Parents gone by 21

[sleepy166]

I am currently 26 years of age. I feel guilty that the loss of my parents still affects me every day. It affects my relationships with friends, co-workers and my boyfriend. It is so damn hard to explain. I just don't feel normal and don't want to actually tell people how I feel because they cannot relate and I don't want to be a burden and it's exhausting. I have used vices that are not healthy to achieve relief and I do not know what to do. I am on anti depresants and see my therapist every 6 months but I cannot deal with myself anymore. I just feel like a piece of shit because I don't feel normal and cant just have a laugh with people or feel comfortable to message someone to hang out. I am so exhausted. 

[indigo22]

Hi Sleepy166,

I'm so sorry for your huge loss, that is a burden no one should have to take on at such a young age.

Grief affects people in different ways and for varying time spans, there is no need for you to feel guilty because you are still grieving. Anyone who can't understand what a devastating loss that is/was for you, clearly hasn't lost anyone or has no empathy.

I lost my brother at age 14 (we were very close) and it took me many years to come to terms with that loss. No one I knew had gone through this, so no one understood the effect it had on me. I had to find my own way to deal with the grief, and unfortunately so do you.

You don't feel 'normal', because it is not 'normal' for you to be without parents at your age.

But for someone who has had such a huge loss, you are normal. Your reaction is normal, your exhaustion is normal, your lack of motivation is normal, your inability to laugh is normal. The depression from your loss accounts for everything you are feeling. You are hurting deeply and at times the pain can be overwhelming.

The first thing I would advise you to do is talk to your GP and ask if the anti-depressant you are on is the right one for you. Sometimes it can take a few tries before you find one that is a good fit for you. I tried 3 different ones, the 3rd one was the right one for me.

I also think you need to be talking to someone more often that once every 6 months. Do you feel comfortable with the therapist and are they of help to you? If the answer is yes, can you discuss more frequent visits. If the answer is no, then I would suggest looking for someone else.

Have you used any of the helplines? They can be very helpful when you are at your lowest. I think Griefline would be a good one for you, they are not 24/7 but Lifeline is so adding both for you. They will also be able to give you some information for supports in your area.

Griefline - 1300 845 745 - available between 8am-8pm daily

Lifeline - 13 11 14 - available 24/7

You are not alone in this, many of us have had to deal with loss so feel free to continue this conversation, but please also consider the above advice. I will be here if you want to continue talking.

Take good care of yourself,

indigo