Long-term support over the journey

I can't find the right place for me to post

replies: 1754

I don't know any more where to put a new thread if I make one, or which ones to join in. I always used Anxiety because that is my major condition but that has been relatively under control lately - I feel Depressed today - but I don't qualify for the... View more

I don't know any more where to put a new thread if I make one, or which ones to join in. I always used Anxiety because that is my major condition but that has been relatively under control lately - I feel Depressed today - but I don't qualify for the topics there either. I'm depressed mainly because there doesn't seem a place for me. I love some of the threads and personal thoughts for example in Staying Well, but I can't join in there, because I don't have any tips for Staying Well. I tend to have almost paranoid thoughts through over-thinking "problems" that I would like to talk over but don't know where to talk them over before they reach the paranoid stage...I want to avoid that. I join in the Social threads saying light hearted jokey things because thats the only place I seem to belong. I dwell on any problems my adult sons have in various aspects of their life and want to "fix things for them" - our relationship is very loving and close though - they are wonderful to me - so there is no real "problem" with my relationship with them....so I don't seem to belong in the "relationships, family" section either do I? I worry about them all the time - when I tried to express this on forum I think it was misconstrued that I had "empty nest syndrome" - trying to adapt to my sons' leaving home....No, that's not it...they've been gone for years and years...I am a grandmother. I liked the Getting to Know You, or is it Me? thread very much - but have been given suggestions how to start my own thread and what section to use etc and get the feeling I'm being steered away from there too. So I am still confused. I don't feel particularly anxious today, so this shouldn't even be in Anxiety! Do you see my dilemma? In fact the more I write the more I feel like crying - I don't know where to go next.

7th Place of employment and feeling really angry and defeated and life with family is hard

replies: 2

I've recently been let go at my 7th workplace, this time I was let go because they said there isn't enough work despite the company being the 2nd largest and busiest plumbing company in the state. I feel like i was unfairly dismissed with no warnings... View more

I've recently been let go at my 7th workplace, this time I was let go because they said there isn't enough work despite the company being the 2nd largest and busiest plumbing company in the state. I feel like i was unfairly dismissed with no warnings or verbal information of anything I've done wrong. This is my 7th place and I'm feeling why is this constantly happening. I'm actually a genuine nice person and hard working and not there to cause any issues but I feel like I've made enemies and all, legit haven't done anything wrong. I'm currently serving out my notice period of 1 week and feels so awkward and trapped. With Christmas being around the corner I'm worried about not being able to get another job. I feel like I need answers and closure to why this keeps happening but every time I reach out its always a it'll be fine but this keeps happening where I go from a company ask millions of questions to make sure it's suited for me long term and get screwed around and it's really playing an affect my mood and purpose of living. Also both my kids have been diagnosed with health issues, one has moderate hearing loss and specialist and doctors can't figure out where and how and the other child has severe allergies to wheat, eggs and peanuts. I'm feeling like why is life constantly throwing me curve balls like this and everytime I'm needing this to stop it keeps coming back worse. What should I do? I'm feeling like I'm letting down my family cause of this work issue constantly happening

This bipolar life

replies: 10836

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are. Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wro... View more

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are. Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live. Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play. Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage. Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide. Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die. I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people! Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium. So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves. I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here. BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay! Love Kaz

Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

replies: 5468

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days... View more

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks: Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up; Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career. Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby How i feel now: Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year? If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick. Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy? I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options. I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children. I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to. Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore. I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have. Thanks for reading cmf x

Blue's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day (life viewed through the lens of depression)

replies: 2168

Some of you are aware of my existence by now, but for those who aren't, I'm fairly new to this forum. I've been stumbling my way along with depression for somewhere around seven years. It was triggered by a life event and exacerbated by circumstances... View more

Some of you are aware of my existence by now, but for those who aren't, I'm fairly new to this forum. I've been stumbling my way along with depression for somewhere around seven years. It was triggered by a life event and exacerbated by circumstances since then, which I've done my best to eliminate where possible. About a year ago I changed track with that and made the huge decision to end the relationship I was in. Rough though that was, I finally started to see a bit of progress. I've still had a fight on my hands, to stay afloat and get control of my time and money and my peace of mind, all of which were tied up for a long time in untangling my finances from those of my ex (not his fault, the bank made it really damn hard, and my job and my own state of mind weren't helping). Now I've started enjoying things again, and am not always instantly down when I'm on my own. I was once a (deliberately) solitary creature who enjoyed my own company and learning everything I could, so it's good to be more like that again. The depression's always there, lurking in the background, but I sometimes go a few weeks at a time without any prolonged episodes. Long enough to start feeling like I'm healing or that my emotions have some concept of cause and effect again. Then down I slam again, sometimes for a day or two, other times for weeks, and it feels like I've made no progress at all. In these periods my mind and my emotions are constantly at war, particularly when I'm alone and/or it's quiet. My mind is calm for the most part, and well aware I'm strong and capable and have strategies and I actively work on those in spite of the depression. My emotions, on the other hand, are running about with flags chock full of negative messages and even though I know it's not (or even close) I feel like everything is collapsing, that I can't deal with it and I just want everything to stop. That's where I'm at, today. I do have an amazing partner now, who is extremely supportive, and has helped me immensely. My current problem is that I need my friends and family, too. I so rarely have time that isn't ruined by unsociable work hours and also the energy and will to socialise, but my friends are seldom available when I do. In those times I know it may be weeks or months before I can see them again, and I miss them, and that's mostly when I crash again these days. Dunno how to fix that yet, but I need to vent, and here I am. Getting better but having a really crap day.

Alone..Depressed..Sad..

replies: 5671

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my o... View more

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

How do I build my self worth outside of work?

replies: 2

Hello, Since my late 20s, I have been very career focussed and have based a lot of my self-worth on what I achieve in my professional life. I am now in my 40s, and have a great job managing a fast-paced project. I have been in the role for 2 years an... View more

Hello, Since my late 20s, I have been very career focussed and have based a lot of my self-worth on what I achieve in my professional life. I am now in my 40s, and have a great job managing a fast-paced project. I have been in the role for 2 years and while I have done a really good job on a tough project and receive regular praise from management, I am finding that I go through pretty regular cycles of burnout, usually accompanied by imposter syndrome and anxiety. My work regularly pushes me outside of my comfort zone and this takes a huge toll on my mental health outside of work. I am very introverted and prefer to read and watch tv to playing sport or going out to socialise. I have small children, and live rurally so my time and options for outside of work things is quite limited. Through most of my life, it is my work that has given me the mental stimulation I need and most of my socialisation. I feel like as I get older, and my kids start school, I am less driven to continue pushing myself so hard at work. I want to take the pressure off and have the 'space' to focus on other aspects of my life.. Maybe my values are changing? I am tired of always being so stressed at home because of work. I recently dropped my hours back to be at home more, but I have found it has made me feel more stressed as I am trying to fit more in to less time. I still find that I am always pushing hard to achieve more at work because I don't know how not to.. and my mental health is deteriorating. How do I continue doing well enough at work, but not drive myself to the point of poor mental health? How do I place more importance on my life outside of work? Thanks, Janey

Holistic Art Therapy for Emotional and Mental Health and Wellbeing

replies: 6

Hi everyone, After reading some of the posts here, I felt that I wanted to join because from what I have understood about mental health is that its an life long awareness journey, and those of us more sensitive to the experiences we have on this jour... View more

Hi everyone, After reading some of the posts here, I felt that I wanted to join because from what I have understood about mental health is that its an life long awareness journey, and those of us more sensitive to the experiences we have on this journey, sense and feel more deeply in order to process the levels of it which we do. From what I have understood so far is that once you get to a certain point in your mental health and wellbeing of either extreme in positive or negative states, it forever becomes a balancing act as it forces you to take control of the responsibility of your being and you need to navigate enduring waters when learning to sink or swim. Those who know me, are already aware of my life experiences and how they affected my health and wellbeing. For a long time it did not make sense to me why I was having all these experiences thrust upon me, challenging my emotions and mental health, and as a flow on, my physical health. For a while I was a counsellor and for a lifetime been a full time carer of 5 people - all at once and for decades without support or respite - so when it came to a critical point where I was having PTSD paralysis, sleep disorders, cortisol overloads and various other issues, enough was enough and I had to break away from it all. I took my saving grace, which was a life time of self medicated Art Therapy, and turned it into a career choice when I encountered so many people drifting in and out of their mental health care support and who needed someone to show them a step forward instead of simply shutting down. Regional and rural areas are so deprived of resources and assistance that people would rather end their lives than suffer the drifting that occurs when you fall between the cracks of lack of services, and unable to finding a connector to alternative options such as Art Therapy. Children and Youth in particular being vulnerable, and this was hammered home to me as a mother of a teenage son who lost 3 mates to suicide in just over one year when he was aged 15, because they could not find the resources to help them manage and deal with their issues at home in their personal lives. One thing Art Therapy does, is utilise an inner self empowering ability to be creative and engage in that process intuitively and safely. I recommend it for anyone. You do not need to be an artist, creativity is inbuilt in all of us and merely needs acknowledging. It can be as simple as colouring in. Give it a try, let me know what it was like.

Introducing mmMekitty

replies: 796

I am mmMekitty, named for my cat, (my avatar), who lived 7 years. It has been five or so years since, but I still miss her. Mekitty an I had a simpler relationship than any I have had with people. The photo is the one I to retrieved after my hard dri... View more

I am mmMekitty, named for my cat, (my avatar), who lived 7 years. It has been five or so years since, but I still miss her. Mekitty an I had a simpler relationship than any I have had with people. The photo is the one I to retrieved after my hard drive crashed. She had wandered off, was away for six days, when she turned up again in the middle of the night. I cried with relief. This was the photo I used for her Lost Cat poster I put up around the neighbourhood at the time. As for me, I cannot see the detail of the photo nearly as well as I did then, and then my sight was poor. I am now using text-to-speech software, zooming on my pc, voice over. Since I find this stuff difficult, I get really frustrated. I used to keep all my emotions in check, so much so, I thought and said I did not have any feelings or reactions to anything. That changed and I could not deny the existence of my emotions. It was a terrifying time. What was happening to me? I was falling apart and all this unidentifiable stuff was pouring out. I have had to learn so much since I began seeing the Psychiatrist I saw back then (1993 - 95). From learning I had to put words to the experiences, name, own, accept them. Still uncomfortable. I beat up on myself too much, I know. I used to do things I can no longer do to my own satisfaction. I still sing, but not like I used to. I cannot paint like I did. I cannot use pen and paper to write, so have managed to adapt to keyboard. That is something. I have been working on being more sociable, less isolated, but last year, when COVID-19 retrictions required face masks be worn, I found I could not - which is what brings me here. I have had to curtail so much of what I had been doing. I am feeling the isolation now. How ironic! I resisted even thinking I needed anybody, then I try to have some friends, join a writers' group, get help with things like housework and shopping, going to places for fun and entertainment, only to have to withdraw again because I cannot wear a mask. It bites, like a scorpion. I will make a thread, now I found the place to click to create one! I think my problem was with how I have my desktop appearance. It looks like any ordinary link, hiding below another, for creating a feed link. Now I know. I suppose I will get around to talking more about myself. I will need to be careful about how involved I become, so please, don't expect me to pop up everywhere. I would burn out if I did that. (Purring) mmMekitty

Panic Attacks

replies: 2

I suffer with panic attacks, I hate mornings. I’m always thinking what if. How can I stop this

Long-term support over the journey

Pinned discussions

PLEASE READ: What this forum is for (trigger warning advisory)

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All discussions

I can't find the right place for me to post

replies: 1754