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BeyondBlue Welcome, read this if it's your first time here !
  • replies: 0

Hey there! This section is where you can find many of the longer conversations that are happening on the Forums. It is a special place for people who have been sharing and supporting each other for years. We know that our mental health can be a journ... View more

Hey there! This section is where you can find many of the longer conversations that are happening on the Forums. It is a special place for people who have been sharing and supporting each other for years. We know that our mental health can be a journey with ups and downs. Take a look through these longer conversations and you can see how supportive, validating and kind this community can be. It can be tricky to join an ongoing conversation but please feel free to contribute. You are the expert in what has worked for you and what you are living with. We want to hear about it, and these wonderful discussions are only ever richer for what you can add. There are a few tips for this section of the Forums that might be helpful Have a good read. These are long and in-depth conversations so before you step in, have a read of a few posts to get a sense of the space. It is not a great spot for New Topics. Replies are very welcome, but if you want to start something fresh try another section of the Forums. Thanks for your understanding, we want to hear what you think of these conversations and look forward to your contributions. Thanks Beyond Blue

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Ggrand Alone..Depressed..Sad..
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Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my o... View more

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

Kazzl This bipolar life
  • replies: 11323

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are. Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wro... View more

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are. Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live. Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play. Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage. Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide. Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die. I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people! Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium. So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves. I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here. BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay! Love Kaz

44Max44 I don't know what to do with my life.
  • replies: 1

I'm in my late 20s, didn't graduate highschool, I haven't learned how to drive and don't know if I ever will due to PTSD from an accident while learning when I was a teenager, I've only had a couple jobs in my life and both of them drained me so much... View more

I'm in my late 20s, didn't graduate highschool, I haven't learned how to drive and don't know if I ever will due to PTSD from an accident while learning when I was a teenager, I've only had a couple jobs in my life and both of them drained me so much mentally that I quit them within a year. I have been diagnosed with both ADHD and Autism in my 20s and thought those diagnoses would lead to something or give me the support I needed but I've found no difference at all since then because all the specialists are either booked out or out of my budget. However I was lucky enough to be accepted for disability pension after many many years and way too much effort. But because of all the aforementioned things all I do most days is sit at home doing nothing. But I want to do more, I just don't know how to do more. Not having a license or any experience or qualifications makes finding a suitable job for me nearly impossible, I'm pretty much limited to jobs in my immediate area that I can get to via walking or biking.I want to study but again I am limited by not being able to get to Tafe/Uni which means I'd have to do online courses, and all of the things I'm interested in don't have online courses. I've thought about starting up something myself and being self employed but again I just don't know where to start and don't have money to invest into any business. I'm still living with my parents and want to move out at some point so I can get out of their hair, but the only way I see myself doing that is if I apply for public housing which takes something like 8 years, or if some miracle happens and I win a big sum of money. I just don't know what to do. I can't just do nothing forever and never do anything. Every day I just feel guilty that I'm at home doing nothing while everyone else I know is out working hard and doing something. I feel like a failure, every time I'm asked what I've been up to and I don't have an answer because I've literally been up to nothing I feel ashamed and embarrassed. I feel like I need to make something of myself but just don't know how.I'm sorry for the tangent. Any advice or wise words appreciated.

Guest_10565 Internet problems causing high level of distress
  • replies: 1

Video games are fun a lot of people play them but I recently encountered this uh issue im having. There's something wrong with my internet and it is such a slippery little critter it has snowballed into a big deal it's effecting my game play my movem... View more

Video games are fun a lot of people play them but I recently encountered this uh issue im having. There's something wrong with my internet and it is such a slippery little critter it has snowballed into a big deal it's effecting my game play my movements my enjoyment god till now I don't think I realised how long this ordeal has been going on I created some support tickets there's something funky going on with my ping now where my latency is giving the wrong number and my gameplays effected I had raised this issue once about how it's seriously effecting my QOL I'm just worried, I can't keep being on the look out for errors like this that are going to be a nightmare for me to resolve I already know the process my ISP is going to ask me to reset my network settings might ask for a restart there might be some like improvement but no [Checked for server maintenance as well]I don't know what to do it's horrible Im not allowed to say hey at 8:06 can you check if anything weird with the tower happend because I have been experiencing issues since then I can't do any back of house things like adjust my login settings try and tweak things to try and fix it that's about as far as I got with this Worried concerned I mean somebody might suggest switching providers others might say it's the phone [the games newer update version doesn't support game logs to check more in-depth what the issue is it use to support a storage option but now there is no option] I even tried CCing a group email between my Internet service provider and wildrift but the email is a redirect to the forums where I did submit a ticket My main concerns are this is intentional and or cyber crime and that the avenues I have available to me will not be able to resolve thisI can try some hot fixed like switching providers buying new equipment but I have tried this before and got hit with the latency thing. I don't think a computer hardware store can help with this either and my ISP does list supported devices that are tested for maximum optimization And wow the price of the newst iPhone and Samsung are through the roof $5000 ... Praying this isn't like a uh phasing out poor people thing

demonblaster Surviving: Being in a better place
  • replies: 4868

Hi all Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now. In a better place. I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46. The ups (m... View more

Hi all Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now. In a better place. I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46. The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways. The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be. Have come an incredibly long way so far. Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps. SO many good times, happy times between. The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia. My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times. You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival. Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too. Rock bottom. The pits. I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way. Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way. Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield. Great loving good parents lucky If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted. BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same. I know that now.

Janie Understanding who my son is now.
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Thankyou for this space to help me understand.My son has recently been released from prison for the second time in 2.5 years.I miss him so much.When I lost him to the prison system the first time, life for me was already falling apart.His court dates... View more

Thankyou for this space to help me understand.My son has recently been released from prison for the second time in 2.5 years.I miss him so much.When I lost him to the prison system the first time, life for me was already falling apart.His court dates and his future release was the only thing that kept me from collapse, as I had to be in control of me.He went totally off the rails with in 12 months after release.This time, I watch more of who he is, just disappear.I have no idea how to reach him and our relationship.Understanding prison and what it does to people,is a major subject which I continue to walk through.This is what I have figured so far.In his world now,he sees everything in a totally different perspective, including people.He carries a trauma that is his only.The norms of life,are not so normal now.His knowledge and lessons gathered during incarceration,are subjects for him only and his survival in and out of prison.Emotions are contained,a black void I guess.What happens in jail,stays in jail.I asked him this time when I picked him up "What does a good day in jail look like?"He replied "Everyday in jail is a good day mum.If you're days in jail are all bad days,you might as well triple your own sentencing time."His words hit me so hard, that I suddenly felt like the child,and he the elder..My son has experienced and lived in one of the harshest, scariest environments,alone.I watch him now,and I understand, that, that is how he still has to operate out here.Because twice now,he has been removed from his life.And twice now,he came out through the other end.I do not support crime at all, but having the experience in my life of losing him to that veiled prison world,and being able to physically see,talk and hug him still, I find strangely admirable..I said to my boy,"Son, each time we experience something,it changes parts of us, for good,bad or indifference.With the really hard ones, please find a way to keep your heart soft and kind"His reply:"I'm trying to mum,you see,in jail, your heart doesn't exist,if it did, I wouldn't be standing here now"I would do anything to get my son back,and that's all I have been doing.I realised right then, I do have him back, I do.A different version of him, but I do have him.And that is where I am at in this for now.Because he also has a different version of his mother.We will be okay,We have to be.Janie

Guest_35021677 Sad
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Feeling depressed as my son got remanded yesterday but today i feel really depressed

Feeling depressed as my son got remanded yesterday but today i feel really depressed

startingnew Not coping after disclosure
  • replies: 3989

Please help me. Im really struggling. last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd. I rang a hotline and the first ... View more

Please help me. Im really struggling. last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd. I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

Guest_64536267 Navigating long term unemployment
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I’d like to hear stories of how people got out of longterm unemployment. The steps they took, supports they engaged etc. Please be as specific as you feel comfortable. I’m trying to figure this out as my anxiety is heaviest regarding career. I’ve not... View more

I’d like to hear stories of how people got out of longterm unemployment. The steps they took, supports they engaged etc. Please be as specific as you feel comfortable. I’m trying to figure this out as my anxiety is heaviest regarding career. I’ve not engaged Centrelink or Employment services because of this. I’d like to hear all the ways people got themselves back out there. Conventional or not. What industries they found welcome etc. Even just how they got their resume and references done. Located in SA for those who have tips or experiences locally.

Eves Sons on remand
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I am heart broken Never had any kids in trouble until now.My youngest son last night was refused bail and is now on remand in police cells waiting to be transferred to the MAP.Next court date is in October I cant stop crying its heart shattering.My s... View more

I am heart broken Never had any kids in trouble until now.My youngest son last night was refused bail and is now on remand in police cells waiting to be transferred to the MAP.Next court date is in October I cant stop crying its heart shattering.My son has mental health and I am concerned for his mental well being.