I'm a 44 gay Asian dude living in Australia. Normally I don't even like
Boybands and I had thought I grew out of it years ago. However, a friend
introduced 1D to me many years ago and then I started listening to their
music and watching their cute sm...
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I'm a 44 gay Asian dude living in Australia. Normally I don't even like
Boybands and I had thought I grew out of it years ago. However, a friend
introduced 1D to me many years ago and then I started listening to their
music and watching their cute smiley faces on all the videos and it made
me feel really happy. So when I chill I used to, and still do have some
of their songs on my playlist, when I work I sometimes have that in the
background too. Some of the songs are really uplifting and just talk
about life and growing up. Then they broke up and I wasn't even sad, I
just thought, cool I get to listen to them individually. They all have
different styles and I enjoyed all of them. In terms of looks, I liked
Liam the most, he seems kind, deep, passionate, funny and has a dark
side to him that appeals to me (similar to how I feel about myself
sometimes). As he grew and got into fashion and modelling I also liked
what he did, very attractive boy who was growing up to be a broody man.
To be honest, I have not followed him for a while, only until recently
when an article came out talking about how his look changed. At the back
of my mind, I just went, ok great people change, at least he is still
alright and doing stuff. I don't know him but I wish him well. Then I
woke up and found out about the news on my phone that day and my heart
broke. I doesn't feel real and I am struggling to cope with it. I feel
like my grief is alone as I am not a young girl/boy who grew up with
this band, just another generation who happen to like him. I feel like I
don't belong in this group of people mourning him. I talk to my partner
about it and he just listens, he doesn't know 1D or Liam well but he
just listens to me which is nice. However, I still feel like I want to
talk to someone about it. I mentioned Liam's passing to my friends and
most of them are in the same age with me, would simply say yes it is sad
and they move on. So I am REALLY struggling to cope with this news, it
made me cry all the time for the past few days, when I am at work I am
ok or at the gym or with people. However when I am by myself I want to
read more about what happened to him, which in turn means that I find
more articles and pictures and learn more about where he was in life at
the time which makes the whole thing even sadder, the new Netflix show,
the future marriage, the son, the new album, him wanting to play Polo
again etc. All that is gone from him.I don't know who to talk to about
this, I rang Helpline support here in Australia and yes they were good
but then just referred me to a counsellor which means visiting a dr then
get a referral etc. I just want to share with someone how I feel and how
you might suggest that I move forward on getting closure on this. I am
an older fan and I feel odd and somewhat like I am the only one of this
age group/demographic to be grieving him.I am not sleeping too well as
his face keeps on popping into my head. I put myself in his shoes during
the spiral and felt really sad about it. I don't eat well either and
things around me just seem bland. Like it feels like what is the point?
The fact that he is now being highlighted as a kind supportive person
makes me feel even more sick, what is the point of being all that and
still going the way he did. I don't want to say that I love him, more
like adore him as a beautiful deep human being who happens to produce
arts that I enjoy and now that he is gone, there will never be another
song, another fashion shoot another videos of him and it feels
empty.This is the first time I feel this way about a celebrity's death
and I don't know how long it will be like this for.Thank you for
reading.
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