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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Nickname_12936318-B287-40 Partner with Depression may be emotionally/verbally abusive
  • replies: 6

I'm seeking some help/advice regarding my unhealthy relationship. I've never posted about it before, so here it goes. I'm 23, and have a 4 y/o son. And have been in an 'on again, off again' relationship with his father for the past five years. He sle... View more

I'm seeking some help/advice regarding my unhealthy relationship. I've never posted about it before, so here it goes. I'm 23, and have a 4 y/o son. And have been in an 'on again, off again' relationship with his father for the past five years. He slept with four other women in the first three years of our dysfunctional relationship. The first while I was pregnant (I gave him another chance) the second (his ex) was three weeks after our son was born and he left us for her. A couple of months later he came back and said we could work things out. Then the third when my son was just under a year old. Then the fourth when my son was 2. He kept the fourth a secret for a year but it eventually came out. Now as that seems like a problem on its own, during this time and after (it has been two years now since he's slept with anyone else) he hasn't had much regard for my feelings and how I am dealing with all of it. He is dismissive, he doesn't support any decisions I make, he's always telling me what I'm doing wrong - telling me to rephrase myself, correcting me, telling me I have poor communication skills. He gets annoyed with me over such small things and it always feels like I am walking through a minefield. Any thought or opinion I state could potentially set off a huge argument, and then when we argue he puts the blame on me and walks off, leaving me feeling guilty for saying whatever I said. Nothing I do or our son does ever seems good enough. We could always do better. Be better. I've tried to leave him about four times this year as I have become increasingly anxious and depressed, however I always find myself giving him 'one more chance'. I sometimes think that maybe it's just his depression talking, but it's so hard not to take things personally when someone you love criticises you all the time. He isn't on medication, he doesn't want it and he won't seek professional help as he doesn't think it works. I however am seeking professional help as I don't know what to do anymore. Any advice or input would be helpful. Thanks in advance, Sparrow.

Luna1111 Ptsd sexual abuse
  • replies: 5

I found out about a year & half ago that my mother molestered me... i was very young & must have blocked it out But i remembered. After i remembered i told one person who then told other people. I have been so distressed & traumatised not only by wha... View more

I found out about a year & half ago that my mother molestered me... i was very young & must have blocked it out But i remembered. After i remembered i told one person who then told other people. I have been so distressed & traumatised not only by what my mother did but by the person telling other people. Its taken this long to try and face it. My mother doesnt know that i have remembered but im getting ready to confront her... i want to move on with my life without her in it.

Brokenpeices I think I'm going crazy
  • replies: 3

For the last week I have been feeling spaced out, constantly tired, dizzy, I'm also having blackouts where I lose time and memories, I'm seeing images that feel real and losing my cool over the smallest things, it's almost like my mind and my body ar... View more

For the last week I have been feeling spaced out, constantly tired, dizzy, I'm also having blackouts where I lose time and memories, I'm seeing images that feel real and losing my cool over the smallest things, it's almost like my mind and my body are seperate entities ATM and I feel like I don't have control over either of them, my body is jolting me back into reality but then I space out again, I feel like I'm going crazy and I can't do anything to stop it, I can't make it stop and I just want it to go away, I'm starting to fall deeper into my hole and I'm afraid I will hit the point of no return, I'm scared and I want to cry, I'm worried my girlfriend will leave me if I reach out for help, I'm afraid everyone will be angry if I admit myself because they will have to watch my children, but it's not going away

Niki66 Support
  • replies: 3

My fiancé suffers from PTSD from an incident where he was stabbed whilst at work several years ago and is currently in prison because he was threatened and snapped and did a stupid thing. I love him deeply and want to be a support to him. I was hopin... View more

My fiancé suffers from PTSD from an incident where he was stabbed whilst at work several years ago and is currently in prison because he was threatened and snapped and did a stupid thing. I love him deeply and want to be a support to him. I was hoping to get some feedback on the best ways to support him. I visit him as often as I can but am in a different state and I am currently unemployed so I can't visit as often as I'd like. I write to him every two days and speak to him every day. I've been told not to put any pressure on him. His sentencing is in one month and I'm praying he will get a suspended sentence. I will do everything I can to help him and keep him safe. If anyone has any further suggestions, they would be much appreciated. Thank you.

JaneC76 Overwhelmed
  • replies: 2

I have PTSD. Can't work because of it. I'm an outpatient at a psych facility. I've been battling this for 10 years. I'm a parent. I feel very overwhelmed. The emotional pain is chronic and very painful. It seems nothing has worked. I have no idea wha... View more

I have PTSD. Can't work because of it. I'm an outpatient at a psych facility. I've been battling this for 10 years. I'm a parent. I feel very overwhelmed. The emotional pain is chronic and very painful. It seems nothing has worked. I have no idea what to do anymore. Like I've used every resource and I'm still in this position.

confusedandlonely Rape PTSD and Friend's Reactions to Rape- Advice Needed!
  • replies: 17

So three years ago I was raped orally and anally at a party. At the time I was very concerned about my reputation and didn't tell anyone, though it hurt so much and I was very distraught. I even came close to killing myself a week after, but a girl i... View more

So three years ago I was raped orally and anally at a party. At the time I was very concerned about my reputation and didn't tell anyone, though it hurt so much and I was very distraught. I even came close to killing myself a week after, but a girl in my class called Kelly who barely knew me sent me an anonymous letter praising me, and it saved my life. This year, I couldn't take the pain anymore and I finally felt comfortable telling people- a therapist, my parents, and my lovely friends. I've been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety and hyper vigilance. Most of my friends have been beyond brilliant, I mean none of them really understand at all, but they're trying to be there. Except Kelly. She and I are now best friends, well we have been, but after I told her she completely ignored me for weeks on end. I'm currently in Year 12 and we had been planning a schoolies trip together, to which I was uninvited after telling her what happened, and another girl asked in my place. Later when I texted her asking what happened, very upset, she replied for a bit and then blocked my phone number, not telling me. Our exams are happening right now and she says she can't talk to me until they are over, but she's still going out and drinking and having breakfast and watching concerts with my other friends, so it hurts that she doesn't have time for me. I sent her a facebook message yesterday begging her to talk to me at school today, and she said she didn't want to. It's so confusing- how could she just block me out of her life, literally? And not explain why until weeks after the fact? Is she a friend worth fighting for, because I have been, so incredibly hard? It hurts knowing when she knew nothing about my situation, she was there, but now she does and can't cope to even receive texts from me. What do I do? Do I fight for this friendship? Are exams a good enough excuse to ignore me without any explanation? Please help

Bee-Jay Highly Sensative Person - Worthless, sad and alone.
  • replies: 3

I am hurting badly. I've had a crap year. I have always been a highly sensitive person, I remember as a child crying a lot. I remember other kids in the school yard saying to me 'why do you always cry', I didn't know the answer. 60kgs at the age of 8... View more

I am hurting badly. I've had a crap year. I have always been a highly sensitive person, I remember as a child crying a lot. I remember other kids in the school yard saying to me 'why do you always cry', I didn't know the answer. 60kgs at the age of 8, I didn't understand that was bad or not normal. I didn't buy the food, I didn't cook for myself ... How does an 8 yr old weight 60kg!?! It has lead to a life of morbid obesity. I remember things (just a few) from my childhood that I wish I didn't ... yet they are just fuzzy enough for me to be filled with self doubt that they happened. This makes me feel usless as well. I feel worthless. I feel like most of the people who are in my life must also feel that I am worthless. Though not isolated to this but it was recently my 40th birthday and the worthlessness ive always felt but never acknowledged until this year, was reenforced by almost all of the people in my life I would have otherwise expected to want to make sure I had a special day, That being said, there were a few angles who I think may have literally saved my life (namely my 6yr old while I adore but am fearful or not doing the best thing for him constantly... My brother who came from WA to NSW to surprise me and the ladies from my work who have witnessed my breakdown this year)... But my husband (who in the last few weeks I've come to realise is messed up as me) my so called best friends, my parents - none of them made any effort to ensure I felt special and valued and I can't get past it. my whole life until earlier this year, I've gotten by telling myself I'm special and I am amazing and I'm a good person and friend and I do good things etc ... But I have nothing left in the tank and I feel like no one else can be bothered and im not worth the effort. I wasn't cared for and protected the way I should have been when I was a kid. That's why I've made horrible choices and surrounded myself with people who don't value me ... I feel maybe there's nothing to value. I write this and then want to delete it A I don't even feel I'm worthy of posting here but I am desperate and I have to try to help myself because no one else is going to do it (nor should they). I want someone to wrap there arms around me, to tell me it is all going to be okay... And more than anything I want to feel/believe it!

drunkwitness Evil PTSD trap
  • replies: 6

Im an emergency service worker (11 years) dealt with the worst of the worst Diagnosed with PTSD (cumulatively building over my career), depression and anxiety Im really struggling day to day at the moment. I find it hard to do daily tasks including g... View more

Im an emergency service worker (11 years) dealt with the worst of the worst Diagnosed with PTSD (cumulatively building over my career), depression and anxiety Im really struggling day to day at the moment. I find it hard to do daily tasks including getting out of bed and other basic things like showering or engaging with anybody. I feel like its all too much at the moment and I've really had enough of feeling the way i do. Reaching out to others to maybe hear it does get better and it does pass. Each persons journey is unique i understand but interested in hearing other stories. Im nervous about the future. I don't know what to do. I had an episode in February 2016 after a disgusting week at work. Engaged with my psychiatrist and was hospitalised for 2 weeks. was taking anti-depressants for 2 years prior and whilst in hospital was prescribed medication and another anti-depressants along with medication for sleep and anxiety. I was off work for 5 months and attempted to return to work but my anxiety and PTSD made sure i failed so im off work again. I have practised mindfulness and constantly see my psychiatrist, psychologist and GP. Do behavioural therapy, read literature, even tried going to the gym for a couple of months. Some thoughts that keep swarming are: I am falling apart I have no future I have lost something I will never find gain I am not my old self I am helpless I have been damaged forever I have confusion, lack of concentration and feelings in day to day life Fear , guilt and shame are regular. I have a very supportive partner and two kids but at the moment i feel like my condition is so mentally exhausting not only for me but my partner and family.

Matala Saying what is on my mind (Trigger warning: sexual abuse)
  • replies: 6

I was sexually abused when I was a child by a step retaliative (my grandmothers parter). I had a difficult time through my teenage and early adult years. I am now 32 and had since found a certain amount of acceptance. I disclosed the abuse to family ... View more

I was sexually abused when I was a child by a step retaliative (my grandmothers parter). I had a difficult time through my teenage and early adult years. I am now 32 and had since found a certain amount of acceptance. I disclosed the abuse to family when I was 15 where I was told if my grandma left him he would go overseas and I would never be able to prosecute. At the time I thought I would eventually go to the police, but as time passed I didn't ever have the courage to do that, I told my grandmother how I felt but for some reason she continued to stay with him. When I was about 21 I decided that I couldn't continue to see my grandmother if she continued to live with him. My immediate family also cut off contact with her at this time too. So I spent many years wondering if I would ever see my grandma again. Last year I did found out that he died, and so, I spent about 6 months thinking of making time to see her again but deciding to put it off. About 3 months ago I decided to go and see her as I was worried that if I didn't do it soon then I might not ever see her. I have been very conflicted about this, one part of me is really happy to have her back in my life and the other part is extremely angry and confused regarding her choice to stay with him. When I do speak to her she sounds truely happy to hear from me but will sometimes brings him up casually, she has early dementia so I am not sure she realises how uncomfortable that would make me feel. It I know that she loves me dearly, which make it so hard for me to understand why she stayed with him and how she could have maintained any kind of relationship with him. Anyway, my brother recently split with his wife and for some reason memories from the abuse that I usually have have been feeling allot more distressing. I also had an experience where I saw someone on Monday who looked like him and it made me feel very uncomfortable.

Auric_halcyon Admitting it might be bad
  • replies: 2

I always thought that trauma was sort of the norm. Not everything good happens all of the time. Everyone has at least one or two ghosts in the closet. But the more I used to tell people about my past, the more horrified and shocked they would get. I ... View more

I always thought that trauma was sort of the norm. Not everything good happens all of the time. Everyone has at least one or two ghosts in the closet. But the more I used to tell people about my past, the more horrified and shocked they would get. I have sort of started to come to terms with the fact that my life has been the titanic. It serves as a lesson to others. I was sexually abused by a friends father of a close relative, none of my family or friends have ever known. It went on for a while, and I only began to realize how horrific it was when i was in my early twenties. I burned down my house (accidentally, left some candles on) when I was 16. I was rejected by my mother and my father for their new families. I'm bisexual, wiccan, and while I've always had a roof over my head and food in my belly, I hit a lot of rough patches I've had bible thrown at me "thou shalf not suffer a witch to live". I'm in and out of depression and self-loathing my whole life, I think the first time I came out of a cycle was when I was 11, I'd been in a constant darkness all through primary school. I'm an academic, highly intellectual person and I've always, always been overweight. Struggling with weight implies there is a battle. I have never picked up the torch to get rid of it for longer than a week. - School was never easy for me, because of the other students.I thought suicidal thoughts were just the norm. I knew most of my friends contemplated it intellectually, sometimes on a struggling level, but I was in college when I began to work out that I was in deeper than most people.I feel like at any given time, there is three versions of me inside my own head; the happy, fun loving smart gal, the depressed, hateful wrathful angry girl and this survivalist utalitarian, the girl who has dragged the other two through all of this. I think to survive, I've learned to compartmentalise everything. I don't deal with issues; I just thrust them down as far into the bin of baggage, and I try to just keep going. It used to work... now, I'm 28; and I am coming undone. Last year the first time in my life I saw a psychologist. Asking for help was for people withreal, serious issues. not little stuff like my parents not loving me or some rough childhood memories. For the first time in my life, things are stable, good, even. And I cannot handle it. I am falling into anxiety bad-habits and all that baggage is almost constantly resurfacing. I don't know what to do.