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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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white knight Anger then regret- the pendulum
  • replies: 0

I’m on mood stabilisers but that pendulum persists albeit less so under my medication. Medication can only do so much and is only one ingredient in the mix of solution to mental illness. Raise the medication and the side effects become too much and t... View more

I’m on mood stabilisers but that pendulum persists albeit less so under my medication. Medication can only do so much and is only one ingredient in the mix of solution to mental illness. Raise the medication and the side effects become too much and the effect sort after doesn’t come eg the pendulum persists. Lower the medication and there is less desired effect. I’ve tried both of these. All other things have changed also- settled into a country environment, sorted out my toxic family members, secured ourselves financially, established hobbies and passions, grow our own vegies, got a dog, we attend the gym every second day…etc. There is not one stone unturned. The symptoms of my mood which others on the receiving end would likely see as anger (I see it as being “snappy”) come about like a short fuse. This short fuse is more likely to happen when one of two things happen- 1/ I’m in the midst of physically exerting myself and I’m interrupted or 2/ I’m on a mission doing a task and am interrupted. The interesting thing about the above is- that both my siblings (one dec, the other my sister 5 years younger) had/have the same response. I never knew how to approach my late brother and my younger sister has never known how to approach me. My wife of 4 years told me the same a few days ago. “I’m between a rock and a hard place” she said. Do I not ask you what you'd like for lunch only to be criticised for not asking or ask and get snapped at? . I agreed with her and my answer is that this moody attitude/mentality is my natural response without premeditation. So we have to live with it. So I don’t believe there are answers to everything. But to not be happy when digging the garden when one is merely asked what I’d like to eat for lunch or not being happy when I’m under the car fixing its faulty ball joint when asked “when is it going to be finished cause I want to go shopping” when I witness others being happy all the time (seemingly) and answering calmly. All it takes is for me to say “pies would be nice darl” or “30 minutes and it will be done”. Of course on each and every occasion this anger comes there is guilt and regret because a loved on suffers the wrath of the mood. They pay the price then I do. Of course there will be several days of calmness and happiness...the reason I think I'm as close as I can get with the medication. No, its more to do with character I feel. Are any of you hard to deal with in terms of reacting adversely? Tony WK

brookey How to overcome fears of intimacy and worries about being single
  • replies: 11

Hi everyone, I've previously posted on Beyond Blue and found it to be helpful so am hoping that posting again might help me out somewhat. I just turned 25 and am feeling really low about the fact I've never been in a long-term relationship. I'm the o... View more

Hi everyone, I've previously posted on Beyond Blue and found it to be helpful so am hoping that posting again might help me out somewhat. I just turned 25 and am feeling really low about the fact I've never been in a long-term relationship. I'm the only one of my friends who this is true for.... I feel really hopeless about the situation, and I find it is these thoughts that contribute to my struggles with depression the most, as I feel like I will never be able to develop a relationship with anybody. A large part of my worries stems from the fact that I have very little experience in the physical side of things... My first time was pretty terrible as it occurred without my consent, and since then I have found it extremely difficult to engage in physical intimacy with a guy. I finally got to a point where I did reach this point again with a guy, but I felt pressured into rushing things, and it was a really bad experience all round. After that experience I got dumped, and I felt absolutely humiliated as I was told that that was the main reason for ending things. I now know that that probably wasn't the world's greatest example of a healthy relationship, but I can't help but feel really hopeless about the situation. I can see that I have many things to offer someone - I think I have a nice personality, I've always had great relationships with my friends, I'm reasonably intelligent.... I feel like objectively I'm not that bad, but I feel like with the lack of experience, and the fact that nobody has wanted to be in a relationship with me yet, that the idea of me ever being able to make a connection with someone like that is near impossible. I don't know whether I should just resign myself to a fate of being a crazy old cat lady, or whether I should hang in there and just hope for the best. At the moment it just feels like I'm never going to have the experience of forming a relationship, and this makes me really really sad. Thanks for reading, and if you have any thoughts/words of wisdom I would love to hear from you. Thanks so much - Brooke x

Purple_j What have I done
  • replies: 4

Help I ran away from town with my ex of 3years now after 3years and on the day of my third miscarriage he has left me! I have no family I talk to at all and trying to be ok for my kids. How can I forgive myself for everything that's happened? I don't... View more

Help I ran away from town with my ex of 3years now after 3years and on the day of my third miscarriage he has left me! I have no family I talk to at all and trying to be ok for my kids. How can I forgive myself for everything that's happened? I don't know how to grieve and move on while trying to be strong for my children! Some days I want to give up but my kids have no one but me! The days I work I'm ok although feel guilty I'm not home to pick kids up from school and my days off I can barely move off the lounge. How can I be a good mum when I just want to give up

MtoM anxious about my partner
  • replies: 4

i am always anxious about my partner. i never know what mood he is going to be in and i feel anxious all the time

i am always anxious about my partner. i never know what mood he is going to be in and i feel anxious all the time

tired_confused I'm exhausted, don't know what else to give to my relationship to make it work
  • replies: 6

I have been with my partner for around 4 years. We spend a lot of time together, our lives are entrenched; owning a business and living together. I am a motivated, hardworking, and mostly optimistic person. I'm finding it incredibly difficult to arti... View more

I have been with my partner for around 4 years. We spend a lot of time together, our lives are entrenched; owning a business and living together. I am a motivated, hardworking, and mostly optimistic person. I'm finding it incredibly difficult to articulate what has brought me to this forum. I am someone that likes to feel appreciated and needed, but over the last year or so I find my self regularly feeling taken advantage of or perhaps just unappreciated. While my partner at times acknowledges my contribution to our day to day lives or my role in our business, I feel more often than not that he feels that 'it's just my job' to look after our home, him or our animals, or to manage the business. I feel like I have to be across everything all the time. I feel like I'm my own biggest enemy, as the more I take on the more he unconsciously expects, I overload myself more and more trying to feel appreciated and valued and then just end up falling over in a heap feeling hopeless and overwhelmed when I don't receive anything in return. I don't ask for much, just a thank you or a smile, just some acknowledgement. I try to raise how I feel, but he turns my feelings being taken advantage of around, telling me I just do things for him so I can use it against him. I love him so much, but I can't keep living every day just trying to make someone else happy that doesn't consider my hopes and dreams, whether I am happy, sad or needing some acknowledgement. I find it so difficult to know what to say, or just what to do with myself, I hate the constant feeling of rejection and defeat, maybe if I left him he would realise how lucky we were to have each other. We have been having issues with intimacy, well mainly I have been having issues. I don't feel that kind of attraction towards him, I feel bullied and used and that doesn't make me feel like I want to get close to him. I've tried to explain where that comes from, but I think he just thinks there's either something wrong with me, or it's just a choice, like I choose to not wanted to be intimate with him. I'm so confused, I just don't know what else I can possibly give this relationship to make it work, I feel like I spend so much time worrying about everyone else, I don't even know how I feel anymore, and when I stop and think about it.. I'm unhappy, what does that count for.

Heyhey advise for mother in law causing my partner to be more depressed
  • replies: 5

Hi I have been with my partner for 13 years now and for the past 8 years he has been through some pretty low points but I have always been there helping and caring as much as I can but there is an area that is causing him more grief and depression an... View more

Hi I have been with my partner for 13 years now and for the past 8 years he has been through some pretty low points but I have always been there helping and caring as much as I can but there is an area that is causing him more grief and depression and I'm looking for help on how to fix it. his mother is a heavy smoker and she also wastes her money buying crap from the $2 shop or gambling it on the pokies and she is also on the dole so every fortnight she calls my partner and asked for money for smokes and as soon as he gets off the phone I can tell what she wants because my partner gets very sad, angry, upset and can't concentrate on anything he is trying to do. She always pays him back but she seems to not care about how it makes him feel and also what it does to our relationship as we can't afford to give her money for smokes either but his mum will call after a while and say how she wants to kill herself if she can't smoke so to stop her from doing my partners head in he gives her the money and this causes tensions between us at home. We both work and have a 7 month old baby to look after, we don't smoke, drink and don't go and treat ourselves to much as we know how hard it is to earn money in the first place. We have tried talking to her and told her we can't afford to do this and she needs to buy her smokes as soon as she gets paid before she waste money on other crap but she never listens and every fortnight my partner dreeds his phone ringing and seeing her number flash up. So any advise we can use to get it through to her would be great

Roo26 My mum is my Landlord
  • replies: 2

Hi I'm new to this but I will just dive straight in. My mum and I have been very close and I just recently moved into a rental property that she owns but now she is trying to sell it. One of the conditions of sale is that the tenants (my friend and I... View more

Hi I'm new to this but I will just dive straight in. My mum and I have been very close and I just recently moved into a rental property that she owns but now she is trying to sell it. One of the conditions of sale is that the tenants (my friend and I) are to sign an 18month lease. They keep stuffing up the lease and so we have refused to sign. Now my mum is getting really upset with me because she has basically said that if she loses the sale then it will be my fault. I don't know what to do or how to deal with this because on one hand I really want to help my mum sell the property but on the other I don't want to be stuck in an agreement that could be bad for me. I am so upset and anxious because I am starting to believe that this IS my fault when I truly know that it isn't. My mum has bipolar and it is hard enough to deal with her mood swings normally but I am really scared that if the sale falls through then she will go into major depression and I will be to blame. My anxiety levels are through the roof and I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place. I just needed to release it all because the tension was building up so much that I felt like I was going to explode but any advice or even just goodwishes would be really helpful.

arthurjames Advice for how to move on from ex girlfriend.
  • replies: 2

Hello there, So 3 days ago I split up from a girl I had been seeing for 2 months. Now I know I said she was my girlfriend in the title, but honestly I have no idea what we were officially. That's because she always had some fear of calling it what it... View more

Hello there, So 3 days ago I split up from a girl I had been seeing for 2 months. Now I know I said she was my girlfriend in the title, but honestly I have no idea what we were officially. That's because she always had some fear of calling it what it was. A month ago after we became 'exclusive' she started freaking out and from that point I had no idea what we were in her mind. But to me it felt like boyfriend girlfriend. We did everything that bf/gf's do together. Went on dates, stayed over at each others places, texted each other every single day, caalled each other pet names. Alas she finally called it quits and told me it was over. Now I am really struggling to move on. It was only two months but it felt more like 6, I was very attached and now I have such conflicting emotions. Logically I know it is a good thing we broke up because I realised a few weeks ago that she is a very selfish and immature person. I am not just saying that because I am upset and angry with her, I truly mean it. The best example is when I admitted to her that I had been diagnosed with depression and anxiety issues. You know what she said? She said 'I don't have the capacity to deal with somones depression because I've done it before.....' like seriously wtf? She didn't stop seeing me because of it, but it certainly felt like she didn't care and I really should have just ended it then. But emotionally I just can't let go. Everything is a reminder of what I have lost and I can't stop feeling like I stuffed it up and/or should have acted differently. She actually offered to talk to me in person about it but I refused because I can't bare to see her and I ended up deleting all contact and photos of her, and now I can't help but think I should have seen her so at least I might understand and its too late now. Please can someone help me out here. What should I do to move on and not feel hopeless about the future? This whole event has no helped my depression and anxiety issues.

Alli89 Lost, worthless, tiny and insignificant.
  • replies: 3

What does everybody do after u have done something ur parnter doesn't like (i wasnt aware i was doin anything) After 3 days straight awake suffering from insomnia, chronic pain from arthritis in both knees and back, i just got the crap blown outta me... View more

What does everybody do after u have done something ur parnter doesn't like (i wasnt aware i was doin anything) After 3 days straight awake suffering from insomnia, chronic pain from arthritis in both knees and back, i just got the crap blown outta me for not sleeping next to him.Explained to him wats happened and got told not to winge about it! Im just about ready to give up and become the broken silent person he wants me to be and it scares me as ive pulled myself from a pretty dark place, only to feel like im creeping back in.ive told him this and that i was going to go back on my meds and got shut down. When i was younger iwas never one to let anything get to me but it getting to the point where i cant stand to be near anyone especially him...does that make a nasty person?

Sleepy_moose Who can I speak to?
  • replies: 5

Hi, I'm new here so I do apologise if this is a commonly asked question and I'm not even sure if this is the right website for this... Though is there someone that I can speak to in person about family issues for free? I'm terribly nervous on the pho... View more

Hi, I'm new here so I do apologise if this is a commonly asked question and I'm not even sure if this is the right website for this... Though is there someone that I can speak to in person about family issues for free? I'm terribly nervous on the phone and I feel like talking about the issue in person would be better for me. Some backstory -- Lately I've found myself sometimes struggling to get to sleep and often find myself getting so worked up over the family issues and just get left feeling helpless. I know this site's for depression and anxiety so I'm not sure if this fits, I just don't know where to go. Thanks, A Sleepy_moose