Long-term support over the journey

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BeyondBlue Welcome, read this if it's your first time here !
  • replies: 0

Hey there! This section is where you can find many of the longer conversations that are happening on the Forums. It is a special place for people who have been sharing and supporting each other for years. We know that our mental health can be a journ... View more

Hey there! This section is where you can find many of the longer conversations that are happening on the Forums. It is a special place for people who have been sharing and supporting each other for years. We know that our mental health can be a journey with ups and downs. Take a look through these longer conversations and you can see how supportive, validating and kind this community can be. It can be tricky to join an ongoing conversation but please feel free to contribute. You are the expert in what has worked for you and what you are living with. We want to hear about it, and these wonderful discussions are only ever richer for what you can add. There are a few tips for this section of the Forums that might be helpful Have a good read. These are long and in-depth conversations so before you step in, have a read of a few posts to get a sense of the space. It is not a great spot for New Topics. Replies are very welcome, but if you want to start something fresh try another section of the Forums. Thanks for your understanding, we want to hear what you think of these conversations and look forward to your contributions. Thanks Beyond Blue

All discussions

Nev54 Morning Inglorious
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I wake up after yet another restless night, disappointed that another day has dawned, another day to get through, yet another day I don't want to get through. I groan and roll my eyes as I stare at the ceiling. "Oh, God, why?", I say to the empty bed... View more

I wake up after yet another restless night, disappointed that another day has dawned, another day to get through, yet another day I don't want to get through. I groan and roll my eyes as I stare at the ceiling. "Oh, God, why?", I say to the empty bedroom, a room that is always empty, as empty as I feel.But there is no god and there is no why, there just is.. nothing, an invisible plane we exist on, a fruitless journey that leads to nowhere. I am merely living an existence of futility. Maybe tonight I'll sleep and dream of a better place, a place of peace, a place where I can sleep forever.

Guest_53685817 Burnt out again
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I suffered from severe burnout at the end of 2023 and took 6 months off. I returned to work and have been back for a year and a half. I am now seeing signs of breaking again. And I am terrified of pushing myself too far. Today I had a meltdown and co... View more

I suffered from severe burnout at the end of 2023 and took 6 months off. I returned to work and have been back for a year and a half. I am now seeing signs of breaking again. And I am terrified of pushing myself too far. Today I had a meltdown and couldn’t stop crying. I have booked myself into see my GP. What should I be asking for? Who should I be speaking to at work about this? What can I ask for? Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Quercus Feeling well enough at last to find my voice again
  • replies: 1304

Hi everyone! I have known for years there was a forum here and was too afraid to join because it would mean admitting I needed medication and just couldn't fix this by myself. So here I am at last! I hope this helps even one person if they are feelin... View more

Hi everyone! I have known for years there was a forum here and was too afraid to join because it would mean admitting I needed medication and just couldn't fix this by myself. So here I am at last! I hope this helps even one person if they are feeling like I did. Ok here goes..... I'm a 32 year old mum of 2, 15 months apart. I'm happily married, love my job, love my family and friends. I have support. Nothing bad has happened to me. So I thought I had no right to feel depressed. I have always been an anxious and emotional person. Mood swings were normal for me. I made every excuse to myself and the doctors to explain away my poor scores on the postnatal depression checklists. I admitted I constantly thought about suicide but that had been normal for me for years so it didn't feel like a big deal, it didn't mean I'd do anything. I was angry all the time and my moods were unpredictable. Hubby said constantly I don't care what the doctor said you perform for them and I know you. Something is wrong. After my second bub and the start of a new health condition (psoriatic arthritis) I saw a psychologist who said I was dealing with chronic pain and two small children and what I felt was normal. I practiced mindfulness. Family and friends gave me rest. Eventually I got medication to help my joints. I talked. I ate well, I went back to work. Everything was supposed to be better.... But I felt worse. I'd see the doctor and they'd say I was ok but I'd stand at the sink washing dishes and plan the steps of how to kill myself. If I wasn't busy I would find the thoughts repeating. They'd all be better off without you. You're worthless. They'll only put up with so much of your issues and then they'll leave you. So I'd plan how to die. And I was TERRIFIED. My husband told me to write down exactly what I felt on a bad day and he put it in an envelope and made me an appointment for the psychologist. We made a plan. I would go in and say I need you to read this. I don't feel like this now but this is how I've felt most days for years but I can't seem to communicate it to a doctor and get help and I'm so frightened. And finally! A crisis plan put in place until I could see the psychiatrist! Apparently I have had major depression for over 12 years. Only after starting an antidepressant did I notice how anxious and self destructive I had constantly been. I don't have suicidal thoughts anymore. I am happy again. It's the start of my journey but there is hope at last.

Byzantine OCD, absolute loneliness
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I've been dealing with excruciating OCD my entire life and have never told anyone. I'm completely alone. I've never told anyone any of my problems ever in my life. I'm just so entirely alone. Nobody seems to care about my wellbeing.

I've been dealing with excruciating OCD my entire life and have never told anyone. I'm completely alone. I've never told anyone any of my problems ever in my life. I'm just so entirely alone. Nobody seems to care about my wellbeing.

Fadinghope I am unwell, will I ever get better and a mistake made has triggered a daily rumination
  • replies: 4

I am 52 and I have been unwell for the past 10 years. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, ADHD but essentially I believe it is a form of perimenopausal extreme anxiety (intrusive thoughts). This results in a daily visceral sensation of complete fear. Fo... View more

I am 52 and I have been unwell for the past 10 years. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, ADHD but essentially I believe it is a form of perimenopausal extreme anxiety (intrusive thoughts). This results in a daily visceral sensation of complete fear. For the past 10 years. I am a single mother with 2 teenage daughters. I have tried multiple therapies and medications. I've have just discovered I have a life long endocrine condition which is associated with severe MH and severe physical health issues. Most people with this condition are sub employed (sorry horrible term, but its effective in describing it). I am now on daily injections (just started) . Over the past 10 years I have left an abusive marriage, experienced post separation abuse. All whilst running a successful business helping others. This work was a distraction and was the only time I felt free-ish from the symptoms. I used to value this work. This past year I discovered an administrative error in my business. I had missed a renewal (and a third entity had also missed it) which resulted in me needing to take steps to address the issue. This was not a reflection of my direct work with people. Just the admin side. I was already unwell and exhausted when this discovery was made. So I became even more unwell in that period. This whole experience has completely obliterated any sense of self I was desperately holding onto. It has also triggered a remembrance of mistakes Ive made with people in the past - there are two - where I let people down in a friendship for example. I can not shake the intrusive thoughts and rumination. And the associated sense fear and terror. It's quite extreme and not rational. I appreciate that many would say "gosh you were going through so much, of course you missed the renewal, especially with the ADHD, trauma and now we know the illness was there as well (this illness impacts my energy and cognitive function such as memory) " however for some reason this kinder approach simply doesn't penetrate my consciousness. Also people, have said "You are so honest, many would find that error and not do anything about it" Not me. I am honest and it was imperative that I addressed it. I could not stand t not address it. My intrusive thoughts include; 1. Have I missed something that will come at me from left of field again. (I had NO IDEA this was festering as a problem? I have done my best to put in place greater procedures etc now. But I can't shake the sensation that something else is coming. 2. I am going to stop working on this field. I have been wanting to do so for many years however I could not as it was my main source of income. I have capacity now to take moment and find another way to earn an income. I worry though that people will think "Oh she left when she made that bad error." - insert feelings of shame. Also am I ever going to be well enough to work again. (I have no choice at this stage) 3. Will I ever get better? 4. How do I live with the feelings of guilt and remorse that are disproportionate to what's happened.

Unbeliever Is depression a natural reaction to an insane world?
  • replies: 254

This is a thought I have been pondering for a while. The default to view depression as "something wrong", or a "brain chemical imbalance" or as "a disease" or something that "needs to be fixed" or requires "medication" or "therapy" appears to be the ... View more

This is a thought I have been pondering for a while. The default to view depression as "something wrong", or a "brain chemical imbalance" or as "a disease" or something that "needs to be fixed" or requires "medication" or "therapy" appears to be the most common response of practically everyone. From doctors, to psychiatrists, to therapists, to the general population, to the depressed individuals themselves... the universal belief appears to be that "the person needs to get help". But what if... the living in depressed state is correct? What if it isn't an "imbalance" or isn't something "wrong"? What if being depressed is the only natural state to be in for an intelligent, empathetic, compassionate, informed, thinking individual to exist in the current state of our world? What if to NOT be depressed about is the true indication of mental sickness? I'm not saying that being depressed is fun in any way... most people on this forum would be well aware that it sucks. But that is not what I'm saying. What I mean is... could existing in a state of depression be completely natural for someone living in a place where so many things are obviously terrible... both on a personal level and in the world as a whole? My reasons for this perspective are numerous. Far too many to write in only 2500 words. But basically... The real world is an extremely depressing place for any person that cares at all about anything outside of themselves. Eg. If you care about animals... the reality is many beautiful species are already lost forever, many others are so close to the verge of extinction that even if everyone worldwide decided to do everything they could to save them... they would still be lost. At home there are people that still buy people animals as christmas gifts, refuse to desex their pets, the massive amount of pets put down in pounds annually. There is backyard animal cruelty, the dog racing industry using live bait, shooting race horses with legs, women's hormonal treatments for menapause, the meat industry, birds choking on our plastic half a world away, overfishing. The list goes on and on. It is reality and it is depressing. Care about animals and feeling "depressed" about it IS correct. And that is one tiny subject in a plethora of subjects. 3 billion people in starving poverty, the water wars, religious fanatics, corrupt governments, womens rights violations, slavery, wars, child rape, etc etc It's the people that are not depressed that worry me.

crumbly_rain I feel like my depression will never get better
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I've been struggling with anxiety and depression for years now and it never seems to get better. everytime I start new meds I feel better for like a week and then it's back to it. I know that's how meds work but it's still frustrating to get a taste ... View more

I've been struggling with anxiety and depression for years now and it never seems to get better. everytime I start new meds I feel better for like a week and then it's back to it. I know that's how meds work but it's still frustrating to get a taste of what my life could be like. I've done therapy and counselling and all that but I can never make myself believe I'll get better, which is probably why they don't work. I think about suicide all the time but I feel like my depression isn't bad enough to make me actually do it. I sometimes wish my life would get worse so I could finally get it over with. even when my depression isn't as bad as usual I still feel like I'm just pushing back my inevitable suicide. like no matter what I do it'll eventually happen and I'm just prolonging it. because I feel like I'll never get better, I spend all my time hoping I'll just die. even if I do get better, I'll probably never be "normal" so it's hard to even care. I've heard of being passively suicidal but I feel like this might be more than that idk tho.

james-i Planning on driving a car with ASD
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Hey,It's James here (now 20 turning 21 this year) with ASDI'm planning on saving money to buy my car so I can drive it only on a farm (with no public access) with my support personIf your any questions please askThanks

Hey,It's James here (now 20 turning 21 this year) with ASDI'm planning on saving money to buy my car so I can drive it only on a farm (with no public access) with my support personIf your any questions please askThanks

July Sadness,grief and regret over sons incarceration
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Hi, I am new to this but need to talk to someone, anyone, I am a mother of 4 children , three adults ages 25, 29,32 and a 10 year old son from from second marriage. My eldest son was convicted of a crime and is now in prison,he is 32 and the whole ex... View more

Hi, I am new to this but need to talk to someone, anyone, I am a mother of 4 children , three adults ages 25, 29,32 and a 10 year old son from from second marriage. My eldest son was convicted of a crime and is now in prison,he is 32 and the whole experience has devastated me , sitting through the trial I cried the whole two days everyone was looking at me obviously knowing I was the mother ,then his sentencing was a day I shall never forget I had to write a letter to the judge about my son, about his drug use, about his father not being in his life since we divorced and his downfall, I also wrote about how I loved him would stand by him, I'm sorry I failed him and he turned to drugs too take away his pain, but underneath all that was a wonderful creative boy who just took a wrong turn, the judge starting reading my letter word for word out to the court room, I looked at my beautiful boy and there were tears running down his face, I think he finally realised what he has done not only to himself but to me as his mother, that image is burned into my memory ,for once in my life I could not protect my child and it killed me, his sentence was given and they took him away, he will be released about september. I cannot tell anyone and the stress is unbearable,I have to lie to people to excuse his absence , he is clean and sober now and has turned this life around he is doing all the courses to correct his life while in prison and is deeply regretful of his choices, I do not excuse his behaviour but I am his mother and I have to stand by him, I look at all the other families visiting in prison and it is so sad it affects the whole family. This is the first time I have said this out aloud it is so hard to live with this "secret",I just don't know how to live with this.

Guest_223 It's over. Feel like giving up.
  • replies: 115

Hi, in the short time I've been on this forum, This is the last time I will be posting on here, I'm at the point where I feel like reaching out does nothing for me. I've done nothing but reach out over the last 18 months which is the most I've ever d... View more

Hi, in the short time I've been on this forum, This is the last time I will be posting on here, I'm at the point where I feel like reaching out does nothing for me. I've done nothing but reach out over the last 18 months which is the most I've ever done in my life. To be honest rather than be helpful to me it has created more traumatising events in my life and I feel I need to avoid society. I'm never contacting a helpline again, not talking to the local mental health team, I'm going to full on avoid society, keep all my thoughts and feelings to myself, no matter what they are or how serious they are, and even when I don't feel safe like at the moment I won't be making the mistake of telling anyone of any plans or terrible thoughts.