Dear Mychange~
Welcome here to the forum. I think the fact you have recognized there is a problem and are taking steps to learn to cope with life wihtout being violent or abusive is great. It is a big step and not quick but many have managed.
When you do lean the better ways of coping you wil be a wiser and better companion for everyone, not only a partner, but probably acquaintances and workmates too.
I was drawn to the title of your thread as you are still in love and would like tihngs to be back close to what hey were before. I am afraid I have to be blunt -you deserve the truth - and that is after enduring an abusive relationship for two year your ex left, and has been gone for a year.
If you think you about what you would be asking to get back together your partner would no doubt have at least at the back of her mind fear all the time it was going to happen again and you lash out anytime - not a pleasant life.
As well she will not be the person you remember, but because she has has been separated from you for a year, probably means a different life and way of looking at things..
As a result I'd not be too hopeful you can set the clock back, though it does mean that in the future you may find someone else and make a success of it.
I wish you luck wiht your counceling and therapy
Croix
