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Chris_B PLEASE READ: What this forum is for (trigger warning advisory)
  • replies: 2

The threads in this section have been created by longer-term community members, and have evolved over time into rich, complex discussions about many aspects of living with a mental health condition. They were originally started in one of our other to... View more

The threads in this section have been created by longer-term community members, and have evolved over time into rich, complex discussions about many aspects of living with a mental health condition. They were originally started in one of our other topic sections, and have migrated here once reaching the milestone of 100 posts in order to allow members to keep following the life story being shared as it happens day to day. This is not a place to start new threads - discussions here have reached a sufficient level of popularity and depth that they have been moved here by moderators. Long-term support here on the forums is defined in terms of receiving that support here in this space, which is why we have chosen the 100-post milestone to select threads that will appear here. Our research tells us that 55% of our members have been living with a mental health condition for ten years or more, so long-term support in the real world will not be a strange concept to many of you. If you're seeking long-term support on your journey, we'd encourage you to start a new thread in the section that best suits where you are at this point. Making a commitment to daily posting and supporting others will eventually see your thread join the wonderful stories here in this section. A few important points to note: 1. The "new thread" button has been disabled for this section - if you click on it, you will be redirected to the beyondblue home page. 2. Please be aware that threads in this section may contain discussion of suicide, self-harm, sexual abuse, domestic abuse and other trauma-related topics. 3. Threads in this section may be archived periodically (locked or unpublished) at the discretion of moderators.

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Guest_82564532 Sparatic drug use and decision-making processes not right
  • replies: 1

Hi I have an issue where I go well for weeks and then because i feel no happiness I stupidly make a decision to use drugs to numb the pain I feel. I am a single dad and have alot of depression driving me to make these decisions. I need long term help... View more

Hi I have an issue where I go well for weeks and then because i feel no happiness I stupidly make a decision to use drugs to numb the pain I feel. I am a single dad and have alot of depression driving me to make these decisions. I need long term help and strategies

July Sadness,grief and regret over sons incarceration
  • replies: 570

Hi, I am new to this but need to talk to someone, anyone, I am a mother of 4 children , three adults ages 25, 29,32 and a 10 year old son from from second marriage. My eldest son was convicted of a crime and is now in prison,he is 32 and the whole ex... View more

Hi, I am new to this but need to talk to someone, anyone, I am a mother of 4 children , three adults ages 25, 29,32 and a 10 year old son from from second marriage. My eldest son was convicted of a crime and is now in prison,he is 32 and the whole experience has devastated me , sitting through the trial I cried the whole two days everyone was looking at me obviously knowing I was the mother ,then his sentencing was a day I shall never forget I had to write a letter to the judge about my son, about his drug use, about his father not being in his life since we divorced and his downfall, I also wrote about how I loved him would stand by him, I'm sorry I failed him and he turned to drugs too take away his pain, but underneath all that was a wonderful creative boy who just took a wrong turn, the judge starting reading my letter word for word out to the court room, I looked at my beautiful boy and there were tears running down his face, I think he finally realised what he has done not only to himself but to me as his mother, that image is burned into my memory ,for once in my life I could not protect my child and it killed me, his sentence was given and they took him away, he will be released about september. I cannot tell anyone and the stress is unbearable,I have to lie to people to excuse his absence , he is clean and sober now and has turned this life around he is doing all the courses to correct his life while in prison and is deeply regretful of his choices, I do not excuse his behaviour but I am his mother and I have to stand by him, I look at all the other families visiting in prison and it is so sad it affects the whole family. This is the first time I have said this out aloud it is so hard to live with this "secret",I just don't know how to live with this.

MiSSYSiPPiiiEEE Professional plateau
  • replies: 1

Hi I was hoping to get some career advice. I graduated and first registered as a nurse in 2020, all during the peak of COVID19. I was offered a grad position in a surgical ward but turned it down for a full time offer for a position I had applied for... View more

Hi I was hoping to get some career advice. I graduated and first registered as a nurse in 2020, all during the peak of COVID19. I was offered a grad position in a surgical ward but turned it down for a full time offer for a position I had applied for in paeds (this was my dream job and I studied my butt off for the interview) even though it meant that I had to move to a different city and leave my dog home, as rentals were sooo expensive I could only afford a room in a share house. I was so proud of myself and my hard work but I then got bullied by one of the paed grad nurses, a close family member passed away due to covid, and my mother was stuck overseas because of the lockdowns and cancellation of flights back to Australia. I instantly lost all my self esteem, packed my things, and moved back home. 6 months later I was lucky enough to secure another job opportunity where the people I worked with were THE BEST HUMANS but since our jobs were COVID related, we eventually all had to go on our own ways. I am now nearly 4 years post grad and still struggling to find a stable position. Applying for jobs is really hard since I don't have any recent references. The worst part, is that my anxiety is so debilitating that it prevents me from performing at my best during opportunities such as interviews, casual jobs, interactions with patients/people that I've met for the first time. Now I just really feel stuck with how I am supposed to progress further with my nursing career. Any advice is appreciated thank you.

Guest_9866 Mental health service axed and now isolated
  • replies: 2

Isolated all my life. Ask for help and doors slam shut in my face. Finally by off-chance an accidential pyschologist entered my life for another matter, and as they say, rest is history. After 3-4 years (initially weekly to monthly meetings) she left... View more

Isolated all my life. Ask for help and doors slam shut in my face. Finally by off-chance an accidential pyschologist entered my life for another matter, and as they say, rest is history. After 3-4 years (initially weekly to monthly meetings) she left the public system and I was suppose to continue with a new pyschologist. However, a decision was made to axe the service (which was reinstated later with replacement but only for new clients under strict new criteria). I have been alone since September. I have no one. No longer getting medical help. Call and online chats not working. Forced to pay for private telehealth and I cannot afford it and it is going over old ground work and going no where (considering ending private sessions and just stand on my own two feet). I live in regional qld. I have no one. I am carer but no help available either. Every time I have asked for help in recent months has blown up in my face which makes me worse unwell. Where can introverts like me, aged in 40s, have no family and no friends (completely isolated) get help. Is there any grants or funding opportunities I can access to continue accessing help. Thankyou.

Idontevenknow Chronic suicidality
  • replies: 311

Hi everyone, I have had chronically suicidal for over two years. It has led to a few attempts and hospitalisations. I'm currently receiving treatment/therapy but it's a long process. Its kind of getting tough because unfortunately you can't just paus... View more

Hi everyone, I have had chronically suicidal for over two years. It has led to a few attempts and hospitalisations. I'm currently receiving treatment/therapy but it's a long process. Its kind of getting tough because unfortunately you can't just pause life. I'm under a lot of stress from school (zillions of grade 12 assessments), my anxiety has skyrocketed and I'm trying to continue functioning as a normal human being despite being very depressed. Does anyone have any tips on how to keep going in those times between treatment and living a relatively normal life or just with dealing with chronic suicidality in general? Thanks heaps

Unigurl18 Starting university terror
  • replies: 3

Hi, I’m new to this, and I’ve never done something like this before, but I need to talk about this. I am starting university in 6 days and the terror of it is just getting bigger. I talked to my mum about it and I felt a little better about how scare... View more

Hi, I’m new to this, and I’ve never done something like this before, but I need to talk about this. I am starting university in 6 days and the terror of it is just getting bigger. I talked to my mum about it and I felt a little better about how scared I am about starting uni but I woke up today and felt the same. I just have a continual sense of impending doom about starting uni and I might be being silly, but no matter what I do I’m still really frightened. I must admit that I’ve been struggling with feelings of emptiness for a while which has gotten a bit better a little while ago but it got worse again the closer I get to starting university. I don’t know if anyone feels the same or understands what I’m feeling, or maybe I’m just overreacting, but I just wanted to put it out there. thanks

xsmummy Burn out at work
  • replies: 2

After a long few months of battling to get through each day that escalated to me breaking down when my boss asked me a simple question, I decided to ask for help. Within a few minutes I was told I was in burn out and given a few strategies to try to ... View more

After a long few months of battling to get through each day that escalated to me breaking down when my boss asked me a simple question, I decided to ask for help. Within a few minutes I was told I was in burn out and given a few strategies to try to help. I'm beyond exhausted and just don't have the energy to even think about these strategies let alone put them in place. I would love any advice, help anything right now that might help. Was anyone put on any medication to help them through burn out? Any help would be amazing!!!

EmIzSleepy17 Life Is Falling In Pieces
  • replies: 4

Hi there everyone. I would like to start off with the fact that my life is doing nothing but spiralling downwards. I swear it gets worse every single day and I am struggling to see a purpose in life aside from endless suffering. My backstory is that ... View more

Hi there everyone. I would like to start off with the fact that my life is doing nothing but spiralling downwards. I swear it gets worse every single day and I am struggling to see a purpose in life aside from endless suffering. My backstory is that when I was young I developed cancer which led to alot of body issues including vision issues (tumour), muscle pain, sleep issues, energy level issues, absorption issues and so on. After treatment was successful it took years for me to get my life back on track, and I was finally feeling better until the horrid year 2023 hit. That was the year my life fell to pieces. In early April I was diagnosed with a cataract and other vision issues, despite being 18. I could barely look at lights without seeing blurs and halos and my screen time was limited majorly although it did little. I felt shit. After some time I got used to it and found things that would help me. Then in June, that's when I got COVID. And I got it BAD! I felt like I was dying, couldn't breathe for days and my family did jack crap apart from chucking in meals and not even being near me, although they infected me FIRST! Anyways, I recovered fairly well after this and had minor asthma issues. A month later, I collapsed at SCHOOL! In front of everyone, how embarrassing! I was on that time of the month (all the ladies know that feeling) and it was bad. I was rushed to hospital and I had fractured ribs. I was given medication to treat my period issues that night. However, the next week, on a Thursday, the asthma came back with a vengeance and it was horrid. I felt like I was dying everyday and I didn't want to do it anymore. Everything was going wrong, it was one thing after another. After some torturous months of asthma pains and struggles, which still exist today, I recovered a little here and there and went back to school, despite how much it sucked. The end of the year, I got sick with some infection and I felt so bad like I was going to faint all the time and was highly nauseous. Recovered from that. Then I had swallowing issues and choking issues where food and drinks were a nightmare. Here I am now, suffering with all these things. I am seriously struggling to see the point of my life, it's just a nightmare. I don't think I'm suicidal, but those thoughts are there. I have never self harmed and I plan not to, but I just don't know what to do anymore. Thank you for reading.

demonblaster Surviving: Being in a better place
  • replies: 4867

Hi all Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now. In a better place. I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46. The ups (m... View more

Hi all Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now. In a better place. I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46. The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways. The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be. Have come an incredibly long way so far. Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps. SO many good times, happy times between. The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia. My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times. You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival. Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too. Rock bottom. The pits. I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way. Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way. Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield. Great loving good parents lucky If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted. BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same. I know that now.

Boraxx Addiction and lying
  • replies: 2

I have come to the realisation that I struggle with an addictive personality. Through smoking, porn use, gambling on trading card games, video games and substances, I've always had something that I turn to. A previous partner found out about my porn ... View more

I have come to the realisation that I struggle with an addictive personality. Through smoking, porn use, gambling on trading card games, video games and substances, I've always had something that I turn to. A previous partner found out about my porn usage and confronted me. I lied to hide it and was caught out, and made to feel gross for watching pornography. I approached my current partner the other day regarding my addiction and had the idea to use onlyfans to remove the support of the porn industry and instead directly support users and also have a personal connection to seperate it from just pornography. They saw that this would be cheating, which after having time to think I can see this. I already had an account that I had used for about a week, but after our conversation I deleted it. I made one purchase during my time but mainly spoke to people about games and got to know the creators. The following night my partner was upset and slept in the loungeroom. They spoke to me on the morning, asking me if I had an account already. Again I lied to protect myself and was caught out, as they had gone through my emails. We fought and I am now kicked out. It was never my intention to cheat, I have been cheated on before and wouldn't wish that on anyone. I brought up the idea of onlyfans to my partner due to the fact it would cost money and I am already terrible with money. In hindsight, it didn't help the addiction in the slightest and instead made another addiction to consider. I need to stop lying as a front to protect myself and I need to stop my addictive personality taking over. I hate myself for what I've done, don't get me wrong I'm mad about them going through my emails but as far as things go that's nothing compared to my behaviour.