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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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JayV Why do l feel like a leper?
  • replies: 7

Since telling the important people in my life about my mental illness some don't know how to talk to me? Some don't! Or this just paranoia brought on by my depression and anxiety and over thinking every thing? Jay

Since telling the important people in my life about my mental illness some don't know how to talk to me? Some don't! Or this just paranoia brought on by my depression and anxiety and over thinking every thing? Jay

Rosi_Z_ Cannot catch a break which ever way I turn
  • replies: 2

I woke this morning and opened an onlinenews paper only to find an image that more than closely resembled a piece of artwork I have been developing for many years. Hardly like to be a coincidence. I was about to start a painting of that image and had... View more

I woke this morning and opened an onlinenews paper only to find an image that more than closely resembled a piece of artwork I have been developing for many years. Hardly like to be a coincidence. I was about to start a painting of that image and had prepared a canvas to start today. The last year has been obstacle after obstacle. I have been threatened with death for reporting a violent incident - I live in Dept. Housing, I have been abused verbally and my dog has been kicked by the same person. I saw him punch a woman in the head and throw her to the ground so I know what he is capable of. I have reported everything to the police/RSPCA/Housing but nothing seems to change. I am becoming reclusive and live like a hermit except for my dog and I am thinking about giving her up because I don't want her to be harmed. I feel like I'm living in some sort of prison, where everything I do or make is stolen or damaged in some way. It's like I am slowly disintegrating or freezing over ... becoming immobile and just staring out of an empty shell.

rustee_nails In All My Life The Only Thing That's Still There For Me is the Bottle. nobody want's to be around someone this troubled .
  • replies: 19

all the posts i've read for hours here today are from people who've seen so much worse than me, been subjected to worse than me.but not only do they deserve their mental relief. they all seem genuinely likeable. but i'm a male sexual organ of a human... View more

all the posts i've read for hours here today are from people who've seen so much worse than me, been subjected to worse than me.but not only do they deserve their mental relief. they all seem genuinely likeable. but i'm a male sexual organ of a human being. in my 40 years, every friends ended up telling me i'm too much.alcohol,brain damage. i say things and do things that are beyond even blue. i have no one . please dont tell me everyone deserves redemption because they dont. i give every essence of my life that i can to charity to pay back some karma but it's never going to be a clean slate. i'm not morally corrupt but i have done what i've had to do as a white minority ,to survive in bad places growing up. i've tried every kind of support but after every appointment, i'm in the pub. they bring up memories that i don't wan't to ever ever have to deal with. i've almost lived longer than the doctors gave me after some life decisions turned brutal .thanks only to experimental surgery and luck during further attempts on my life. and i've read lots of books ,kept up with medical research, distract myself withe art,voluntary work,excerise, i meditate,do yoga,physio etc every day,been studying the latest brain elasticity research to fix mental damage. i feel like i do everything i can. i've seen the same dr for a decade. and see the pain clinic and a trauma coucelor. i do alot more that i dont need to mention,i haven't found anything new on this website. i just wanted to ask people who i don't get to talk to... i've gotten off of my pain/ anxiety meds 4 times in the last 25 years for over 18 months and nothing got better, i eat well and did more excercise ,more socializing but the pain and anxiety would well up with such self deprecation that i'd find the first bottle of 80% liquor and drink it like it was water in the desert. i have to add that i'm not just mental .the pain i'm in is unending and indescribable, to the point where i stepped into a road drunk last night and turned to see an 18 tonne truck barrelin up the gutter, and in the split second before he swerved ,i didn't think about my life, or my "loved" ones. all i thought was "thank god.it's over now." i'm not suicidal nor ever will be. guilt will keep me doing charity work 'til the day i die by accident or illness. but my question is: if alcohol makes hell bearable, then aren't the random bruises and scrapes worth it. doctors don't expect me to be alive in 15 years anyway.

sydneyharbour17 Assault/Anxiety - how to move on? [TRIGGER WARNING: SEXUAL ASSAULT]
  • replies: 14

Hi all, I'm not really sure where to begin, but about 4 months ago I was sexually assaulted by a guy I was seeing. We had been seeing each other for about 2 months and had a very complicated, but intense, relationship due to the fact that I was still... View more

Hi all, I'm not really sure where to begin, but about 4 months ago I was sexually assaulted by a guy I was seeing. We had been seeing each other for about 2 months and had a very complicated, but intense, relationship due to the fact that I was still healing from a previous 3-year relationship in which I had been severely emotionally-abused (gas-lighting, triangulation, lies, theft, silent treatment, you name it). The guy in question was under the influence of drugs when the assault took place and therefore couldn't remember it. When I confronted him about it the next day, he told me I was a liar and a perpetual victim. A week later, he told me he didn't feel anything for me anymore, that I was a terrible person, and then he cut me out of his life completely. Honestly, the things he did in the aftermath were more hurtful to me than the actual assault. I was seriously shattered by his behaviour but decided that the only thing I could do was focus on myself. My psychologist has helped me immensely in dealing with everything, and I am no longer depressed, with panic attacks becoming fewer and far between. My life at the moment is also very fulfilling. I do full-time uni, work 2 jobs, have a volunteer position at a mental health facility, and have 2 major holidays planned for this year. I also try to exercise regularly and maintain my hobby of writing. My anxiety, however, is still almost debilitating. My entire body is constantly tense and sometimes shaking, my sleep is shallow and unsatisfying so I am tired all the time, the smallest disappointment can send me spiralling off into a mini depressive-episode, I constantly have headaches, etc. Basically, what I am trying to say is that even though my life appears to going great, I still feel pretty horrible all the time, and I don't know how to make it better because I feel like I am doing everything right. One thing that I would also like to mention is that I still constantly miss the guy who assaulted me, and that makes my anxiety worse because I feel like there must be something wrong with me to miss someone who did that to me, especially when it has been 4 months since it happened and I only really knew him for 2 months. We go to the same university as well, so I see him often and every time he pretends I'm not there and it makes me feel terrible. So I guess what I'm asking is, what tips do you guys have for improving anxiety without medication, and how do I get over this guy? Thanks so much in advance.

K8k Where to start?
  • replies: 3

So I took my son to a social worker a couple of weeks ago and after talking to her for an hour she cracks my shell and tells me I have deep anxiety issues that I need to deal with (in a nice way), I knew I had things going on in my head but nothing t... View more

So I took my son to a social worker a couple of weeks ago and after talking to her for an hour she cracks my shell and tells me I have deep anxiety issues that I need to deal with (in a nice way), I knew I had things going on in my head but nothing that I thought was oozing from my being for others to see. Then she asks me if Im always this anxious (which I never noticed or understood I was) and somehow all of a sudden it all makes sense and I burst into tears as she gets me and understands that its hardwork being me. All a little bit daunting considering I was there to get help for master 2 and turns out I need to help myself to be able to relax and deal with his issues effectively. I always noticed when I didnt feel comfortable I would be out of breath (even if on a phone call or talking to a friend), that my mind doesnt ever shut off (I just thought others managed their thoughts better than I do) and that I get on edge, flustered & emotional when things are out of my control also that I fight to the end if life throws me a challenge (I had many different testing times and obstacles in my 35 years). I guess Im writing this to try to learn out more about myself and to understand and manage my mind and what I have always thought was normal but turns out there is more going on up there than your average joe.

technopuppy94 CONTENT WARNING: waist of a life.
  • replies: 6

when will it be my time to rest? when will the pain dull enough to let me take a load off my shoulders? i was born with joint laxity. a condition that means i am in constant pain. when i was 2 i developed lung problems that had me in and out of hospi... View more

when will it be my time to rest? when will the pain dull enough to let me take a load off my shoulders? i was born with joint laxity. a condition that means i am in constant pain. when i was 2 i developed lung problems that had me in and out of hospital constantly until i was 8. i grew up with a daemon in my home... i called him daddy years of bruises broken bones and sexual abuse finaly ended when i was 12. the same year my older brother molested me and my little sister. my mother told me if i told the police they would take me away from my siblings. when i was 14 i moved away from home. i got into a relationship with a much older guy and we moved in together. i was attending high school working full time and running a household for an emotionally and physicaly abusive man. but that finally ended after a fight that ended with me in the hospital and the police applying for a DVO on my behalf. shortly after my stepfather the only man left in my life i still trusted passed away... alcohol poisoning. a few years passed and a few failed relationships. i met a man. close to my age and i fell in love with him... a year later we were married. started a business together and bought our first home. we had two beautiful babies and were planning more. when we ran into fertility problems we pushed ourselves even further into debt to pay for treatment. our first attempt ended in a miscarriage and all our attempts after that failed. Christmas day... we just found out another round of IVF had failed. but we gathered the family and celebrated non the less... that evening i found my husband in our bed sleeping with one of our friends. when we decided to divorce he took the business and i took the house... three months later the house burned down.. i finally accepted i would never be part of a happy family. i had come to terms with it... today i found out my ex husband and his new partner are trying for a baby it is my 23rd birthday in 11 days... only 23 and ive already lost all hope at happiness

Willen Retired Health care worker
  • replies: 4

But hard to bitch about ones life when it's almost done. No, no thoughts of suicide or homicide, just so damned depressed and feeling hopeless, what's worse General and Psych RN etc.

But hard to bitch about ones life when it's almost done. No, no thoughts of suicide or homicide, just so damned depressed and feeling hopeless, what's worse General and Psych RN etc.

Backspace Leaving a domestic violent relationship and how to move on
  • replies: 15

Hi. Just wondering if anyone can please give me some helpful advice on how I mend this heart of mine. I left a 12 year violent relationship just short of 7 months ago. He was the father of my children, fiance and love of my life. My ex Fiance is now ... View more

Hi. Just wondering if anyone can please give me some helpful advice on how I mend this heart of mine. I left a 12 year violent relationship just short of 7 months ago. He was the father of my children, fiance and love of my life. My ex Fiance is now in prison for the horrible things he has done to our family. I am left shattered, numb, anxious, depressed and still in disbelief that the person I loved so much could treat me the way he did. I have a great support network but at the end of the day I am alone with my tears and heartache raising our children on my own whilst working and studying part time. I am good at hiding how I feel (most of the time) so every one thinks I am ok or I am happy.I am not! I completely feel crushed that I held on for so long and nothing changed. Why do I still love and miss this person?? I'm not holding on to memories. .because there wasn't many good ones. It is not because he was the father of my children either as there was not many good memories of love there also. HOW do I stop loving the one person who never loved me the way I loved him. How do I move on from his abuse, infidelity and guilt because he is where he is now. I have days where I am on top of the world as a single independent woman/mother who no longer has to be controlled...then I have more days where I go home and sit on the laundry floor crying once the kids are in bed. I also have days where I still miss him terribly and for the life of me I Cannot pinpoint what it is I actually miss! Terribly lost, please help me see sense. Any advice welcome.

Tasha82 My brother, my dad & now my beautiful sister. Years of grief!
  • replies: 3

Hi there, I have just become a member here at BB in hope that I may find some help dealing with my feelings of having lost my closest family members. The trauma of loss begun when I was 25. I lost my brother in a car accident 9 years ago. I lost my f... View more

Hi there, I have just become a member here at BB in hope that I may find some help dealing with my feelings of having lost my closest family members. The trauma of loss begun when I was 25. I lost my brother in a car accident 9 years ago. I lost my father to a heart attack 5 years ago. Now just last October I lost my sister to suicide. It seems she took her life on the anniversary of our brothers passing. I am just broken! The first time I am using the work suicide is just now in this forum. I have not been able say it allowed yet to people. Denial, I don't know?!? I was my sisters 'carer'. She has suffered mental illness for many years but over the last year she has been so well & I simply did not see this coming. Again I am broken. She has 3 children, two daughters in their 20's & my nephew who has just turned 15. Although my sister loved each & every one of her kids, it was my nephew she worried about the most. I have taken him under my wing & have him most weekends now. We talk a lot about his mum, my sister & our loss however it is still just so difficult for us both. I feel a debt to my sisiter to make sure he & her girls are ok, all while I am trying to deal with my own grief. It's so hard! The loss of my sister is raw. I am not healed from the grief of losing Dad & my brother, & now my sister. How do I go on missing them all? I feel so sad & I cry every day when I am on my own. I have nightmares, most recently about my sister as I had to formerly identify her after I called the police worried about her that day. I go to work everyday & put on a brave face. I feel if I didn't do that, depression would set in. I am being brave for the kids & for my mum however now it's getting harder. I feel so sad that I have lost my beautiful sister this way. Although my grief for my brother & my dad still pains me, the way I lost them I have accepted was out of my control. My sisters death I have not accepted, at all. I feel so sad that she was in such a dark place & I was not by her side to pull her through in this most recent darkest moment. I was always there for her through her hard times & despite having suffered mental illness on & off I never once thought her to be suicidle. How nieave of me! It would have taken one phone call from me that day to her to know how she was feeling, it could have changed everything. I am sorry this post is a little all over the place, my head is all over the place. I needed to vent, so thank you for listening. Tasha

New_Moon First step (trigger warning: sexual assault)
  • replies: 18

Hello.. I've visited this site several times over the past few years, wanting to join, wanting to feel the relief of connection that shared suffering can bring, longing for an anonymous voice that could blurt out all my woes and worries to an anonymo... View more

Hello.. I've visited this site several times over the past few years, wanting to join, wanting to feel the relief of connection that shared suffering can bring, longing for an anonymous voice that could blurt out all my woes and worries to an anonymous ear. But each time I stopped myself. Compared to some of the posts I read, my situation and my feelings seemed so normal. I was just being a wimp or a drama queen, and my depression would surely wane as it always has in the past. I can cope. I will self-help myself out of this limbo life somehow. This morning, as I lay in bed crying again and knowing that I would probably spend another lost day not doing anything, not seeing anyone and not moving far from my bed and laptop, I at last realized that I'm not coping and that maybe it's time to seek help from others. It's been over three months since I've had energy to do anything. I've just scored 'High"on the Q10, and been advised to see my GP. I don't have one, and even if I did, the motivation to get to them just isn't there. I used to do regular gardening and send myself to sleep with hypnotherapy recordings every night, now I just lay in bed, addicted to the cyberspace screen and staying cocooned from the real world. I do volunteer work one day a week. It's the only day I venture out and pretend to be OK. It's a real effort. I feel as though I am waiting to die, and some days I am really impatient for him to arrive and take me. There are of course life experiences that have led me to this state, but my stories are not unique. My prolonged inability to steer my thoughts and body into healthier directions is what worries me. I'm not used to asking for help, but if someone can reassure me that 'this too shall pass' I'd be really grateful.