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Grief and loss

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Toymanpete My Mum Died Yesterday
  • replies: 5

Hello. I'm writing this with a broken heart because my mum died at 3:21 yesterday morning of lung cancer caused by smoking. We had always lived together for all of my 42 years & I don't know how I'm going to go on without her. It was all so very sudd... View more

Hello. I'm writing this with a broken heart because my mum died at 3:21 yesterday morning of lung cancer caused by smoking. We had always lived together for all of my 42 years & I don't know how I'm going to go on without her. It was all so very sudden- on Australia day she told me she was crook with a headache & diarrhoea & soon after, she developed a hacking cough with blood. I called the doctor's office but the receptionist told me "Call back in May" & hung up! That arvo, the paramedics ended up taking her to the local hospital (we live in a country town). The doctor there, a local GP (Not our GP) had a CT scan done & called our family in but he had a shocking bedside manner- he very quickly told us she had cancer "Here, here & here" & told mum she "Didn't have to make a decision now". They stupidly discharged her the next arvo with the only follow-up being a standard GP appointment in April!, as well as prescriptions for 2 utterly useless fluid pills, for her swollen legs. On Sunday, she got really crook. Hot & cold, in & out of sleep. I rang 000 & the paramedics took her to the big hospital 1 hour away. The doctors & nurses there were in disbelief at what the GP had done. My family drove up soon after & we stayed until 2AM, before we drove back, but she died 90mins later. Now I'm here at home alone & don't know how to go on. Thank you for listening.

ErinDay Grief and Depression
  • replies: 1

My husband passed away 18 months ago. He was 34. Our daughter was 9 months old. My husband was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer and I cared for him. He passed away in our bedroom next to me. I fell asleep curled up next to him until his mum came i... View more

My husband passed away 18 months ago. He was 34. Our daughter was 9 months old. My husband was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer and I cared for him. He passed away in our bedroom next to me. I fell asleep curled up next to him until his mum came into the room distressed that I hadn’t called the funeral director to collect him. I just didn’t want to let him go. I miss him and feel lonely. I keep playing things over and over in my head. The brutal chemo treatment, seeing him upset and cry because he wasn’t going to see his daughter grow up, him being confused due to the drugs and toxin in his body, and other horrible stuff as his body failed him. I can’t sleep, I get stressed and am depressed. I use alcohol to forget and turn my brain off. It’s an awful cycle, wake up, coffee, screaming kid, work, screaming kid, wine, disturbed sleep, wake up and so on. I don’t want to drink, I just don’t know how to turn my brain off. I don’t want to remember. Even the good memories are painful . He would be so disappointed in me.

BabyDepression07 Loss of my Mother
  • replies: 2

im 28 years old and have 3 younger siblings aged 22 and a twin brother n sister who r now 9.we suffered an unexpected loss of our mother a year ago and i have no idea still how im suppose to deal with it.I have lost all my family as none of them talk... View more

im 28 years old and have 3 younger siblings aged 22 and a twin brother n sister who r now 9.we suffered an unexpected loss of our mother a year ago and i have no idea still how im suppose to deal with it.I have lost all my family as none of them talk to me sinc it happend, my 22 year old brother has custody of the twins. he and i dont talk anymore. no one in my family even comes to see me or ask how i am. my Bipolar is really hitting hard some days. i dont know what i have done wrong or y everyone stays away from me. im so lost n feel so alone. IS THIS NORMAL OR AM I GOING CRAZY????

naralle I really miss my mother
  • replies: 5

My mum and I were really close when I was living at home, but when I decided to move out things really changed. My mum wasn't herself and when I went to visit her and dad but when I met my future husband well things completely changed. My mum and dad... View more

My mum and I were really close when I was living at home, but when I decided to move out things really changed. My mum wasn't herself and when I went to visit her and dad but when I met my future husband well things completely changed. My mum and dad have cut me off and it's been like it since 2004 and my sisters don't wont anything to do with me, so basically my family have cut me off all because I left home and I'm in morning for losing my mum even though she hasn't passed away. I miss my mum so much it hurts, I've written to my mum 3 times and no reply. I think my father might have something to do with it as we never really got a long. I always new that I was the black sheep of the family. In my father's eyes I couldn't mount to anything, I was a big disappointment to him. But honestly I was more close to my mother than anything else and since 2004 I haven't been the same since. That part of my heart has been left empty and hurting since and I don't want to mean to be nasty but when my father does pass away I want to be able to go to my mum and say why? I do love my dad but he made my life impossible. I'm also wondering if my dad had a hard up bring with his dad? Anyway thank you for listening

lemonadetears is grieving the loss of yourself a thing or am I crazy?
  • replies: 2

years ago I almost died but I dont feel like I'm the same person after it. there's so many better things about who I am now and I like myself way more... but I also kind of mourn the loss of the person I was. it's as if I lost my innocence, lost my f... View more

years ago I almost died but I dont feel like I'm the same person after it. there's so many better things about who I am now and I like myself way more... but I also kind of mourn the loss of the person I was. it's as if I lost my innocence, lost my faith in myself and lost that person I used to be. to cope, I even changed my name as it helped recognise the person I am now rather than being seen as the person I used to be, but there's also just some sadness and grief that comes with having almost entirely detached from who you used to be in the span of what, a couple hours? there's so many things from my old self that have continued on, but these things aren't good, such as unresolved traumas and unresolved insecurities. I'm trying to work on it, but idk, I almost feel like I'm broken for mourning... the person I used to be? is grieving the loss of yourself a thing or am I mad?

Bronwynne A new normal
  • replies: 4

My husband suicided almost a year ago in February on our daughters 14th birthday in her bedroom My daughter attempted suicide in July last year I am struggling with a lot of emotions, my daughter says she hates me, hardly calls me Mum anymore, just u... View more

My husband suicided almost a year ago in February on our daughters 14th birthday in her bedroom My daughter attempted suicide in July last year I am struggling with a lot of emotions, my daughter says she hates me, hardly calls me Mum anymore, just uses my first name, says she wishes I was dead and blames me for her complex ptsd which I have also been diagnosed with I have no family here they are all interstate I feel all alone have no close friends I can talk to just feel so lost and alone Xmas last year was so hard with it just being my daughter and myself I don't want a repeat of that

Lost_puppy Gone not forgotten
  • replies: 1

Once apon a time there was a little girl from a poor family she had an older brother mum & dad. Mum was mentally ill & didn't really like her daughter, dad was a drunk at times & a brute who was not scared to beat on the mother... mum would turn a bl... View more

Once apon a time there was a little girl from a poor family she had an older brother mum & dad. Mum was mentally ill & didn't really like her daughter, dad was a drunk at times & a brute who was not scared to beat on the mother... mum would turn a blind eye & a family FRIEND SA'd the little girl a few times ...she grew up having many struggles to overcome alone until her first baby born didn't make it ...she was never the same after that day...broken homeless & alone again she met a boy & thier family took her in .. she had a child to him gorgeous & much loved daughter but after a few years the relationship ended & sadly the grandmothers took that young girl of her. I was stricken with grief again & in a new relationship with a alcoholic narcissist, she fought hard for her daughter back but that took 2 years . She wasn't a bad mother didn't do drugs or drink & had abundance of love to give... years passed & 2 more girls. She had her 3 girls & a terribly abusive relationship finally it ended but with parental alienation he took one of those girls. I was malnutrished & broken again not long after my eldest girl went back to live with one eyed grandmother who loved the girl but hated her own daughter...then after years of recovering mu remaining daughter & I had wonderful years together all the while trying to get her other daughters back as 1 loving family .she had 1 last child ...after getting allot older & still single & much soul searching couldn't bring herself to end the pregnancy a magnificent baby boy came & she was for the first time the best version of herself...she recently left the peaceful place she lived to return back to the country where her other daughters were living believing if she could just be closer to them they all could spend time with each other... & we do & all my children feel more loved than ever & they love me back .perfect... but the rest of the family are still the same vindictive people & im struggling with that, & I'm suffering anxiety & missing my peacefully home & wish one day to return but knowing my other kids will not go there ...

Tessa_Bella_Ghost Just sad
  • replies: 1

My husband passed away 2 1/2 years ago and my 2 sons recently moved into their own townhouse. I have a dog who is keeping me distracted and is great company. It's not the same though. I miss that 1 person that always has your back. That 1 person that... View more

My husband passed away 2 1/2 years ago and my 2 sons recently moved into their own townhouse. I have a dog who is keeping me distracted and is great company. It's not the same though. I miss that 1 person that always has your back. That 1 person that is always ready to hear you talk about your day or offload, without judgement. I hate going out with friends because they are all a couple and I am the 3rd wheel. They are good support but it's just not the same. I know this is my new normal but I'm not coping too well with it. My emotions are just simmering under the surface and I cry at the drop of a hat. I'm showing people what they want to see, that I am strong and doing ok. Most of the time I am, but just recently I have struggled. I found Christmas particular hard as it is such a big family time and brought back the realisation that I am alone. I want to see the positives in life, but at the moment I just cannot. I am picking at things that don't usually bother me and I'm talking to myself in such a negative way. I know there are many many people in the same situation and I am a lucky one really; there's always someone else doing it tougher. I have a lovely home and a good job, am surrounded by nice people at work but often don't want to go home to that lonely routine. I'm sure I will feel better tomorrow, and that I'm just having a down day. Everyone feels sad sometimes.

Fiatlux August is the Month of Grief for me
  • replies: 8

August is such an awful month for me, just filled with grief. I lost some of the most wonderful people during the month of August. Last Friday I sat quietly and grieved the loss of a wonderful, beautiful man. It's been 3 years but that pain hasn't su... View more

August is such an awful month for me, just filled with grief. I lost some of the most wonderful people during the month of August. Last Friday I sat quietly and grieved the loss of a wonderful, beautiful man. It's been 3 years but that pain hasn't subsided nor has he left my thoughts. Pretty soon the anniversary of the loss of my father will come around, its been 11 years but I wish he was here now. This morning the news of others who have passed, brings it all back. I suppose I just want someone, everyone to know that I am still thinking of them, daily!

little_flannel Grief a few months after loss
  • replies: 2

So I lose my Nan April this year and the last time I saw her she was in the hospital bed non responsive and so I never got to say goodbye I didn’t cry at the time as wanted to be strong for my sister and mum however I have since moved to an isolated ... View more

So I lose my Nan April this year and the last time I saw her she was in the hospital bed non responsive and so I never got to say goodbye I didn’t cry at the time as wanted to be strong for my sister and mum however I have since moved to an isolated town and with all my spare time the grief has caught up and I keep having flashbacks to that last day with her I miss her and need help to dealing with this grief