Estrangement from my Adult son and wife

[Softly]

I have not been in touch with my son or his wife (my daughter in law) since late October 2024, I have never (from my memory) had a bad word between my son and myself, he is now late 50's. It is beyond my comprehension as to why this has occurred now, we had difficulty with texts and emails regarding a property I rent from him and I have tried 4 times to get him to reply on a personal level since then, but to no avail, we were extremely close and he would ring me every week for a chat, but then my daughter in law became involved in this problem because she handles most of the paperwork and organises his life pretty much, they have 4 children one who is now 19, I have always been on good terms with them, and remember their birthdays and Christmas, because they live interstate. Now for some reason my eldest Grandaughter has ignored my texts and calls (2) so I sent a photo of my Artwork she is a natural from when she was very small, this has also been ignored. How can this be over one small thing and now they are not talking which makes it difficult for me to understand the reason why? I have had to second guess as to the actual problem, or what I did that could be so bad as to cut me off, is this a natural way to resolve something? for me its much better if we talk personally or email personally so we can get together again, any suggestions of how to get them to come to the table and fix it would be appreciated.

[Sophie_M]

Hello Softly, 

Welcome and thank you for sharing your story with us. 💙

It must be so confusing and painful for your son to have stopped connecting with you - wanting answers and having the desire to make amends is a true testament to your character and the kind of father you are. 

Not knowing why this happened would be hard for anyone, but particularly due to the fact they haven't communicated at all. I really feel for you, this truly would be so overwhelming. I think asking for clarity and letting them know you are seeking to understand would be helpful.

However, in terms of navigating this, it is so tricky... because no contact is often someone setting a boundary (but without prior communication, this can be really unfair on the other person). In this case, I would like to suggest connecting with Relationships Australia. They specialise in supporting healthy relationships/navigating conflict - they would be the next best step for you here: Relationships Australia | Achieving positive and respectful relationships

And in terms of managing this uncertainty, I would recommend increasing your support network as much as possible. You could explore support groups through Grow: Peer support groups for mental health - GROW Australia or reach out to your GP for a mental health care plan, which will allow you to see a psychologist. 

I know this may not solve everything you are going through, but these supports will add an extra layer of care for you (so that you aren't having to manage this all on your own!). 

I hope you hear from some of our other community members soon. In the meantime, you can always reach out to us directly for more support: Talk to a counsellor - Beyond Blue - Beyond Blue

Have a lovely afternoon, 
Sophie M.  

[Softly]

Thankyou Sophie, I have looked online for support groups and will continue to hope to get some help for coping day to day, in the meantime I just need to say, I am not the Father I am the Mother, if this makes a difference I dont know!. I have talked to a councillor on the phone and really its not knowing what the problem is before I even start. Cutting me off with the whole family is inhuman I would think. The councillor gave me a few tips to search, including ambignious (I think thats the right term) which seems to fit the catagory I would have thought your organization would know of the particular grief that I am feeling, because there is no closure to this problem when I don't know what the cause is. 

[Sophie_M]

Hello Softly, 

Oh, I am so sorry for misgendering you! Many apologies and thank you for correcting me. My point still stands about the kind of parent you are. 😊

I am really glad to hear you have some support from a counsellor. It truly is so painful to be completely cut off and it would take a toll on anyone's mental wellbeing... grief is a perfect way to put it. When there is no closure, it can feel nothing short of heartbreaking and it's understandable that you would be grieving a sense of loss in this unknown. 

I think the supports through Griefline could be really helpful here for management of how you are feeling and grief-specific support groups and counselling: Grief: A Comprehensive Guide To Understanding And Navigating Loss

We would be more than happy to chat with you on the phone too, so feel free to call us at any time on 1300 22 4636. 

Speak soon and please let us know how you go. 💙

Warm regards, 
Sophie M.