hey im 27, iv never been to see anyone about what goes on in my head, and iv wanted talk mum for so long but its one of the hardest things i could do is tell mummy that im not ok. im not sure if i have ptsd, iv looked it all up and have had one mate that is a shrink tell me iv most likely got it.
I have told 3 of my friends the events and all of them not even a week later they didnt want anything to do with me. this will be my first time attempting to find help.
about 9years and 7months ago I was engaged to my dream girl, she was 5 months pregnant she went to a friends house then about 3 hours late i got a call she was being rushed to emergency, long story short she was hit bye her ex bf and lost the baby and a week later i came home to find she had suicided. i see her every day and i have nightmares almost everynight, i have learned not to be phased bye them as much now, I still see myself holding her for hours everyday.
Years before that i was set up bye who i thought was a mate but he had set up with 7-8 of his friends to drug me and pass me around. i know their are good gay men out their but iv just never felt safe or ever trusted a gay man ever again i have learned good and bad in everything and learned respect for every1 threw martial arts but still no trust. i dont know how to write anymore sorry.
I guess im wanting to know if how far gone i am or if i even do have ptsd or anything. been down for the last 12years but iv been given great acting lessons and can smile threw anything then go and cry myself sleep everynight. my mummy is my best friend and the self defence i do called krav maga are the only things that been keeping me from leaving this place, i have got no friends.
Iv used self defense to keep myself alive but not sure if it is enough anymore, what else can i be doing? or should i do?
