Feel lost all the time

[Barton86]

Hello Everyone,

 I'm nearly 30, been married nearly a year, ready to start a family. For most of my life I was bullied for having poor eye sight and generally not an athletic body, as I got into my 20's i started to come into my own with the help of an older friend who helped boost my confidence . I met a girl and we dated for 3 years, in that time she had many family issues and turned to drugs as a way to cope, and I turned to alcohol , this hurt my mother a lot as both my grandfathers and my dad have had issues with alcoholism. Over the last five years, with my new partner who became my wife I have done my best not to become them. However as I get older and the stress and anxiety grow I find I am drinking more again, I'm doing and saying ridiculous things and my friends joke I have an evil twin. I have tried giving up many times for months but I always go back to it. I have a lot of repressed feelings and have tried talking to people before, my wife has been very graceful and is my greatest confidant , I try to tell her everything , but sometimes I get angry or upset watching movies or TV, yet I I can't feel anything when I have been to friends funerals etc, I'm sorry for a large post with a multitude of issues, I can only hope that others who have been in my shoes can show me the better path, as I hope to become a dad soon, I only want the best for my wife and kids. The only thing I have found to help reduce my anxiety is meditation, but it does not reduce my many regrets that prey on me

[mr_techy]

Hi Barton86,

You seem to be dealing with a very complicated issue, and I'm very sorry to hear that you're dealing with such an issue.

Let's go through this step by step.

I strongly recommend you visit a counselor to treat your addiction to drugs and alcohol. There are many great treatments out there available to help you sort through it. Contact your local GP for further advice on where to get help.

Treating stress and anxiety is very difficult and these problems do not go away straight away. There are many therapists out there who will treat such cases as yours. Refer to your local GP for where you can get treat. Also, try relaxing methods to keep the stress and anxiety down. Hobbies such as mediation, photography and scrap-booking. Also, keep a water bottle around to keep yourself calm when under stress. Ignore all the silly comments and just keep focusing on being calm and breathing. It is normal to both feel emotional when watching movies and TV Shows, and hide away your feelings. We're completely different and react in many different ways. Some people may not react in funerals and that is completely normal. We can't all be the same. If you want to tell your partner everything, just think calm thoughts and just let it all now. But I recommend that you ask your GP for more advice.

I hope all goes for you and remember that if you have a problem contact a helpline or your GP as they are the best place you can go to.

mr_techy

Live life! Love life!

[Embracing_Tiger]

Hi Barton86,

Welcome to the forums, and it's okay to rant and unpack stuff here. 

It is fantastic that you use meditation as a constructive strategy to manage your anxiety. You also have a great support person: your wife. My suggestion is to not minimise the strength that you gain from these factors. They can help you a lot!

From reading your story, it seems that there are 2 broader issues that are intertwined: your alcoholism and some emotional trauma. What issue is most important for you to address? Lasting change is not a quick fix, so going slow at first may be beneficial. It can also help you understand your priorities and set appropriate strategies.

It is possible to overcome an addiction. It is great that you are aware of and can say that you may have a problem with alcohol. That takes courage. There is no one way to overcome substance abuse, but I can share some of my strategies that I used to manage my addiction (21 months clean).

• Talking with a GP or psychiatrist about possible physical withdrawal symptoms when quitting and how to manage the change
• Avoiding environmental or social situations where I usually used the drug. If it is unavoidable, have someone that can support you during that situation
• Removing all of the drug and related items from the home
• I didn't see a counsellor, but it would have helped. I'd pick one that specialised in Alcohol and drug addiction. Even though your wife is a great support, talking to a counsellor can be a different additional support.
• Attending AA or NA meetings. Though I have a lot of disagreements with these 12 step programs, I found going to them was a form of support and gave me hope that I could have control. I was still using when I started going.

Regrading your emotional state, perhaps a counsellor or psychologist may help. You could use phone (beyondblue, mensline or the like), web chat or face to face counselling. This issue can also be tackled in relation to your alcohol abuse. 

Feel free to reach out again on these forums. It can be a source of useful support.

ET