PTSD & Loneliness go hand in hand (TRIGGER WARNING SEXUAL ABUSE)

[Cecilia1970]

In November 2012 my life changed. Out of the blue, suppressed memories surfaced of being molested as a child by my father and uncle. Nearly 4 years later, I feel more and more lonely as every day passes. I've since divorced and am in another relationship, although not sure about how long this one will last. I was diagnosed with PTSD and am on medication but it's this feeling of loneliness that seems to be killing me…very very slowly. Hiding it is easy. It's when I'm alone that I break down and fall to pieces. I have thoughts of suicide quite often but my children are what keep me alive. Is this feeling of loneliness common with sufferers of PTSD? Is it common for sufferers of PTSD to experience relationship breakdowns? A story that has been on the news lately has kept my memories quite close to the surface and that's not helping. But something that cannot be avoided either. I'm not sure if I'm asking for advice or if I'm just wanting to put my feelings "out there". Nevertheless, there it is. That feeling of betrayal when my mother knew what my father was doing and did nothing about it. No, sorry, she did do something. She told me not to tell anyone because it would ruin our family. That's what she did. Nothing more to be said.

[Zeal]

Hi Cecilia,

Welcome to the forum

I am so sorry to hear of the abuse and trauma you experienced as a child. Your mother's lack of consideration and protection must have been incredibly upsetting. If you'd ever like to talk about some of these issues, you can call beyondblue's 24/7 helpline on 1300 22 4636. When you have suicidal thoughts, please call this helpline or lifeline on 13 11 14. If it's an emergency, you can call 000.

Unfortunately, relationship difficulties are more likely for people with PTSD than for those without. If you don't mind me asking, does your current partner know you have PTSD, and understand the impact this has on you? If he would like to better understand it, he can look through this webpage: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety/types-of-anxiety/ptsd

Do you still have appointments with the medical professional who diagnosed you and prescribes your medication? If this is your doctor (GP), consider seeing a psychologist as well, so that you can learn skills and coping strategies to lessen the severity of the PTSD.

If you don't mind me asking, how old are your children? I'd like to have children one day.

Best wishes,

SM

[Cornstarch]

Hi Cecilia,

If you have full blown PTSD where all distressing sensory information coming in triggers your hyper-arousal you simply have to peel back all media and not watch, listen or read that horrible stuff. Your nervous system doesn't give you a choice if you've been correctly diagnosed. I live like a monk. I am very limited with the help I can offer and will not come on this forum for that very reason. The stories themselves are too triggering. But I have to write a presentation today and I am already hyper-aroused because of it.

Guess what Cecilia. There were about 12 topics chosen by all the convenors and you have to do the topic that aligns with your particular day and time, you don't get a choice and all the classes are full. So out of 12 very varied human interest topics, some that are quite quaint, even cute, guess what one the child sexual assault victim gets? You bet ya, child abuse. So on this sunny Sunday I am sitting here reading the most horrific stories of child abuse and about the grotesque morons that were complicit bystanders. While re-living my own. They are disgraceful and if you're reading the story I think you may be, there are simply no words for that sort of betrayal. I've thought about tracking her down and becoming her pal. And there are no words for yours. You have been betrayed by both parents and the journey will be very long to come to grips with the devastation. I had one narcissistic parent and the damage from that alone is enough for one wee little pint. The have no empathy.

So I figure if my heart is beating really fast, I'm feeling giddy, breaking out in a cold sweat and pacing in my bedroom anyway while writing on this sunny Sunday I may as well try and help someone simultaneously. And then hope my arousal comes down once this presentation is over.

I wouldn't take any chances with suicidal thoughts. You pay taxes. Hospitals are there for a reason, if you have to use it, just use it. It's the shame that is probably stopping you from picking up the phone and saying I need help. And lets face it, you have a history of not being cared for and rejected so the shame kicks automatically without choice. Your future can be different. We are not all monsters. The most helpful thing for me has been older female friends that have made it through the fire storm and come out the other end. You need tribal elders that symbolically stand there and go - you can do it, and be content. Your parents ought to be ashamed. Not you.