Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Categories
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

All discussions

Start a discussion

samara__ Lost the love of my life - my fault
  • replies: 2

I know Im going to cop alot of flac for this but I honestly need some advice. I cheated on my fiance and he understandably left me. Im heartbroken and so is he but we both know its not a cut and dry scenario. I have loved him for over a decade and we... View more

I know Im going to cop alot of flac for this but I honestly need some advice. I cheated on my fiance and he understandably left me. Im heartbroken and so is he but we both know its not a cut and dry scenario. I have loved him for over a decade and we have been through so much together. I didnt cheat because i fell out of love with him or found someone else i was attracted to more. I cant even fully understand why i even did it. I feel like it was a build up of a truly mucked up past year.We suffered a miscarriage and were trying again for another. We fell pregnant again but a few months later found out that the baby had major defects and were strongly advised by the doctors to terminate the pregnancy. I didnt seek counselling after and this was a major mistake. While he was able to accept it and move on ive been suffering so much guilt and depression over It. Anytime I tried to talk about it he got so sad and i felt guiltier so i just kept it all in.A few months later i seriously injured myself at work and was essentially pushed out of my job. My injury caused chronic pain and requires surgery but as Im not a good candidate for surgery they have tried to fix it without. My partner being the type of 'pain only being in your head' was pretty unsupportive so i just tried to tough it out again. He started getting frustrated because i wasnt able to do the things i could before because he honestly just didnt understand but it really hurt.Then he came home from the doctors and told me the doctors suspected he had an std. At that point the thought of cheating had never even crossed my mind so this voice in my head told me it had to be him. So i reached out to a friend, things got out of control and we slept together. I have never felt so sick about something in my life. If you asked me now why i let it get that far i honestly cant tell you. I love my now ex fiance to my core. By the time i got home he already knew.Is there any way anyone can see to recover our relationship? Or should I do what I have been doing and just being here when he needs me but otherwise leave him alone?

ocean_dreams Self sabotage destroyed my relationship
  • replies: 2

I've had depression on and off since I was a teenager. My partner has had depression too & have been with him for nearly 2 yrs, but as of last week he told me he doesn't want to be with me anymore. We haven't had the easiest of relationships, when we... View more

I've had depression on and off since I was a teenager. My partner has had depression too & have been with him for nearly 2 yrs, but as of last week he told me he doesn't want to be with me anymore. We haven't had the easiest of relationships, when we met mid 2013 we were both volunteering & unemployed (I am a geologist & I had not long left university early 2012, he works in the automotive industry in a niche area). I got a job in 2013 & he got a job at the end 2013. Things seemed to be going well. We decided to move out together in Feb 2014, only for him to be fired in March (long story & very much not his fault). During March I had to go on 2 trips overseas which I couldn't cancel. I still feel guilty for it now for not being there for him. I had a high pressure and stressful job, the commute daily up to 3hrs rtn & would come home exhausted & pass out on the couch leaving him alone again. He eventually got a job while I was away on my 2nd trip which I was so happy for him. Eventually we were both stressed out with the commute, so we moved & we had our sanity back. Meanwhile I was still stressed & still falling asleep on the couch. I left my job due to the stress (lack of support from direct manager) & decided to start a business so I could work doing something I love. The past 7 months have been awful, I have struggled with starting my business & spiraled back into depression. My partner did so much to help me but because of my mind set I didn't accept it. He too has felt depressed with his job & with health. I saw my doc in Oct last year & went back on anti depressants which I had to wean myself off slowly because they made me feel zombie-esque despite being on a low dose. The brain fog was awful. My partner pleaded with me to see a psych but I wouldn't because I had bad experiences in the past with them. I am struggling with why would anyone want to listen to me, what I have to offer. My partner has always encouraged me and lifted me up.. I struggle to believe in it. He ask how I was going with everything & lied to him because I was ashamed to say I was failing & struggling. I am now faced with being without him as he says he needs to be alone. He said he has tried so much to help me but doesn't know what to do, can't deal with it anymore. I am worried for him being alone. He says he still loves & cares for me & wants to see me get on my feet. I feel like this is all my fault, because of self sabotage my relationship has fallen apart.

laura4 Getting over a broken relationship
  • replies: 5

I've been in a relationship for almost three years and at times it was a long distance relationship, which turned out to be easier than being together. We had been having problems for a few months now and he finally ended it. The break up has dragged... View more

I've been in a relationship for almost three years and at times it was a long distance relationship, which turned out to be easier than being together. We had been having problems for a few months now and he finally ended it. The break up has dragged on for a few weeks now and become worse and worse. Our relationship was pretty horrible towards the end and he said some things to me which I cant get out of my head. At the start he told me he needed space and then that he didn't want me anymore and I was better off without him. I am finding it difficult to get over him and keep trying to get him back, which is not healthy and he keeps hurting me every time I do. He was my best friend and partner and I lost all my other friends because of my dedication to him. I am finding it hard to make friends and move on. All I want to do is cry and feel that life is not worth living. I wish I had someone to support me and get me through this. I don't enjoy doing the things I used to love anymore. I am also struggling with the pressure of finding my first full time job. I am spending most of my time alone at home, dwelling on the relationship and all my problems. I know he wasn't good for me and that our relationship is ruined. He changed so much towards the end, becoming a different person and I feel like its all my fault. He was my first relationship and I keep wanting to text, call or go see him. Now he wont even answer my messages and I feel like I need to get everything off my chest and tell him goodbye. I don't know if its a good idea or whether I should leave it be and try to move on. I don't know what to do and I am getting really emotional and depressed.

felice long distance relationship breakup
  • replies: 4

Im nearly 25 and cant get over my relationship breakup, he lived in Italy and for 3 years I did most of the travelling, and he came to Australia once because he is studying to be a doctor .. in january I went for 2 weeks and we discussed that he coul... View more

Im nearly 25 and cant get over my relationship breakup, he lived in Italy and for 3 years I did most of the travelling, and he came to Australia once because he is studying to be a doctor .. in january I went for 2 weeks and we discussed that he couldnt come back to australia between now and when he finished which is 3 years away.. then I didnt know what to do.. I couldnt be the one always going there only 2 weeks out of a year.. seeing all the studies he had to do I thought I dragged him down always being sad so decided to take a break.. a couple of weeks ago he was acting distant and was avoiding questions.. so finally asked him if he liked someone els and he said 'maybe' I collapsed and could not breath .. it took him days to tell me who it was and was a girl in his class that I had met.. I now blame myself everyday for this, I called him and abused him the fact that it wasnt long before he liked another girl ..and I wait by my phone waiting for him to text but he doesnt.. everyday I faint I cant eat I cant sleep .. I get anxiety attacks during the night and feel like I blew my future with him .. that I should have just waited 3 more years.. im so depressed I cant do things like I used to.. im on medication and get constant nightmares about them .. I feel so useless and blame myself

Totti I just want to let it out
  • replies: 4

Hello all I have been struggling a bit lately and I am in an unfortunate situation where i have no one around me to give me emotional support. So I would like to use this thread to just let it out. 8 months ago my lovely wife and best friend and I se... View more

Hello all I have been struggling a bit lately and I am in an unfortunate situation where i have no one around me to give me emotional support. So I would like to use this thread to just let it out. 8 months ago my lovely wife and best friend and I separated. Bang just like that. We had both been unhappy with the way our relationship had been running and though neither of us had cheated or been nasty to the other, it was just a sad relationship. At the time we were living in a very small isolated community far from our families. I couldnt cope and left. I met a wonderful girl who helped me emotionally through those first few months. But she had to return to her home far away leaving me all alone. I am struggling with not having someone to help me through the bad parts of my days. I have no home, no friends and no family. I have had dark thoughts about getting rid of this horrible pain but I wont do that.My pain and emotions come howling to the surface every few hours without warning. I clutch at them desperately from inside trying to hold them back. But I never can. I find it is like trying to hold water in my hands. It drips and pours out everywhere. I love my wife and tell her that but as she drifts further away on her own journey without me I feel myself sinking lower and lower. She tells me that being alone is what is right for me right now. But I disagree. I am usually a loner but right now I need to have someone to reach out to. The few people I do know have all withdrawn from me after seeing me break down into panics, anxiety and general total sadness. beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Modia Time for separation?
  • replies: 2

hello my husband and I have been married for 5 years and known each other 10years total. We currently don't have children. I need advice what to do. I found out two years ago he was having an affair and also found out that he was talking to her when ... View more

hello my husband and I have been married for 5 years and known each other 10years total. We currently don't have children. I need advice what to do. I found out two years ago he was having an affair and also found out that he was talking to her when he came with me to my grandmas funeral. At that point I moved out for about 4-5months we eventually talked and decided that we would give it a shot again and communicate better. He also promised to start trying for children. Sadly 4 months ago I came across his email left open on the computer and I could see that he had signed up for an affair site and also an email from a woman about coming over that was dated when he told me he was going to his friends house for a few days. I haven't told him I know yet but kept my distance. I don't trust him anymore and I feel like we have lost the spark. Also think he was lying about having children as he went and brought a two seater sporty car.I don't know if he's still on the website at this stage. I don't know what to do please help? Do I leave? Will I ever get that trust back if I did stay?

Stork want to be liberated
  • replies: 2

Wife and I have been married 10 years, 2 great kids together, and mountains of possessions. a few weeks ago at the first marriage counselling session I expressed my wish to separate, and was given an option of 6 months on antidepressants, and more pe... View more

Wife and I have been married 10 years, 2 great kids together, and mountains of possessions. a few weeks ago at the first marriage counselling session I expressed my wish to separate, and was given an option of 6 months on antidepressants, and more personal counselling (extended mental health plan). I don't feel effective as a parent or a husband, I haven't felt that I have had any effective input for several years, just being dictated to, my mood has worsened in the past 3 years after employment difficulty, and my kids are being negatively effected all the time now. ive felt bitter and angry in my marriage for some time as I have always tried to have a best friend, a deep friendship and strong companionship, but as much as I try, it just isn't there. I feel I want to separate so that I can be the parent I need to be, I'm not interested in material possessions, she can have everything, I'm just so tried of feeling so alone. so I started antidepressants, weird things, some side effects, and im here for 6 months at least. I feel that she deserves to be loved for who she is, as do I, and since that love isn't here then we should look after the kids as best we can in a split household.

Light9 Toxic People
  • replies: 10

Hi there I live in a reasonably small town away from my home state with no family or good friends. The problem is my partner's friends are pretty 'rough' and I don't fit in at all. Only one of them works, the others all live off the government having... View more

Hi there I live in a reasonably small town away from my home state with no family or good friends. The problem is my partner's friends are pretty 'rough' and I don't fit in at all. Only one of them works, the others all live off the government having babies. They treat me very badly and it's starting to make me feel suicidal. I have stopped going to their houses but they are very old friends and relatives and so they come to us to see my partner. I just can't seem to escape them and their passive aggressive behaviour. I feel like I try so hard to be decent and they just keep treating me badly. It's making me sick. I must join some groups and get out there and make new friends, I know, but I have had 2 miscarriages and been very down from that too. My own family have never been interested in visiting me - not once in 5 years and that hurts very much. When I fly home I feel nervous stying with them as my mother and sister can be hysterical and controlling. They both have Bi polar disorder. I have had to alienate myself more and more to the point where I feel if I didn't have my lovely partner I would be dead for sure. I wish anyone reading this strength and positivity and to know that you are not alone. Nelson Mandella has inspired me to keep going this week with his gracious amazing outlook on life.

Shez Sudden unexpected breakup which I believe to be a result of depression
  • replies: 5

A month ago I went through a breakup. Unexpectedly my partner said he doesn't love me anymore & hadn't for 2 months, we had never even argued. Looking back I think it was a shutdown as a result of depression. He had been quiet for a few months & when... View more

A month ago I went through a breakup. Unexpectedly my partner said he doesn't love me anymore & hadn't for 2 months, we had never even argued. Looking back I think it was a shutdown as a result of depression. He had been quiet for a few months & when asked if ok would say yes. Two days before the breakup he was talking about moving in when his girls who he has week on week off are independent, 3 weeks before he was playing the Wedding song he had chosen for me. The breakup was a shock, we laughed together, went everywhere together & had planned our life together all as a result of him broaching these subjects. I put pressure on him without realising, his ex would take off & leave their girls stranded when it was their week at their mums, I would suggest talking to her about being responsible as she was taking off with her partner leaving the girls stranded . Having come from a broken family I was worried about the long term affects on the girls self worth & could see the stress of him being torn if we were out & the girls called asking to be picked up. Unknowingly I had focused on his stress & the self worth of the girls but forgot he was their Dad & had every right to be the Dad he wanted to be. I was leaving him feeling torn rather than helping. He had never discussed with me the way he was feeling as he is such a soft & gentle man & had trouble communicating how he is feeling as a result of being scared he might hurt me. I didn't realise he had become so depressed that the only way he could see to resolve the situation was to break up & be there for his girls without pressure. The realisation of what I've done has made me sick & so disappointed in myself as I'm a very family orientated person & had not looked at the situation by putting myself in his shoes. He became more & more withdrawn to the point of pulling away from myself, family & friends, everyone except for his girls which he says talking to them is the only pleasure he feels in life anymore. He sees no future & no longer has any plans for his life, to make matters worse his workplace is downsizing & his job is on the line. I have no idea where to begin to get help for him or even if I am crossing the line if I do. where do I start? I have stressed how depressed I think he is to his friends but they send a text to see if he is ok & he says yes, they rarely visit to see how he really is. I am a mess & don't know whether to help or stay away & rebuild a future I can't even begin to see

Amali Anxious about contacting my ex
  • replies: 6

i have been single now for 10 months after a traumatic break up. My ex lied to me and made some poor decisions including taking steroids that made him very unpredictable and unreliable. I loved him and I think I still feel that for him but being with... View more

i have been single now for 10 months after a traumatic break up. My ex lied to me and made some poor decisions including taking steroids that made him very unpredictable and unreliable. I loved him and I think I still feel that for him but being with him was no good for health. So I ended things very abruptly after an incident that pushed me over the edge. His mother passed away 3 years this Wednesday and I am struggling to decide what is the best way to deal with it. I have stayed strictly no contact, even though he rang and texted a lot when we first broke up. I feel guilty for shutting him out, and hope he's doing ok and want to tell him I'm thinking of him but I also know that contacting him could just make things harder for both of us. Any advice on this would be appreciated.