I have broken up with my girlfriend and I now feel so broken and lost,
were both neural divergent known each other for over a year were
incredibly honest and direct we were sexual for 1 month, but this has
been as devastating as the breakup of the 10...
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I have broken up with my girlfriend and I now feel so broken and lost,
were both neural divergent known each other for over a year were
incredibly honest and direct we were sexual for 1 month, but this has
been as devastating as the breakup of the 10-year relationship with my
finance. I have now recently been told by her that she is pregnant with
a baby that is mine and I have always wanted to be a father, but she has
told me she is going to get an abortion, her new partner will leave her
if she has the baby. I have tried to come to an arrangement but to no
avail. I broke up the relationship because there was a huge change in
her, I realized that I was a second-class citizen in the relationship.
She also told me 3 days after my aunt passed away that she was going to
start dating other men but only have sex with me, she just liked the
thrill of dating. I later found out that I am the first man to have
broken up with her, which does not make me feel better, but I now
understand she is so upset. From the work I have done in AA. I realized
after the breakup of my 10 year relationship that I needed help and
sought counseling to then have been identified with Combined ADHD with a
rating of medium to high, Anxious preoccupied attachment and CPTSD, I
know that alcohol or drugs were not going to help me in any way and gave
up this includes now cigarettes and sugar. I know that I had to do a
huge amount of work on myself that up until last couple of years I
refused to acknowledge. The hard part is I know she is seeing someone
else in the AA group, but there is nothing I can do it is out of my
hands all I can to is focus on myself. I noticed some behaviors in
myself like machine gun texting even when there were no reply 15 texts
in three days. I have had other women read my texts, they were direct
and to the point and I did not talk down, swear or be rude. But I know
realize that when I think that someone is breaking up, even if they are
not, I will pull the pin and throw in the hand grenade, and I can now
see just from my txt's that there is anger in just how I texted even
without reading the words. So, I know have to do more work as I can see
from my inventory that this past behavior, what is new is the ability to
accept it and work on it and do the DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy)
for BPD (borderline personality disorder). Regardless of the amount of
work I have done and read with CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and
books I was told to read. I still feel so broken, lost, emotional and
keep looking at how I could have done things differently to save the
relationship but the friends of my first AA partner keep telling me I
have done the right thing and my ex of 10 years that I am still friends
with is telling me the same. Even a friend of mine she knows all the
parties involved and she is so supportive. A year ago, when I met her at
17, I thought she was going to be dead in 2 to 3 months she was a hard
drugs user with anorexia. No one in AA wanted to help her, I saw the
look in her eyes of fear, worthlessness and sheer desperation, and I saw
me in those eyes. I could not just let her walk out without support. I
have climbed every stair in every club, pub and dive in Canberra until
4am in the morning supporting her and having conversations she has been
clean for over a year and is back studying to be a teacher. I have been
called a sex predator and pedophile. We have never had sex she is a
lesbian and we both have been abused in the past I am 52 years old. I
have no regrets being there for her has been one of the best things I
have done, and I now know her family who are really nice people and she
is one of my best friends and fiercely loyal. It's just sad my ex would
help push the rumors, my friend she has supported me in meeting and set
the record straight. Thanks to her I will be doing CBT she recognized
that it would help me 6 months into our friendship that it would help
me. She now rings me up to see how I am going even if I am a little
down, she will check in and has become one of my best friends and we do
things together play tennis, walk dogs or hold her pet snake. My
clinical psychologist she wants me to help or support people of all
sexes and not just males as what some members of AA want me to do. I
still hurt, feel broken and lost over the separation and that is even
with all the support that I have and the rumors since the separation are
flying thick and thin. But that is teaching me to work on myself and
ignore what others say. I don't know what else to do I have to keep
living or try to even through all the pain, anxiety and depression.
Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
