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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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bluefinch My Story
  • replies: 1

Hello, First of all I must thank people for sharing their stories. My lowest points have been made less severe by hearing the honest stories of others and of course the generous replies of many. Around this time last year I began dating a woman I met... View more

Hello, First of all I must thank people for sharing their stories. My lowest points have been made less severe by hearing the honest stories of others and of course the generous replies of many. Around this time last year I began dating a woman I met online. She was everything I could have asked for (a nurse, closet nerd, bookworm); I would say I was instantly besotted. I was knowledgeable enough to know not to reveal this of course, I didn't want to scare her. Over the next month I tried to do everything right, not over the top, not distant. After a bush walk, picnic and dinner date I felt things were going well. I'd researched everything online from conversation topics to how to go about dating. About 8 weeks in she ended things, I didn't get a real reason, just that she was reluctant to go further. My first semi relationship, kiss, a real chance, was all over. There began a few months of near catatonic living. I couldn't help but re-live in my head every last comment\moment. December came, as did a new psychologist, and medication I'd had once before. By February, I was off medication and no longer seeing my psych. I bought a house in hopes of distract myself, but I've been struggling to shake off the negativity of depression since. I've been through depression on and off since I was 17. Each time it was brought on by an infatuation with a woman and subsequent improvement. My psychologist mentioned that I was likely on the autistic spectrum, which makes all so much sense considering my past. The reason why I'm writing this now is because I think I saw that woman in passing at a local supermarket a few hours ago. I was curled up in a ball on the floor at home for at least half an hour when i got home. (I'm ok, sitting at computer, had some food) I recognize that this is not a normal response. I've got every intention of going to work tomorrow (I'm a teacher), of taking as good care of myself as I can. Though this is all so much struggle. As a 30 year old man, with few friends, and no one to tell this to I feel I have failed. As the cherry on top, I'm convinced she ended things with me due to her suspicion that I struggled with depression. Something she didn't want in a relationship. I wish I were average, I wish I didn't feel things so strongly. Kindly, finch

Cherpieus Paranoia or real worry?
  • replies: 3

I have suffered depression for almost 20 years and have had 4 major depressive periods in those years. I am in one at the moment. I am on AD's but they are not working and I'm waiting to get in to see a Psychiatrist. I need some advice because I don'... View more

I have suffered depression for almost 20 years and have had 4 major depressive periods in those years. I am in one at the moment. I am on AD's but they are not working and I'm waiting to get in to see a Psychiatrist. I need some advice because I don't trust my own thoughts and feelings. I'm 41 and have been married to my second husband for four years. Between us we have four children. Mine are 15 year old twins and they live with us half time. He has a 23 year old daughter who has a 3year old girl - they don't live with us. His son is has just turned 20 and is married - they both live with us full time. My husband has been married twice before. The first was for 18 years. The second he puts down as a mistake and was only married for one year. During the course of our relationship I have always worried about him wanting other women (including his ex wives) and vice versa. He is Irish, quite flirtacious and can be very charming. Previously when I have communicated by concerns/feelings with him he has gotten angry and accused me of being unreasonably jealous. Recently I found a personal message he sent to his ex wife (the one he was married to for a short time) on facebook. He is not friends of hers on Facebook and I get the feeling she may have blocked him but he has tried to send her a message. The message contained some lies about his life now and doesn't mention he is married again. It also states his email address and offers a place for her and her family to stay if they are ever in Sydney. She lives in America. I feel upset that he has tried to contact her but I'm reluctant to say anything to him in case he gets angry and accuses me of being jealous and brings up the other times I've been jealous of other women. As I said I don't trust my feelings or reactions. I don't know if I'm being paranoid and unreasonably upset and I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Clarity1964 He's depressed, I'm depressed, we're depressed
  • replies: 2

I am so lost at the moment. I have recently been diagnosed with, and medicated for depression. I am busy, we are all busy, I really need to find a counsellor but Dr Bulk Bill was none too interested in that. I cry a lot still, but the gnawing and chu... View more

I am so lost at the moment. I have recently been diagnosed with, and medicated for depression. I am busy, we are all busy, I really need to find a counsellor but Dr Bulk Bill was none too interested in that. I cry a lot still, but the gnawing and churning of angst has settled. I work, I run a house with an active 12yo and 16yo and everyone thinks I've got it all together. Except my husband. We've only been married since April. He has chronic pain caused from an episode of shingles not caught soon enough and resulting in post hepetic nueralgia - like a tooth ache in your ribs, 24/7. So painful a shirt hurts some days. He is only high doses of nerve pain medication. He too has recently been diagnosed with depression and is having lots of suicidal thoughts. He is going back to his doctor again this week for a change of anti-d and referral to a psychologist for some cbt for his pain and also to address the depression. His situation is far worse than mine. He has just shut down. We have little emotional intimacy. We used to talk and talk and talk for hours. Now we can be completely silent for hours. If I cry he doesn't notice. If I do all the chores he doesn't notice. If I dress for him he doesn't notice. I am so lonely and have lost my best friend, lover and husband. I have gently tried talking about some of this, but he just is in a world of his own. We both work longish hours and I know it helps him to be able to exercise too but I do all the shopping, cooking, washing and cleaning and am overwhelmed. I don't know how to help him or help myself. I fear for our marriage.

Sally_J What am I doing wrong if at al
  • replies: 1

Hi there, I'm a 45 year old single mum with two kids. I divorced 12 years ago which ended as a result of infidelity (him).....I got into another relationship 3 years after my break up which lasted 2 years which again ended as a result of infidelity (... View more

Hi there, I'm a 45 year old single mum with two kids. I divorced 12 years ago which ended as a result of infidelity (him).....I got into another relationship 3 years after my break up which lasted 2 years which again ended as a result of infidelity (him) I have been in a few r/ships since but nothing lasting long than 4 months and definitely without total commitment on my behalf. So after 6 years of being single I finally got involved with a man whom I fell head of heels for. He is separated from his wife as a result of infidelity (him) which I was aware of when I decided to commit to him. My story is not about my not trusting him it is about the guilt he harbours towards his ex wife for what he did to her. She is depressed, voliatile and extremely nasty and as a result of the pain he has caused her she takes it out on their 11 year old daughter. I understand that she is hurting and feels guilty for part of her pain and suffering but I don't believe that he should be the person responsible for her repair....He does not understand when I try to explain to him that time spent trying to console her is time impeding on our r/ship.......I would like to add she is 53 years of age and has 2 other daughters who are 30 and 27 years of age who are from a previous marriage who never see there biological father which she believes is an appropriate situation. My partner insists that he needs to be as helpful as he can any time his ex needs assistance as it is for the best of their daughter. This is causing major issues with my partner and I as I feel he is investing too much time with her subsequently biding into our time together. I suffer with depression and have done for many years and as a result of above mentioned actions by my partner I am finding it extremely hard to move forward in our r/ship......am I being selfish? What and how do I get thru to him that his actions are hurtful and affecting our r/ship?

ridefast Dumped by a woman with BPD
  • replies: 1

Hi I am hopeful someone can help me with moving on from what I know to be a discard and end of a relationship with a BPD woman who end the relationship two weeks ago. I am depressed and in a lot of emotional pain from the rejection, I long for her to... View more

Hi I am hopeful someone can help me with moving on from what I know to be a discard and end of a relationship with a BPD woman who end the relationship two weeks ago. I am depressed and in a lot of emotional pain from the rejection, I long for her to reach out to me but I am afraid this time she is gone for good. She has dumped me about 20 times in the last 5 years in this affair ( we are both married) I am condependant and she has continually broken my heart with promises to leave her husband for me. She dumped me on May 11 only to beg me to take her back on May 20th and with a commitment to leave here husband, move to Chicago with me and start a family. I then caught her in a major lie about her husband and how they spend her time and she denied it and even called him on the phone with me there to prove she wasnt lying. I knew deep down inside I was being lied to and begged for the truth which she never gave until a few weeks ago. I lost it after 4 years of abuse threaten to tell her parents and husband about us if she didn't start telling the truth. She then has been distant and just dumped me and it's been very quiet. I know I should not have threaten her and I apologized to her and she says she is so scared of me that she fears for her life (OMG) Most of the four plus years was a lot of her pushing me away and what I think to be lies...Never eats with her husband, they don't talk, they don't have sex, they don't have a relationship and she is going to leave him regardless. I know this is broken but I can't stop hurting and wanting her to validate me by calling or texting . I know it has to end cause it's crazy but I feel like I am going crazy because I can't let her go when she has been so abusive to me for so long. Love to know your thoughts

RitaLee Cannot see any future
  • replies: 1

Hi, I am a 42 yrs old female mum of a wonderful 4 months old little boy. I have been married for a very long time and almost given up on being a mum but then my little miracle happened. I don't think I have ever felt better than when I was pregnant. ... View more

Hi, I am a 42 yrs old female mum of a wonderful 4 months old little boy. I have been married for a very long time and almost given up on being a mum but then my little miracle happened. I don't think I have ever felt better than when I was pregnant. I thought my husband and I could not be happier. I thought that we were going to make Australia our home now. I love Australia. I thought I was the luckiest person in the universe. We often joked on how we would be getting old and grumpy together and how our son would need to be patient. But my husband was increasingly moody and irritable. I felt like he didn't want me around. He stopped holding my hands, hugging me at night, kissing me goodbye ... He stopped loving me. Just like that, he is not in love with me anymore. I feel so much anger. I cry. I cannot see my future. My little boy brings me joy, his smile fills my heart and I just love being a mum. But I just don't know what to do next. I feel lonely and lost and no one I can talk to. I want the best possible life for my little boy but how can I stay strong if I don't even know where I am going to live in the next few months???? I feel I have no choices anymore and no means to make new choices.

pollypossum Depression the 3rd person in our marriage - now he's left
  • replies: 1

My husband left myself and our 3 kiddies several weeks back 7 to be exact - i understand that one of the primary reasons or contributing factors as to why he's left is that he is suffering heavily with Anxiety and Depression. I do not think he is awa... View more

My husband left myself and our 3 kiddies several weeks back 7 to be exact - i understand that one of the primary reasons or contributing factors as to why he's left is that he is suffering heavily with Anxiety and Depression. I do not think he is aware or understands exactly how much it has taken him over, he sees no possibility no wants to try and give our relationship a try. So i have asked that he move out officially so as not to drag it on for the children. 1. do i tell him i believe Depression is a factor ? 2. How can i help him ? 3. Are there any cases where the man, husband - father ever comes back ? Thanks

LostIndependent3 My Boyfriend Ignores me, has depression, it's killing me too it seems, help me!
  • replies: 3

Hello, 3 months ago I met my first boyfriend, we are in a LDR for the time being, we are both guys, we share many common insecurities and mental health problems that we both use to find comfort in confiding in each other for, we have been very much i... View more

Hello, 3 months ago I met my first boyfriend, we are in a LDR for the time being, we are both guys, we share many common insecurities and mental health problems that we both use to find comfort in confiding in each other for, we have been very much in love. I have been very miserable. I couldn't even do my routine this week, I just sit in my room all day, feeling angry, confused, sad, depressed. For the both of us this is our very first relationship (we are 18), I live in Australia, he lives in the USA. However we use to talk about plans of moving to Europe together next year. His parents have picked up on how bad his situation is and are admitting him into an intensive depression rehabilitation facility. This is a 3-6 month 24/7 therapy which I am hoping will bring him back to his real self. It has been only just a mere several weeks and it feels like years that i have lost him for. This could be a hell of a painful 3-6 months, I just don't know how I can get through it? Yesterday I asked him to message me this morning, he didn't even do that. Apart of me tells me to just suck it up, and wait it out for him to get the intensive rehab he needs. The other part of me is saying to just let him go for my own health. But for the majority of it, something is telling me that I need to give him the space he needs, and let him come to me in however many months it takes for him to recover. But I am scared of how I can handle waiting months for something that might not come of it?I managed to get him to talk to me for a mere 30 minutes the other night, for the first time in weeks. When I asked him how he really feels about me, he said this: "I love you with all that I am. I'd die for you. I just want to kiss you and hug you and explore with you and make love with you and enjoy life with you and ultimately live with you." There is got to be a lot of times when I am talking to the depression, and times where he just opens himself enough to let his real self talk. I really am just trying to understand what to do. I love him so much and don't want to leave him. But for my own mental state, what is the best decision? I cant exactly tell him he needs to talk to me more, even though I'd kill for him to just communicate with me, because that wont change anything. I want nothing more then for him to recover, so I can buy us plane tickets to travel in another country alone together and live happily.

daisy-doo-little estranged mother with undiagnosed mental illness
  • replies: 3

My mother has not acknowledged my existence (or my brothers) since his first child was born. That was 12 years ago. During time her mother passed on and she told us there would be a large inheritance for us. At the time my husband was chronically ill... View more

My mother has not acknowledged my existence (or my brothers) since his first child was born. That was 12 years ago. During time her mother passed on and she told us there would be a large inheritance for us. At the time my husband was chronically ill and my bro was expecting his first child so we both could have used the money. Suddenly all communication with my mum about her mothers will dwindled. When we asked what was happening she sent my bro a letter from her lawyers demanding he payback a small loan with interest!! When asked to attend her first grandchild christening she begrudgingly came but avoided any gentle questions we had for her saying there was no money. All throughout my life she has been manipulative, judgemental, harsh, paranoid etc. She has sent back letters unopened that I have sent to her to try and figure out what is going on. Subsequently she has 2 other grandchildren of which 1 she doesnt know about. My mother is getting old and im wondering if I should get back in touch and try again or let bygones be bygone. I must admit that I have thrived since my mother cut herself out of my life through my own hardwork and determination.

Ayla I have a difficult life and would like some advice if possible
  • replies: 2

I'm having dramas with my partner. We recently got engaged after being together for a year. We've had many issues in this year, mostly to do with completely different parenting styles. He has 4 sons, teens to early 20's and I have one son second elde... View more

I'm having dramas with my partner. We recently got engaged after being together for a year. We've had many issues in this year, mostly to do with completely different parenting styles. He has 4 sons, teens to early 20's and I have one son second eldest in the mix. My son has ADHD, ASD and ODD and raising him was impossibly hard. Mentally it's been like living in a domestic violence situation but one I wasn't allowed to leave. I begged for help constantly and got nowhere. Our family from all sides left us. My own relationship with my own parents is non existent and it's far more healthy for me to not have them in my life. My relationship with my son is mostly a good one now that he's grown. He's a hard working, decent human being and I am incredibly proud of how far he's come, but the effects of raising him are long standing. I have PTSD, bad anxiety and right now feel dangerously on the path back to depression. My son hates people and doesn't understand my need to find love and be in a relationship, but he has never been disrespectful to my partner and they have a good relationship. My son really is the only friend I have apart from my partner. I've been isolated for so long now that I have no skills to make friends. I have people who love me, but I have no ability to socialise with them and tend to spend most of my days at home. Even before anxiety I was a homebody, but I have reached a point where I have a need for excitement, fun and passion in my life. I love my partner and I know he loves me, but we fight so much. We are on completely different wavelengths, and can NOT find a middle ground with our parenting. I have raised my son to be independent, respectful, hard working and responsible, despite the odds. He has raised his to be lazy and ungrateful, unhelpful, and seems to believe that it's his responsibility and job to provide for them all, even though his own financial situation is insanely bad and they are all working at least part time except for the youngest who is still in school. He still does absolutely everything for them. He feels he is making up for the lack of care by their mother who is still in their lives but rarely sees the older two. His parenting goes against everything I believe in and because we never agree on anything, we seem to be having the same 'discussion' repeatedly. I'm exhausted. I still have issues with my son and now all of this. I just want to be loved without the hurt and dramas and am completely lost.