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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Spiro96 (Trigger warning) Bullying, home invasion, PCOS and anxiety
  • replies: 1

Hello, I am new here and not sure how to even go about this. Lets just start at the beginning (well, the beginning of all this). when I was younger I had witnessed numerous things growing up, due to being a victim of circumstance. I was bullied since... View more

Hello, I am new here and not sure how to even go about this. Lets just start at the beginning (well, the beginning of all this). when I was younger I had witnessed numerous things growing up, due to being a victim of circumstance. I was bullied since I first started school, which led to me refusing to be enthusiastic about learning and resulted in me dropping out by yr 10. During my school life, I had witnessed my mother fight for her life with meningitis when I was barely 7 or 8, around the same years my family had a home invasion where my step-father was beaten nearly to death I made eye contact with the men who did it. It was awful. not long after that, my home, just a month or two after my birthday, had had a Molotov Cocktail thrown at it, which resulted in losing our home and being very close to dying. not even a year had gone by when I returned to school for yr 7, that a boy had told me to my face that i should have died there. I lost everything and those words just killed what little of my happiness that i had left. all this happened to me before I had even started year 8, and boy was I not prepared for what was to come during my highschool years. bullying was worse, I was the target of spit balls, aggressive girls looking for fights, and casted aside socially by everyone. I spent 70% of year 9 and 8, hiding in my room, crying myself to sleep. I drew the line when my mum brought home beyond blue books for my "depression". I guess I was embarrassed about how horrible my self-esteem was at that age and it definitely didnt help when one of my friends tried to make it a competition of how depressed we could be. it was awful. On my 19th birthday, i had gone into the doctors to pick up my results from some tests I did due to not having my period for a long time.and well, I was diagnosed with PCOS. Too much to go into about what PCOS is, so if you're curious, please just google as I have explained so much its starting to hurt me more. The doctor gave me a prescription, and I took the medication for a while, but it just made me feel sick. Now, today, I'm 20, turning 21 in a few months time. Ive taken tests on beyond blue that suggest my anxiety and depression level is at extreme 'high'. Im constantly crying these passed couple of weeks, ive had mood swings a lot... and not only that, I've been having bursts of anger resulting in me punching walls and going absolutely insane. i can't handle this anymore. Theres so much more to this. Idk what to do.

TBella And So The Nightmares Begin Again
  • replies: 9

I woke up from a nightmare & had panic attack. I am so over the nightmares, it just makes you feel so crappie for the whole day. Im dreading going to work today & full of anxiety & nauseous. I know that since having PTSD that my current job is not su... View more

I woke up from a nightmare & had panic attack. I am so over the nightmares, it just makes you feel so crappie for the whole day. Im dreading going to work today & full of anxiety & nauseous. I know that since having PTSD that my current job is not suitable for me but I don't know what else I can do. I find the limitations of PTSD so frustrating, especially when people don't understand & think you're just making excuses. Just feeling very deflated & sad today! Tbella

summerdays Parenting & trauma triggers
  • replies: 5

Hello I recently had a light bulb moment and realised I am suffering PTSD. It's not like I just stumbled across the idea... I spend 90 % of my time soul searching and wondering what is wrong with me and what the purpose of life even is. I don't know ... View more

Hello I recently had a light bulb moment and realised I am suffering PTSD. It's not like I just stumbled across the idea... I spend 90 % of my time soul searching and wondering what is wrong with me and what the purpose of life even is. I don't know whether I feel more sad or more happy now that I know what is actually wrong with me. I have had so much trauma in my life I just can't understand why me or the psychologists or dr's haven't thought of PTSD before? My Dad died when I was 8 and my bro (M) died when he was 20, Both suicided. But it's alot more complicated than that, obviously. I experienced domestic violence by both, and I lived in fear that me or my mum or my other younger bro (P) would die. M would hurt P the most and I was the one who always saved him and helped him even though M was very strong. Anyway, I have a 3 year old and 17 month old and I am struggling BIG TIME. And whenever they cry or whinge (which is all the time) I get triggered and my body just flips out. Like I can't handle it, I can't think straight and I do anything to stop them from crying. This is causing them to depend on me because i am hovering trying to avoid the noise and crying and upset, and it's just making it worse. I guess now my body just remembers my previous experiences and whenever I hear crying my brain just goes into fight/flight mode. I am constantly in overdrive and on edge and i'm so frigging exhausted all the time and I feel like I have no space in my brain. I'm booked in to see my psych this week (who I have seen only 3 times before) and also an alternative healing session. I look forward to connecting with others here, and would love to talk to others who experienced trauma during childhood and are now triggered as a parent. Thanks for reading. Sorry it probably doesn't make sense but I just wanted to get this out without thinking too much

Peace_Seeker Going it alone... PTSD, cPTSD and undiagnosed panic disorder?
  • replies: 71

Im new here. A bit at my wits end to be honest. There's no one I can talk to that Im not a burden to. I was diagnosed with PTSD after an "event"in 2012. A little after with cPTSD too. People say PTSD is with you for life. I thought I was different. I... View more

Im new here. A bit at my wits end to be honest. There's no one I can talk to that Im not a burden to. I was diagnosed with PTSD after an "event"in 2012. A little after with cPTSD too. People say PTSD is with you for life. I thought I was different. I just went through a time of very mild symptoms and thought I must have cured myself through mindfulness and meditation. I was even off meds for the last two years. Managing with therapy, meditation, mindfulness and exercise. A little mild mania or anxiety but for months I had a reprieve. I guess at the least I'm lucky compared to some. But It turns out I'm not special. PTSD has come back and kicked my arse. I'm struggling to think, communicate, nightmares, crying, panic attacks and dissociating, hyper vigilant, isolating, feel safer alone, and just had to end a new relationship. I've had to take time off work again. All because I watched something on Tv that triggered me. I don't have a support network (no friends or family) beyond my therapist and I live alone with my dog. I work in law enforcement (interestingly none of my trauma is work related, I'm shit magnet outside of work!) so that's not exactly an industry leading the way in terms of support for people with PTSD. My last boss did his best to have me fired because of it. My idea of socialising is to go to the health food shop and chat with the woman that owns it. Or go to yoga. One yoga class this week I cried for 50% of my class. Probably because I saw my therapist the same day. I asked her for some suggestions to aid me in a technique where you imagine your most loved and supportive people all surrounding you and really imagine the love and supportive feelings they give you. Something to draw on in lonely dark times. It's a great resource. IF you have supportive people in your life. I asked her how might I go about this technique given I don't have anyone. She suggested imagining someone entirely new that would give and love and support in all the ways I need. For a second I thought this could work. But broke down at the thought of being so lonely and broken and pathetic that at the age of 37 I have to conjure an "imaginary friend" to feel connected and loved . So for the length of my yoga class I imagined what my new friend would wear. What he would look like, how he would listen to me and what he would say to me in support. And I cried and cried. On the plus side I have this new imaginary friend. On the negative side I now feel COMPLETELY insane.

Elizabeth CP PTSD from natural disaster as a child
  • replies: 10

I was 10 when I was caught in a bushfire which destroyed our home in 1965. I stood in the house waiting to die. We walked out through the smouldering bush after the fire front past. Afterwards I felt guilty for not doing anything to help eg gathering... View more

I was 10 when I was caught in a bushfire which destroyed our home in 1965. I stood in the house waiting to die. We walked out through the smouldering bush after the fire front past. Afterwards I felt guilty for not doing anything to help eg gathering photos etc as they were all lost. In those days you were expected to get back to 'normal'life straight away. Life was never the same as we moved away to a new area were it was hard to make friends. I struggled on my own to overcome many challenges eg learning to use a match to light a stove or fire took several years and I felt very embarrassed about it. I compensated for my guilt feelings and poor self esteem by working hard to achieve goals such as high academic results and also by helping people (particularly my parents). My mother became disabled so I took over the shopping and other housework as a teenager. Later I cared for her full time for 12 years after my father died. More recent bushfires including Ash Wednesday and Black Saturday have been close to us (sparks & embers landing in our garden) thus stirring up bad memories. I react strongly to reports of fires even in other states. I have recently started exposure therapy to help me deal with my problem. Hot dry summers are bad for me and I recently injured myself & have had to give up work because my husband has been very ill and it became too difficult to work and care for him. This means my normal strategy of working hard to drown out the negative feelings isn't possible at the moment. I wondered if anyone else had experienced anything similar and how they dealt with it. In my case it wasn't just the traumatic event but all the losses ( including complete change of lifestyle) experienced afterwards which have had a negative impact on my mental health

startingnew conflicted
  • replies: 4

i have a bad sexual past but i wont get into that nor would i like to- but in short it wasnt the way i planned it or liked it either i was watching a movie and it had a sex secene in it and usually i would look away and cringe but this time it was li... View more

i have a bad sexual past but i wont get into that nor would i like to- but in short it wasnt the way i planned it or liked it either i was watching a movie and it had a sex secene in it and usually i would look away and cringe but this time it was like my body was yearning for it- ive also ahd a pleasureable dream before too i havent acted on these desires- and ive just ignored them and im hoping they subside i am quite embarassed about it i dont think these are normal are they?

Bec1995 Moving forward but still held back.
  • replies: 7

Hi Guys, So I'm new to this whole forum thing, but id love to get my story out and hopefully come across some new people who have been in a similar situation and who also are dealing with some similar issues. As a young child, I was sexually abused f... View more

Hi Guys, So I'm new to this whole forum thing, but id love to get my story out and hopefully come across some new people who have been in a similar situation and who also are dealing with some similar issues. As a young child, I was sexually abused for around 9 years, every second weekend and it has left me with serve depression, anxiety and PTSD. Everything started getting really hard after finishing school because there was no routine and my anxiety got to the point of not being able to go outside by myself. My depression took over and things started falling apart. With no idea what to do or how to help myself, I ended speaking to a family member for support and guidance. I was eventually guided and convinced to go to the police and make a statement, which 3 years later and many court dates has left me to my final court date early next month to finally put the perpetrator away for the time he deserves. During court, he had been found guilty for all 5 charges and I finally felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. During the whole court process, I have been studying online, completing a certificate 3 in animal companion services. I have 3 more electives to complete and work experience, but I feel like it all wont be completed in time- before mid July. I'm so worried and scared to start work experience because of being terrified about making mistakes and if I don't my course completed, I feel like I'm going to let my family down. But these past three years have been mentally draining, exhausting and everything in between. Anyways, this post was just to try and find out if anyone out there is in a similar situation as id love to hear your stories and hopefully gain some new friends who understand how I feel. Thank you for your time guys!

LeahSeekingHope Is recovery from PTSD even possible?
  • replies: 2

Hi all I struggle with PTSD, depression and anxiety. I had a very toxic upbringing in a cult with emotional and physical abuse, including neglect from a lack of nutrition and being denied education. I am now in my late 20's and I cannot think of a ye... View more

Hi all I struggle with PTSD, depression and anxiety. I had a very toxic upbringing in a cult with emotional and physical abuse, including neglect from a lack of nutrition and being denied education. I am now in my late 20's and I cannot think of a year I have not existed through that has not involved one trauma or another. Frequent Homelessness, bullying, sexual assault, grief and loss, social isolation, abusive relationships. These are just some of the things. I have engaged with psychologists over the years but haven't found a way to come to terms with my trauma. Currently I am on a low dose of anti-anxiety medication which takes the edge off and enables me to get out of bed to go to the toilet but I still struggle to leave the house unless I have been drinking. I self medicate on alcohol a fair bit. I have limited family support but I do have a support worker who sees me once a week and a good GP. I would like to be a contributing member of society and I'd like an occupation. But I feel numb and devoid of passion and I also have very low self worth, and have no motivation at all to care about myself, almost to a point I'm afraid of caring for myself. I did used to have a fight inside me to get past all the really bad things but I seem to have lost it and I don't know how to get it back. I live in regional WA so services are limited. I don't know how to move past all of this numbness and paralysing fear, this apathy and lack of motivation. I see a psychologist but I can only see him once a month due to his availability. If anyone has any ideas I would be open to them. Cheerio, L

Sj28 I Just saw my GP's mental health care for me and didnt understand what PTSD
  • replies: 11

Hi Im just new here and Im happy to read a lot of stories and learning new things. I thought I was completely well after 3 mons of rest after suffering with my abusive x partner for 2 and a half years together. I thought I've recovered already but wh... View more

Hi Im just new here and Im happy to read a lot of stories and learning new things. I thought I was completely well after 3 mons of rest after suffering with my abusive x partner for 2 and a half years together. I thought I've recovered already but when I went back to see a GP everything came back as fresh and new can't help but cry and now I'm back to being stressed and anxious and can't sleep feeling sad and lonely . I saw this website beyond blue and got interested in reading the forum until I saw what is the meaning of PTSD because I didnt know what it is I have it on my mental health care and need to see a Psychologist. Hope I can get over it

ElyseH Abandoned and dissapointed once again
  • replies: 8

I am currently dealing with childhild abuse. My mum has never shown she cares about this issue considering it was a family member i was abused by. As she was abused by her brother when she was a child as well. I had a few traumatic relationships over... View more

I am currently dealing with childhild abuse. My mum has never shown she cares about this issue considering it was a family member i was abused by. As she was abused by her brother when she was a child as well. I had a few traumatic relationships over the years. I never felt the support of my parents or understanding growing up and to add to that dealing with rejection, abandonment and anxiety issues from relationships. I recently started dating someone. I was anxious about dating but he must have gotten into my head. We werent dating for long before he told me out of the blue we would be better as friends. This has been extremely traumatising because he made me believe that i was actually worth it. He was the luckiest guy. He really liked me. Everything seemed botmal one day then the next it was all unexpected. Some of my friends dont seem to understand. None is around for me but when they need someone im always the person to put everything down. So to not have your own mother care about your situation, to go through the same issue with relationships over again. All i have experienced is abandonment and disappointment and shown that my feelings are not valid. How am i meant to continue like this. Yesterday i cried in bed all afternoon woke up through the night crying and so far today cried in bed all morning. On a cancellation list with both my psychologist and dr today and i am completely alone.

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