Lonely, tired, overwhelmed

[Lia-v]

My name is Lia I’m in year 11 and have been struggling with school forever, last year I finally realised that the group of friends I had been with since preschool were actually bullying and excluding me. I would be sitting alone in silence the whole day as every talked to anyone but me feeling worse and worse each day causing me to go to school less and less until my parents moved me to a different school half way through the year. Even after that I was still really struggling with going to school every day and I would be in the staff room crying almost every day. My parents decided it would be best for me to attend distance education instead this year, is was going ok at first until my grandparents decided to take over my learning and enforce strict schedules of what i was doing and when, they would call me several times a day to talk about school plans and would show up to my house to do things like clean my room or take me to lunch every other day it was fine at first but it kept on escalating until my grandmother dropped me off at the distance education campus one day and dragged me out of the car as I was crying from anxiety and dragged me to the classroom as the entire school and my whole class watch me cry. I told my parents that I didn’t want my grandparents help anymore but they said that if they didn’t help then they new I couldn’t do it myself and they were both to busy with work to make sure that I was on track and said that  I didn’t have a choice even thought I now don’t like my grandparents and hate school and the idea of getting a job or doing anything in the future even more now  my mum would always tell don’t worry it will be better next year for three years now, after it got worse then she just said sorry but this is how the real world works I feel like I’ve lost the support of both my friends and family in the span of two years 

I was just arguing with my mum about this and just wanted to post here to feel a bit better and know that others have seen it.

[indigo22]

Hi Lia,

Welcome and thank you for reaching out to us.

I'm so sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed, it is hard enough being your age without the extra pressure you now seem to be experiencing.

One thing I would like to point out that you may not be aware of, is that your grandparents are from a very different generation. One that didn't acknowledge or talk about mental illness of any kind. I was a generation where you were just expected to 'pick yourself up, bury your thoughts, feelings and emotions and get on with it'. A totally unrealistic way of dealing with life these days, but that's what was normal for them.

Can I ask, have you tried to have a talk with your parents and grandparents together? If not, try asking for this meeting to take place so you can express your feelings with everyone at the same time with the intention of coming to a compromise from everyone involved. You need to let everyone know how miserable you are feeling about the way your life, time and education is being managed and that there are things that need to change if this is going to work, but you will also need to be willing to compromise to some extent. You must have been horribly embarrassed by your grandmother's actions that day, things like that can leave a scar and I'm sorry you went through that experience.

I would be happy to keep this conversation going with you if you feel comfortable doing so.

Take good care of yourself,

indigo

[sbella02]

Hey there Lia, welcome to our forums, I hope you can find some comfort here. I'm so sorry to hear that you've been dealing with all of this. From terrible social experiences at school, to feeling like you've lost your autonomy at home, I can understand why you're not feeling great. 

School can be horrible socially. Truly. There are already so many other things you have to think about in your last few years of school, coupled with the pressure to essentially "perform" and act a certain way for others while you're still figuring out who you are and where you fit in in the world. It's true that life does tend to be better on the other side, but that certainly doesn't help when you're still in school. I suppose that for the moment, it may just be a case of finding really impactful ways to cope with everything that's going on around you. 

Have you ever had a chat to a therapist, school counsellor, or even psychologist? It can often help to help some professional advice if you're feeling a bit overwhelmed, even just to have somebody to talk to who can validate what you're going through.

I'm not really sure what distance education is or whether it's similar to what I'm about to suggest, so if it is the same thing, you don't have to take this particular nugget of advice on board. I've known a few people who didn't really feel like a school environment was conducive to their social or academic learning, who ended up attending university-type schooling environments in their last few years. Whether this would be a feasible option for you depends on multiple factors including proximity, but this may even be something to look into. There's often a lot less pressure socially in these kinds of environments, which can also help heal some of those scars from your earlier negative social experiences as you tend to form far more mature relationships with people who may be quite similar to you in really important ways.

The other thing that can be really impactful in the short-term is having an online friend or two, somebody who you can connect with about similar interests or experiences. Reddit or Discord can be good places for meeting likeminded people, provided you're being safe and cautious about the information you're sharing.

Do you have anything you like to do outside of school? Any hobbies, interests, passions? Aside from the fact that activities can be great ways of connecting with others, these can also help give us some relief from other things that are going on in our lives. Things like journaling, for instance, can really help to express our thoughts and deal with some of those difficult feelings in a productive way.

I hope this helps, we're here for you if there's more you have to get off your chest.

Take care, SB