Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

All discussions

quirkywords Do you remember a sad anniversary and if so why or why not?
  • replies: 39

When people remember anniversaries they often think of happy times like biirthdays or wedding anniversaries, but when there is grief and loss do you remember the birthday rather the day a loved one died. Or if there was a tragedy do you remember it o... View more

When people remember anniversaries they often think of happy times like biirthdays or wedding anniversaries, but when there is grief and loss do you remember the birthday rather the day a loved one died. Or if there was a tragedy do you remember it on a special date ? I do not want to trigger anyone or upset anyone but I am facing an anniversary in a couple of weeks and it will be covered in the media so not sure how I can avoid it. I am interested in how others handle the sad dates. Quirky

fifi Why can’t I let this go
  • replies: 1

Hey it’s been a long time since I have been here and it feels like my entire life has changed . It’s a long story but some back story is important for the convo so here goes . rougly 7 years ago now after a long surgery I awoke to news that still to ... View more

Hey it’s been a long time since I have been here and it feels like my entire life has changed . It’s a long story but some back story is important for the convo so here goes . rougly 7 years ago now after a long surgery I awoke to news that still to this day breaks my heart . My surgery had found that my tubes were blocked and I was labeled as infertile and instructed to either do IVF and fall pregnant or plan for a historectomy I would never be able to have a family of my own , never know the surprise of a random pregnancy . We went on the IVF road and we’re beyond blessed to welcome a little girl in 2015 and a little boy in 2018 . I can’t work out why the grief from that period won’t leave me I have worked on so many things in my life but this subject still haunts me tell me I’m not alone

Guest_7037 I lost my grandfather and i feel guilty about every wrong thing i've done.
  • replies: 4

I'll start from the beginning. When i was a kid, my biological father abused my mum a lot and never cared about me. My mum left me with my uncle and aunty and they were taking care of me, till i grew old enough to leave the place. But whenever i some... View more

I'll start from the beginning. When i was a kid, my biological father abused my mum a lot and never cared about me. My mum left me with my uncle and aunty and they were taking care of me, till i grew old enough to leave the place. But whenever i something wrong, they were physically abusive that they would not realise the negative impact that it would have on me. Sometimes i would even hide under my bed and say to myself "It's better if i die". I could not take it. My getaway was my grandpa's house around the suburb, i'd always go there to feel better. Sometimes i did stupid things but he undestood the fact that i was a kid and he was the only one who never raised his hands on me. I never loved someone so much as much as i did to my grandpa and grandma. When I was 15, i moved to my mum's house, there a lot of things that i did wrong, not listening to my mother while she was a single mother and struggling to work by herself, not helping her and only caring about myself. I wished i was there for her. Recently, my grandpa passed away and there are infinite things that i would like to say to him, infinite things to do for him, infinite things to rectify my mistakes. There are so much things that has happened in my life and it all comes to me in one hit. I call it guilt. I wish i could have done better, i blame myself for his death because i made a promise that i could not fulfill. So far, his death and guilt, especially guilt are the worst pain that i have ever felt in my life. The guilt that i feel feels ike it will never go away. I have ways to amend for the bad choices that i have made but i don't feel that the amount of guilt that i have will go away. My dream is to be a good father and husband when i get married at an older age. Because my mum got abused by the man that never cared about me. I also want to gain as much knowledge as i can. I know that's what my grandfather would want me to do. It's too late to apologise and it would not change what happened in the past. At the moment, i live happily with my mum and her partner, but my guilt outweights my happiness on the outside once in a while. I wish i told my grandpa how much i love him. i wish i did not do make the bad choices that i did in the past. i wish he could see me as the man that i am today, taking responsibility for his actions. I feel guilty every once in a while whenever i feel very anxious and depressed about it. It's very nostalgic. Someone please tell me they undestand.

Justal Loss Childhood pet followed by loss of cousin to suicide
  • replies: 2

Hi my names zeke and im 15 Over the past 9 or so months I've been struggling with my mental health i felt very alone during the lockdown and alot of bad memorys from a few years ago had been brought up and then I lost my cat he was 10 and the friendl... View more

Hi my names zeke and im 15 Over the past 9 or so months I've been struggling with my mental health i felt very alone during the lockdown and alot of bad memorys from a few years ago had been brought up and then I lost my cat he was 10 and the friendliest cat you could ever meet and I had to see him incredibly sick and when they put him down I couldn't stay and went to the car to ball my eyes out tthen a few months go by and we get out of lockdown and all seems well and I remember it clearly it was the Sunday a month ago and my dad gets a call from Nana and my other cousin on my mums sides there and I said to him well someone died and yea it was my cousin Britney she would be 23 in January. She would often attempt suicide cause she had a condition called borderline personality disorder. We never thought she would actually do it and had pushed away and said nasty things about the family for the past 2 years so I hadn't seen her in a while but yea before the illness really got bad she was the nicest person ever and would always give out hugs and stuff and yea was just the sweetest person ever and now she's gone forever in this plane of reality at least But yea that's my story and what I've been struggling with and im really struggling to stay calm like midday im alright but at night and in the morning im ether really depressed or really mad and I dont like that not just cause I've broken a ton of stuff but I just like wanted to be happy for a long time just like happy you know go back like 3-4 years i want happy zeke back But yea thankyou to anyone that read that and feel free to give me so advice or ask a question and yea im happy I could put this all in text

Gem17 Losing my sister
  • replies: 5

I lost my sister 6 years ago now. She ended her life which was devastating. A part of me feels like I should be 'over it' by now because it has been so many years. But I don't think I've ever allowed myself to process or grieve the loss. I jumped str... View more

I lost my sister 6 years ago now. She ended her life which was devastating. A part of me feels like I should be 'over it' by now because it has been so many years. But I don't think I've ever allowed myself to process or grieve the loss. I jumped straight back into work after her funeral and haven't been able to talk about her with anyone. I'm wondering if it will ever hurt less when I think about her...

rosentity grieving my late brother and my still alive father
  • replies: 3

i lost my eldest brother to cancer last year. nobody in my family has been the same since, it has affected every aspect of the world. i just completed high school, and found myself with the freedom and time to begin to grieve properly. due to covid, ... View more

i lost my eldest brother to cancer last year. nobody in my family has been the same since, it has affected every aspect of the world. i just completed high school, and found myself with the freedom and time to begin to grieve properly. due to covid, there was no funeral or ability to see friends and family in person when he passed. to be honest it still doesn’t feel real, i’m not sure i will ever truly believe he is gone. things have been pretty bad, but the past few weeks had not been too heavy due to celebrations graduating and covid restrictions easing. but today, my dad came home and told me and my other brother that he and my mum had some news. he told us that he has been diagnosed with cancer. right now i am horribly overwhelmed in every sense, but it just feels like a joke. last year was hard enough with the loss of my brother, as well as covid, the family dog being put down, and my dad being mutilated in a work accident. it seems that this is never going to stop. i’ve been suicidal since very young, but with everything that has even happening i find myself wishing for it more. i feel like i’m already grieving the death of my father who is still alive. we don’t even have enough information yet to know if it is fatal or not. i still find myself grieving. feelings have been numb for a while, ever since we first found out my brother was diagnosed in 2019. i feel awful because i can’t console the rest of my family because i don’t have the right words to say. i don’t want to lose my dad how i lost my brother. and i’m quite scared i will do something stupid myself due to lack of emotions. i turn 18 in just over a month but i’ve never wanted to live to that age. perhaps i am grieving for my brother, my dad and myself. i miss my brother and i don’t want my dad to die. i am so very sick of this all

Garebear289 An old childhood friend took his own life
  • replies: 5

Hey, I'm Gare-Bear. Happy to be here I'm new to these forums and felt I needed to share a bit of my grief. This is a heavy post, involving suicide. Two weeks ago, a close friend from my days in Primary School took his own life. I hadn't heard from th... View more

Hey, I'm Gare-Bear. Happy to be here I'm new to these forums and felt I needed to share a bit of my grief. This is a heavy post, involving suicide. Two weeks ago, a close friend from my days in Primary School took his own life. I hadn't heard from this individual for a few years, as we naturally drifted apart after school. I remember hearing about his death late at night. I had just got inside to my apartment after playing basketball. My dad called, told me the news. My mum later took hold of the phone, hearing her cry was hard. She was absolutely devastated. To make matters sadder, my friend's nephew, was staying with my parents at the time as well. I was shocked and didn't know how to feel. I drove to my parents immediately and made sure they and my friend's nephew were alright. The grief wasn't immediate for me. It's been slow, and I experience the occasional sadness and melancholy from time to time. I let my close friends know within a few days of the incident, and they've been supportive of me. I've found focusing on my work, spending time with friends and having fun has helped. Back in primary school, my friend had introduced me to basketball funnily enough, so hearing about his passing after playing the game was kind of poetic in a sad way. He was also planning to catch up with me, my family and his nephew together. I've been reminiscing of my childhood alongside him from time to time, and I'm always going to remember his mischievous, cunning, and calm and collected personality. I'm in a really good space now, and my family has been well since then. I'm going to honour his memory going forward, and might start a photography project down the line as it's something I enjoy doing. If you are thinking about suicide, please know from me, who now has lost a good friend, that it's not worth it. Help and support will always be there for you thanks to places like beyond blue, lifeline and other services. Thanks for reading.

Gothamfan Loss of my cousins
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Quite a few years ago I lost one of my cousins to suicide, he was only 18 and had so much ahead of him, a couple years later I lost another cousin he was around the same age and had recently had a child, I was very close with him and his death has ta... View more

Quite a few years ago I lost one of my cousins to suicide, he was only 18 and had so much ahead of him, a couple years later I lost another cousin he was around the same age and had recently had a child, I was very close with him and his death has taken a toll on our whole family, even after all these years I still find it cope with his death, I’ve learnt to accept it but it just makes my life harder. I’ve lost others over the years but I never really learnt to deal with grief

Clemorella My dog passed in October last year, and I still miss her.
  • replies: 6

It’s difficult in some ways mourning for the loss of an animal. I had a lot of people put their noses up at me when they found out how much I was spending trying to keep my dog alive. but they didn’t understand that she wasn’t just a dog. She was the... View more

It’s difficult in some ways mourning for the loss of an animal. I had a lot of people put their noses up at me when they found out how much I was spending trying to keep my dog alive. but they didn’t understand that she wasn’t just a dog. She was the love of my life. My twin flame. she was the very best part of me. It didn’t matter how crappy everything was, because I had her. so when she got sick, I spent a grand total of $32k on her vet bills before she passed in October last year. and I’m still grieving. I put myself into irrevocable debt. I’ve had to sign a debt agreement. Some weeks I can’t afford groceries. I have 0 savings and no prospects. and I just want my dog back.

BC16 Sudden loss of my young sister
  • replies: 10

Hi, a Month ago my 22yo sister passed away suddenly. She was the healthiest happiest and kindest person and I don’t understand. No one can tell us why that is was just a sudden cardiac event. I can’t sleep, I can’t talk to anyone and I feel so guilt ... View more

Hi, a Month ago my 22yo sister passed away suddenly. She was the healthiest happiest and kindest person and I don’t understand. No one can tell us why that is was just a sudden cardiac event. I can’t sleep, I can’t talk to anyone and I feel so guilt that I couldn’t protect her. My wife wants me to open up but I don’t know how.