My three primary school age children have been living exclusively with
me for three months, after nearly five years of them going between my
house and their father's house, since they reported to me the details of
domestic violence/abuse by their fat...
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My three primary school age children have been living exclusively with
me for three months, after nearly five years of them going between my
house and their father's house, since they reported to me the details of
domestic violence/abuse by their father. The abuse has since been
reported to the police and my children have been seeing domestic
violence support and mental health counsellors. We have a court date
next month, where I hope to be able to change the legal custody
arrangements so that my children can live with me, but have the choice
when/if they see their father. This has been a very difficult time for
me, because I do not like the fact that I have felt the need to breach a
court order, I am concerned for the relationship my children will have
with their father in the future and despite what has been reported, I
feel for their father and his situation because he must be hurting too
having not seen his kids during this time. I had to weigh all of this up
when I made the decision to help my kids to have time away from their
dad, rather than co-operate with the order. I acted on their requests
when they begged me not to be returned to him. I have spent many nights
with them helping them to drift off to sleep and be strong for the
night-mares and the worries which come to them. I have tried to keep
their life as normal as possible, but this has involved some missed
school when the anxiety levels have been high, and as I mentioned, help
from psychologists for them to begin to process their feelings from what
has happened. I don't know what the outcome of the court case will be.
There is always a possibility that they may be ordered back to their
father's care. Although they have pleaded for this not to happen, I can
not tell them with 100% certainity that this will not be the case.
Meanwhile, I have found that I am feeling quite alone (I don't know
anyone going through this). I know there is stigma out there around
"those women who do/say terrible things so they get to keep the kids". I
know I am not one of those women. I agreed to an almost 50/50
arrangement with my ex- almost 5 years ago and co-operated with that
until the disclosures were made. What I dearly want is for my kids dad
to acknowledge his part in their refusal to see him and to make some
changes, rather than blindly blame me for withholding them. Is there
anyone else out there who has experienced something similar? I'm really
hoping for good news stories.