offs. The first serious betrayal happened in September, after a big fight. He had left for a week so we could get space. Despite that, we continued our relationship. On 26/12, we were intimate. At times, I didn’t want sexual contact because I was tired or exhausted from work, family, and daily life, but I offered other forms of intimacy, which he declined. I felt sad that I couldn’t meet all his needs in the way he wanted, even though I was trying. Then, a few days later, around 3/1, he went to sexual service again. This was shortly after we had spent time together and had been intimate. I discovered this by accident, and it felt like the trust I had was completely shattered. He admitted what he had done and expressed shame, taking responsibility for his actions, but he also said he didn’t know if he would have stopped if I hadn’t found out. That left me feeling scared that this pattern could continue. He has said that he wanted closeness and intimacy, but still sought sexual services elsewhere. It’s hard to reconcile that he wanted connection with me but also chose secrecy and actions that hurt me. We have also discussed how his behavior affects our relationship and the children, though they don’t yet know the details. It’s worrying to think about how this impacts their sense of security and trust. He has started taking on household chores and responsibilities for the kids on his own, which I notice. After 9 years together, it’s hard to understand why these actions happened now. Our intimacy, values, and life together had been strong. Still, these behaviors emerged under stress, exhaustion, and other pressures, showing that patterns and choices sometimes override intentions. This is the timeline of what has happened, how I felt, and the steps being taken to address it. I’m sharing this to be honest about the process, the hurt, and the attempts at accountability, while also acknowledging how complicated and confusing it all is. what would you do?

Rock and a hard place

replies: 2

My wife has been diagnosed with Bipolar, &is in the mental health unit for her 3rd involuntary stay in the last 3years following another psychosis. She has very low insight &characterizes the episodes as just being a stressed mum, or blames me for be... View more

My wife has been diagnosed with Bipolar, &is in the mental health unit for her 3rd involuntary stay in the last 3years following another psychosis. She has very low insight &characterizes the episodes as just being a stressed mum, or blames me for being manipulative &making the hospital take her away. I have spent the last three years desperately trying to help her to get help with her condition. She doesnt believe there is anything wrong, cancels her appointments (psychiatrist, psychologist, community mental health), has cut me out of her supports, so I dont have any connection with any of the supports she has had (gp). Also, she was very clearly told to cease weight loss stimulants, &medicinal cannabis last year when she was in hospital, but started back on the MC the day she was released, &ceased the antipsychotics straight away. I have said twice now, that if i find that she has started back on the cannabis without getting a proper second opinion &medical advice, we will separate. She told me she threw everything out &promised not to use it anymore. We have 3 kids, preschool, primary school &high school age. We have been seeing a clinical psych for couples therapy for the last year following her discharge from hospital. It is the only support she will consistently attend. There has been no progress, &no adherence to even the simplest of plans set in the sessions. I have developed depression, insomnia &ptsd as a result of the last psychosis, and the difficulty of trying to live with &support someone who denies there is a problem, blames me heavily for the situation, &refuses to seek help or follow the recommendations of anyone who doesnt say what she wants to hear. I can see the impact on the kids. Like me, the constant walking on eggshells, inconsistencies &unpredictability, and the lack of recognition is causing an emotionally volatile home environment. She is also a good mum. she cares deeply &she genuinely believes that there is nothing wrong with her, so she deflects all of the emotional tension into blame on me. It's really hard for me to sit with. We have been relatively separated for about 6 months now. sleeping in different rooms, &basically haven't had a conversation outside of practical matters for that time. She ended up back in the hospital a few weeks ago. I found cannabis. I cant go through all of this again trying to help someone who wont help herself. I think we need to separate, but Im really conflicted about it all Any advice?

How do I help my adult son with his mental illness

replies: 3

I’m a mother (67f) struggling to know what to say or do to support my son (35m) who has severe depression and suicidal thoughts. He is married with 3 beautiful and demanding daughters(8, 3 & 17mths). He’s on medication and sees a psychiatrist and a p... View more

I’m a mother (67f) struggling to know what to say or do to support my son (35m) who has severe depression and suicidal thoughts. He is married with 3 beautiful and demanding daughters(8, 3 & 17mths). He’s on medication and sees a psychiatrist and a psychologist. He barely interacts with his wife and 3 chn, spending most of his time playing games online and smoking tobacco and weed. His family fear approaching him due to his immediate defensiveness and can be quick to anger. His wife is terrified to say anything in case he blows his stack or does something to harm himself. And yet he has moments when he acts happy and is a joy to be around. He’s a beautiful sole and a decent and caring man and it tears me apart to watch him struggling so much. How can I be the greatest support?

Going through alot. my boyfriend dumped me 2 days ago out of nowhere and im not okay

replies: 1

I am still madly inlove with him, we planned our lives together, trips, dates. kids, marriage a house.He is my soulmate and he called me 2 days ago telling me he cant do it anymore, he isnt ready for a relationship then pretty much that he has been f... View more

I am still madly inlove with him, we planned our lives together, trips, dates. kids, marriage a house.He is my soulmate and he called me 2 days ago telling me he cant do it anymore, he isnt ready for a relationship then pretty much that he has been forcing himself to keep trying for a while. i love him so much. it was so out of the blue. he said he loved me 3 days ago then he breaks my heart. we had a mini fight kinda a few days before. he is depresssed, grandpa died a few months ago, parents getttinga divorce, and he hates his job. i was helping him he said it was helping, i got really sick and needed him but he needed alone time to deal w all the stuff going on in his head. i needed to be with him even tho we were long distance. i told him after i gave him the space that i needed him too. we talked it out and he told me he could tell i loved him more than he did me and he felt bad, i was pathetic and said i didnt care that i was happy w any love litle did i know 2 days later he would tell me that during that when he said he loved me he really didnt. on the day he broke up w me everythign was normal. our call all night cause he knows i cant sleep alone, the i love yous the good mornings, we chatted and thne he went to his appointment i was sitting there excited for his 3;30 call and then he texted "can i call you" i was so excited ofc u can call me was all giddy and pumped, he sounded upset but thats normal for after therapy for him so i said is everythign okay, did it go well. he said yes and he had alot he talked to his therapist about which i knew he had alot to discuss. then he said he had to tell me something, then proceded to rip my heart out and destroy me. we said goodbye and i was crushed, cant eat, cant sleep. im not doing okay. last night i went crazy and tried everyhtign to contact him, emails from multiple accounts, new isnat accounts, discord, everything. i need him back so badly, i keep crying but it hurts me so bad, i just need my soulmate back.

Betrayal trauma

replies: 2

I dont know who to talk to. My husband has had a porn addiction since before we met, found out 2 years in and at first he couldn't see the issue, but then he could see that not only was it hurting our relationship, it was actually destroying him too.... View more

I dont know who to talk to. My husband has had a porn addiction since before we met, found out 2 years in and at first he couldn't see the issue, but then he could see that not only was it hurting our relationship, it was actually destroying him too. Its now been nearly 7 years of being together, he keeps trying to quit but won't seek proffesional help, and I have been graceful, I have been a support to him, I have tried to understand the best I can even though it hurts so much. But the lies have undone me now, we have just had our first baby, and during pregnancy he relapsed and I only found out just before she was born. We tried again, and he kept failing at his attempts, so we set up blockers on his phone and he said he felt better knowing he couldnt access it, but his urges still remained (i didnt expect it to fully fix him, I know its a deeper rooted issue). Now he has lied to my face about doing well, he hasnt been using his computer since baby is here because he is a gamer and hasn't had time between bub and work. Last night I had a weird feeling that he was looking at something and I asked him about it, he lied to my face and promised me he wasnt. Today I felt the urge to check the cameras and not only did he lie last night, hes done it every time he has used his computer (3-4 times) in the last month or so... He says he wanted to tell me, he says he wants to stop but he doesnt. I am at my wits end, I have given him grace, room to try and support when he loses the battle, but I cant do the lies anymore and if he wont seek outside help, I cant see a way that this gets any better. He wrote me a message (struggles to talk) and said he has been struggling, that he wishes sometimes it wasnt bad to look at it and that hes sorry and he is going to get help. But I just cant trust him anymore, and this whole thing is damaging our family. He struggles with intimacy because of this, he hides things, he virtually cheated on me because he found a chat room that wasnt blocked one day, and I stayed.. But today has thrown me for 6. I am physically impacted by this now, I feel sick, I feel alone and I feel unsafe in our relationship. We are Christians and I am desperately looking for some sort of faith based therapy that can accommodate both of us individually and together... but I can't find much where I am.. I need help to deal with this, I can't keep doing it alone. Thanks for reading if you stayed this long..

Huge age difference: huge difference in orientation

replies: 5

When my grand-daughter was very young she was a great delight, then I travelled for several years. We re-connected recently, now she is in her twenties; the first thing I said to her in adulthood was this: “Well good luck with not getting raped”. [Fi... View more

When my grand-daughter was very young she was a great delight, then I travelled for several years. We re-connected recently, now she is in her twenties; the first thing I said to her in adulthood was this: “Well good luck with not getting raped”. [Fifty years separate our orientations in life.]At that time her father joined us to ask her to change the clothes she was wearing. Now some ten years later our joint family lives all together in one big house: they upstairs, me down. Things have worked exceptionally well until now. However a few days ago I offered to stitch her radically-off-the-shoulder-shirt at least until her under-arm was no longer exposed but she gave the cold shoulder to that suggestion by walking off haughtily. Since her father came in at that moment I tried to explain to him that in my experience it was wise for young women to avoided turning men on with exposed skin - thinking he would agree, but he turned on me rather rudely; he has never ever been rude to me previously, not in around forty years of friendship. Naturally I was stunned. So now with the hindsight of a full day, my conclusions are as follows: 1. Best not to continue hoping that she doesn’t get raped.2. Wise to conclude that at present business may be in the doldrums and hope hard that it picks up.3. Keep to my own bedroom as much as possible for an appreciable time. Any further suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

Pinned discussions

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

All discussions

Constantly think my partner is cheating.

replies: 6

Lost son in custody waiting hearing

replies: 3

Life’s rough patch

replies: 2

Forgiveness and grace

replies: 3

Betrayal and humiliation

replies: 26

Rock and a hard place

replies: 2

How do I help my adult son with his mental illness

replies: 3

Going through alot. my boyfriend dumped me 2 days ago out of nowhere and im not okay

replies: 1

Betrayal trauma

replies: 2

Huge age difference: huge difference in orientation

replies: 5

Relationship and family issues

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about replies: 0

Constantly think my partner is cheating. replies: 6

Lost son in custody waiting hearing replies: 3

Life’s rough patch replies: 2

Forgiveness and grace replies: 3

Betrayal and humiliation replies: 26

Rock and a hard place replies: 2

How do I help my adult son with his mental illness replies: 3

Going through alot. my boyfriend dumped me 2 days ago out of nowhere and im not okay replies: 1

Betrayal trauma replies: 2

Huge age difference: huge difference in orientation replies: 5

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

Constantly think my partner is cheating.

replies: 6

Lost son in custody waiting hearing

replies: 3

Life’s rough patch

replies: 2

Forgiveness and grace

replies: 3

Betrayal and humiliation

replies: 26

Rock and a hard place

replies: 2

How do I help my adult son with his mental illness

replies: 3

Going through alot. my boyfriend dumped me 2 days ago out of nowhere and im not okay

replies: 1

Betrayal trauma

replies: 2

Huge age difference: huge difference in orientation

replies: 5