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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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RickyC7 Communicating to my wife better
  • replies: 2

Hi, I'm currently listening to a marriage audio book called 'His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by Willard F. Harley'. It talks about the differences between men and women and how to bridge the gap between them to grow healthier ... View more

Hi, I'm currently listening to a marriage audio book called 'His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by Willard F. Harley'. It talks about the differences between men and women and how to bridge the gap between them to grow healthier stronger relationships. This has always been a personal aim for life and my children. We encourage open dialogue regarding feelings to encourage better communication skills. This however doesn't seem to reciprocate onto my wife and I. Basically I feel like this: I have a wife who I love and cherish, but when I try to speak my mind or how I feel these discussions always fall on deaf ears. If I sit around being a family man, helping with the kids, assisting in the house where I can then all things are fine. I give her compliments, buy her flowers, we have great sex when we have it and generally it looks like a great harmonious relationship. BUT, if I want to have a deep and connected discussion about my feelings then that's shunned, avoided, even fallen asleep on. I sound like a woman here after listening to this audio book because I am actually looking for a deeper relationship that is connected at a level that is built on understanding each other not just doing what she wants! That last statement sounds selfish but I have stood by and given her the things that she cried and screamed for, more children, she has 4 of them now and it actually seems like she has what she wants and now I am the accessory on the side line that must just been seen and not herd because that is almost a demodulating quality for her and she can't deal with a man not having his 'stuff' together. She seems to be only happy with a rosy relationship that ticks the boxes that she has in her head. There have been improvements and I am positive that she after about 4 years of almost begging for change that she actually is starting to listen, but there is no feedback. It's just silence and staring. I recently made plans to assist the family with having what she wants and put into motion the steps needed so that she and the kids would be looked after but then she started to connect ever so slightly so I stopped the plan. This audio book has highlighted my deepest fears that we are not connected on a deeper level but only superficial ornaments wearing the hat of husband and wife. I have asked repeatedly to go to concealing but she won't. She won't even contend the idea that perhaps she might actually be doing something wrong. Any help plz

someguy82 A sudden and unresolved break up
  • replies: 1

I am currently finding it very stressful getting over a relationship. Throughout the relationship she was always very back on forth in what she told me. She would say she wanted a realtinship and then go completely in the opposite direction (yet alwa... View more

I am currently finding it very stressful getting over a relationship. Throughout the relationship she was always very back on forth in what she told me. She would say she wanted a realtinship and then go completely in the opposite direction (yet always providing hope that she wanted it to work out). We actually broke it off three times in total, with her initiating starting it again each time. the last time she came down to seee me one night and explained that she often runs away from relationships and that she didn't want too do this with me. less than a week later she did exactly the same thing. One of the hardest parts is she did not see me to telll me this. She just left and I never saw her again. She texted but didn't even call. We kept in contact for a while (probably a bad idea) but never saw or spoke to each other. She now does not communicate at all. I last saw her a few months ago and I know it wouldn't have worked out but I'm finding it hard top let go and its really causing my anxiety and depression symptoms to become almost unbearable. I know it would not have worked out and tell myself this and that it was good to meet her anyway and try to make it positive. I keep active, date other people and all the other things that should help but recently its been harder and harder to do this and my anxiety and depression is becoming worse. I don't know whats going to make it better.

fj_1980 Feeling lost
  • replies: 5

Hi, let me try again, my last one was to long. I've got a long story to tell but not enough characters to do it in so i'll do my best to summarise. Im nearly 35, on my 2nd marriage, and third serious relationship. The first was my high school GF 5yrs... View more

Hi, let me try again, my last one was to long. I've got a long story to tell but not enough characters to do it in so i'll do my best to summarise. Im nearly 35, on my 2nd marriage, and third serious relationship. The first was my high school GF 5yrs, then my first wife 7 1/2yrs with a now 10yr old son and now my current wife 4yrs and a 7 month old son. I really started my life again at when i met my current wife. After two horrible relationships with people who i now wonder what a saw in them my wife showed my that i could have the relationship i'd always dreamed of. We get along great, and i love her to bits, she has been very supportive. My trouble is i feel down all the time, in spite of the fact that my marriage is good i feel lost, unhappy, lack motivation and struggle finding energy to do everyday things. My wife has been with more sexual partners than i have and i feel jealous of this, i feel i've wasted my life and have alot of regret. I sometimes get visual images of her with these men and get sick feeling like she has cheated. I stress about her comparing me to them like i dont make the cut. I feel stupid because we both have a past, it shouldnt bother me. She is good and talks through it. There are issues with my ex and my son, she brainwashes him. Work is hard and i keep getting knocked back on opportunities to try other fields. Matt

KaraArtist Poisonous family members
  • replies: 12

Feedback and shared stories welcome. My brother and I have been loosing our once impenetrable relationship, he passes heavy judgments on me no matter what I do. When he attempted suicide (I imagine his behavior prior to this may have been a sign) it ... View more

Feedback and shared stories welcome. My brother and I have been loosing our once impenetrable relationship, he passes heavy judgments on me no matter what I do. When he attempted suicide (I imagine his behavior prior to this may have been a sign) it was necessary for me to take on the emotional load for my family because they fell apart, mum was catatonic and detached, the rest just couldn't cope. I held him in my arms from the moment he rocked up on my door to the moment they took him away to stay at the ward. He gets out and has met "the one", she was also in the ward for a similar reason. He seemed happy. But as time went on the both of them began to pass judgment on me again. I've been accepting of all the emotional baggage the two of them have and been there for them in hard times. They just had a baby, two weeks, I still have not been allowed to meet him. I spent the last half of the pregnancy sourcing and collecting things they would need for new baby because my brother lost his job and they were in big trouble. I have expressed that I understand they need time alone and I can wait to meet my nephew. This was met with comments about how I was being impatient and making this all about me and blowing things out of proportion. I'm confused about this response.Needless to say there is much more and I am beyond crushed. Unfortunately it has gotten to a point where I don't really want to meet my nephew now and don't want to be in the same room as my brother and his partner. I too battle with depression and have come a very long way from my darkest point.My brother has a regular group he goes to dealing with violence and mental health in young men and his partner refuses to get help. Doesn't change the way I'm treated unfortunately so I have decided to quietly move myself out of the firing line. I've been there for long enough and my health is just as important as anyone else. I've gotten rid of all the poisonous people in my life and now the only ones left still hurting me are a handful of family members. My partner and I will be moving to a place that I've always dreamed of living and I will no longer come running at the beck and call of harmful people. They will have to learn to cope with life without me carrying them all the way from now on.This has been years in the making and the hardest choice I've ever had to make.beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Sharvi Have I stuffed up
  • replies: 4

I have been in a relationship with my partner for 18 months, until today we were happy and getting married in May next year. Today happened to be the day we spent in family court going through the finer details of my children from a previous relation... View more

I have been in a relationship with my partner for 18 months, until today we were happy and getting married in May next year. Today happened to be the day we spent in family court going through the finer details of my children from a previous relationship. I have not seen or heard from my kids in over 8 months and in that time I have struggled to cope with the situation. In the process of the details with the Laywers he mentioned that my ex had brought up that I also had a son from 15 years ago that I have had nothing to do with from day 1. My future wife turned and looked at me in a way she never has before. I told her that we had spoken about this but clearly by her reaction I have not. On further thought I can now see that I may not have but maintain that this was not intentional. I found out about this boy when he was around 5 years old and offered to do whatever I had to do to help but was told it was not nessasary. I don't no if I'm being selfish or not but my main concern and has been for the last 8 or so months with my 2 children, my stepdaughter and my partner. I don't no what the outcome will be from the fallout of this but a this point the sun is not shining. I do understand that being a parent is a full time job that we do whole heartedly but can I be blamed for something that happened 15 years ago tried to help when I was told but was asked not to in anyway. Is this a massive oversight on my behalf? I can understand the way my partner may feel betrayed but this is not something that is at the forefront of my mind. I can honestly say that today was the first time I have heard his name in at least 10 years. I do believe I have stuffed up majorly and am more than willing to put my hand up and admit that but from where I am sitting things do not look very good with my future wife to be

LikeSnow Wife at the end
  • replies: 8

My husband was diagnosed with severe depression 10months ago. He seeks help and medication. Nothing seems to be working really well. he is constantly trying to leave me and the kids as "we deserve better" and when he's not doing that I am getting a v... View more

My husband was diagnosed with severe depression 10months ago. He seeks help and medication. Nothing seems to be working really well. he is constantly trying to leave me and the kids as "we deserve better" and when he's not doing that I am getting a verbal beating. I've been called every name under the sun, I've had things thrown at me, and every conversation turns into some argument. Whether I'm in it or not. I get the undertone swearing and name calling when I don't get dragged into his crap. i work full time among looking after 3 kids, volunteer work and all the rest. My career is flourishing. This is another point for arguments. He has no goals and likes his 9-5 job. Which I have no problem with, but because I have goals I am beaten down. I can't speak to other men without being accused. I can't hang out with friends, text, take phone calls or go anywhere with an explanation. i feel completely soulless now. I'm happy still when I'm around other people. I have high anxiety about being alone with my husband and have no feelings anymore. I am so numb. does this get any better? Is it worth hanging in there? I am so lost. Even an affair is on my radar I am so desperate for some non-abusive companionship. I never thought those words would come out of my mouth. I feel like such a horrible person.

Polka_Dots Loneliness
  • replies: 6

I’m in my late 20s and I have never dated. It makes me feel like a freak. Now to make matters worse all my friends are either married, engaged or in serious long term relationships. Some are even on their second baby. I don’t have friends anymore. I ... View more

I’m in my late 20s and I have never dated. It makes me feel like a freak. Now to make matters worse all my friends are either married, engaged or in serious long term relationships. Some are even on their second baby. I don’t have friends anymore. I have always liked my me time but I used to have a quiet but steady social life. Now if I want to see a movie or just have a chat and a coffee I can't ask anyone. My original friends just do couple things. I rarely get invited. If I do it ends up being awful, with everyone pairing off with their others and sharing couple stories. I feel left out until they ask me why I’m still single and say I have problem about never dating. Then I feel like even more of a freak. Now I decline their very few invitations. I never ask them out anymore because they always have an excuse or they insist partners be included. My friends used to put me first and I would reciprocate but now I am nothing. I get angry and scared because no one feels I'm significant anymore and I don’t think anyone will ever again. I can go for a whole weekend without speaking to anyone except the check-out staff at IGA and no one cares. My extended family don’t live in here and I know them little. My parents just don’t get being in your 20s in 2015 and they also travel lots not I'm grown. Plus I need to connect with other people closer to my age. They had me late though and I am scared that before I know it I will have no one. I have tried the generic ‘making friends’ activities like a new job, helping at an animal shelter, netball, swimming and an art class but I feel like a freak because they don’t work for me when people say they should. When I rarely connect with someone they are already settled down with no time- or it happens soon after we meet and they drop off. The pattern makes it harder to go through the exercise now because I just anticipate them dropping off. My social anxiety isn't helping and I don’t have the confidence to try the above new things anymore. The outside world gets scarier every day (I live alone). I have discussed this with my therapist but I have so many fires to put out right now we never really get time to fully cover it. I actually have an imaginary friend at my age to fill the void- but unlike a 4 year old I know it's fake. Does anyone have any strategies for dealing with loneliness (either fixing the situation or just being able to manage it in your head)? I just can’t to go on like this anymore.

CtrlAltDelete Not sure if I can support him anymore...
  • replies: 3

I have been with my partner for 10 years now and about 5 or so years ago he was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. He took medication for a while, but stopped using it a couple of years ago because he said it started to make him feel worse. Over ... View more

I have been with my partner for 10 years now and about 5 or so years ago he was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. He took medication for a while, but stopped using it a couple of years ago because he said it started to make him feel worse. Over the past couple of years things just haven't got any better for him. He hasn't had a job for over a year and whenever he's had one they only last a few weeks before he quits. He has such a negative attitude towards everything and basically can't see the good in anyone or anything. He just sits at home all day and plays on his playstation all day. He refuses to seek help or go back on medication. I feel like he thinks I should be responsible for his wellbeing, or if I am, then I am doing a terrible job at it. I work full time, so I am the sole breadwinner of the household. We don't have any kids, but we have a dog (I was kind of hoping that having a dog will help him a little). I have tried so hard to support him through this, but I feel like I'm getting nowhere and it's really starting to have a negative impact on my wellbeing as well. (I was diagnosed with depression in my late teens). He says I don't understand how he feels and thinks I'm lying when I've told him I've been through it as well, although I'll admit mine wasn't as severe as what he's dealing with, it doesn't mean it never happened! I've just gotten to a point where I feel like I can't or don't want to keep supporting him if he's not going to try and help himself. I'm starting to resent him for not even trying and I feel like a lot of the time, he's just making excuses so he doesn't have to do things he doesn't want to do. I'm so torn because I love him and care about him so much, but where do I draw the line between caring for him and caring for myself? I've put his needs before mine for so long that I've lost friends and barely see my family at all now. Is it wrong to want to put myself first? If I break up with him, I know I'll feel so guilty and I'll worry about him and how he will cope, but if I stay, then I think we'll both just be miserable forever. Please, I need advice!!

MsTLB83 Narcissistic Relationship.
  • replies: 1

Just a few days ago my boyfriend broke up with me with no explanation leaving me feeling emotional. I got called a psycho by him because of it which made it worse as I already suffer with depression and anxiety. We had only been together for two mont... View more

Just a few days ago my boyfriend broke up with me with no explanation leaving me feeling emotional. I got called a psycho by him because of it which made it worse as I already suffer with depression and anxiety. We had only been together for two months but felt like we known each other for ages. We spoke about our future together , getting married , having kids , buying a house , going overseas we even said I love you a few weeks after we met. He lived 4 hours away from me but always made the time to come and see me. I even often suggested to come and see him but I always got a no from him. He never like phone conversations and always wanted to chat through kik. When it came time for me wanting to meet his parents he always made some excuse up as to why I could not meet them. Just before our breakup he told me he is going away to Thailand in September for 14 days .....by himself I was really upset by this as I had questions as to why he never told me or asked if I wanted to go ?when we were in the middle of breaking up he told me that he has been seeing someone else for three years while he was seeing me.I'm in so much shock and depressed as one day he tells me he loves me to the moon and back and next he said he wants nothing todo with me. I am still in love with this guy but can't move on without an explanation. Has anyone else had the same issues ?

oceanentity Afraid
  • replies: 2

Hi. 3 years ago my ex husband revealed the unthinkable I don't want to discuss that part. I am off antidepressants now since January. Recently allowed myself to date. Have met a lovely man 5 months now. This new feeling of what im reading is attatchm... View more

Hi. 3 years ago my ex husband revealed the unthinkable I don't want to discuss that part. I am off antidepressants now since January. Recently allowed myself to date. Have met a lovely man 5 months now. This new feeling of what im reading is attatchment issues are coming into my thoughts. I've not experienced this. I'm 41. I feel sad when I leave him. I miss him terribly. I obsess when he doesn't text often I fear it may end I have over last few years done extensive therapy on healing and are because of the nature of how my marriage ended are Definately not wanting my ex husband so I'm very present in this relationship I just don't enjoy these thoughts or feelings it is creating anxiety and some old feelings of depression in me