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PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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LightLover I need answers
  • replies: 6

Hello, I think that I have been suffering from PTSD or some form of mental illness since I turned 18 (now 24). I have told my parents and friends on random one off occasions that I think I am not okay but people don't seem to respond. I feel anxiety ... View more

Hello, I think that I have been suffering from PTSD or some form of mental illness since I turned 18 (now 24). I have told my parents and friends on random one off occasions that I think I am not okay but people don't seem to respond. I feel anxiety everyday, all the time I cannot concentrate, I cannot work and I no passion, no drive no motivation to chase my dreams. I never feel good enough and I sometimes feel pain in my chest, physical pain that is from my brain..if that makes sense...it tingles down my arms and through my hands. My family and friends call it 'being lazy', 'everyone goes through this', 'it's normal'. I just cannot even function! How can this be normal! I'm lying to my family about studying at uni, I'm lying about applying fro jobs, I'm lying about everything because I feel so crap all the time that all I want to do is sleep so that I don't have to think. My father was an alcoholic and suffered from mental illness himself. My two ex boyfriends where abusive and I feel like now I am left with nothing, no confidence and no happiness. I have had 5 terminations from the ages of 18-22 and I feel that I let it keep on happening because I just did not care at all, about my body, about my future, nothing. To me looking back. It was my form of self harm. I would feel so in love with something and then I would take it away as a way of punishing myself. I wanted them every single time but my family would've disowned me. I couldn't bare the thought of hurting them anymore. I know my mind isn't healthy. I so badly want to succeed in my life and move forward but something inside is stopping me. I have put on a brave face for so long that I can't even hide it anymore. Everyone knows I'm different. They can all see it. People look at me and see someone 'beautiful', 'smart', 'funny' but they have no idea of how much it hurts to get up in the morning and show my face. I hate myself and I need help. I just don't know what to do. I saw a psychologist but she told me that this is how I will be for the rest of my life. She said I can't change it but I have to learn to deal with it. That has seriously and honestly given me zero help and has made me feel even more crap about my future prospects. All I want is to be able to function in this world and achieve things. However, right now and looking back on my past and the slow tiny progress I have made, this seems like it will never happen for me. I just want to be better and to get on with my life.

Guest_322 Abused as a child.
  • replies: 72

Hi, I'm not sure where to start. Suffice to say, and I don't want to go into the details, that I was abused as a child by a relative. It's a little hard for me to say "abused" as there's a part of me that feels it was all so surreal. Like I had made ... View more

Hi, I'm not sure where to start. Suffice to say, and I don't want to go into the details, that I was abused as a child by a relative. It's a little hard for me to say "abused" as there's a part of me that feels it was all so surreal. Like I had made it up in my head. Even as I've opened up to select people in my offline life, and they've called it abuse, I still find it hard to believe. I still feel like a drama queen. I mean, it wasn't that bad. Although I do have a whole range of trust issues and the like, I'm trying, and it's really hard. Trying to trust. Trying to take a chance on people. Trying to get through each day. And right now, trying not to cry because I've uni work to do ha, ha. I suddenly remembered something that my psychologist (have stopped seeing her for a while now) once said about how I missed out on so much as a child. That thought is upsetting. Anyway, that's enough. I'm getting emotional and I have a lot of uni work to do. Thanks for reading

TBEJ Trying to end an abusive relationship
  • replies: 8

I have been in a relationship for 2+ years with someone who treats me like I am the dirt on his shoe. The relationship is 100% emotional and verbal abuse. He has called me every name under the sun, while also blaming me for his depression and suicida... View more

I have been in a relationship for 2+ years with someone who treats me like I am the dirt on his shoe. The relationship is 100% emotional and verbal abuse. He has called me every name under the sun, while also blaming me for his depression and suicidal thoughts. Tonight he once again blamed me for his unhappiness, and started claiming he has bulimia just to trigger some sort of response from me. He expects me to beg at his feet and do anything to save him and this relationship. I used to, but not anymore. This same guy forces me into sexual acts no matter where I am or what I am doing. My uncle committed suicide 2 months after my friend passed away, and instead of being there for me and supporting me, he threatened suicide if I didn't perform sexual acts for him. I have done so this entire relationship just to avoid his anger and harsh treatment. But I am so sick and tired of feeling this way. I deserve so much more. Yet I have been having one hell of a time finding the courage to end it. Every single day I dread hearing from him again. I put myself into panic attacks when I see him calling my phone or sending me a message, because I expect him to treat me like garbage again until I do whatever he wants. I am in the middle of studying for my dream career, and working so hard in the workplace to obtain this career. I have serious family problems, and have lost 95% of my friends. I cannot keep doing this day after day. I need to start repairing my life and focus on more important things. I need happiness again. But how do I do it? How do I finally gain the courage to say its over? It has been over 2 years and I still haven't found the complete strength. I am constantly delaying it and changing my mind the next day. For some stupid reason, I feel as though I am hurting him by leaving. I don't know how to stop thinking that way..

MM216 Severe Anxiety-PTSD (physical symptoms too much)
  • replies: 3

Hi All, I've been suffering horrible physical symptoms from anxiety and PTSD. It's been ongoing for almost 5 weeks now. I recently lost a planned pregnancy through ectopic surgery (about nine weeks ago). It has left me with extreme sadness, shock and... View more

Hi All, I've been suffering horrible physical symptoms from anxiety and PTSD. It's been ongoing for almost 5 weeks now. I recently lost a planned pregnancy through ectopic surgery (about nine weeks ago). It has left me with extreme sadness, shock and the whole process was traumatic and caused me severe anxiety from the medical experience. I've always suffered from anxiety, but never experienced this unpleasantness before, except from a previous panic attack I had. my anxiety is mainly health related at this stages. I've seen several GPs, had blood tests done and all have given me the same feedback- it's anxiety. I've started to see a psychologist to help me deal with this. the daily symptoms include, dizziness and headaches and inability to focus. I've had trembling, shaking, itching and sweating and difficulty swallowing too. its been a vicious cycle, as soon as I start feeling it, I panic and worry something bad is happening to me which exasperates the symptoms. it's taking over my life and I just want to get better. i'm constantly replaying the event in my mind and it gets worst every Wednesday (the day I had the surgery to remove it). everytime I experience the symptoms, I panic and think something is wrong the doctors have missed something. i've pretty much recovered 100% physically. I just want to feel like myself again. breathing exercises are helping, but wondering what other techniques people have used. anyone experiencing similar symptoms? Thanks in advance. Mary

Cornstarch Male survivors of sexual abuse or assault
  • replies: 17

I am not a man hater because I was sexually assaulted by one. I love my male friends and taking a break from the tedious female psyche with them is blissful at times and a real hoot. I attempted to post some url resources for sexual abuse survivors a... View more

I am not a man hater because I was sexually assaulted by one. I love my male friends and taking a break from the tedious female psyche with them is blissful at times and a real hoot. I attempted to post some url resources for sexual abuse survivors as I am so worried with how they are coping and they did not pass. You really scare me sometimes brothers. I feel useless at times with the elements of coming to grips with this that are specific to males. They may be triggering so please be cautious and sensible when engaging with them. Maybe it is wisest you don't do it alone at all. You could read them with a trusted friend, sibling, neighbour, parent, partner or take your tablet or smart phone to your GP or health professional and chat about it with them. Australia is so far behind. Google: The Bristlecone Project, Jim Hopper, 1 in 6 and Dr Bessel van der Kolk

Molly_Daggers Should I seek professional help?
  • replies: 5

Hi every one Im new at this so hope Im doing things correctly. Cant believe I have butterflies lol. I need to ask advice in regards to PTSD. I havent been diagnosed with it as such (only severe depression) although my last psych mentioned that I had ... View more

Hi every one Im new at this so hope Im doing things correctly. Cant believe I have butterflies lol. I need to ask advice in regards to PTSD. I havent been diagnosed with it as such (only severe depression) although my last psych mentioned that I had it after I was telling her a few things, but she didnt give me any advice nor informed my GP. Anyhow, a couple of days ago I had a flashback of a particular incident that happened when I was a teenager (Im now 52) while being sexually abused. The scene was very graphic and now I cant seem to shake it, or train my brain to stop thinking about it. I dont know what sparked the flashback, I just had an odd feeling or sensation then the memory came back. It sickens me to the core and I now it is affecting the way I am acting, thinking and dealing with people. Should I go to my GP and get referred to another psych, as the last one, and many before her, hasnt helped me, or is this just something that will keep happening regardless of any intervention? Ive actually thought of getting hypnosis to stop me ever thinking about my abuse but Im scared of losing apart of myself (if that makes sense?). I just need my brain to stop allowing all the memories popping up and reliving all those horrific times it happened. Even when I take anti depressants the thoughts come back. I welcome any feed back, as this time it is really doing my head in and I cant function properly. Thanks for listening.

MILA06 Survivor struggling to keep her head above water
  • replies: 3

Hi I'm new here. I lost my mum 20 years ago on 01 October to domestic violence and our lives (my siblings and I) have been a minefield or 10. Of the 4 of us, I am the only one left standing still. Against all odds. I battle severe depression, severe ... View more

Hi I'm new here. I lost my mum 20 years ago on 01 October to domestic violence and our lives (my siblings and I) have been a minefield or 10. Of the 4 of us, I am the only one left standing still. Against all odds. I battle severe depression, severe anxiety and ptsd years ago. I won the battle or so I thought... The battle doesn't really ever end, does it? It doesn't get as bad but bad enough to get me scared that it's starting all over again....

justanumber CPTSD and PRENATAL DEPRESSION
  • replies: 2

Hi, I'm new to the site. I have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and am approximately 6 weeks pregnant. I don't know exactly how many weeks because I can't leave my house. I am not coping with this and am having to deal with this alone. Has thi... View more

Hi, I'm new to the site. I have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and am approximately 6 weeks pregnant. I don't know exactly how many weeks because I can't leave my house. I am not coping with this and am having to deal with this alone. Has this happened to anyone before? The thoughts are intrusive and I can't tell whether it is the depression or if I genuinely hate my partner too. I am supposed to have had the 4 antenatal blood vials done. The GP is literally 1km down the road but I cant even go into my back yard. I am used to getting depressed. But this is the worst I have ever had it. I am not looking for any suggestion that involves leaving the house or using my phone to help. I've been through the ringer with mental health facilities etc. I just want to know if anyone has experienced the same as me. I'd like to feel less alone. This is my first baby, if you don't count the one I lost a year ago. And I feel nothing but Dread. I have no idea what I'm doing and trying to figure it all out on my own, in my house with the internet. Thanks

KravHelps unsure
  • replies: 4

hey im 27, iv never been to see anyone about what goes on in my head, and iv wanted talk mum for so long but its one of the hardest things i could do is tell mummy that im not ok. im not sure if i have ptsd, iv looked it all up and have had one mate ... View more

hey im 27, iv never been to see anyone about what goes on in my head, and iv wanted talk mum for so long but its one of the hardest things i could do is tell mummy that im not ok. im not sure if i have ptsd, iv looked it all up and have had one mate that is a shrink tell me iv most likely got it.I have told 3 of my friends the events and all of them not even a week later they didnt want anything to do with me. this will be my first time attempting to find help.about 9years and 7months ago I was engaged to my dream girl, she was 5 months pregnant she went to a friends house then about 3 hours late i got a call she was being rushed to emergency, long story short she was hit bye her ex bf and lost the baby and a week later i came home to find she had suicided. i see her every day and i have nightmares almost everynight, i have learned not to be phased bye them as much now, I still see myself holding her for hours everyday.Years before that i was set up bye who i thought was a mate but he had set up with 7-8 of his friends to drug me and pass me around. i know their are good gay men out their but iv just never felt safe or ever trusted a gay man ever again i have learned good and bad in everything and learned respect for every1 threw martial arts but still no trust. i dont know how to write anymore sorry.I guess im wanting to know if how far gone i am or if i even do have ptsd or anything. been down for the last 12years but iv been given great acting lessons and can smile threw anything then go and cry myself sleep everynight. my mummy is my best friend and the self defence i do called krav maga are the only things that been keeping me from leaving this place, i have got no friends.Iv used self defense to keep myself alive but not sure if it is enough anymore, what else can i be doing? or should i do?

ChocMint High profile abusers
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone. When I was 14 I was sexually assaulted by a school teacher on two occasions, the teacher was moved on and I've dealt with it in my own ways since. Fast forward 20 years, and this person is now fairly high profile in my community. I see h... View more

Hi everyone. When I was 14 I was sexually assaulted by a school teacher on two occasions, the teacher was moved on and I've dealt with it in my own ways since. Fast forward 20 years, and this person is now fairly high profile in my community. I see him in local papers, sometimes on TV, etc... There is also an even higher profile person who has been trying to make me sign letters saying I was not abused, etc... The Dept of Education is paying for my psychological treatment, and the Royal Commission is involved. But the day to day anxiety and panic attacks have gotten much worse in recent times. I'm wondering if anybody has any experience in similar matters, and how they have dealt with it?