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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 273

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Megflower PTSD I Never Feel Safe
  • replies: 12

Hi, My PTSD peaks then kind of recedes, but seems easily triggered. At the moment I am so lost in it I feel like I can't breathe, and all it took was someone else at work talking about their struggle with it, now I am so raw scared and having trouble... View more

Hi, My PTSD peaks then kind of recedes, but seems easily triggered. At the moment I am so lost in it I feel like I can't breathe, and all it took was someone else at work talking about their struggle with it, now I am so raw scared and having trouble pretending to be ok. I don't talk to anyone about it, but just his story has made me feel even more disconnected than before its just me and my memories. I was OK now I am just not, I can't feel safe its sort of like being back there. I feel bad I can't be better like the man at work, he seems okay he's functioning, I feel bad that I can't make myself better - like as if I am not trying hard enough.

blinkstar dealing with rape
  • replies: 6

Hi all, I've just newly joined this website, to find a source of support in my life. i was raped over a year ago; i did the necessary steps reported it to the police, saw a counsellor, dr and psychologist. i took anti-depressants and sleeping pills t... View more

Hi all, I've just newly joined this website, to find a source of support in my life. i was raped over a year ago; i did the necessary steps reported it to the police, saw a counsellor, dr and psychologist. i took anti-depressants and sleeping pills this helped me gradually de-stress from the pain. my closest friends know and elder brother knows. the problem is that it has been more than over 10 months since the cops have contacted me. i purposely don't think about it or talk about it. i keep myself busy with studies or working. until recently i saw the after effects of it catching up on me. things like not being able to sleep, bad dreams, waking up 2/4 times in a night, unable to talk in public speaking, becoming extremely anxious... my main issue is that i don't have the courage to call the cops and close my case. i get frustrated quite easily, in previous calls I've called and they've made excuses which puts me off. I'm going on my first solo adventure in december... i want to be able to have this chapter of my life closed up mentally. i don't want to have to resort back to medication just to be able to sleep and function properly. does anybody have any coping mechanisms for my situation? Any advice /support will help. thanks in advance

Jane007 Second marriage breaking down due to emotionally abusive behaviours from husband
  • replies: 3

I have been married for four years to the man who I thought was the love of my life. I have two daughters and my husband has four kids so there are six other people's lives affected by this unhappy marriage. My husband is an aggressive bullying and c... View more

I have been married for four years to the man who I thought was the love of my life. I have two daughters and my husband has four kids so there are six other people's lives affected by this unhappy marriage. My husband is an aggressive bullying and controlling person. He has a tendency to go from a "normal" mood to a spitting rage in mere moments and as a result of this we all walk around on eggshells most the time. No-one can predict him from hour to hour. He is a very difficult man to live with and has hugely affected my life not necessarily in a good way. We got married a year after my first marriage ended I felt at the time a bit hesitant about it all (we had a very expensive trip/wedding in the UK with all 8 of us) - I felt it was very rushed. Bit by bit after the wedding his angry episodes became more and more frequent - he would "rage walk" on the beach 2 or 3 times a mth - sometimes sleeping there overnight (something he also did in his previous relationship of 19 years). His kids were well used to this behaviour - my two girls (13 and 15). I believe I am an easy going person but I do admit I am hugely affected by his outbursts and and put downs. One night two years ago I asked him politely to bring the dog in as he was about to get into bed as she was barking. He went berserk - I was already in bed - he grabbed the covers at the end of the bed and tugged them off me then knelt over me and spat in my face saying "Oh and YOU'RE SO PERFECT!!" And then he spat in my face. I left the next morning and stayed with a friend taking the girls with me. He demanded I return by a certain time or not bother at all. Typical! I returned of course . About 2 mths ago he stood up in front of me and the children and when we were arguing he walked closer to me and when I put a chair between us he kicked it out of the way. The children were v frightened - his 16 yr old son asked him to please stop - it was a very charged situation. A week later I told him at family dinner that if he did that again I would leave and take my daughters with me. He says "Cos it's ALL my fault". When I say "Yes, it is. I'm not the person losing it" he says "it's just one long list of what's wrong with ME". My daughters do love him and he is not all bad. When this blind rage hits him it turns him into a very intimidating force (he's 6 ft tall and very strong). Any help or advice would be appreciated. How much of ourselves can we sacrifice when living with an emotional abuser? Thank you.

Guest_5218 PTSD, Anxiety and OCD
  • replies: 8

I have recently been directed to his site by my psychologist. No doubt my story is old and tired, and experienced by many others here. But I will tell you my story anyway. I was raped almost 20 years go now. It was by someone I knew and trusted and i... View more

I have recently been directed to his site by my psychologist. No doubt my story is old and tired, and experienced by many others here. But I will tell you my story anyway. I was raped almost 20 years go now. It was by someone I knew and trusted and it occurred in my own home. I was physically injured, concussed, ashamed, afraid, embarrassed - all the usual things. I never reported it to the authorities and never spoke to anyone about it. I had never been a particularly social person, but afterwards I isolated myself completely other than for work. After 18 years of almost constant battles with anxiety, flashbacks, nightmares, triggers, etc, I finally sought help from a psychologist. Initially it was for pain management as I suffered a severe back injury about 2 years after the rape. So after almost 2 years of occasional appointments I finally told her during a particularly difficult time (anniversary) what had happened all those years ago. I have now been diagnosed with PTSD. On her advice I have undergone a series of Exposure Therapy and CBT this year. This has helped to some degree. But I am still getting nightmares, anxiety symptoms, etc. This has probably been made worse recently as it has been a really lousy second half of the year for me. My little 11yo niece was killed in a car accident, I was retrenched from my job when the business was sold, and I found out that my husband was cheating on my again. So I guess none of that has helped. Anyway my psychologist wants to try EMDR treatment next year after things settle down a bit. But in the meantime she wants me to talk to people about what happened, as it is an important part of the recovery process she says. However that is really hard as I do not have any friends (my hubby is a narsissist according to my psychologist). I have become quite isolated other than for my part-time work, which I now no longer have. I do some volunteer work in the aged care industry, which I enjoy. But I just do not have any friends I am able to talk to. My family live a long way away, and I could never tell them anyway. Hence this option to try an online forum. I look forward to responses from other people who have had similar experiences to myself. I am more of a listener than a talker as complete strangers often approach me to tell me their problems. But I am unable to reciprocate. Although I am not able to talk about the rape, I can now write about it, & that's progress! I hope........

Krychan Lost and out of control
  • replies: 3

I am a 44 year old woman, last week I had a mental breakdown that saw me get arrested, after a lifetime of physical and emotional abuse, divorce, as a child and an adult, as abusive mother, having two children, one with bipolar and the other with asp... View more

I am a 44 year old woman, last week I had a mental breakdown that saw me get arrested, after a lifetime of physical and emotional abuse, divorce, as a child and an adult, as abusive mother, having two children, one with bipolar and the other with asperges syndrome and a husband that places me second and is struggling with depression himself but self medicates it all has become to much. These feelings of deep loss and fear are so overwhelming, i have not been able to return to work and have no energy. I have been placed on medication and am seeing a physcologist, I'm scared as to how this will impact my life, i have always worked hard and been successful, but feel completely powerless over what's happening to me now. My work is very supportive, i dont really have anyone, my husband feels that he is to blame, but we both came with our own baggage, even writing this is an effort.

Mith Post traumatic stress from MRSA
  • replies: 1

I hope this helps someone out there! Ten years ago, after ongoing illness and my ex-GP's incompetence, I was diagnosed with a life threatening lung infection. This led to surgery in hospital , where I contracted and almost died from the superbug MRSA... View more

I hope this helps someone out there! Ten years ago, after ongoing illness and my ex-GP's incompetence, I was diagnosed with a life threatening lung infection. This led to surgery in hospital , where I contracted and almost died from the superbug MRSA. This led to more surgery & a hospital stay of many months. At the time I had a young family & my husband did not cope well, trying to run the family business as well as seeing to the kids & my needs. My advise to anyone is: if you have any doubts about your doctor's advice, seek another opinion. When I returned home, I was still very ill & it took almost 12 months for me to be able to function almost normally. I have not returned to work & still monitor my health carefully, although over the last few years it's been easier and I'm classed as "stable", meaning my disease has not progressed. The stress from my illness has adversely affected my marriage and family and at dark times I wondered why I bothered to fight to live at all. It was my Specialist that insisted that I seek help for the PTSS which was impeding my recovery. He said that he wanted to see me stop crying & enjoy a full life. This was the best advice I have ever had! I was referred to a Psychologist, who I saw several times, I cried the full Ist session, weeped a bit in the 2nd & was quite upbeat at the 3rd. She gave me many strategies such as finding things to keep me busy. My new GP prescribed anti depressants which I disliked as I put on a lot of weight, but took these for 6 months. I continued to see the GP, and became involved in the kids school & sport organisations. However I found that these made me more stressed, due to the people involved. Once I distanced myself from these toxic people and found other interests, I have been much happier. I now realise that my illness will be with me for the rest of my life, but if I look after my health I can live a "normal" lifespan. Regular Specialist, Councillor & GP visits help. Selecting who I spend my time with , not being a "people pleaser"(even if they are relatives) & deleting those negative people from social media is crucial. Finding creative activities and spending one-on-one time with each of the kids helps too. I have now embarked on study, with the purpose of securing a new career, to try & take some of the financial burden off hubby. Although I still have some down times, life is much better.

Megflower Can not trust enough to seek help
  • replies: 3

I really need to find a way to build rapport or something with a therapist. I have been off and on over the years but I lie, freeze up refuse to engage and am so scared. I stay with them long enough for a diagnosis which I am never sure how they came... View more

I really need to find a way to build rapport or something with a therapist. I have been off and on over the years but I lie, freeze up refuse to engage and am so scared. I stay with them long enough for a diagnosis which I am never sure how they came up with considering I sit there on the edge of a seat ready to run giving surface meaningless answers to their questions. I am currently putting way too much on someone who is not even a friend just someone in the workplace. I am over sharing saying too much and have no idea why, why am I trusting and using this person it's wrong. Due to this situation were I am basically taking advantage of someone whom is too polite to walk away, I think I better try again with a psychologist. But how? They have these offices with chairs where I have to choose a chair that gives me an escape route (not always possible), they always try and use deep relaxation which panics me, they require me to talk about it but I really can't, who are they? I don't know them, do they believe me and why do they always try and force eye contact they must think "get over it" "move on" and for goodness sake why the creepy long pauses what do they want to hear? Oh and it's always a woman, yes I am aware of the fact that the "trauma" is male specific but I told women when it was actually happening and they told me to be a good girl. Then they/me decide it's weird I would want to talk to a man, so I always take their advice and see a female. yet on two occasions once a male psychiatrist the other a male social worker I told more to in the space of one session than several. I am at a point where I really need help processing the stuff coming up, I can't stop the images/feelings and I am scared I will get lost. How do I trust someone when every time I have told the actual truth I have been called a liar or it was used to hurt me again?

Holly87 Giving evidence in court
  • replies: 15

Hi everyone, Talking isn't something I'm comfortable with but at this point in time it's completely necessary. I am looking for advice or tips/hints when it comes to criminal trials. I am giving evidence in less than a weeks time and I'm scared and l... View more

Hi everyone, Talking isn't something I'm comfortable with but at this point in time it's completely necessary. I am looking for advice or tips/hints when it comes to criminal trials. I am giving evidence in less than a weeks time and I'm scared and losing my mind. This trial is related to historic child sex abuse. I would just like to hear how other people prepared themselves mentally and if they could offer any advice. I am terrified and I don't feel like I can do this.

OUT_OF_FIGHT New to Beyond Blue
  • replies: 3

I'm a 58yr old woman with physical disabilities and suffering from depression as well as anxiety. It all stemmed from my childhood after being sexually abused by a family member and having it swept under the carpet as was the way back then. My whole ... View more

I'm a 58yr old woman with physical disabilities and suffering from depression as well as anxiety. It all stemmed from my childhood after being sexually abused by a family member and having it swept under the carpet as was the way back then. My whole life has been 1 huge battle and I seem to be a target for everything to go wrong. I married, had 2 children, divorced due to post natal psychosis and have raised both kids on my own. My son left at 16yrs to find his way in the world and I haven't seen him since. My daughter, who I thought was my rock and saviour helped me through a tough time after an accident left me with severe spinal injuries. She married an alcoholic gambler and has 3 daughters, 1 I have never seen. In 2011 after my accident money came through I offered to buy a property with her and him as I knew she'd never have a home of her own. I'd already raised her 1st child from birth and now the 2nd while they worked. I had a lawyer draw up a Deed of Agreement (toilet paper) as I supplied all the equity, legal fees and paid for renovations so we had separate residences. They had a small mortgage to service. It's been 4yrs of hell, raising both girls all at my expense, while he drank himself into a stupor constantly, stopped paying the mortgage, home insurance, land rates and electricity etc. She threw him out constantly but always took him back. My beautiful property resembled the local tip and I fell further into depression and began having panic attacks. In March I confronted them and begged them to save my home but it fell on deaf ears. I withdrew my childcare as number 3 was due in September and I simply couldn't cope anymore. I was left to try to pay all the bills in the hope of keeping my property. In May they moved out and I was shocked to find their residence had missing walls, windows and dog turds everywhere. The bank then informed me I would be solely responsible for the mortgage as in their wisdom listed me as a borrower and not an owner as I was led to believe. They weren't interested in the damage, just when I was vacating so they could foreclose. They refuse to show me the loan application and say it was verbal only. It's now in the hands of the CIO and I'm sitting on a ticking time. I have no one, am housebound, about to lose everything and only have my depressing thoughts for company. Living in a small country town doesn't help. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading, sorry about the length.

OrangePenguin Abused as a child by older siblings possibly left me mentally traumatized
  • replies: 4

I just realised that I've had a problem deep within me, I'm currently 20 years old. I started to be self aware at 18, because I left home for study on my own, since then I've been facing a lot of real life situation problems, work, social, interperso... View more

I just realised that I've had a problem deep within me, I'm currently 20 years old. I started to be self aware at 18, because I left home for study on my own, since then I've been facing a lot of real life situation problems, work, social, interpersonal relationship, romance, financial, and stuff. I was doing all right, until I've had my first big breakdown, I left all 3 of my job, my academic record went downhill, relationship with my family gone worse from bad, and ultimately a girl left me. I'm totally depressed for good 6 months. At that time, I reflected all of my life, what went wrong. Then, my childhood memories struck me. I recalled all the nasty stuff what my brothers did to me when I was a child. We're 5&6 years apart, I'm the youngest of 3. I was overweight, they always called me fat. physically abused me, it still left a scars on my body. Once, they made me believe that our parents found me in the dumpster, and forced to raise me. Publicly humiliate me. I wrote a diary and love letter for a girl, they found it and tease me for years, yes years, I don't have enough space to spill it all here. Just to let you know what I've been through. I've always looked up to them, I wanted them to accept me so badly. I never really saw that as a kind of big deal when I was a kid, I cried almost everyday because of them, and yet I still desperately trying to get close to them. I never feel loved, nor accepted. They have outgrown their nasty habits now and trying to atone their doing, but I can't yet to trust them. Is there really any link between childhood trauma and the later on life? Or it's just that I'm trying to find something to blame for my situations? Either way, I'm fed up with this "me". I want to fix this. Thank you for reading this, any suggestion or advice would be much appreciated!