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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Outofsorts My husband doesn't get it
  • replies: 6

I don't know where to start...except in hindsight I've been suffering depression for Over 15 years. I've only just gone back on meds recently (was on them briefly a few years ago). In 2012 I quit a high paying job as I couldn't handle it anymore, hat... View more

I don't know where to start...except in hindsight I've been suffering depression for Over 15 years. I've only just gone back on meds recently (was on them briefly a few years ago). In 2012 I quit a high paying job as I couldn't handle it anymore, hated the industry, the long hours, the angry clients. I realise now I was depressed. My husband was infuriated with me. He's extremely money oriented and a micro manager. He thought I was being lazy and expecting him to bring in all the money. I did keep working but for a lot less money and only 4 days a week. We now have a little boy who is nearly 1 1/2 years old and the light of my life. I'm a stay at home mum but hubby is putting pressure on me to go back to work even though I don't have a job to go back to and we aren't desperate for it. But I don't feel ready. I love being at home raising my son and taking care of our house, yard etc. I get anxious when I think of looking for a job. I struggled with life when I was working before I had my son, like simple household tasks. I can't imagine how I would manage working even three days a week with a little one, even though I know people do it all the time. My husband doesn't realise how much I do around here so that he doesn't have to do it on the weekends. He doesn't realise how much this depression is crippling me...in his mind if I'm not "working" (at home or at a job) he thinks I'm being lazy. I'm originally from Canada and have been here 8 years now..hubby is Australian. I've lost all my confidence...I don't want to go back into my old industry but don't know what else to do. In addition, our love life is non-existent...I am just not interested...and hubby keeps putting pressure on me...even when going through IVF and finding out we haven't been successful...and then he keeps asking why I don't want to and we have the same bloody conversation over and over...and nothing changes. I don't know if our relationship is depressing me or if my depression is ruining our relationship. I just wish my husband could understand. I'm having trouble seeing my future beyond taking care of my son...I don't know "what I want to be when I grow up" I never have. I'm just feeling so stuck and lost.. I started taking trumpet lessons again, something I loved growing up, but I'm struggling to practice...just not motivated...I have no passion for anything and fear letting my son see this...Sorry for rambling. Everything is scrambled in my head.

Malokai Not ever married a year..
  • replies: 1

So, I married the girl I love Feb this year, things were going good or so it seemed. She met a guy at gym and was training with him pretty regular until one time I happened to find inappropriate messages between them admitting they had a crush on eac... View more

So, I married the girl I love Feb this year, things were going good or so it seemed. She met a guy at gym and was training with him pretty regular until one time I happened to find inappropriate messages between them admitting they had a crush on each other. I confronted her and she said she would not speak to him. However, she continued. Until eventually I said it was either him or me, she chose me. Told him the next day but 'hung out' for a little while after which I was upset about. We had a massive argument and she told me I smother her and don't give her room to be her own person, can I blame her when she wants to hang out with him and go to the movies etc with HIM. Anyways, so we had a week 'break' where she stayed at her folks. She came home the following weekend and broke up with me but wanted to remain friends. I have since moved back to my folks and it was two months shy of a year being married. I have since spoken to her and we have agreed to meet up and hang out, I feel so confused as I have had friends be supportive and when I tell them we are meeting up they seemed to have a negative response and don't like that I am. I am worried that I am still very confused and unsure if I wish to pursue reconciling with her because she has hurt/angered me with how she just 'gave up' without giving it one last try. I feel like I will lose friends and the respect of family but I can't just let her go. But I am unsure if I am just in the phase where I am missing 'what we had' and not her. I guess after seeing her will help with that. I want to take things really slow and not rush back into living together or anything, I want to make sure that we won't make that same mistake twice and I end up hurt. What's the best way to work out if I truly want to be with her and not 'what we had'? What is the best way to communicate and act around her that could make things work out between us? Any other advice will be helpful. I was very close with her family and they have been very supportive but of course she is their daughter and I have not heard from them since moving back to my parents house. But her family never wanted this to happen and have told me they hope it works out. Please help, I am so tired of all the ups and downs and want to know if I should pursue reconciling or just try and move on with my life.

sheisher didnt derserve me so I left, now its a mental game...
  • replies: 1

Its been 8 months since I left him a boyfriend of 6 years that put me through a lot, cheating, lies, verbal abuse... I cant seem to shake off the scares he left, and each day I go in deeper and deeper into anger and sadness. At first it was ok when I... View more

Its been 8 months since I left him a boyfriend of 6 years that put me through a lot, cheating, lies, verbal abuse... I cant seem to shake off the scares he left, and each day I go in deeper and deeper into anger and sadness. At first it was ok when I walked away, I was happy that I was able to make a such a good decision, why now 8 months down the track am I feeling like this? Who do I go and talk to? Is this even worth talking about and how do I shake it off? Ive always been the type to sweep things under the rug, but I guess this one has caught up with me.

Louise1 New and confused
  • replies: 3

Hi I'm new to all this I'm not even sure if what is happening could be depression, anxiety or both!!! I know I have signs of both but I do the tests & they all come out on the lower side of both!! My marriage has broken down to the point of separatio... View more

Hi I'm new to all this I'm not even sure if what is happening could be depression, anxiety or both!!! I know I have signs of both but I do the tests & they all come out on the lower side of both!! My marriage has broken down to the point of separation in the past 9-10 months & I have been seeing a counselor but only recently!!! I hadn't been able to book an appointment with my counselor for the past month so have been going through by myself to work on some of the things we discussed!! Our first discussion made me realise that I do love my husband even though I'd been telling him for months that I didn't & I just wanted out!! It also made me realise that I didn't like the person that I was!! So over the next couple of sessions my counselor suggested we work on me first so that's what I've been doing!! I have lost a considerable amount of weight, I'm sleeping slightly better, have more motivation & energy but mostly I have been putting myself mentally & emotionally in a better light!!! I looked in the mirror the other night & had my "lightbulb moment". I actually saw & liked the person who was looking back at me & I couldn't actually remember the last time I had done that! In that moment I realised that everything I hated about myself I had turned that on my husband & blamed him for the way I felt!!!! Unfortunately I think this realisation may have come too late as I think I have pushed my husband so far away that he will never forgive me & give me a second chance!!! I know in myself I can't do anything to change the way he feels so I'm just moving forward slowly & continuing to work on me by myself & with the support of my counselor! It doesn't make it easy at the moment when I know I broke him, us & our family!(We have 2 young children together)

Wayne2 My wife wants to separate
  • replies: 4

My wife of almost 10 years but partner of almost 15 has recently told me she wants to separate.She has not really given me any real reasons except for she is done and that she has not been happy for a long time. The day before she told me this we had... View more

My wife of almost 10 years but partner of almost 15 has recently told me she wants to separate.She has not really given me any real reasons except for she is done and that she has not been happy for a long time. The day before she told me this we had just put up our Christmas tree and she was really excited to go buy new decorations for it.My wife is a real work-a-holic and she holds a very senior position with one of Australia's leading banks. She is also very competitive and must always be right and first.She had applied for a role closer to home and was unsuccessful and I know that hurt her and she is also struggling with her current boss, on top of that she has just been offered a secondment in the city and has excepted it. With my wife she always puts work first and i am the one who will do what i need to do for the kids whilst working fulltime myself, I always support her decisions and have always been home to support her in need. I also know I have said some negative stuff to her that has given her the impression that she is an unfit mother but it is not what I intended, it was just my way I guess of saying that I am always here.18 months ago my wife and i decided to take on our nephew who was in foster care and the 7 months ago we took on his brother, I know this has taken a toll on my wife as we have 2 of our own kids but having 4 is really hard and on top of that the 2 nephews have been in trouble at school a lot and I know that this has caused embarrassment for my wife as she is the one who had to go to the school and deal with it alone.I have been staying in our family home for the last week and I have tried pulling my weight around the house more than I normally do and I have tried really hard not to be lazy, I cleaned every square inch of the house over the weekend and even made the family dinner. I am also guilty of saying some nasty name to her but I have vowed to myself to never disrespect her like that again regardless of what she calls meI love my wife very dearly and cannot think of anyone in this world who I want to spend the rest of my life with but yesterday she told me she did not love me and it cut me so hard I did not know what to do and for the first time in my life I felt alone and scared.Last night when I put my kids to sleep I broke down and cried and my son said whats wrong, I didn't tell him but I know he knows something is wrong and then this morning i got him to ask his mum why she was angry with me

kryssie85 Still so angry
  • replies: 7

Hi guys, i separated from my partner in Feb. I think I started my downward spiral when I went back to work doing night shifts when my youngest, now 2, was 6 months old. I found it hard to cope and my partner was unsupportive. He was always down about... View more

Hi guys, i separated from my partner in Feb. I think I started my downward spiral when I went back to work doing night shifts when my youngest, now 2, was 6 months old. I found it hard to cope and my partner was unsupportive. He was always down about his job and I tried hard to support and uplift him to no avail. He also started drinking quite heavily and I turned to running and exercise to cope. I first was diagnosed with anxiety and depression a year ago. I'd lie in bed and cry just wanting him to confort me but he didn't. I decided that I couldn't handle his lack of support and left. 1 year on and I've met a beautiful supportive man and it's made me angry with my ex because he made me feel like I was too hard. He now has a new girlfriend and wine and dines her and buys her flowers. Why couldn't he look after the mother of his kids when she needed him? Also, I agreed to 50-50 custody for our children but leaving them with him rips me apart. I also need to move 35 minutes away for work and family support but my ex keeps guilt tripping me against moving, saying its not fair on the kids and I just want to take them away from him. I'm so hurt and just want to support my children and have the support of my family and counsellor close by, as I'm very isolated at the moment. im just ranting but any suggestions are welcome!

Sunday01 Rejection by group of friends
  • replies: 7

I had an very close group of women friends that I loved dearly and saw every week for nearly 4 years. I had been getting the feeling that I wasn't as welcome as I used to be but thought I had been imagining it. Things came to a head a few weeks ago a... View more

I had an very close group of women friends that I loved dearly and saw every week for nearly 4 years. I had been getting the feeling that I wasn't as welcome as I used to be but thought I had been imagining it. Things came to a head a few weeks ago and I felt that I needed to ask if everything was ok. So I did. To cut a long story short the answer was that they didn't like my personality anymore. Even though they said I was a kind and giving person it seems they had enough of me. These friends have been there as fantastic friends and support as they know things can get tough for me as all of my family have mental illness. These women were the very last people I thought would behave like this. i am really struggling to come to terms with this as I didn't think I'd be dealing with this in my late forties. It feels like intense grief like someone has died and I can't seem to get things straight in my head. The feeling of loss is huge and I can't for the life of me understand what happened. The feelings are starting to impact other areas of my life. I am trying very hard to move on and remain positive but I cant

Gothgirl87 Interfering in laws
  • replies: 7

Hi I'm 28 married with a young daughter. I'm tired of my in laws wanting to control everything. My sister in law is a liar, snoop, bully and verbally abusive. She moved back last year. She constantly lies and turns my in laws against me. Yesterday sh... View more

Hi I'm 28 married with a young daughter. I'm tired of my in laws wanting to control everything. My sister in law is a liar, snoop, bully and verbally abusive. She moved back last year. She constantly lies and turns my in laws against me. Yesterday she lied again and said I verbally abused her. What to do? She's spoilt rotten and my in laws never tell her off, unlike my husband. She always has some insult. My mother in law is extremely pushy and controlling. She is Catholic and thinks she can judge everyone. My daughter was unplanned and I found out I was pregnant with her, after I lost my job. We were living with them. She is a complete cow and didn't remotely care about how I felt or that I was running out of savings. Now my sister in law has had trouble with her paid internship. Yet they're worried about and she is in nowhere near dire circumstances as I was. What to do? Both completely cross boundaries

v9019509 Lost and stuck all at once and its getting worse
  • replies: 3

Hi, New to this. First time i have reached out so not sure how to word whats happening but will give it a go thanks to a friend who persuaded me its a good idea. I am unhappily married which has got worse over the past few years after meeting a woman... View more

Hi, New to this. First time i have reached out so not sure how to word whats happening but will give it a go thanks to a friend who persuaded me its a good idea. I am unhappily married which has got worse over the past few years after meeting a woman online. We talk message multiple times a day and she is also married. She has a few issues mentally and sometimes cant cope with what we have which by the way is the strongest feelings i have ever felt for anyone. It goes horribly wrong for a few days then she comes round and we are great again. She is close to being able to get away from her husband (long story) and i love her to bits and she is all i want. Recently we have just had a big fall out over this taking too long, her not being right for me due to her depression and mental issues but i keep telling her til i'm blue on the face i want her but not sure she is listening. Dont know if she is scared or just doesnt want me anymore. Make me feel worthless and all along i'm playing happy families with my wife who loves me. I want to be with my online girl but we havent even met as she wont meet til she has moved on from her partner. complicated i know and more to it. This is the gist but i just feel stuck. I want to be with this girl. she is my true love i feel even tough we havent met. she wont meet me and now its in jeopardy of not happening at all when she is in her moods where she feels like we will never be. I just dont know what to do. Christmas is approaching. Dont want to be with my wife a minute longer. Dont want to leave for someone who doesnt want me. Dont know what to do.

anx_b_gone Dealing with (hopefully) temporary separation
  • replies: 3

My wife (30) of 2 years recently told me (27) she isn't sure about our marriage anymore. She feels she was influenced by her family, and does not feel romantically attracted to me anymore. After trying for the past 6 weeks she has decided that she ne... View more

My wife (30) of 2 years recently told me (27) she isn't sure about our marriage anymore. She feels she was influenced by her family, and does not feel romantically attracted to me anymore. After trying for the past 6 weeks she has decided that she needs to live elsewhere to find herself and determine if I and our marriage are a part of her future. We have had some really stressful moments this year through finishing studies whilst working, and I feel that there could be some depression signs causing her to feel like this. I guess I am struggling with a few aspects: - how do I cope with my anxiety during this period, living at home by myself and what can I do to not dwell on everything so much - how do I live in limbo, how do I determine what it is that I want, and how long do I let this go for - what should I do in this period to ensure that I am not driving her further away from me We have agreed on boundaries at the moment, but I am scared she will want to recreate these in the future with the possibility of seeing other people during this time. I just don't know if I could live with her doing this, but at the same time I love her that much that I want whatever to happen for us to be together in the future and to work on this marriage.