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PTSD and trauma

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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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New_Moon First step (trigger warning: sexual assault)
  • replies: 18

Hello.. I've visited this site several times over the past few years, wanting to join, wanting to feel the relief of connection that shared suffering can bring, longing for an anonymous voice that could blurt out all my woes and worries to an anonymo... View more

Hello.. I've visited this site several times over the past few years, wanting to join, wanting to feel the relief of connection that shared suffering can bring, longing for an anonymous voice that could blurt out all my woes and worries to an anonymous ear. But each time I stopped myself. Compared to some of the posts I read, my situation and my feelings seemed so normal. I was just being a wimp or a drama queen, and my depression would surely wane as it always has in the past. I can cope. I will self-help myself out of this limbo life somehow. This morning, as I lay in bed crying again and knowing that I would probably spend another lost day not doing anything, not seeing anyone and not moving far from my bed and laptop, I at last realized that I'm not coping and that maybe it's time to seek help from others. It's been over three months since I've had energy to do anything. I've just scored 'High"on the Q10, and been advised to see my GP. I don't have one, and even if I did, the motivation to get to them just isn't there. I used to do regular gardening and send myself to sleep with hypnotherapy recordings every night, now I just lay in bed, addicted to the cyberspace screen and staying cocooned from the real world. I do volunteer work one day a week. It's the only day I venture out and pretend to be OK. It's a real effort. I feel as though I am waiting to die, and some days I am really impatient for him to arrive and take me. There are of course life experiences that have led me to this state, but my stories are not unique. My prolonged inability to steer my thoughts and body into healthier directions is what worries me. I'm not used to asking for help, but if someone can reassure me that 'this too shall pass' I'd be really grateful.

Carissa Losing a 4 year old daughter
  • replies: 5

Well 3 and a half years ago in a couple of weeks in fact i lost my 4 year old daughter very very suddenly. i also have a son which was 8 months old at the time and safe to say things got bad real quick. i was not doing so well tried medication made m... View more

Well 3 and a half years ago in a couple of weeks in fact i lost my 4 year old daughter very very suddenly. i also have a son which was 8 months old at the time and safe to say things got bad real quick. i was not doing so well tried medication made me worse tried talking made people feel awkward couldn't really grieve cause i know this sounds like an excuse but i did not have time. between taking care of my son the household errands i was exhausted plus after paying for a childs funeral we didn't expect i couldn't send my son to a daycare until i had no choice about a year and a half later when i got an infection and stones in my gaul bladder and had to be rushed to hospitial because i left it to the last minute to deal with it. so first time being back in a hospital after my daughter's passing and in so much pain with anxiety attacks on top of it. but the reason I am writing is i finally seem to have a handle on life but so afraid of if something bad does happen i might not get back up i feel i have tred water for way too long i am about to drown. i applied to be a puppy raiser for guide dogs the way to help me is to help others and this is a very safe way to do so but i have that terrible feeling something is going to stop it. so what to do is my question i feel lost and out of my control Thanks Carissa

Dave02 I have thoughts that the whole world is conspiring against me
  • replies: 3

Hey all, I was diagnosed with PTSD and severe anxiety and severe depression about a year ago. I was in a motorbike accident which attributed to the PTSD back in Jan 2007, after nearly a 10 year long ice addiction I felt enough was enough and I kicked... View more

Hey all, I was diagnosed with PTSD and severe anxiety and severe depression about a year ago. I was in a motorbike accident which attributed to the PTSD back in Jan 2007, after nearly a 10 year long ice addiction I felt enough was enough and I kicked that habit around 18 months ago. In the time since I quit I have stayed strong to not go back to it despite learning these things since stopping and I've done well in that regards. I have been seeing a psychologist for the past 12 months, fort nightly, but I seem to just be getting worse and worse and it's now at the point in which I don't care for what happens to me at all anymore and I can't keep going on, I've lost 3 jobs in the past 6 months because half the time I can't even bring myself to get out of bed or out of the house. I have been given a script today for anti depressants and benzodiazepenes to deal with the anxiety when needed. My issue is I feel like this kind of medication is designed by governments/big pharma companies to dumb people down/control people/make them conform etc.. And whilst I know people that it has been helpful for, I can't get the thoughts out of my head that it's all just a front from the corporations to conspire against the population. I need help, my psych just doesn't seem to be helping, I don't know what to do anymore or how to get the thoughts that the whole world is conspiring against me, has anybody overcome these thoughts?

Webmistress Merry go round day & night (trigger warning: sexual assault)
  • replies: 14

Umm... I don't know where to start. All I can say is I am struggling with PTSD. Recently taken ill COPD stage 3. Chronic pain suffered with a dash of depression & learnt at 14 to switch off. I can not stop the memories the mind games have eaten at my... View more

Umm... I don't know where to start. All I can say is I am struggling with PTSD. Recently taken ill COPD stage 3. Chronic pain suffered with a dash of depression & learnt at 14 to switch off. I can not stop the memories the mind games have eaten at my core. Can't watch news, movies or any gatherings without flashbacks. I don't know how to move forward alone. I need help that is sure but what diagnosis do I look at. Started with PTSD & rest followed. Advice given is only see Pschologist that specialises in Trauma, not to do hypnotherapy, or see psychiatrist as it will only relive memories. Newsflash I relive them every day, night & now they control me. Team said outcome to have 1 less flashback a week is what I can aim for! I just need it all to stop. But they can't find trauma specialists where I am. I don't want to be the victim anymore but I am. How do you all here cope daily, hourly and deal with flashbacks??? Trying chat here as I don't know what to do? I read all subjects yet it's burnt in. 1 word over heard & its mind games round yr 42

Punkey PTSD & separation
  • replies: 6

Hello, i am a survivor of schild sexual abuse that left me with depression (or so I believed at the time) 25 years later I was finally given justice for my trauma with a long jail sentence. I'm not actually sure the work I put in was worth it. I'm do... View more

Hello, i am a survivor of schild sexual abuse that left me with depression (or so I believed at the time) 25 years later I was finally given justice for my trauma with a long jail sentence. I'm not actually sure the work I put in was worth it. I'm doubt most would agree but I should have just let sleeping dogs lie so to speak. I was doing ok before it was all rehashed out in a court room. Although I've always suffered depression I have since realised I now have PTSD. I'm not sure if it's always been that or just got worse due to the case being reopened. So there's a small run down of my screwed up life. I am now 35 years old and I've spent 15 years with the man I couldn't/can't imagine my life without. We've had our ups and downs obviously but he just doesn't deserve the way I am. I can't trust, I can't open up and let him in. He loves me I know this but he can't show it and I can't believe him say it! So we are now 2 weeks into a separation and I feel like I'm going crazy. I just want to run and wrap him up in my arms and tell him how much I do love him but I'm so unwell mentally that I can't because he is better off without me. The thought of not being with him shatters me though. I have been fighting these demons alone for so many years and pushed so many people away that I think I'm just better off alone at this point. I just miss him so much it physically hurts. I don't know what to do? I don't know how to love him like he deserves and how to get help so maybe one day I can possibly feel loved and needed. I have a warped sense of love, my looks and my own personal struggles impacted him so much that he simply is best to stay away I know that, he knows it but I don't think I can even keep breathing at this point.

Punkey Feeling ok.
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, in a previous post I said my marriage was over and I couldn't breathe, that I was going to psych and trying to finally get my PTSD under control. We I've seen a psych a couple of times now, he is amazing. We were able to talk a lot about... View more

Hi everyone, in a previous post I said my marriage was over and I couldn't breathe, that I was going to psych and trying to finally get my PTSD under control. We I've seen a psych a couple of times now, he is amazing. We were able to talk a lot about what's been going on in my life (I find it really hard to open up). We discussed so much stuff that the first time I came out a mess. I was almost screaming in pain it was so hard. But the 2nd time I came out refreshed and better. I came out with a game plan and an idea of what I can do to help me everyday. At the moment that is replacing negative thoughts with good ones. So when I look in the mirror and think I'm fat and horrid, I replace it with I'm perfect weight and my stomach is flabby due to 4 beautiful children I created it's really helping. I feel heaps better already. Still a long way to go but I'm sure I will get there. Update on my marriage. My husband is being an amazing support, even from his mothers house. He is constantly finding out more information on PTSD so he can better understand it. He tells me 10+ times a day how much he loves me and that he will not leave me for something out of my control ever. He will stay with his Mum until I am able to make a mentally stable decision about us but will not be going anywhere that doesn't include me and our children! Now that I'm felling better I believe him. If I start to question it I tell him that I need a reminder. He now understands and is working with me to make me well. Together we will beat the demons inside my head x I hope everyone is having a good day, if not know that you're not alone.

froddoesntkno Life is a funny thing
  • replies: 3

Life is funny. I grew up most of my life without a mother, she killed herself when I was 7 years old; although this was tough, I always looked at the positives in life and continued pushing forward. I found this hard at times in my life, my dad had a... View more

Life is funny. I grew up most of my life without a mother, she killed herself when I was 7 years old; although this was tough, I always looked at the positives in life and continued pushing forward. I found this hard at times in my life, my dad had also had multiple alcoholic suicide attempts, he would go through stages for months where he'd be blind drunk from dusk to dawn and then some. I was around 9 at this time and it happened all the way up to when I was 16, in stages, not consecutively. In my final year of school, one month to go; my dad was sentenced to 3 years in jail with potential of bail after 8 months. That left me lost, angry, sad, dissapointed an overwhelming feeling of emotions that I had never felt before. I remember thinking to myself "Why me?" I still think that to this day. People say everything happens for a reason, to learn a lesson but that's what school is for; me suffering through then suicide of my mother and all the things that happened with my father wasn't a lesson. It was pure pain. I'm sitting here today, 19 days till my 18th birthday, I lost my best friend a few days ago, and my job yesteday. Dreams of being a pilot but unable to achieve them, the government put a pause on VET FEE HELP which means I have to come up with 80k to put myself to flight school, working a minimum wage job with my only qualifcation being a year 12 certificate. While everyone else was deciding what they wanted to do with their life, I was trying to figure out how to pay rent, and pay for food and basically be a parent to myself because no one else could. I feel lost, people know my situation but no one cares. "I'm sorry that happened to you" the amount of times I've heard those words now make them meaningless. I feel nothing but sadness and pain rush through my bloodstream but I value life too much to make that pain go away. I can't sleep properly, every day I wake up and it feels like a dark cloud is following me everywhere I go, I can't see properly; life seems blurry and all I want to do is move away and start fresh, but I can't. I can't because I don't have the funds to, because I'm stuck paying for my life through centerlink and 14 dollar an hour jobs. Australia used to be a land of opportunites but now it just feels like hell. I've seen a therapist it doesn't help, i've talked to family it doesn't help. I am lost, I am hopeless and I need help.

plodalong Need sympathy today :(
  • replies: 6

hi, just another day and feeling overwhelmed and as if all this 'stuff' I am going through is never going to end. And I can't say too much for safety reasons. yes it is that bad. I had a d.v. order and had to give it up - partner fought it! I am on m... View more

hi, just another day and feeling overwhelmed and as if all this 'stuff' I am going through is never going to end. And I can't say too much for safety reasons. yes it is that bad. I had a d.v. order and had to give it up - partner fought it! I am on my own with the kids. Our lives have been impacted *so* much by what he did. And there is no sorry. There will be no sorry. Yes I do get support from family and friends..it just all keeps going. All this legal stuff, and being scared of what is coming next. And actually thinking I should update my will in case he takes my life. I am happy with my safety at the moment but I do get worried if there is a car outside late at night. You just listen until it goes away, and listen for footsteps. And I just fight every day to keep going and not let my kids know all the stuff I am carrying around. Its just hard. thanks for reading.

Something_Something PTSD after car crash
  • replies: 7

I dont even know where to begin. I was recently in a Highspeed 2 car crash. I dont really remember how i got out the car as the doors were fused shut, ive been told i kicked the window out and climbed though the broken glass. From there i was taken t... View more

I dont even know where to begin. I was recently in a Highspeed 2 car crash. I dont really remember how i got out the car as the doors were fused shut, ive been told i kicked the window out and climbed though the broken glass. From there i was taken to the local hospital and put into an induced coma to help with the swelling on the brain. Now for the reason im here; I cannot get into a car with crying the whole the whole time, even now as im typing remembering the the impact and the heat of the fire. i cant sleep. Im at breaking point and its only been a week since the accident. I dont know what else to say or ask. but any replies would be appreciated

cai Will I ever feel 'normal' again.
  • replies: 4

My mother died 4 years ago. I still feel as though I haven't emotionally accepted it. I know she's gone but I still feel like I'm waiting to see and talk to her... like this is only temporary. I feel confused thinking that she's dead and that's it, l... View more

My mother died 4 years ago. I still feel as though I haven't emotionally accepted it. I know she's gone but I still feel like I'm waiting to see and talk to her... like this is only temporary. I feel confused thinking that she's dead and that's it, like it's a mistake or something. When I see old home videos or think of a memory, I find it hard to relate to that person. She sounds happy and silly and I can't remember the last time I felt like that. This version of me feels like I've always been heavy... weighted down with underlying sadness. My memory seems to have gone, I don't remember a lot of the traumatic days I've gone through but I also don't remember much of being a child, of being a young adult, even of my own son's younger years (he's 3 this month). I look back on photos and most times I can't remember the moment that the photo is meant to remind me of.