Feeling like things will never get better

[ScooterCat]

Growing up, I was made to feel unwanted.

My teachers would constantly shout and criticise me whenever I made a mistake. My peers would exclude me and put me down. My parents would tell me I would never be good enough and that I deserved to suffer. 

Because of these things, I felt like I didn’t matter. I pushed people away and isolated myself because I didn’t think anyone would like me. I sabotaged my future and my chances of graduating because I didn’t believe I deserved success. I felt like people didn’t want me around and that the world would be better off if I was gone. 

Because of the things people have said about me, I’ve missed opportunities. I never got to have friends. I never got to feel wanted. I never got to feel like I deserved anything and I never go to feel like my life mattered.

And now that all these things are gone, I can never go back and experience them. Those times are gone and I can never change what happened. 

Even if I work through my trauma now and undo all the things people have taught me, it will never change anything. It will never alleviate the pain. All that pain is going to stay with me in one form or another, and I will always be in a state of suffering. 

There is no hope. There is no future. The pain from what I have lost will always be a part of me. All that is left for me is a life full of eternal suffering. 

[Sophie_M]

Hello ScooterCat, 

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. 💙

None of what you have been through is okay or fair... it makes so much sense that you would be feeling the effects of these experiences today. These are very hurtful messages for a young person to absorb... and not at all true or an accurate reflection of who you are. 

As I am sure you know, trauma shapes our relationship with ourselves, others, and the world around us in such a significant way that it can be hard to believe that life can be different. I know it feels like things can't change, but with the right support, love, and care - anything is possible. 

However, right now, I want you to know that your feelings are valid. And it sounds like your body and mind are really needing places and people to help you feel safe and accepted exactly as you are. I feel like you have come to the right place, our community will be able to provide a supportive virtual home for you to always come back to. 🥰

I think that Blue Knot would also be a great resource for you as well. They are a helpline who specialise in supporting those living with complex trauma: Blue Knot Foundation

In addition to this, we are always here to talk when you need support, 24/7:  Talk to a counsellor - Beyond Blue - Beyond Blue

If you are feeling unsafe with your own thoughts and feelings, Lifeline are a wonderful resource for safety planning and support: Lifeline Australia - 13 11 14 - Crisis Support. Suicide Prevention.

I know these are just a starting point and that accessing more ongoing in-person care will be pivotal in your healing journey.

If there is one thing I would like you to take from this message, it's that you are valuable as you are. You are allowed to take up space. And you are worthy of things changing. There is a future for you, you may just need a little help getting there. 💙

Talk soon. 

Warm regards, 
Sophie M. 

[ScooterCat]

Just thought I might add that I'm safe and that I just wanted to tell someone how I'm feeling.