- Beyond Blue Forums
- People like me
- Grief and loss
- Grief about dreams never realised
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Mark Topic as New
- Mark Topic as Read
- Pin this Topic for Current User
- Follow
- Printer Friendly Page
Grief about dreams never realised
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
Hi,
My work, relationships, living situation, hobbies, beliefs, family and values have all changed over the last few years. Some of the change is objectively really awesome, and some was sort of out of my control.
Either way, I'm feelings my feelings and problem solving my way through the change. Growing etc. I'm so much happier.
But I've got all this grief. I think about all the possibilities, the things I never did in the hobbies I gave up, and the things I didn't say to the people I'm not speaking to anymore.
My psychologist recently labelled this as grief and I had to agree, sometimes I feel like I've got this heavy loss and heavy thoughts that builds up inside.
I have only ever associated grief with death. Has anyone had experience with grief that doesn't really relate to death?
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
Most def' and especially as we get older. l'm 50s and there are many regrets and griefs and what ifs and shoulda coulda's but they seem to be coming out far stronger lately.
All and often of the same sort of things you talk about too.
lt's weird though isn't it. We know the past was yesterday and can't be changed, gone back too. We know it's today though now and the future that really matters and that could still be hopefully at least kinda built into what we would like it to be in some ways right, and that regrets are pretty well a waste of our mental energy and m'health.
But it's all easier said than done and l still hold onto way way too much, even though l know how illogical that is.
My solution lately is that it's still not too late and so l hope to try make the most of the future and happiness a priority from here, and of any other things and people important to me- no more pushing asides tomorrow tomorrow or worrying too much about yesterday anymore.
Well, that's the plan anyway.
rx
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
Hey Randomxx, thank you for your words.
I like your philosophy about the past and moving forward too.
And I totally relate to what you're saying- I know it's not logical to keep dwelling and that I'll never be able to change what happened.
The feelings are heavy
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
Hi string_cheese
I feel for you so much as you experience moments of grief and the challenges that come with making sense of it. While now being a 54yo gal and having a life I am largely grateful for, I can definitely still feel moments of grief while reflecting on parts of my life. Not sure if it will help but I've come to make sense of some of the reasons
- A deeply challenging part of becoming more conscious can involve having to strategically manage one end of the consciousness spectrum. While at one end of the spectrum I can become highly conscious of the opportunities, things, experiences and people I've gained, at the other end (the more challenging end) I can also be highly conscious of the opportunities, things, experiences and people I've lost. A greater level of consciousness is not always an easy thing to manage. It would be so much easier if we were only conscious of what we've gained
- Integration and disintegration. While aspects of myself gradually come to life bit by bit, they were integrated into who I was as a kid. As a kid, I developed and fall in love with the adventurer in me, the wonderer in me (that led me to wonder about so much), the free spirited open minded non judgemental part of me and the highly imaginative or creative part of me etc. Through a variety of circumstances, parts became dis-integrated. A gradual dis-integration can become depressing. At times I've found myself grieving deeply for certain parts. 'How to gradually bring them back to life, bit by bit?' has become question. Personally, I've found the depressing challenges I face always relate to the part of myself I'm being challenged to bring to life or back to life. For example, if I cannot imagine a life that looks happy, I'm perhaps being challenged to develop or redevelop the highly imaginative part of myself that once existed. While developing the practice of channeling 'the seer' in me becomes the goal, the reason as to why it may not feel easy (to see into my imagination) is because I did it naturally and effortlessly as a kid. In other words, it required no great thought or effort back then
- Self development comes with challenges. I've heard it said before that the main reason memory exists is for the purpose of learning. Based on what we remember, we learn who to trust and who not to trust, what is joyful and what proves to be depressing for us, what is safe and what is unsafe etc. Self development requires that we remember or recall things. In order to develop a sense of who we should keep in our life, we'll reference the people we should never have let go of. In order to develop a sense of how to best navigate life without alcohol and drugs, we may be led to recall how much damage alcohol and drugs did at one point in our life (which can include the poor choices we made and the people we hurt). A growing list of painful things we'd prefer to forget can become quite long if that is our only focus. I've found part of the challenge can come down to shifting focus and largely meditating on what I've gained and what the most positive way forward can look like or needs to look like. I will feel whatever I'm meditating or 100% reflecting on. If I'm meditating on loss, I will feel only loss. Part of my self education has been about learning how mind and emotions work together and how to manage both at the same time
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
There's so many angles to things your saying op , and to my own life and situations, pasts, l also relate to between your lines.
l just deleted this way too long and way way too complicated post l started here bc l wanted to tone it right back.
That's been one of the for me huge changes l'd been working on yrs now, simplification , especially of the mind.
l've left a lot behind to , in my old ways , old work, people , parts of myself l didn't like and yeah, still working on the regrets- and of the people same as you l won't see anymore but back when didn't this or say that , the can't be undones.
But you said you've been growing and your so much happier well, you do know what that's worth right , it's huge. What good is life is we aren't happy right.
Talking to a Slovenian friend of mine one night about a big decision l'd had going on and she said, will it make you happy ?
l thought hmm, how simple is that yet how huge is that, how important is that, what's the point if it doesn't right.
l left a career 10yrs back, supposedly a dream job, l always thought it would be it was my dream since a kid, but that made me miserable too, l was so much happier too leaving it behind. ln ways it was a shame bc it was the one thing l was just naturally talented at , it was like a calling, but l was so effd up doing that work .
Another big change l made yrs back was to lighten the mind, the thoughts, the convos, simplification , the taking myself and the world way way too seriously when l can't change 99% of it anyway. These days l watch people drive themselves insane talking this and getting so strung out about that and ha, that use to be me. That post l deleted was that me, but once again that made me miserable , deleting it was much nicer ha ha.
l've simplified so much in my life and within myself too. l suppose some people thrive on the stimulation of things l'm far far happier avoiding now. l do know though and l notice it a lot, many also just don't see and realize just what it's all does to them , well l did with myself so they can do them and l'll do me.
And that goes for life in general too and mines been pretty damn complicated most of that though my own doing and many regrets in all that too so l've been working on that as well. l want simplicity now, as minimalist as poss.
Is there still time and ways to do some of those things your sorry you haven't, or to pick up some of those hobbies in the future ?
You take care eh.
rx
