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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Charley75 The devil in the mirror!
  • replies: 12

I am so angry at the moment, I cannot speak. I tried throwing everything around in my bedroom in the clinic, now I'm out for a walk, march or tantrum whatever you wanna call it! Neil1 I've missed you and others here, but I could not stay on the forum... View more

I am so angry at the moment, I cannot speak. I tried throwing everything around in my bedroom in the clinic, now I'm out for a walk, march or tantrum whatever you wanna call it! Neil1 I've missed you and others here, but I could not stay on the forum. Love, Yggy

KaraArtist Realization, affected by family abuse
  • replies: 27

Hi, Some of you may have seen me post something like this in another thread, I wanted to start the descussion anew in the appropriate forum. Maybe others will have similar experiences to share that I can draw from and vise versa. Since staying with m... View more

Hi, Some of you may have seen me post something like this in another thread, I wanted to start the descussion anew in the appropriate forum. Maybe others will have similar experiences to share that I can draw from and vise versa. Since staying with my sister and being around my immediate family again I have had an epiphany. I think the reason that I cannot shake the black dog, aside from it being likely a lifelong journey, is that it was born of abuse. My mother was emotionally abusive from the day I was born. She was also physically violent for most of my childhood. I already knew this but for some reason thought that I was unaffected because of that knowledge. I have no idea why I thought that but upon further reflection it makes complete sense. It’s the reason that all 4 of us siblings are struggling with varying degrees of depression, anxiety and mental illness. I have spent most of my life lifting the mirror up to my mother so that she can grow and stop the abuse, I was successful in stopping the physical abuse by the time my youngest sister was born but the emotional is harder to see and harder to fix, it continues today and i continue to hold up that mirror. My mother was bused by her father emotionally, physically and sexually. And in turn he was abused by his father. It is a cycle that is beginning to break down as each generation gets better and heals. I am blown away that I never saw it. I have been on my journey so long I just can’t believe I didn’t put the pieces together. Approching my mental health with this in mind is completely new to me, I've always assumed that I would have mental health issues regardless of my mothers abuse, brothers abuse and family traumas I have endured. But I seem to suddenly see with clear eyes. Anyone else have a similar story? and how are you dealing with it? Interesting thoughts Kara

lavendar Can't pull out of it
  • replies: 4

I have suffered depression on and off since I had my daughter - I had had a fantastic last 2 years with no anxiety or depression although I still take meds. I recently came out of a relationship I now understand was very toxic. I fell in love with so... View more

I have suffered depression on and off since I had my daughter - I had had a fantastic last 2 years with no anxiety or depression although I still take meds. I recently came out of a relationship I now understand was very toxic. I fell in love with someone I knew was bad for me, when I tried to discuss issues I was having with him, he dismissed them as being my problem, he didn't seem to want to work on anything with me. Cut a long story short, we had a fight, he did a couple of things over the next week and I distanced myself completely - in fact I went completely numb. I knew I could no longer be in the relationship, when he contacted me I pushed back any sexual suggestions and focused on life - but i was still numb in my heart. He came to my house at 3am about 3 weeks later, was very drunk and attacked me mentally over a 3 hour period and left "love bites" all up my arm and on my chest which were very painful when he was doing them but he kept pulling my arm to him and biting harder. He was saying some really degrading and things that I just didnt understand. In the morning I asked him if he remembered what he had done, he said yes, I still don't know if he did. Anyway, my arm and chest were black in bruising, when he msg'd me a couple of days later I just lost it. I didn't know at the time but I had PTSD symptoms from the incident. I have no contact with him now - I just cannot deal with what he did nor understand what I did to deserve it. I have put on a brave face pulling myself up to finish assignments and exams but I am now 2 months later completely empty inside. I was so happy, confident and strong in my job and study before I met him and I just lost myself. I just can't shake this empty feeling I have - no feelings and I just don't care at the core. I am trying hard to get out and do things, have made some social group connections but I can't stop replaying what happened and understand how he could do that to me. I hope this makes sense.

BobFisher3 Supporting a girlfriend who has been sexually abused in the past
  • replies: 4

Hello, thanks for your time. I have been dating a girl for a little over 4 months and I have noticed a major change in behaviour. On the night we began a relationship I found out my girlfriend had been sexually abused as both a child and young adult.... View more

Hello, thanks for your time. I have been dating a girl for a little over 4 months and I have noticed a major change in behaviour. On the night we began a relationship I found out my girlfriend had been sexually abused as both a child and young adult. She told ne she didn't like sex and I reassured her I was okay with this. A month or so in she began to make a few moves on me and we had some intimate touching (no intercourse). About 2 months later we had sex and I was a bit confused as she had said she didnt want to, so I went slowly and made sure the wholw time she knew I care about her and she shouldnt be scared to say if she wanted to stop. From then on things have gone downhill. She no longer is willing to cuddle / hold hands / have me within a 1m radius. I've talked to her a few times and reassured her that I don't care if we ever have sex again or not. I love this girl and just enjoy being around her and spending time together. She told me cuddles are good before sex but now we have had it there is an expectation that we have to do it again. Ive tried to tell her thats not the case at all. She is still uncomfortable however. She has just moved home and she is quite stressed. I believe this is also part of the reason why she is so distanced at the moment. She sees a doctor to help with her depression and she is on medication. She has told me her shes having troubles with anexiety also. Little things annoy her at the moment, such as leaving a bag in a wrong place etc. We have talked about it and she said it makes her feel bad that she is annoyed by it as it then makes me feel bad. I'm now trying to not 'let it get to me' when she complains about something small. Been doing it for a few days and not sure if its helping yet or not. With the worry about cuddling I've tried to staybat mine more rather than staying at hers. (I had practically moved in beforehand; this change is also partly due to me getting a new job). I've looked through the articles on this website and maybe giving her space is the wrong thing to do? I want to know if there is something I can do to help her through this tough time? Normally I'd hug someone when they are upset or feeling down. I understand why she has this personal space issue and id really like to know how I can support her from afar? Today I completely cleaned her house while she is out and left a note with a couple of chocolates. Is this the right course of action or should I look at coming to the doctor with her?

Solosombra Growing up too fast! *warning possible triggers*
  • replies: 65

All suffering in my life stems from my own incompetence... This was the line feed to me the first time I was sexualy abused by my uncle at 12, I didn't understand it at the time but that moment has stuck with me throughout my life, he explained that ... View more

All suffering in my life stems from my own incompetence... This was the line feed to me the first time I was sexualy abused by my uncle at 12, I didn't understand it at the time but that moment has stuck with me throughout my life, he explained that if I were stronger or less ' gull able " that this would never have happened! Personally I believe this to be the occasion that changed my life and ended my childhood. A year later and its time to go too my uncles house again for new years, my body breaks out into a sweat and I struggle too keep the contents of my stomach down as I think about the things he said and did. At the time I wanted to scream in protest that I never want to go back there but the threat he made about my little brother and sister being next if I told anyone stopped me. I couldn't chance it even if he was bluffing I didn't want my siblings going through this too so I soldiered on in silence trying to get through the night without running into him 100 people would have been there easily so it wasn't to hard to disappear into the crowd of people once we got there and I was heading straight to my cousin Abel . older then me I knew he would have alcohol stashed away for later so I went and bought some off him with the money I earnt from work. First time drunk I stumbel out of the car me and my cousin were drinking laughing I sneak to the shed were Abel had stashed the liquor. "Ah welp there you are* my uncles voice snaps me out of my drunken state as I ready to bolt I turn around too see a woman there with him. Confused and not wanting to make a scene in case this lady caught on and then my uncle take it out on my brother and sister I poised myself and smiled and waved. The lady gave me a once over that made me nervous even at that age. " he is gonna be a big man that's for sure " stroking my cheek I knew what was coming she had the same look in her eyes my uncle did. Why the hell did I sneak back here to get alcohol for, back here where no one is around? This was my second life defining moment.

Double_delight Impact of cyber stalking in DV cases
  • replies: 1

After 30 years of marriage to a controlling man I ended the marriage. The divorce and property settlement were very acrimonious but the worst was to come. Not satisfied with a 50-50 split of the assets he tried to get additional monies through QCAT a... View more

After 30 years of marriage to a controlling man I ended the marriage. The divorce and property settlement were very acrimonious but the worst was to come. Not satisfied with a 50-50 split of the assets he tried to get additional monies through QCAT and when that failed started a systematic process using the Internet and mobiles to assume my identity, destroy my realationship with my children and friends, set ups counts in my name, changed the beneficiary details on my super and reported me to crime stoppers and RSPCA for fictitious crimes. I went to the police and their initial response was that I was hysterical and that I needed to calm down. The result was severe depression, anxiety and thoughts of suicide. I have got through this period in my life thanks to the wonderful DV support services, a compassionate female police officer , friends, my cats And my sense of self worth. More needs to be done to support women in these situations bi would love to hear of others experience

lil_miss_smiles Do I have a mental Illness
  • replies: 7

Hi, So I am unsure how to start or where, I looked at other posts but still not sure if this is right, I'm really sorry if this is wrong. Today I am trying to have the music up loud in my head phones to drown out the thoughts, I don't even know where... View more

Hi, So I am unsure how to start or where, I looked at other posts but still not sure if this is right, I'm really sorry if this is wrong. Today I am trying to have the music up loud in my head phones to drown out the thoughts, I don't even know where to start. I just know things are getting a lot harder and it's getting harder to ignore and push them aside. I'm stuck between continue to ignore how I am or to talk to someone (every time I see a "professional" I just pretend I'm ok - I hate the questions, I hate the feeling of having to explain what I have been through, when my own family don't even know) . My family are amazing brought up in the country an moved to the city with my mother who kept me when my family pushed her away for being single (my father didnt want a girl). My mother looks after kids in and out of care and spends most of her time with special needs kids. I lover and adore her, but my beliefs of what a mother should be like are changing while I grow up and have realized she made me feel like i was the outside kid without even noticing. I have had multiple "situations" that a child should never have had to go through or feel it was there fault and to hide it. To feel even the people who are meant to support you and protect you don't want you to speak up so the "next time" it happens.. you blame yourself and definitely don't tell anyone. I don't think i can say anymore, I just know it's getting so hard to keep this all inside. How do people cope!? This all happened years ago, I have been so tough and I wasn't thinking about it.. but now its almost every day. My family wouldn't understand and I would never want to break them up, i don't want to go see a professional - I find I just can't let them in or fully tell them the truth. I guess I'm trying to figure out life... my two best mates over the past 3 years have committed suicide and i just don't have the guts to do what they did. I'm more the silent thinker and doubter with numbness, I broke off a 6 year relationship - Jumped into another one (no idea why - just happened) I wasn't good enough for him anyway's so I broke that off. I had a major car accident and heard the people say I was dead when infact I wasn't - Just alot to happen in roughly 4 years. I'm just wanting to know how do people pull themselves out of this? Does it ever stop? Do you ever feel like its gone? Do you feel like your good enough? Do you keep having conversations with yourself? or this how life is?

Roadsy Silent abuse.
  • replies: 2

Has any one experienced silent abuse . I read this article and it's what's been happening to me for 25 years. Not all of it but a lot of it made a lot of sense The mind game by Teresa cooper no2abuse

Has any one experienced silent abuse . I read this article and it's what's been happening to me for 25 years. Not all of it but a lot of it made a lot of sense The mind game by Teresa cooper no2abuse

Ptsdlady New- PTSD assistance appreciated
  • replies: 3

i keep getting myself into situations where i see something awful happen, and then go into the same state i did when i was younger ( i freeze). Im mindful that continuing to react in this manner, will end up causing me more harm in the long run.To cl... View more

i keep getting myself into situations where i see something awful happen, and then go into the same state i did when i was younger ( i freeze). Im mindful that continuing to react in this manner, will end up causing me more harm in the long run.To clarify, say i witness another person getting attacked, and i freeze, how am i any help to this person? Or i see a car accident, and i don't get out of the way and i end up dead.I've already lost a proportion of my life to fear, i don't want the remaining time i have to be miserable. I have PTSD and BPD and im in the process of getting my name on the waiting list for DBT or CBT. I just want to know if theres anything i can do to prevent getting stalked, or attacked. Should i change my clothing? Should i enrol into self defense? I just want to protect myself and not freeze ever again. I'm over reacting in normal situations, and then under reacting in bad situations.It doesn't make any sense.I thought and secretly believed that i wouldn't still be that scared, little girl that i was? i thought i would have grown out of it? I'm well over 18. Is there a way to feel secure or less freaked out by everyone? I don't trust anyone and i don't even bother relying on them because so many people have let me down.Even people who were being paid to care. It makes me ashamed that i wasn't good enough for protection back then and now if i want help its a lot of money or a waiting list. I can't run away, and i just wish i could be able to be free and scream without pissing people off. I can't really be me, i try to be and they laugh.It makes no sense why do i even care what people think when my livelihood means nothing to them? I feel so utterly pathetic, and weak.

_T_ He was my friend.
  • replies: 25

Hello everyone, Its weird to be typing this because I've locked this away, even from myself just trying to get through the days but why should I be ashamed...I was the one who was raped. The details don't matter because a lot of people have experienc... View more

Hello everyone, Its weird to be typing this because I've locked this away, even from myself just trying to get through the days but why should I be ashamed...I was the one who was raped. The details don't matter because a lot of people have experienced that and re-hashing that is pointless i guess. I just want to talk to someone who knows this pain! Im 20 and now see every man as a threat and I hate that! I love men, they are such wonderful creatures but my whole body is stained with the reminder of one night. So please feel free to share your stories and maybe together we can find a happier tomorrow sincerely, .T.