Grief loss of baby

[Anwar]

Hi

I have a beautiful 14 month old baby girl and just lost my second baby girl due to kidney problems. I had a very difficult pregnancy and birth in both cases and my first baby has hip dyslasia and so has had procedures and hip spica cast and is still requiring treatment. After losing my second baby there is a large possibility that I might not be able to carry a third child. I am physically and emotionally unwell and feel like this is affecting my relationships especially with my husband as well as the way I raise and take care of my daughter. I'm just reaching out to anyone who may have experienced something similar and what helped them cope and manage everyday life and accepting what happened. I have very supportive parents but at times I feel like everyone has their own lives to deal with.

Thankyou for taking the time to read what I've experienced.

[geoff]

dear Anwar, I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your baby, I have not been through this myself, but my brother and brother in law have both lost a young child and for them it was the same as for you horrific.
The ongoing treatment with your little girl must be awful and at times very difficult on top of your loss, so you must be struggling to keep up, so can I suggest that you please consult with your doctor who may recommend you to talk with a psychologist, again I'm deeply sorry to all of you. Geoff. x

[Dr_Kim]

Hi Anwar,

I am really glad that you wrote in to us as what you are going through is important and valid. I think it is a great idea that you connect with those who have experienced similar things. This is the basis of so many support groups and the way many organisations have evolved as we need to feel understood and that our experiences are really heard.

So I think it is a great idea to have a chat to a couple of reputable organisations and see how you feel as they will “get it”.

Firstly try PANDA …
http://www.panda.org.au/info-support/after-birth

or else maybe give a call to SANDS
http://www.sands.org.au/

You say that you feel “physically and emotionally unwell”. I am concerned that you feel like this but also glad that you can identify that things are not as they should be. So maybe start to notice what concerns you and write things down. Both about your body and your thoughts and feelings . After a couple of weeks , make a double appointment at your GP and run through the list and develop an action plan together for improving your health - both physical and mental.

Don’t put the bar too high for yourself as this is clearly a tough time for you, but do learn good skills at looking after yourself so you can be not a perfect mother and wife( they don’t exist!).. but the good enough one that allows you to not put your needs out of the picture too.

[summerdays]

hi there

How are you?

I just wanted to check in with you to see how you are doing?

I can imagine your world has been turned upside down and I think any relationship would struggle with what you have experienced.

Have you connected with PANDA or SANDS online? What about a local agency?

X

[HeavyMetalDad]

Hi Anwar,

Its very sad that you have lost a child, I feel for you. One of my twins was still born 3.5 years ago and it is still hard to think about today. I totally recommend seeing a counseller/psychologist, and try and involve yourself in hobbies to occupy your mind. Love and peacefulness to you.

[Patrizia]

Dear. Anwar,

I have a younger relative with hip dysplasia as a baby.  She is a now a young happy woman with three happy preschoolers.   
Parenting babies and preschoolers is hard at the best of times.  
Look after yourself,  use a babysitter for time out.  Join a type of exercise you like, even walking around the block with the pram.

Exercise, particularly active ,  is a wonderful natural antidepressant.

Join a support group.  Don’t compare yourself to other young mum’s.

i had a very difficult time when my daughter was born too, due to undiagnosed health problems.   
This period passes.

Good luck.