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Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Guest_26050780 Angry, grieving and guilt stricken
  • replies: 2

Hi, I just lost my mum suddenly. I am overwhelmed with feelings of guilt. I placed her in an aged care home that I thought could and would care for her. I should never have trusted her care to them. But after 15 years of being a sole carer for a high... View more

Hi, I just lost my mum suddenly. I am overwhelmed with feelings of guilt. I placed her in an aged care home that I thought could and would care for her. I should never have trusted her care to them. But after 15 years of being a sole carer for a high dependency elderly parent I just couldn't manage it anymore. I was ceasing to exist as all I felt I was, was an extension of her. I guess its time to stand up on my own two feet again and try to start living again But I really don't know where to start Apart from the saying "one day at a time".

rachealw Coping after a death of a funeral
  • replies: 10

I've just recently lost my Nan suddenly. During this Covid-19 pandemic. Attempting to be there for the funeral was proven to be a challenge but not impossible. I was still able to fly interstate without needing to quarantine. I was still able to comf... View more

I've just recently lost my Nan suddenly. During this Covid-19 pandemic. Attempting to be there for the funeral was proven to be a challenge but not impossible. I was still able to fly interstate without needing to quarantine. I was still able to comfort those who could be there. I was also there to make some hard decisions and funeral arrangements. My Nan was like the next figure in life to what people call one a "Mum"... Long story short. I helped care for my Nan before she went into a home from all my teenage years. I'm having trouble coping with her being just "Gone" I felt like i didn't have time to grieve or be sad or to even laugh or cry. You become busy deciding the colour of her coffin and what photo to choose best and what flowers she would of loved by the time the day comes around your not ready to say goodbye yet. Due to the pandemic outbreak and states having their own lockdown and regulations i had to leave 1 day earlier before the service. I wasn't able to be there till the end to even lay her down. Instead i had to watch from a screen and feel at a distance. I'm vividly struggling sometimes to sleep. I can still feel her cold holds against mine and although i still got to see her and kiss her and share upon the memories we had together. I wasn't ready to say goodbye or let go. Now shes been floating around me in thoughts, in my dreams and i just feel like there's a lump in my throat that's hard to explain the presence of. How does one find ways to accept this passing and move forward in life?

Lost37 Missing my little brother
  • replies: 2

Hi. My brother died 22 weeks ago tomorrow. I'm at work, and he normally would be too. We'd be sending each other messages and memes throughout the day during quiet periods - I'm a teacher-librarian, and he was a music teacher, and so proud of his stu... View more

Hi. My brother died 22 weeks ago tomorrow. I'm at work, and he normally would be too. We'd be sending each other messages and memes throughout the day during quiet periods - I'm a teacher-librarian, and he was a music teacher, and so proud of his students. He was 31, and I miss him so much.

lulu so
  • replies: 3

my dog has passed and my uncle i hope this BB program is helpful

my dog has passed and my uncle i hope this BB program is helpful

RK23 Anticipatory Grief and Losing my Mum
  • replies: 7

Hi, first off I hope this subject fits into this forum. Recently my mum has been told she most likely has Cancer in her Gallbladder, Kidney and Lower Bowel. Although she is strong and survived Breast cancer before, this new diagnosis is grim. She has... View more

Hi, first off I hope this subject fits into this forum. Recently my mum has been told she most likely has Cancer in her Gallbladder, Kidney and Lower Bowel. Although she is strong and survived Breast cancer before, this new diagnosis is grim. She has put on a brave face and swears she will fight it, but I can tell that unlike 15 years ago she doubts she has the strength this time. She is 76 turning 77 in November and even before this latest news she was getting frail.We have always been close. She has always been there for me no matter what, and I talk to her everyday. I go to her for everything. I depend on hearing her voice every morning on the phone. I can tell she worries about leaving me behind because we have always had a special connection. I keep a brave face in front of her because I know if she sees me crack it will be devastating for her. I can't talk to her about the way I am feeling like I used to for obvious reasons. I feel empty, lost, afraid and guilty. I have moments of absolute collapse and others where I find a strength I didn't know I had. I want to be strong for her the way she has always been strong for me but sometimes I doubt I have it in me. I always feared the day she would leave, and now it might just be around the corner I am terrified. The world has changed completely. I have thoughts I might not be able to go on without her here. I know these are all normal emotions that come with grief, but they hurt so much I wonder if I will ever be able to manage.Again, I'm not sure if this is the appropriate place for this post. I'm only sure that I needed to get these things off my chest. Thank you to anyone who reads this and if you are going through the same thing just know you are not alone.

ktac1689 Pain of loss
  • replies: 2

My beautiful boy is gone. Only 25 years old. The pain is immense, bottomless and all I can think is why? Why did he do this? Why didn’t he reach out? Did I fail him as a mother? How do I go on? It all seems pointless right now. He was living in anoth... View more

My beautiful boy is gone. Only 25 years old. The pain is immense, bottomless and all I can think is why? Why did he do this? Why didn’t he reach out? Did I fail him as a mother? How do I go on? It all seems pointless right now. He was living in another state so I am making arrangements from here and preparing to go there and pack up his life. I still can’t believe it, that he would leave like that. I wish I could have helped him and lessened his pain. I have support which has helped a lot. My sister especially and my two other children. We are all trying to support each other and navigate this new world. My Aunty though, when I asked for help moving my son’s furniture, misinterpreted and thought I was expecting her to arrange his service and harshly told me that “I know you are experiencing a huge loss but this is all your job as a mother”…. Yeah don’t I know it. I had already arranged his service at that point by the way. I don’t expect anyone to do anything for me and never really have. I know we are not the first and I won’t be the last to suffer a loss of this magnitude but right now it feels that way. I wish he was still here.

Summersunnic My ex-boyfriend has committed suicide
  • replies: 3

Three weeks ago my ex-boyfriend called me and asked to meet up. I was nice and polite to him in the call and said I couldn’t meet him anymore. After the conversation, he sent some weird messages like its too late, take care of my mother and some laug... View more

Three weeks ago my ex-boyfriend called me and asked to meet up. I was nice and polite to him in the call and said I couldn’t meet him anymore. After the conversation, he sent some weird messages like its too late, take care of my mother and some laughing emojis saying you will understand. I really didn’t worry about those messages at that time since he always used t0 say stuff like that. Then i went to work and called him during my break time but not answered. After two days his aunt called me and said that he has taken his own life. I am so shocked and sad and dealing with soo much emotions. I am finding the peace through prayer and taking to others. However, throughout the relationship he was very unhealthy to me and that was the reason for me to break up with him. But up until now I didn’t know that he has lied to me soo much and has had previous marriages that he didn’t tell me about. He got kids from those marriages as well. I feel so betrayed and shocked and i feel sick from top to bottom. Not only marriages he lied to a lot about himself and everything. He lied to me about his age and and i told me only after 6 months after starting the relationship. He was very much unheathy to me. i am sad for him and his family. But the family doesn’t contact me or tell me anything about him. Please can anyone tell me what is going on? I have also stated counselling.

Soberlicious96 Lost love
  • replies: 2

So last Friday I went to the funeral of my ex partner. He was only 58 and died from a seizure and a brain aneurysm because he couldn't stop drinking. We were together for about 6 months, friends for a number of years before that, and broke up more th... View more

So last Friday I went to the funeral of my ex partner. He was only 58 and died from a seizure and a brain aneurysm because he couldn't stop drinking. We were together for about 6 months, friends for a number of years before that, and broke up more than 7 years ago. I have had and am still with another partner since then.But today, I think that the grief really hit me. I felt all angry and sad and just wanted to hide away and play all the soppy love songs and have a good cry, only I couldn't do that because I work in retail and had to paste on a smile and pretend like everything is okay. Some days working in customer service is so hard.I don't want to talk to my current partner about it because I don't want to hurt him by letting him know that I am thinking about my ex. Don't get me wrong, my current partner is a truly wonderful man and very good to me ..... but I am still feeling the grief for my ex. I think about him and his cool Harley Davidson and his sexy gravelly voice when he sang to me (he was lead vocal in a band), his cool vibe ... and it's weird because I always thought he was 'too cool' for me because he had all this amazing energy about him .... but maybe he too thought I was not right for him because I had gotten sober and had/have been sober for so long and he wasn't? I think that's why he broke it off. He was the one who ended our relationship, not me.Losing people to the demon drink is nothing new. Almost every person I ever drank with died when they were quite young; many of my friends, back when I was still drinking, didn't even make it to 40. But this guy was going to meetings while he and I were together, we MET in the rooms of recovery ..... and he was lying about being sober. And now .... this is the result. People still die from this disease of alcoholism .....Anyway, I don't know. I'm just sad. I just needed to get it out, I suppose. Grief is so hard.

elle56 I don't understand this greif
  • replies: 3

I got a call a few days ago notifying me that my ex husband had died. Not from family but from the child support agency. No one has tried to contact our children either. Not sure what happened or exactly when, as the agency can't give out that inform... View more

I got a call a few days ago notifying me that my ex husband had died. Not from family but from the child support agency. No one has tried to contact our children either. Not sure what happened or exactly when, as the agency can't give out that information. I'm not understanding my reaction for a man who walked out 23 years ago,never took responsibility and became totally estranged from his kids. My son noticed his dad had looked him up about 8 weeks ago. Maybe he had regrets. I'm feeling lost , not sure why my emotions are even there. There have been a lot of losses in the last few years maybe it's all built up. Everyone is saying I'm crazy for being so upset UT it's how l feel

Guest_65607549 Everything feels different now
  • replies: 2

Last year we got the terrible news that our mum didn’t have long to live , so I quit my job and left my home to come back to be with her in this time . We lost her early this year and I’m struggling … I dont at all regret the decision I made to move ... View more

Last year we got the terrible news that our mum didn’t have long to live , so I quit my job and left my home to come back to be with her in this time . We lost her early this year and I’m struggling … I dont at all regret the decision I made to move home to be close to my family over this time . But it’s been tough. I don’t love my job and I’m struggling financially with my mortgage back home and paying rent here , while also just worrying about my dad and him being alone. I spend all my time with him . And I’m just struggling to know where I fit back in . I have been gone for so long my friends all have lives of their own . How do u pick urself up and move on with so much change.