starting again after bad break up

[cam117]

Hey guys. I just wanted some advice or anything you could recommend for getting back into dating. The last girl i was with kinda destroyed my confidence and charisma. I havent been alone with a girl in months out of fear of betrayal and other negative blocks. I have anxiety around the idea that i am no longer good enough. Or that there are other ulterior motives. Im suspicious of everything... i want and need to know i can start again when and if im ready. Preferably asap.

 I would just like to know if anyone can relate and how you fixed it or work around the issue. A very massive thank you in advance!

Cheers guys!

[Neil_1]

Hi there Cam

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming here and providing your post.

It really does suck big time when we encounter people who for whatever reason, are not the people we initially thought them to be and they in turn reveal their ugly side – pretty much of being a bully.  They go about denting someone else’s persona to the detriment of that person while they fuel their own egos by their actions.  I’ve come across a few of these kinds of people – the best advice for these people is to avoid them.

So, getting back into the dating scene – well, “before” you met this latest person, you were “in the” dating scene, and whatever bait you used, it worked, as you landed that particular girl.  So know in yourself that you DO have the right bait to be able to attract potential new girlfriends – that’s the big key.   Try hard to not let the words and actions of a particular bully knock you and dent your confidence.

Think back to what you used to enjoy doing for past-times or hobbies or even sports;  and try to take up one (or more, if you like) of those kinds of things.  I’ve mentioned it before, but getting involved with things you enjoy, can be an excellent place to strike up initial early chats with other like-minded folk.

Just my thoughts, but I hope I’ve said something of use for you.

Neil

[Lori]

Hey cam117,

Im very sorry to hear about what has happened break ups are always horrible experiences and can leave you heartbroken.

Moving on can be incredibly hard and daunting, but if there is a part inside that wants to go out and find someone you go for it, as nerve racking as it is, it can really have a great outcome.

My advice is go for it be yourself, be confident and most of all be proud!! And when you meet that special person be sure to let them know how your feeling be honest with them and most of all be honest with yourself.

Push yourself to your absolute best you might evenjust suprise yourself! Goodluck!! 

- Lori 🙂

[cam117]

Heya guys thank you so much for the advice 🙂 i am trying to stay busy with hobbies and hang out with friends when i can.

Its just i find i over think endlessly. I dont trust anyone to stay around or you know actually commit to a relationship. 

 The idea of dating right now is just a big head ache i dont need to distract me from career and life. As much as that is true, that lonely feeling creeps in and you know how much pressure family gives always asking when im getting a girlfriend 😕 

Being single is not a bad thing. And it is not a bad choice if thats what you want. I just dont feel i can chose to get out of it. 

I can be confident in always except in open to trusting another.

Just wanna say thank you so much once again guys. I really do appreciate your analysis 🙂 it helps!!