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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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scott12 My girlfriend resents me
  • replies: 6

Background - I worked full time for almost 10 yrs straight out of highschool, but I decided I wasn't happy and I have returned to uni to complete a degree so I can gain a career that I am passionate about. I met my girlfriend almost a year ago and or... View more

Background - I worked full time for almost 10 yrs straight out of highschool, but I decided I wasn't happy and I have returned to uni to complete a degree so I can gain a career that I am passionate about. I met my girlfriend almost a year ago and originally she was very proud of the fact that I was improving myself (education and career wise). I have two years left on my degree. Being a student I don't have a lot of money. This has meant that we can't go on expensive holidays, and most likely can't move out together yet. The initial pride she had has slowly turned into resentment for the fact that, my current situation means we can't do all the things we want to do. She said she feels like I am holding her back and that she doesn't want to 'pause' her life for another two years while I finish my study. She is very open to me about her feelings. I keeps telling me that she is sorry and she loves me and I want to believe her but never the less, this is just how she feels. I have always been the mentally strong and optimistic one in our relationship. She suffers from anxiety and sometimes depression and I do everything I can to help her but I don't know what to do about her growing resentment. She is naturally negative as well and seems convinced that this problem is just going to keep getting worse. It makes me question if she is really as invested in this relationship as I am. Is it too much to ask for a girlfriend who appreciates the efforts I am going to to make a better life instead of resenting me for what she basically thinks is a waste of her life. Isn't the life we could build together worth the wait? Any help/suggestions/outside opinion would be really appreciated. How do I keep this relationship from falling apart?

Gypsyangel Not a 'normal' relationship
  • replies: 13

Hi everyone! I need some advice/different points of view please. I am currently part of a 'relationship' that I am finding very frustrating. We don't spend much physical time together because he is always working. He lives at the workshop as well. I ... View more

Hi everyone! I need some advice/different points of view please. I am currently part of a 'relationship' that I am finding very frustrating. We don't spend much physical time together because he is always working. He lives at the workshop as well. I find it hard to get any quality time together or even just do things together. We do talk a bit on the phone but that's really the extent of the relationship. There's always excuses or reasons why we can't see each other. I feel kept at a distance and on hold until he wants to see me. I also feel it's a toxic relationship because I become more anxious and depressed when we have contact. I feel trapped and am really struggling to get away. I have told him I am unhappy. He just says it will be all good soon. I feel like I am the support for him but my needs aren't getting met. My struggle is mostly on my own.

Wattle411 sex drive?
  • replies: 4

Hi there I was recently diagnosed with depression and anxiety and partly due to a past traumatic sexual experience. For my teen years I was just like any normal sex crazed tteenager and I thought everything was fine but more recently I have started t... View more

Hi there I was recently diagnosed with depression and anxiety and partly due to a past traumatic sexual experience. For my teen years I was just like any normal sex crazed tteenager and I thought everything was fine but more recently I have started to lose all interest in any sexual act and it sometimes disgusts me and I hate myself for doing it when I do. This lack of interest has put a barrier between my partner and I because he feels like sex is a way to show affection and appreciation and because I don't want to put out he feels as though I don't love him anymore. I have tried to explain how I'm feeling but I don't think he really understands. I don't want us to break up because I don't feel comfortable at the moment but I don't want to force myself to sleep with him when I don't want to either as that will cause even bigger issues. What can I do to fix this??? Thank you very much for your help!

concerned_friend another person is relying on me to make them happy
  • replies: 2

My ex boyfriend keeps emailing me telling me that I'm the only one that understands him and that he is depressed with no one to talk to. I do not want any contact with him due to personal reasons regarding our break up, but he is acting like I am the... View more

My ex boyfriend keeps emailing me telling me that I'm the only one that understands him and that he is depressed with no one to talk to. I do not want any contact with him due to personal reasons regarding our break up, but he is acting like I am the only thing that can help him and I do not want that burden. I feel as if he is using it as an excuse to get me back into his life. He has done it before many times and it is mentally and physically draining. I have suggested psychologists but he doesn't want to see one. What should I do?

PositiveLyfe89 Superficial Friendships, No Intimacy
  • replies: 2

Hello everyone, I'm new here. I'm just having trouble with my social life and feel like the people in my life only really talk to me when they need something from me. I feel like everything is more like a social contract or transaction like, you do t... View more

Hello everyone, I'm new here. I'm just having trouble with my social life and feel like the people in my life only really talk to me when they need something from me. I feel like everything is more like a social contract or transaction like, you do this for me and I'll do this for you and I find myself yearning for closer and deeper relationships. What can I do? Any suggestions?

Internal_Sadness New connections and keeping them, always a struggle! :(
  • replies: 1

SO long story short, I am sure I have mentioned that I enjoy a relaxation massage once a week or once every two weeks and I went to a new place Monday just gone and I was lucky enough to get a wonderful massage by this greek lady who I felt an instan... View more

SO long story short, I am sure I have mentioned that I enjoy a relaxation massage once a week or once every two weeks and I went to a new place Monday just gone and I was lucky enough to get a wonderful massage by this greek lady who I felt an instant connection with. You see, I have a greek brother-in-law. We had a nice conversation about general things, small chat in the first session and when the session was over, we swapped mobile numbers. Now we agreed on me only SMSing her to make bookings through her only as she is going to be my regular massage therapist and casual SMSing, as in when we have things to say to each other, one of us SMSs the other and then waits for a reply then reply back, you know how it goes. Very very very early stages of casual friendship, however which was you you want to call it. That was only FOUR days ago, ever since Tuesday (3 days ago), I have been finding it so hard to stick to the promise of just the casual sms, I tend to sms her too much and then apologizing that night. I get emotional far too easily, I fall for certain ladies far far too easily as you can probably tell in my few posts in here already. I take my anti-depressants and my anti-seizure tablets daily when I am meant to but I generally tend to over think things about the other sex which in turn can easily make things worse. I generally tend to ruin things because of this, it is so frustrating. I think it comes down to my daughters mother stuffing me around since the first day I met her many years ago, she ended up cheating on me 4 or 5 times and with a child involved, that gets messy easily. And I have been single since then, around 6 years ago. As I said, I fall far too easily for women, my previous two massage therapists I fell just as hard for, especially my most recent one that ended badly early July. Today I asked both my parents if they just want to go out and do something with me just cos I am feeling iffy/down, they both knock it on the head far too quickly and decline, the few friends I have got are all working. Feeling like this makes it way harder to lose the weight I want to lose to make my life better now and in the future. I don't want to then force myself to the comfort foods and drink (junk food, energy drinks and alcohol) as I will just gain weight. USUALLY I try to find things to do that make me happy and just try to chat to people even if it has to be online. It's just pretty hard sometimes when you find a new fancy.

Melly997 Is it depression & can that cause a husband to feel nothing towards his wife?
  • replies: 4

My husband moved out 4 months ago. He said he felt the world closing in on him & needed a little space. We have had more than our fair share of deaths occur in an 8 month period & 2 of these were old gentlemen that my husband was very close with, he ... View more

My husband moved out 4 months ago. He said he felt the world closing in on him & needed a little space. We have had more than our fair share of deaths occur in an 8 month period & 2 of these were old gentlemen that my husband was very close with, he has to hear some horrible details in his job, his father has heart problems &, to be honest, I was just trying to keep things running day to day without dealing with what I was feeling so my anger, frustration & resentment built up. For 2 weeks he said he still loved me & hadn't given up on us but then he faded away & stopped all contact. I kept sending him texts but I got nothing back. After 4 weeks I finally got a reply that stated basically he'd given up & felt he was better on his own. At around the same time he moved out of the friends house he was staying. The friend told me he didn't talk much, came home from work & after a beer went to bed & had lost a lot of weight. This Sunday just gone he came home unexpectedly, collected all his things, said it was too late to fix it because he didn't feel anything anymore & was happier & better on his own, he handed me the house key & left to wherever he's now staying. I am deeply hurt & upset because this was his decision alone & I had no say, nor was there any effort to save our marriage. The whole process has been very cold & callous, even cowardly. I suspect he may be suffering depression but how do I help if he's shut me out completely? And yes, selfishly, I don't want to lose my husband but is it too late?

GreyMaiden I don't exist?
  • replies: 1

I am very embarrassed and ashamed to be telling the world about this, but it's too much to keep to myself anymore. I have been with my now husband for well over a decade. During this time he has done nothing but watch porn and play video games. He ha... View more

I am very embarrassed and ashamed to be telling the world about this, but it's too much to keep to myself anymore. I have been with my now husband for well over a decade. During this time he has done nothing but watch porn and play video games. He has never been interested in sex. When he does want to, I can definitely tell that it's out of obligation. He never does anything without being asked to, or pushed to. I am responsible for him getting a job, a license, everything. And I hate it. I am pretty much responsible for him proposing to me. I organised the whole wedding alone. We have only been married a year or so. He likes to treat me with silence. Before we were married, it wasn't uncommon for him to completely ignore me for weeks on end. When I say ignore, I mean it. Not a word. He just stares at a screen, whether it be compute or tv. Since we have been married, he has ignored me for a lovely total of 12 months. It is just me and him in the house. We have no family or friends in our lives. For 12 months straight I have come home to a dead house and a dead man. Not a word passes between us. He sleeps on the couch and we wouldn't dare to be in the same room. In the past, being the one who cares and acts like an adult, I have breached and repaired everyone of these silences. This time, no. If he cared, surely he would for once do SOMETHING? No. 12 months of silence. I don't know what to do. I know he loves me, but can never treat me like he does. If I leave, he would without doubt kill himself. Fact. I could not forgive myself for that. I am not yet 30, but I feel like no one will ever want me again. I've become a very cold, frigid young woman who is certain every man is a liar and could never truly care. I have never told anyone this. If I did, the shame would never die. Everyone thinks we have a perfect relationship they all envy. How wrong. What have I done? And what do I do? I am loyal, faithful, never even looked at another man. I am not a supermodel, but I'm attractive and normal enough. I was once so warm and kind and thoughtful, now just an empty shell with a happy mask stuck on. I want so much to be free of this toxicity and live the life I want. Has anyone been through this?

Arato Trouble coping in long distance relationship
  • replies: 4

Let me start by saying I don't think I've had depression before, so this is all new to me. I recently (6 weeks ago) moved to overseas for work and am now in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend of 5 years who is back in Australia. Let me s... View more

Let me start by saying I don't think I've had depression before, so this is all new to me. I recently (6 weeks ago) moved to overseas for work and am now in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend of 5 years who is back in Australia. Let me start from the begin: Both my girlfriend and myself are from Sydney. In 2013 we moved down to Victoria for both our jobs. Although we were down here, it was not possible to live together, but that was no issue as 1) we were living at our respective parents places back in Sydney and 2) the nature of my work from before the move meant that I was interstate for a week or two every 4-6 weeks. I was really unhappy with my job, so in late 2014 I planned on quitting and starting work with my father in the family business in the Philippines - the plan was to start in Feb 2015, but in reality the move didn't happen until Aug 2015. As luck would have it, my girlfriend got stationed closer to Melbourne in Nov 2014 so we could live together and we did for close to 10 months. I don't think I was ever as happy as I was when living with her and I know she felt the same way. So I moved. I knew it would be hard and it hit me harder than I expected, but I knew she was coming to visit 3 weeks after the move for a week so it was manageable. While she was over things were better, but she went home just over week ago and now I'm feeling far worse than I've ever felt before. I've plans to go back at the start of Nov for a couple of weeks, but my biggest fear is that after this trip I won't see her until late Jan as it's not possible for either her to come here or I to go there until then. I'm scared it's going to be worse, as currently I'm feeling unmotivated at work, sad and hopeless. My appetite has dropped dramatically and what food I do eat no longer brings me the enjoyment I it once was. My chest and back always aches and it seems I've always got a headache. When I speak with her on the phone I feel infinitely better, but as soon as I hang up I feel like I've fallen off a cliff. I try to tell myself this is a short term arrangement (I plan on being in this long distance phase no longer than 18 months) and that I'll look back on this one day as a tough, but necessary time, but I'm finding it harder and harder to get by each day. To top it off I'm feeling like I'm expressing my unhappiness too much to her and I'm afraid she'll grow to resent me because I'm constantly talking about how sad I am and how I hate where I am.

Florrie_Jo Found strength to open up and now Im separated from husband
  • replies: 8

Hi all Well i finally got the strength, through the sobs, to tell my husband Im not coping and Im not sure how to move forward. He rsponded by saying he feels the same then launched into his story of how unhappy he is. Then he revealed he had been un... View more

Hi all Well i finally got the strength, through the sobs, to tell my husband Im not coping and Im not sure how to move forward. He rsponded by saying he feels the same then launched into his story of how unhappy he is. Then he revealed he had been unfaithfully previously..randoms I think...i dont really want to know. At that point i had a moment of clarity that this marriage is over and my girls and I deserve to be number 1 and happy. He is not a bad person, in fact we've had many happy times. He is however selfish. My girls and my worthiness has been measured by how neat and tidy we keep things. Our needs were an inconvenience. He pays the bills so that exempts him from participating. Fishing is his number 1 love...his obsession along with keeping everyhting in a neat, tidy well placed box. We have been together 19 years and now I think about it, i have lost my authentic self trying to be someone Im not - for him and his family tradition. I have no doubt that this has been a huge part of my depression. Even though I am sad, a little scared and feel incredibly sick in the stomach I do seem to have a spriritual feeling that itll be okay and I can be happy again. Im riding the wave and break down every couple of hours ( it only happen 3 days ago), i guess my biggest fear is not coping emotionally and stuffing it up for my two little girls (12 and 10). I'm listening to guided meditation when i feel like i need to shut up the mind chatter. Im on anti-depressants and got the script filled so there's no mucking that up. Ill book a counselling session Tuesday...i just need to get through the moments of saddness and grief- i know it cant be avoided, just would like to skip ahead 6 months in the emotions. Im sure Ill be back on the forum to get some advice and to feel understood. Blessings to all who are going thru a tough time Jodie.

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