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How do I build my self worth outside of work?
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Hello,
Since my late 20s, I have been very career focussed and have based a lot of my self-worth on what I achieve in my professional life. I am now in my 40s, and have a great job managing a fast-paced project. I have been in the role for 2 years and while I have done a really good job on a tough project and receive regular praise from management, I am finding that I go through pretty regular cycles of burnout, usually accompanied by imposter syndrome and anxiety.
My work regularly pushes me outside of my comfort zone and this takes a huge toll on my mental health outside of work. I am very introverted and prefer to read and watch tv to playing sport or going out to socialise. I have small children, and live rurally so my time and options for outside of work things is quite limited. Through most of my life, it is my work that has given me the mental stimulation I need and most of my socialisation.
I feel like as I get older, and my kids start school, I am less driven to continue pushing myself so hard at work. I want to take the pressure off and have the 'space' to focus on other aspects of my life.. Maybe my values are changing? I am tired of always being so stressed at home because of work. I recently dropped my hours back to be at home more, but I have found it has made me feel more stressed as I am trying to fit more in to less time. I still find that I am always pushing hard to achieve more at work because I don't know how not to.. and my mental health is deteriorating.
How do I continue doing well enough at work, but not drive myself to the point of poor mental health? How do I place more importance on my life outside of work?
Thanks,
Janey
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Hi there Janey
lt's a tough gig with kids especially into 40s. l've worked for myself over 30 yrs but prime time was 20s to early 40s. l found after that though l woke up and started to use my brain more than brawn a bit more knew it was time or go burnout.
My ex w and d were also suffering bc l was all about work and making it well, until l woke up and realized work and money's one thing but your d, w, life, just happiness, are what's really important or what good is any of it otherwise. l woke up and realized my w had this beautiful relationship with our d and they had to do most things with out me and that me instead, l'd lost all those yrs with her l could never have back.
That's the first and biggest thing that flicked the switch actually but l was feeling it had to be time too , mentally physically and just for life and happiness itself.too not only family and marriage.
lt took a few yrs to start turning myself around but l got there and these days the important stuff comes first.
You can start it anytime, it'll take awhile to turn the tables, it'll upset a few things or other people too that don't even matter, but it's worth it.
rx
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Thanks for the advice and support Randomxx. I think it will take me years to unlearn my old habits and thought patterns but I’ve got to start!
Really glad to hear you have turned things around and put what I’d really important first.
