Long-term support over the journey

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Chris_B PLEASE READ: What this forum is for (trigger warning advisory)
  • replies: 2

The threads in this section have been created by longer-term community members, and have evolved over time into rich, complex discussions about many aspects of living with a mental health condition. They were originally started in one of our other to... View more

The threads in this section have been created by longer-term community members, and have evolved over time into rich, complex discussions about many aspects of living with a mental health condition. They were originally started in one of our other topic sections, and have migrated here once reaching the milestone of 100 posts in order to allow members to keep following the life story being shared as it happens day to day. This is not a place to start new threads - discussions here have reached a sufficient level of popularity and depth that they have been moved here by moderators. Long-term support here on the forums is defined in terms of receiving that support here in this space, which is why we have chosen the 100-post milestone to select threads that will appear here. Our research tells us that 55% of our members have been living with a mental health condition for ten years or more, so long-term support in the real world will not be a strange concept to many of you. If you're seeking long-term support on your journey, we'd encourage you to start a new thread in the section that best suits where you are at this point. Making a commitment to daily posting and supporting others will eventually see your thread join the wonderful stories here in this section. A few important points to note: 1. The "new thread" button has been disabled for this section - if you click on it, you will be redirected to the beyondblue home page. 2. Please be aware that threads in this section may contain discussion of suicide, self-harm, sexual abuse, domestic abuse and other trauma-related topics. 3. Threads in this section may be archived periodically (locked or unpublished) at the discretion of moderators.

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monkey_magic Should I just suck this up?
  • replies: 2270

OK, this isn't easy for me to write bcas I respect police also but this is my situation. I aparantly unlawfully entered a friends property, that's right a friends property. He wasn't home and I wasn't believed. Anyhow I was put in a mental institutio... View more

OK, this isn't easy for me to write bcas I respect police also but this is my situation. I aparantly unlawfully entered a friends property, that's right a friends property. He wasn't home and I wasn't believed. Anyhow I was put in a mental institution. I preferred the hospital choice over the police station choice thinking I'll be in there for a couple weeks. 3 months later I came out overmedicated feeling like shite...misdiagnosed with a mental illness as a " safety net" seriously!!!! 3 months of my life where I couldn't work, and live my normal life. Inclosed in a small space, going crazy. Should I just " suck this up". ?

demonblaster Surviving: Being in a better place
  • replies: 4867

Hi all Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now. In a better place. I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46. The ups (m... View more

Hi all Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now. In a better place. I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46. The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways. The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be. Have come an incredibly long way so far. Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps. SO many good times, happy times between. The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia. My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times. You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival. Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too. Rock bottom. The pits. I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way. Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way. Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield. Great loving good parents lucky If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted. BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same. I know that now.

Boraxx Addiction and lying
  • replies: 2

I have come to the realisation that I struggle with an addictive personality. Through smoking, porn use, gambling on trading card games, video games and substances, I've always had something that I turn to. A previous partner found out about my porn ... View more

I have come to the realisation that I struggle with an addictive personality. Through smoking, porn use, gambling on trading card games, video games and substances, I've always had something that I turn to. A previous partner found out about my porn usage and confronted me. I lied to hide it and was caught out, and made to feel gross for watching pornography. I approached my current partner the other day regarding my addiction and had the idea to use onlyfans to remove the support of the porn industry and instead directly support users and also have a personal connection to seperate it from just pornography. They saw that this would be cheating, which after having time to think I can see this. I already had an account that I had used for about a week, but after our conversation I deleted it. I made one purchase during my time but mainly spoke to people about games and got to know the creators. The following night my partner was upset and slept in the loungeroom. They spoke to me on the morning, asking me if I had an account already. Again I lied to protect myself and was caught out, as they had gone through my emails. We fought and I am now kicked out. It was never my intention to cheat, I have been cheated on before and wouldn't wish that on anyone. I brought up the idea of onlyfans to my partner due to the fact it would cost money and I am already terrible with money. In hindsight, it didn't help the addiction in the slightest and instead made another addiction to consider. I need to stop lying as a front to protect myself and I need to stop my addictive personality taking over. I hate myself for what I've done, don't get me wrong I'm mad about them going through my emails but as far as things go that's nothing compared to my behaviour.

startingnew Not coping after disclosure
  • replies: 3980

Please help me. Im really struggling. last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd. I rang a hotline and the first ... View more

Please help me. Im really struggling. last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd. I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

July Sadness,grief and regret over sons incarceration
  • replies: 569

Hi, I am new to this but need to talk to someone, anyone, I am a mother of 4 children , three adults ages 25, 29,32 and a 10 year old son from from second marriage. My eldest son was convicted of a crime and is now in prison,he is 32 and the whole ex... View more

Hi, I am new to this but need to talk to someone, anyone, I am a mother of 4 children , three adults ages 25, 29,32 and a 10 year old son from from second marriage. My eldest son was convicted of a crime and is now in prison,he is 32 and the whole experience has devastated me , sitting through the trial I cried the whole two days everyone was looking at me obviously knowing I was the mother ,then his sentencing was a day I shall never forget I had to write a letter to the judge about my son, about his drug use, about his father not being in his life since we divorced and his downfall, I also wrote about how I loved him would stand by him, I'm sorry I failed him and he turned to drugs too take away his pain, but underneath all that was a wonderful creative boy who just took a wrong turn, the judge starting reading my letter word for word out to the court room, I looked at my beautiful boy and there were tears running down his face, I think he finally realised what he has done not only to himself but to me as his mother, that image is burned into my memory ,for once in my life I could not protect my child and it killed me, his sentence was given and they took him away, he will be released about september. I cannot tell anyone and the stress is unbearable,I have to lie to people to excuse his absence , he is clean and sober now and has turned this life around he is doing all the courses to correct his life while in prison and is deeply regretful of his choices, I do not excuse his behaviour but I am his mother and I have to stand by him, I look at all the other families visiting in prison and it is so sad it affects the whole family. This is the first time I have said this out aloud it is so hard to live with this "secret",I just don't know how to live with this.

Philomens Lost
  • replies: 4

My son is in jail this is his second time committed a crime while on parole went back to using drugs. The first time he went to jail broke our hearts he is a beautiful person but drugs have taken a hold of him. The first time he served just over a ye... View more

My son is in jail this is his second time committed a crime while on parole went back to using drugs. The first time he went to jail broke our hearts he is a beautiful person but drugs have taken a hold of him. The first time he served just over a year and got home detention with us very hard time for all then he went back to old ways. Prison just seems to be a revolving door he had family so no help. He behaves in jail this time he has a partner but it is now Rocky. Seeing him breaks our hearts phone calls is emptiness. He needs help in there to why he turns to drugs when he is out? Lost on how to help he can’t see what he is doing to his girlfriend or his family as he thinks he has got it hard We didn’t put him there and we will always be there but how do we help? Feel so empty and lost?

Dec2023 Need perspective on jail
  • replies: 3

I’m facing jail time, likely years. I’m innocent, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to prove I am. I have a family who I support, but if I go to jail it will destroy their lives. They will suffer as much as me. Has anyone else been through this? How did ... View more

I’m facing jail time, likely years. I’m innocent, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to prove I am. I have a family who I support, but if I go to jail it will destroy their lives. They will suffer as much as me. Has anyone else been through this? How did you cope in jail? What was life like afterwards? How did you pick up the pieces? Did your kids forgive you?

lostmale Confused and Lost
  • replies: 1

Hi, I’m a male in my early 30’s. Since the both of my son just over 2 years ago I have really struggles with anxiety and depression. I’ve been going to a therapist which has been helpful and I’m now medicated which has eliminated the depression I was... View more

Hi, I’m a male in my early 30’s. Since the both of my son just over 2 years ago I have really struggles with anxiety and depression. I’ve been going to a therapist which has been helpful and I’m now medicated which has eliminated the depression I was dealing with. The anxiety though is a lot to handle! I have worked out that through my life I have always had anxiety but had worked out coping strategies along the way to pretty much hide it from everyone including myself. The birth of a child has made it pretty much impossible for me to mange my anxiety, as soon as something goes into chaos/get disrupted my anxiety spirals out of control. I shut down and zone out of what’s happening around me. This happens almost daily and has left me thinking as I ever going to be able to cope with having a family or am I better off leaving them to be without me? It’s been just over 2 years of me dealing with this on a daily bases and I’m getting to the point where I don’t want to live like this anymore… I love my family but the constant anxiety and not being happy is not how I want to live either. I don’t know where to turn to next, and with being just over 30 is this what’s install for the rest of my life? Anything people have to say is helpful, thanks!

Simona In so much pain because of mood swings (Schizoaffective).
  • replies: 1160

Hello. I never thought I would be posting here because being sad is just not me. And my psychologist is not responding and i don't know what else to do. And i know night time is coming again and I'm scared Because i am in a very lowly way and i can o... View more

Hello. I never thought I would be posting here because being sad is just not me. And my psychologist is not responding and i don't know what else to do. And i know night time is coming again and I'm scared Because i am in a very lowly way and i can only manage short burst of sleep like naps. My head hurts so bad and i can't stop thinking. Strange sentences form in my head and roll on like those movie credits for HOURS. And last night i was ok for abit but come 4am i was mess and the headache was making me feel like i had to vomit but had nothing there. I have no appetite and I'm feeling the paranoia - Yesterday i cried. ranted. couldn't breathe properly. That went for4 hrs and I'm still exhausted from it I told partner please help me. I just kept repeating it and he kept walking away and then got angry and said "I'm sorry i don't know what to do OK!". I said please please take me to hospital because i don't want the children to see me like this and i'm so scared but he said no because he said they wouldn't let me out and that he needs to work so we can eat. Plus not to involve his parents so i must straighten myself up. I told him these thoughts I'm having are BAD. So far today I'm ok i think. I wish i didn't live so rural. I'm trying to relax. i don't think it's fair. A massage is not helping. Plus i have to listen to this machine gun noise because partner plays this war game Ps: i know i say things like i want to die but that's not true ok. I just want whatever is wrong with me to stop beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

K_Ley rollercoaster slowing down
  • replies: 1

these past two months have been an absolute roller coaster of emotions. From accepting that something wasn't right to seeking support, having my darkest days of my life, to now finally feeling that maybe I am slowing this journey down a bit so I can ... View more

these past two months have been an absolute roller coaster of emotions. From accepting that something wasn't right to seeking support, having my darkest days of my life, to now finally feeling that maybe I am slowing this journey down a bit so I can at least breathe. Presented to the local hospital last night as I didn't really know what else to do. I have been admitted for 3 days of observation and planning to get things under control. Have a session with a psychologist later this morning and a psychiatrist this afternoon to really assess where I am at and to put the right supports in place longer term. Realising that I am at a very dark place in my life has been hard to accept and deal with. I know now that I have a very long road ahead of me (and if that means years rather than months that's ok). As scary as that is I feel that I am finally on the right path to survive this journey.