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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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kanga_brumby Scard for my daughter
  • replies: 8

The other day my daughter (16) was asking about people. Who either turn toward eating, or stop eating. When they are depressed. She explained she was sad because a friends dog had died some time back. She was missing the dog. Plus her mother died in ... View more

The other day my daughter (16) was asking about people. Who either turn toward eating, or stop eating. When they are depressed. She explained she was sad because a friends dog had died some time back. She was missing the dog. Plus her mother died in 2002. She naturally misses her. We do have a good relationship , we can talk on any thing. She even asks embarrassing questions for me to answer. I am left to answer yes plus I have to fill in the blanks about sex ed and woman's issues. A good around dad I hope i am.

Not_happy_with_me Not happy.
  • replies: 1

I have had many failed relationships over the years and made many bad decisions in them and out of them. I started to date and have sex to early in my life I fell in love

I have had many failed relationships over the years and made many bad decisions in them and out of them. I started to date and have sex to early in my life I fell in love

Icantthinkofausername I feel a bit silly.
  • replies: 1

I've had a bit of anxiety for a long time now however not enough to affect my day to day life and I would just forget about it m. Recently it's been getting harder and harder with panic attacks and chest pains. Today was the first day it affected me ... View more

I've had a bit of anxiety for a long time now however not enough to affect my day to day life and I would just forget about it m. Recently it's been getting harder and harder with panic attacks and chest pains. Today was the first day it affected me by staying home from uni. I love uni and I had an assessment too. in the last three weeks or so I've noticed I'm more down and have been crying on a daily basis. with issues being mainly my emotionally abusive husband, my weight and stressing out for my son. im 24 with a 2 year old, and he worries sick about me and in return I feel so guilty! Yesterday he saw me have a panic attack in the shower after a blow out with my husband and he hugged me so tight. my husband has been giving me grief, I love him so much and I don't want to leave because his a great father I just want him to be good to me. I don't want to leave because I know he loves me and it would break his heart. I don't want to leave because we have been seperate back in jan and it was an extremely painful experience. he puts me down and calls me names, tells me I'm stupid and I've got nothing under control. Yells at me for everything and just makes me so upset. I've been married for 4 years but I can't seem to leave. I don't want to be the reason. Although he says in the reason for his anger. i don't want to be like this im usually so happy I feel like I'm in a downwards spiral. also my weight affects me so much I weigh 65kgs which is a normal weight for me, but I want to loose that number off the scale and be skinny so maybe I will be happy with at least something in my life.

sarahanne11 I broke up with him, but it doesn't make it any easier
  • replies: 5

I just broke up with my partner of almost 4 years. Our relationship has been up and down since day one. I am the kind of person who puts a lot of effort and love into a relationship, and he was mostly closed off. He rarely said nice things to me, com... View more

I just broke up with my partner of almost 4 years. Our relationship has been up and down since day one. I am the kind of person who puts a lot of effort and love into a relationship, and he was mostly closed off. He rarely said nice things to me, complimented me (not just looks wise, on things like a promotion at work). He was unreliable and let me down a lot. He also engaged in emotional affairs with other people, and lied about a lot of things. He never wanted to be intimate. Yet every single time he broke up with me, a few days or weeks later he would beg for forgiveness. I struggled to understand why he did this, but after almost four years of this cycle I decided enough was enough. I felt worthless in the relationship, so I finally had the courage to end it. It has been so tough these first few days. I worry I won't find someone. I worry that I will always feel this way. I worry that it was my fault he treated me that way and there must be something wrong with me. I worry I am making a mistake. I guess I just want to know if it gets better. Is there ever a light at the end of the tunnel? Just because I found the courage to end the relationship, it doesn't make it hurt any less.

HelpBroken-hearted All control is lost.
  • replies: 2

My partner of 3.5 years has suffered for some time with depression but hadn't acted on it until 3 weeks ago. He made a move to a town far from home(Melb) & was struggling on his own. I made him go to a GP after suffering get another nervous break dow... View more

My partner of 3.5 years has suffered for some time with depression but hadn't acted on it until 3 weeks ago. He made a move to a town far from home(Melb) & was struggling on his own. I made him go to a GP after suffering get another nervous break down. he was put on antidepressants & was told to try his best at making his life happy with sport, friends, family ect. 2 days ago I came home to him with my brother & their friend having a nice time over a few drinks, I was cooking dinner & my partner suddlenly left the house & upon following him & asking what's wrong he told me he "can't do this anymore" & "can't be with me anymore", & before I could get a word in someone came to pick him up. this came as a HUGE shock to me, as I hadn't seen any changes in our relationship or the way he treated me, to the point he begged me to move down to his new home town(moved for work)straight after returning from our 6 week trip to the USA (which was 5 weeks ago.) (he has also now apparently left this job & is living in Melbourne again) i messaged him to ask if he was ok & to call & chat when he's ready. I received an immediate call back, & he confirmed he was breaking up with me for a number of reasons: He believes he needs to be with someone with more "structure & drive" than I have (I have always worked full time until being made redundant before our trip, and still not working as I moved to a small town with not many jobs) he can't be looking after me right now he needs to figure out who he is right now he believes we've been toxic for each other for some time now he then came over the next day &spoke more which ended with my crying on the stairs & him driving away. im devastated & so confused about what happened because I can't get answers & I can't get in contact with him; the person who told me only a week ago he wanted to marry me one day. as a desperate bid to understand what is happening I made the mistake of logging into his Facebook& saw he was searching for a number ex-flings prior to our relationship Friends & family of ours believe this isn't a permanent break up, he will come around, which I somewhat believed before seeing his Facebook, now I'm scared this is for good & it's not just the depression. i just don't know what to do from here, do I reach out to him to see how he is? Do I wait for him to contact me? I just need closure but I feel so helpless as he wouldn't give me a straight answer. please help me, I'm desperately seeking guidance

Raini Lost my job and on the same day found my husband straying šŸ˜”
  • replies: 2

I feel like my world is crashing down around me. I was told that I no longer had a job so raced home to busy myself with getting my resume sorted. Suddenly realising that I would need a contact number, grabbed my old SIM card but the phone wasn't wor... View more

I feel like my world is crashing down around me. I was told that I no longer had a job so raced home to busy myself with getting my resume sorted. Suddenly realising that I would need a contact number, grabbed my old SIM card but the phone wasn't working so grabbed my husbands old phone and charged it. Long story short, was with my 10yrold when it started pinging, what's that? Then stopped and started seeing sex msgs coming up, current right then... Tried to stay calm, dropped my daughter off and then freaked out....Text him who is ?? He said old friend why? I said the sex msgs between you and her are coming up on that other phone of yours? I don't know what to do, I feel so guilty like it's my fault for being a bad wife, not keeping him happy. We have been married for 12years this month, two children. My heart is breaking in two, I never thought this would happen to me. How do I move forward? How do I trust him? He says it's because there is no intimacy. Has anyone been through this and come out the other side better? So sad, pretending for the kids.

Woz84 Nice guys finish last
  • replies: 2

This is my first post on anything like this, I've never been one to really open up my emotions. This has been the worst year of my life, I've lost everything. My long term partner looked me straight in the eye and said I don't love you. Leaving to on... View more

This is my first post on anything like this, I've never been one to really open up my emotions. This has been the worst year of my life, I've lost everything. My long term partner looked me straight in the eye and said I don't love you. Leaving to only be told months later that she needed me and wanted me back to again a month or two later to be told once again that she doesn't love me broke my heart all over again, then to top it off kicked me out of our home. We were engaged and have a 3 year old daughter whom I adore with all that I am. I had left the army to be with them gave up a career so we could all be together. The funny thing is her career is going great. And now I'm stuck with nothing, no home a dead end job and I don't have my daughter running up to me every day after work. i have never been thanked by my ex for how hard I worked or the sacrifices I made. Now I get comments like "I'm the mother I'll always win in court" I'm an amazing father I know that it's one of the few things in this world I'm completely proud of. It hurts me a lot to think I don't have her with me. I feel no control, where she goes to daycare etc. im a broken man I don't see a lot of happiness I hate where I work I feel like I'm losing my daughter and losing control of everything. I don't see a point to anything anymore. I'm sick of people telling me your daughters the point. But what about me. When will I be happy when will someone pull me aside and say "thank you" "I appreciate all that you do" that to me is but a fantasy sorry if the structure doesn't sound right just don't know how to put how I feel into words.

adamhere Post break up blues compounded by health
  • replies: 1

Hi all,my exgirfriend broke up with me 3weeks ago f44 me 43.Which had absolutely shattered me.We were together for 3yrs and and the 6months was obviously very testing with me being depressed from lack of work at beginning of year.(am self employed tr... View more

Hi all,my exgirfriend broke up with me 3weeks ago f44 me 43.Which had absolutely shattered me.We were together for 3yrs and and the 6months was obviously very testing with me being depressed from lack of work at beginning of year.(am self employed trade.I first had an ex-wife of 13yrs who she was abusive and the next one was an alcoholic and prostitue that i found out after dating her for 3mths.Both of these relationships i broke off and was single for about 4yrs to find my true inner self which was needed.Then met my current ex and was a connection of love that id never had before and we could almost read each others minds.I truly adored her. She broke up with me 3weeks ago and last 2weeks I've gone into NC and have learnt so much about relationships and what happened in ours.So i started self improvement working out and eating well etccā€¦.and was starting to feel good about things and hope. Then 2days ago i injured my lower back with a herniated disc and can't work and am bed or couch ridden.This time laying aroung is causing my existing depression to worsen and anxiety.Have been on antis for last 3mthsā€¦..But this injury has sucked the life out of me and can't believe the timing of it.Have had it once before.Feel so hopeless and down.They say a good thing to beat anxiety is to take up exerciseā€¦Cant even do that and I'm punishing my self and thinking about the woman i adored so much to compound things.

rudyreed Disfunctional family
  • replies: 5

I am mid fifties woman from a big family who always got along as adults in the past. My mother got sick in her 80s and my siblings turned on each other and when my mother died 3 sat on one side of the church at the funeral and 3 on the other. One sid... View more

I am mid fifties woman from a big family who always got along as adults in the past. My mother got sick in her 80s and my siblings turned on each other and when my mother died 3 sat on one side of the church at the funeral and 3 on the other. One side did not go to her wake. I was very distressed that my sisters and brother were not talking and I tried very hard to help patch things up and now none of my siblings talks to me. This has been almost 10 years ago and I struggle most days not knowing how to deal with this rejection.

white knight Anger then regret- the pendulum
  • replies: 0

Iā€™m on mood stabilisers but that pendulum persists albeit less so under my medication. Medication can only do so much and is only one ingredient in the mix of solution to mental illness. Raise the medication and the side effects become too much and t... View more

Iā€™m on mood stabilisers but that pendulum persists albeit less so under my medication. Medication can only do so much and is only one ingredient in the mix of solution to mental illness. Raise the medication and the side effects become too much and the effect sort after doesnā€™t come eg the pendulum persists. Lower the medication and there is less desired effect. Iā€™ve tried both of these. All other things have changed also- settled into a country environment, sorted out my toxic family members, secured ourselves financially, established hobbies and passions, grow our own vegies, got a dog, we attend the gym every second dayā€¦etc. There is not one stone unturned. The symptoms of my mood which others on the receiving end would likely see as anger (I see it as being ā€œsnappyā€) come about like a short fuse. This short fuse is more likely to happen when one of two things happen- 1/ Iā€™m in the midst of physically exerting myself and Iā€™m interrupted or 2/ Iā€™m on a mission doing a task and am interrupted. The interesting thing about the above is- that both my siblings (one dec, the other my sister 5 years younger) had/have the same response. I never knew how to approach my late brother and my younger sister has never known how to approach me. My wife of 4 years told me the same a few days ago. ā€œIā€™m between a rock and a hard placeā€ she said. Do I not ask you what you'd like for lunch only to be criticised for not asking or ask and get snapped at? . I agreed with her and my answer is that this moody attitude/mentality is my natural response without premeditation. So we have to live with it. So I donā€™t believe there are answers to everything. But to not be happy when digging the garden when one is merely asked what Iā€™d like to eat for lunch or not being happy when Iā€™m under the car fixing its faulty ball joint when asked ā€œwhen is it going to be finished cause I want to go shoppingā€ when I witness others being happy all the time (seemingly) and answering calmly. All it takes is for me to say ā€œpies would be nice darlā€ or ā€œ30 minutes and it will be doneā€. Of course on each and every occasion this anger comes there is guilt and regret because a loved on suffers the wrath of the mood. They pay the price then I do. Of course there will be several days of calmness and happiness...the reason I think I'm as close as I can get with the medication. No, its more to do with character I feel. Are any of you hard to deal with in terms of reacting adversely? Tony WK