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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Cecilia1970 PTSD & Loneliness go hand in hand (TRIGGER WARNING SEXUAL ABUSE)
  • replies: 2

In November 2012 my life changed. Out of the blue, suppressed memories surfaced of being molested as a child by my father and uncle. Nearly 4 years later, I feel more and more lonely as every day passes. I've since divorced and am in another relation... View more

In November 2012 my life changed. Out of the blue, suppressed memories surfaced of being molested as a child by my father and uncle. Nearly 4 years later, I feel more and more lonely as every day passes. I've since divorced and am in another relationship, although not sure about how long this one will last. I was diagnosed with PTSD and am on medication but it's this feeling of loneliness that seems to be killing me…very very slowly. Hiding it is easy. It's when I'm alone that I break down and fall to pieces. I have thoughts of suicide quite often but my children are what keep me alive. Is this feeling of loneliness common with sufferers of PTSD? Is it common for sufferers of PTSD to experience relationship breakdowns? A story that has been on the news lately has kept my memories quite close to the surface and that's not helping. But something that cannot be avoided either. I'm not sure if I'm asking for advice or if I'm just wanting to put my feelings "out there". Nevertheless, there it is. That feeling of betrayal when my mother knew what my father was doing and did nothing about it. No, sorry, she did do something. She told me not to tell anyone because it would ruin our family. That's what she did. Nothing more to be said.

Faded Not even the half of it :(
  • replies: 2

I was only 6 when i first became a ward of the state. I was neglected and abandoned by my mother. i had many different placements, numourous workers and a very unsettling upbringing. I was misstreated and subjected to all sorts of abuse previous to a... View more

I was only 6 when i first became a ward of the state. I was neglected and abandoned by my mother. i had many different placements, numourous workers and a very unsettling upbringing. I was misstreated and subjected to all sorts of abuse previous to and during my time in government state care.I was sexually abused at 6 years old in my first `foster home.. Numerious times. I was physically abused until I was 13. I ranaway at 13, and was raped. I lived in constant fear but i strangly felt safer on the streets.I never spoke of any of this. I was very afraid to.No body knew the extent of my abuse. I couldnt trust anyone. I was lost, alone and broken.i repeatitivly absconded.Ive never had a place to call home. im now 32, i have a 10yr old girl of my own who now lives with her father.My father reciently committed suicide.My family took advantage of his estate as did my partner.I no longer talk with my family, they shut mE out.My boyfriend has a gambling problem and drug addiction that seems to be taking its toll on our relationship.He dissapears for days at a time. Gambles our money. Constantly lies and mistreats me. I cant talk to him properly Without fear of whats to foLlow. ive tryed every angle. Im always forgiving him. yet hE still behaves this way and controls each situation. Im trapped in a living mess that im Scared to walk away from.I cant cope. This all constintaly plays on My mind. I have nightmares and flashbacks from my childhood. I miss my dad emensly. Im afraid and i am losing my self worth. I dont want to leave my bf . I love him and want to help him. Ive only eva wanted us both to be happy..But right now. Im unsure.

cat1au Bullying has triggered my ptsd
  • replies: 1

I haven't posted on here before so I'm a little shy, but I need some extra support. Last night I wasn't abe to sleep at all ...for around 2 weeks I have been receiving very abusive, degrading, downright abhorrent txts from 2 women I used to consider ... View more

I haven't posted on here before so I'm a little shy, but I need some extra support. Last night I wasn't abe to sleep at all ...for around 2 weeks I have been receiving very abusive, degrading, downright abhorrent txts from 2 women I used to consider 2 of my closest friends..I haven't responded and I've tried blocking them but it hasn't worked..last night I received the most graphic, deliberately triggering txts yet. Best friends make the worst enemies. I am struggling with it...their words continue to go round and around in my head...I'm finding it hard not to question myself. Some days I get 20 txts at a time. I don't know what to do

Louloubelle7 Too scared to seek help, where do start?
  • replies: 3

I was abused for many years as a child by a family member who committed suicide when I was in my teens. Since then I have had persistent PTSD symptoms such as flashbacks, triggers, nightmares, aggression and extreme mood swings. No body in my life kn... View more

I was abused for many years as a child by a family member who committed suicide when I was in my teens. Since then I have had persistent PTSD symptoms such as flashbacks, triggers, nightmares, aggression and extreme mood swings. No body in my life knows about the abuse so I feel extremely isolated but seem to have been able to 'switch off' that part of me when Im around others so I appear 'normal' and my issues stay undetected. It has been about 10 years since my abuser died and I was so hoping I would gain some closure from that event but I am still haunted daily by horrific memories that repeat themselves over and over. I have only been brave enough to see a psychologist once and I never had the courage to reveal my abuse and then just stopped showing up to appointments because I felt like a coward. I know deep down I need to deal with this, the symptoms arent easing with time and as my friends start to have children I am finding myself being triggered more and more often. I need advice on where to go and how to find help. I also have very little money and I'm too scared/embarrassed to say to a GP that Ive been abused.... I just don't know how to deal with this. Any help/advice from people in similar situations would really be appreciated. Thanks guys

Lil_b Fight with my partner turned physical
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, Just really needed to get this off my chest and although it doesn't compare to what most are going through it would still be nice to get it all out there. My partner and I for the last month have been struggling with trust issues and goi... View more

Hi everyone, Just really needed to get this off my chest and although it doesn't compare to what most are going through it would still be nice to get it all out there. My partner and I for the last month have been struggling with trust issues and going through a stage of rebuilding and all was going really well until Saturday night. We had both been drinking heavily at an event and when we were just about to go to bed he went through my phone and began to become really angry at me over really not much. The fight escalated fast and turned really physical on both our ends. I was grabbing and pushing him and he too was hurting me. I woke up with scratches all over me, my arm bruised from how hard he was grabbing me, face scratched from his watch, and even a bite mark on my arm. I just don't know what to do as I too was very physical with him and the only reason I was hurt more was because he is much stronger then me but I don't feel like I can blame him just because he is the man as I was doing pretty much the same stuff (I didn't go as far as biting however). We are both completely traumatised from the event and although we have had huge fights before and his rage is a prominent issue in our relationship, it has never gone that far. We are both so sad from it that I have just let him back into the house as we don't want to not see each other. But was this the wrong thing to do? Should I be punishing him? I am just so lost and feeling very lonely.. Thanks a lot

Kate123123 Aggressive husband and no escape
  • replies: 3

As with any other story here, my situation is complex and I would like to give you a few words of introduction. I got married to an Australian two years ago. A few months later our daughter was born. When she was just 6 months old we found out that m... View more

As with any other story here, my situation is complex and I would like to give you a few words of introduction. I got married to an Australian two years ago. A few months later our daughter was born. When she was just 6 months old we found out that my husband is seriously ill and we had to come to Australia for him to get a proper treatment. He promised me that I will be able to go back home with our daughter anytime (I'd had doubts about going so far away with him after he had been not very nice to me but of course his illness was more important at the moment than my worries - he didn't do anything violent, just started snapping at me). So I came to Australia and he started his treatment which unfortunately required him taking steroids. His doctor warned us that this might impact on my husbands mood. And it did. He started being very aggressive towards me for no reason, called me a bitch, threw things at me, hit me with the door (he said it was an accident but I know he did it on purpose). I never made any friends in Australia as I was scared that I will have to talk about my family life. I just took care of our daughter and tried to persuade him to let me go back home but he refused. He said I can go alone without our daughter if I want and this is not an option. His treatment went well, he was taking lower doses of drugs and was a bit better to me but I stopped loving him. We didn't have sex since we came to Australia, I don't like when he touches me or tries to hug me. I feel that he betrayed my trust. He decided he doesn't want to go to work (he can afford it). I decided I have to work tohave some independence. So my life now is waking up before he wakes up, commuting for 2 hours, working for 8 hours, commuting for 2 hours and just seeing my daughter for an hour before she goes to sleep. Then I go to sleep. Weekends are better but I have to spend time with him and it is not pleasant. He asked me to pay all our bills so after I pay them, I have no money left. A month ago his illness relapsed and he started being aggressive again. The chance of me going home are 0 as when he is sick he will stay in Australia. I feel my life doesn't make sense anymore. I have nothing to look forward to. I would like to leave him but he will not let me take my daughter with me as he is the one who takes care of her. And if I quit my job and take care of her, I won't have money to rent an apartment and provide for her. I don't know where to start fixing my life.

swannees Continuing depression stemming from abuse
  • replies: 5

Just one cause of depression is childhood abuse by my father from at least 6 to 15. I can only put this out in dribbles as I cannot cope with more informing, but at 15 I attempted to take my life for the first time. I can't say at present any more ab... View more

Just one cause of depression is childhood abuse by my father from at least 6 to 15. I can only put this out in dribbles as I cannot cope with more informing, but at 15 I attempted to take my life for the first time. I can't say at present any more about that. That is the trouble no matter what amazing help I get nothing takes that issue away. The effect on self esteem is still huge although I have a great partner and wonderful children. I guess it was a situation where I went through on my own obviously and I still feel disconnected to most people.

DaphanyReynolds Not sure if I have PTSD
  • replies: 3

Hi, I've never been on a forum before... I was in hospital in isolation for around 15 days and due to an autoimmune response to pnemonia my face and body were disfigured. I couldn't recognize myself in the mirror, barely open my mouth because my lips... View more

Hi, I've never been on a forum before... I was in hospital in isolation for around 15 days and due to an autoimmune response to pnemonia my face and body were disfigured. I couldn't recognize myself in the mirror, barely open my mouth because my lips were so swollen and I needed breathing assistance. After leaving the hospital and my face healing up I still Have trouble recognizing myself because I had lost so much weight during the process (which isn't a bad thing) but it freaks me out. Now that I'm home I can't sleep because everytime I close my eyes I see my face all disfigured, when i cough I start having a panic attack because I think I'm going to choke again and I'm extremely high strung. I already have a panic disorder which isn't helping the situation but i was wondering if anyone could shed some light on this? I'de like to stop re living the whole experience but it won't go away and it's basically all I think about all the time and it really scares me. Thanks in advance for any advice or similar stories.

R3dr0s3 My first time here - diagnosed with PTSD last year
  • replies: 11

Hi world, I was diagnosed with PTSD last year and after making leaps and bounds for some time I have managed to face plant into a few walls recently. I have seeing psychologists for like 7 years and I thought that maybe I was be getting somewhere but... View more

Hi world, I was diagnosed with PTSD last year and after making leaps and bounds for some time I have managed to face plant into a few walls recently. I have seeing psychologists for like 7 years and I thought that maybe I was be getting somewhere but this new diagnosis on top of the depression, anxiety and chronic pain just kicks me about. I have started to scare myself and as it turns out my breakdown the other night also scared my partner. I have always been so good at hiding my mental health and putting on the sunny face for everyone but the other night I drank and I lost myself in from of the one I love most. If you had asked me a few months ago what the word trigger means I would have probably just said something off the top of my head, but now it sits deep in my emotions. Trigger now means fear, loss of control, pain, repeating my mantra 'just stay alive', it's a battle of constantly being in fear of how something may effect you. When I get triggered I lose touch. I stare at photos of my niece, that at every other moment of my life I love with everything, and try and connect with her I try to find that feeling but it's no longer there. The urge to punish yourself is so strong that it takes everything you have to not hurt yourself, to stay alive. Right now I know that is not me. Right now I can look at it all and say that it is a disorder and it will get better. The triggers will get further apart. The complete loss of the rational brain, the person inside my body, is a great one that I mourn once I come back to reality and look back at how far I fell this episode. I am here because my partner asked me to reach out to BB. I don't know how to deal with all this pain. The vicious cycle. I hope that this post can help people to feel not alone, and perhaps I will get some of that relief myself? How do you truly just ask for something without giving something first? I want to live.