Hi Bhel, welcome
My heart reaches out for you. This forum is one full of lived experiences by members and community Champions like myself so we have often lived through such ordeals ourselves and are therefore positioned well to help with how best to cope.
My dad passed in 1992 at 64yo. Thats many years, yet I've never really recovered from his passing, such was how magnificent he was as a parent. My mother passed 3 weeks ago and we were estranged for 14 years. Even so, although she did some terrible things to me and my sister, you are never prepared for such an event even though she was 93yo.
So back to my dad. How did I cope and move on to my life? Firstly there is no shortcut from grief, it is a process you have to endure until your mind is mended enough to be able to cop0e enough to spend more time in the present and thinking of your future.
Ideas on coping-
- Plant a memorial garden. You can just plant one rose or two. Or a full garden in their honour. That garden then has a special purpose and when feeling down you can care for the plants as you remember good times. Or in pots if renting
- Get a pet if you havent got one. It's amazing the company you get and a pet will allow you to focus on a beautiful animal that you will love and they love you
- Put aside a time when you have only thoughts on your parents. Say 30 minutes once a week or twice and that time could be to review old pictures or simply think about them. No phone, no interruptions. I used to climb a nearby hill and that spot became my grieving place.
- Write- writing channels your emotions. This link is to our poetry corner where many poems are about grief. They really could help you. You'll notice many are also funny and thats a good thing to mix up your emotions. Especially the first poem I posted there. https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/bb-social-zone/the-poetry-corner-post-your-poems-in-here/td-p/54...
I hope I've helped.
A WORLD OF CARE
Our mind can have its own steering wheel but only brief
For as we tackle our loss, there is little control with grief
Your emotions no longer fit like a glove
That its a reflection of your grief with love
But out of this you will emerge with vigour laid bare
For they have left you with their influence and care
Inside you they planted themselves every cell
They had no control over the ringing of the bell
So celebrate when you feel you can
And grief isnt a one man band
The courage you have to share here and there
Is what your parents planted in you, a world of care...
TonyWK
