Losing my way

[Losingmyway]

Hi. I lost my mum 3 years ago next month and I lost my brother on Boxing Day 2023. I was my mother’s carer until she passed and I am now also my fathers carer. My brother died suddenly on Boxing Day just gone which has shocked both my father and I. I was aware my brother drank alcohol quite a bit but not to the extent it contributed to his death, which resulted in multi organ failure and sepsis. I have two adult children no partner and a half sister who lives overseas. I am also dealing with chronic back pain which I am getting treatment for but is very slow going as I am in the public health system. I am also helping and dealing with my 30 year old daughters health problems which has also been ongoing for a number of years but she finally has been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. She is currently living with me. This year so far has been the hardest of my life. Dad broke his hip 5 days after my brother passed which resulted in a 2 month stay in hospital and a further 2 months staying with me until I could get his place modified to suit his new way of life. My daughter was in and out of hospital with her condition. I was diagnosed with skin cancer(which has successfully been cut out) and all whilst dealing with my brothers estate as he had no will, no partner and no kids. Recently I’ve been feeling that I’ve lost my way and wondering if I have dealt with things,as I thought I was coping well. I have no motivation, have put on weight due to unhealthy eating habits and generally feel low. I am currently on a bit of medication for pain which also includes a antidepressant. I constantly have flashbacks of my brother in the emergency department hooked up to all kinds of machines while I sat next to him holding his hand. Eventually he was intubated and airlifted to a bigger hospital and within less then 24hours I had to make the call to take him off life support. I am so angry at him for the way he went. There were so many lies told by him and if only he had told someone this could have been avoided.I feel guilty I wasn’t able to help him or if I had checked in more with him I could have helped.  I feel torn between caring for my dad and my daughter that I feel I have lost myself in amongst all the chaos. I’m really hoping to get some ideas on coping with everything and getting back to a new normal. 

[Sophie_M]

Hi Losingmyway,

Welcome to the Forums. Thank you for taking the time to share with us. We are so deeply sorry to hear of the losses that you have experienced, as well as the significant health concerns of your own as well as two of your loved ones. This is an enormous amount for one person to have on their plate and we want to acknowledge how much grief, pain, and worry you must be carrying.
 
Do you have anyone in your life that is able to support your through this? Whether it be a GP, counsellor, or anyone close to you who you can talk to? Given all that you have been through in a short amount of time, we would strongly recommend getting some support for yourself. As a carer it can be tough to set aside time for ourselves, but it is so necessary both for ourselves and to be able to continue to care for those around us.  A good first step may be booking in an appointment with your GP to talk about everything that is happening, if you have not already.

If you ever want to talk, you are very welcome to call our counsellors at any time, on 1300 22 4636. They can help you talk this through and will also be able to help you plan what's next so that you have that support in place. We'd also recommend talking to Griefline, on 1300 845 745 (6am to midnight AEST every day): https://griefline.org.au/  
 
We also think it could be useful for you to call Carers Australia on 1800 422 737. It is so important that you look after yourself during these times and they can help you, or just be there if you want to
talk. 
 
Thank you once again for sharing here. The forums are a safe and supportive space and we are here for you 24/7.
 
Kind regards,   
Sophie M 

[Losingmyway]

Thank you Sophie.

I have seen my GP this morning and he has given me a mental health plan to see a counselor. I have an appointment on 14th of August. 

[pawsy]

HI losingmyway -- i know this is a late reply to your post but gee, that is a hard load you are and have been carrying. I'm so sorry. THat is a lot of loss and a lot of work ... Even with so much painful stuff going on we have to keep managing things -- like your brothers estate, modifying your dads place and looking after him, caring for your daughter, getting your skin cancer treated. So many problems to solve AND at the same time big feelings of pain -- grief i mean. It's so hard and no wonder youre feeling low. You have your own inner life that needs care. I relate to this too ... lost both parents last year and been so busy with first looking after them and then managing their estate and so on. we do get lost in it all. I hope youre doing okay. sending strength n care. pawsy.