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Addiction and lying

Community Member

I have come to the realisation that I struggle with an addictive personality. Through smoking, porn use, gambling on trading card games, video games and substances, I've always had something that I turn to.


A previous partner found out about my porn usage and confronted me. I lied to hide it and was caught out, and made to feel gross for watching pornography.


I approached my current partner the other day regarding my addiction and had the idea to use onlyfans to remove the support of the porn industry and instead directly support users and also have a personal connection to seperate it from just pornography. They saw that this would be cheating, which after having time to think I can see this.


I already had an account that I had used for about a week, but after our conversation I deleted it. I made one purchase during my time but mainly spoke to people about games and got to know the creators.


The following night my partner was upset and slept in the loungeroom. They spoke to me on the morning, asking me if I had an account already. Again I lied to protect myself and was caught out, as they had gone through my emails. We fought and I am now kicked out.



It was never my intention to cheat, I have been cheated on before and wouldn't wish that on anyone. I brought up the idea of onlyfans to my partner due to the fact it would cost money and I am already terrible with money.


In hindsight, it didn't help the addiction in the slightest and instead made another addiction to consider.


I need to stop lying as a front to protect myself and I need to stop my addictive personality taking over. I hate myself for what I've done, don't get me wrong I'm mad about them going through my emails but as far as things go that's nothing compared to my behaviour.

2 Replies 2

Community Member

Additional addictions: after pay services, shopping, gumtree/Facebook marketplace and hoarding things.

Hi Boraxx,  Thank you for sharing your experience so openly, that’s a really brave and proactive thing to do. This is a safe, supportive space, so we’re glad you could share this with us. The fact that you recognise that this might be a difficulty for you is a great step toward seeking support.  Our lovely community members may be able to relate and share some of the wisdom that has helped them. We’re sure they’ll spot your thread and share their perspectives here soon. We can hear you are experiecing difficulties in your relationship particularly with communicating about this issue. An option may be to give Relationships Australia a call or visit their website https://www.relationships.org.au/support/#Knowledge-hub they have some helpful resources regarding communication which may be helpful in discussing further with your partner. Remember, you can always call the Beyond Blue counsellors if you’d like to talk this through on 1300 22 4636 or on our online chat.  Thank you again for sharing. We’re sure some more of our lovely community members will be along soon with some advice and kindness for you as you work through this.  Kind regards,  Sophie M