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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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llemonade Trouble getting help
  • replies: 4

Ok so something happened about 5 years ago and like the next day i got the guts to call mental health crisis team and they got me to agree that i wouldn't self harm and to see dr next day. So i get myself to dr the next day and try mention what happe... View more

Ok so something happened about 5 years ago and like the next day i got the guts to call mental health crisis team and they got me to agree that i wouldn't self harm and to see dr next day. So i get myself to dr the next day and try mention what happened and he kind of just brushed it aside. He was like "did you say 'no'" and i said "i was too drunk to say anything" and then he was like "oh good. do you want treatment for alcohol problem?". So basically just useless cause i had peer pressure problem not alcohol problem. Anyways i managed to cope pretty well for a while. I was on anti depressant and anti psychotic because i had just been in hospital. But for the last 3 years since i been off meds I been really struggling and it feels a lot different/worse than depression/anxiety problems that i had issues with for more than half my life. I get all this rage at myself about everything and it's like my brain attacks me with all this self loathing and it freakin hurts and I have always had good understanding of myself and others but it is like i have had personality change and i just cant force myself to care. Which is strange because i used to care too much with all social anxiety stuff. Basically all i am is grumpy and cant concentrate and feel stupid all the time. It has gotten particularly bad the last 6 months with all this added stress and I almost daily i have mini breakdowns where i curl up on the floor or in bed for a few minutes clutching my stomach and coughing rather than breathing and getting all worked up with mental anguish. It is only for the last year that i start to think that maybe the way i been feeling for years is linked to stuff that happened 5 years ago and i keep going over stuff in my mind. So anyway I decided to research and find a new good female GP and i went to get help for long list of everything but because i always had problems talking and get anxious and shutdown and with the added not being able to get my thoughts straight thing lately all I managed was get back on meds for depression/anxiety and just general check up and blood tests. Meds have helped a little. I feel a little bit clearer and like i'm coping slightly better but I'm still in hell and obviously need more help. Also i having real trouble getting past that i am just overreacting and all is my fault and i am just a crazy idiot. dr also said i have vit D deficiency so maybe that makes your brain messed up or more likely i just messed myself up with all self medicating

Candicej I was robbed whilst I was home
  • replies: 2

Last week I was woken up at 5.40am to a loud what I thought was knocking on the door, I got up and checked the door and nobody was there, I got my dog and returned to bed, my dog soon jumped from my bed and ran into the yard barking, I got up and loo... View more

Last week I was woken up at 5.40am to a loud what I thought was knocking on the door, I got up and checked the door and nobody was there, I got my dog and returned to bed, my dog soon jumped from my bed and ran into the yard barking, I got up and looked outside, I couldn't see anything so again I got her and took her back to bed. Not even 5 minutes later my dog was on the end of my bed growling and peeking through my open bedroom door, I got up and stood at my doorway, that's when I saw a man in my living room. I started to scream and called out for my brother who quickly got up and chased the man out of the house and out of the yard. Unfortunately for weeks I had been hearing things in the yard and I'd just put it down to anxiety as my partner was in America. I am now having severe panic attacks especially at night, I lay awake and can hear every single noise, I got new locks for the doors, and am now OCD with them being locked and triple checking them. I'm to afraid of getting up in the dark, or even getting up early for work. I know time will heal and it will get easier, but the fear of them coming back is horrible and everytime I go to the bedroom door I still have the image of him just standing there.

FrankA Undiagnosed PTSD, Diagnosed BP2
  • replies: 11

I am about to condense my adult lifetime of illness into a few key areas. This year I voluntarily admitted myself into a private hospital that has a specialist psychiatric care. This came after the onset of a major depressive episode and aggravated a... View more

I am about to condense my adult lifetime of illness into a few key areas. This year I voluntarily admitted myself into a private hospital that has a specialist psychiatric care. This came after the onset of a major depressive episode and aggravated anxiety triggered by 12 months of workplace bullying and harassment. My psychiatrist diagnosed Bipolar 2. Unfortunately, I suffered acute liver failure caused by medication given to me while in hospital. I was fortunate to receive a liver transplant, however due to a virus, I now have an ileostomy, I had to relearn to use my arms, relearn to walk, I have an open wound and it doesn't end there. How does PTSD fit into my story? From 16 to 24 yo I was in a domestic violent relationship. I am now 38 and I still dream about many of the traumatic episodes. My scars cause me to drift into a almost visual daydream of how I got them. I cannot handle arguments and yelling and I come out fighting from fear. I avoid places, a whole town nearby, in case I see the perpetrator. I develop scenarios in my mind of this person ruining my life, murdering my family in revenge. These prevent sleep and again impact my dreams. I was threatened with death to never talk about these issue. I can't shake it. These years and the trauma has infected my life. Fast forward to this year. The emergency liver transplant, my 3 month stay in ICU and a further 2 months in the ward has wiped me out. BUT I have to remain strong for my DDs and DH. My anxiety is at max levels. I have periods of depression. I am supposed to have more surgery next year and I am frightened. All the while I dream about the DV and wake up with dream a 'hangover', when the emotions are so real the impact the next day. I can't make heads or tail of life ATM. I am a survivor but I am only just holding on. I feel like I have to show that I am strong when I am crumbling inside. No wants a person who complains about there problems. Everyone has there own problems. I rarely talk about my feelings, except to a select few and I don't want wear them out. I have a new psychiatrist now. He comes with the liver transplant and my recovery is going well. He agrees with me on the anxiety and depression, not so much the BP2. We have not even discussed the DV yet. It is all incredibly complex and all I can do is withdraw.

Brauche_Hilfe Should I stay or should I go or am I being mentally abused
  • replies: 10

Hello, my partner & I of 5 yrs are having relationship issues our relationship was perfect we would text constantly never miss a call My partner & I do not fight her 1st marriage she was physically abuse Her 2nd marriage mentally abused and still is ... View more

Hello, my partner & I of 5 yrs are having relationship issues our relationship was perfect we would text constantly never miss a call My partner & I do not fight her 1st marriage she was physically abuse Her 2nd marriage mentally abused and still is during our relationship not only by her ex but also by her kids I have never been accepted by her kids I have never gotten involved with her affairs. Was always told to remain neutral Aft about 1yr in her ex and kids started applying enormous abusive pressure on her the law has done nothing VRO's are not worth the paper written on i have watched her be mentally abused to the point that in February this year she all but left me!!! she moved back to her ex's place where he doesn't actually live but keeps the kids there and dissappears which forces her to go back to them here's the kicker her kids are 17 21 & 24 yet he won't let anyone leave so since feb she had basically moved back to protect her kids then went to a woman's retreat in Singapore for six weeks came back one of her kids did self harm and she ended up sitting by a hospital bed for 4 weeks she then moved to another place by herself and has not given me the address and still won't in the mean time I have seen her four times since Feb totalling about 6 hours her communication with me has been reduced to text messages Calls go unanswered and will only call when suites my SMS are sometimes answered some days she tells me we are all good and will be together and she will see me but she doesn't show I don't know if I am in a relationship anymore i have been patient long suffering and have supported her 5 days ago she just took of to the woman's retreat again didn't say a word just gone she called twice sent a few SMS more than what I have had in the past month she sounded happy says she loved me and was going to come back and sort things out She arrived back tonight all I have received is one message saying "I am home" she is meant to come to see me today but im worried she won't show I love her with all my heart I am scared to lose her because I know who she really is and this isn't her but what ever action I take I cannot seem to find a way in but I also feel Im being punished because of others I feel lost in life alone in my relationship i am anxious i keep exercising everyday but I have with withdrawn myself from everyone else this my friends is only partial but enough room for full story

blink-- Ptsd/depression
  • replies: 2

A few months ago I was diagnosed with ptsd and eventually I got better. At the moment I'm relapsing and I'm going downhill more and more everyday. I've got problems at home as well as all the stress in my mind. With Christmas coming up I love to get ... View more

A few months ago I was diagnosed with ptsd and eventually I got better. At the moment I'm relapsing and I'm going downhill more and more everyday. I've got problems at home as well as all the stress in my mind. With Christmas coming up I love to get people nice presents but I just can't work I'm so so low. I got a good job and ended up quitting after a day (today) because I'm just a big mix of depressed, stressed and having flashbacks. I feel pathetic and weak and I can't talk to anybody because no one gets it. Probably the only job I could hold down right now is youth work which I have a passion in but I'm not quite finished my course yet so I don't know if I'll even get a job anytime soon. Sorry for the rant I honestly just can't function right now and I don't know what to do I feel like a pathetic, weak waste of space

James32 PTSD Signs after serious assault at work
  • replies: 6

Hi all, i I was wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation and may be able to provide some advice, guidance or insight where I should go from here. About 3 months ago, I was seriously assaulted at work. I work in juvenile justice and wa... View more

Hi all, i I was wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation and may be able to provide some advice, guidance or insight where I should go from here. About 3 months ago, I was seriously assaulted at work. I work in juvenile justice and was punched over 20 times to the head and neck area resulting in multiple injuries. I have since returned to work, but not on full operational duties and may not be able to ever return to full operational duties which may see me ultimately leave the department I work for. having previously worked in policing and ambulance, I have been exposed to multiple terrible and traumatic incident scenes before, but the ones that haunt me most now are from a vicious unprovoked attack back in August. constant reoccurring dreams and visions, unable to concentrate, unable to sleep or attempt to have a normal sleep pattern, irritable, emotions all over the place and not even been able to get out of bed at times. i am seeing a psychologist that deals with police and emergency service workers primarily that is great and work is trying to offer as much support as they can but even they are hesitant to return me to full operational duties ever again in case it happenes again or even gets worse. Where too from here? I love my job and love the support of close family and friends but day by day it doesn't seem to be getting any better or easier. I am not prepared to go on any anti represent medications period as any thought of that would definitely end any career prospects now or in the future that I do have. Any advice would be appreciated.

JPL_ Long time ago hey!
  • replies: 3

I feel the need to scream but instead I cry. Should I scream and just let go or cry some more

I feel the need to scream but instead I cry. Should I scream and just let go or cry some more

Navy_Blue (Trigger warning) PTSD - Military related. Advice on how to control or prevent triggers from happening, especially as a loving Dad
  • replies: 42

Hello BB faithful,I wasn't sure if this fell into my previous threads categories and could not find an existing one, so started afresh-apologies if this is supposed to fit somewhere else on the site or I should have placed it in my existing threads.T... View more

Hello BB faithful,I wasn't sure if this fell into my previous threads categories and could not find an existing one, so started afresh-apologies if this is supposed to fit somewhere else on the site or I should have placed it in my existing threads.To cut to the chase for those who have not read my previous posts; whilst on Counter Terrorism deployment my team and I were seconds away from being blown to smithereens by a diesel fuelled IED. The situation then compounded itself by our team then having to witness the bad guys executing children amongst others at point blank range, whilst laughing as they fired single shots down their lines of victims. First off I should add, all victims were bagged (black bags over their heads) the bad guys then went down the line one by one firing a single shot above each victims head and then kick them over - this was seen as hilarious fun. The bags were promptly removed and then the true executions took place back down the line finishing with the children - some I can only guess as old as 12 the rest probably younger. We, my team, agonisingly were in no position to act to save any of these victims for various reasons I cannot discuss.At the time I was a first time dad,my first deployment away from my wife and then 9 month old baby girl. This I can only imagine fuels my triggers. I am now a father of three beautiful children and it has taken eight years for me to be finally diagnosed with PTSD. I have been seeing a psychologist and have recently been referred by my GP to see a psychiatrist. Sadly my first appointment is not until late Feb 2017. My triggers have been getting worse, the smell of diesel for starters, children screaming, loud noises similar to explosions or gunshots and I am way to protective over my children, when in reality they are just doing what children do (on play equipment, running, jumping etc...) Febuary seems so far away and whilst my GP has prescribed some medication to help me sleep, I am still awakening with horrid nightmares waking in a cold sweat and shaking. Added to all this I am recovering from major surgery, so trying to balance treatment and prioritise what needs attention first. I have received endless support from many CCs thus far, but after what had started as being a better day for me today went down hill rapidly after a significant unforeseen double banger trigger event. I way out of character lashed out at my children, much to their confusion and then quickly removed myself (cont)

Colzi5 lost and confused= Life
  • replies: 3

Hey all, Im lost. Long story short, here goes. My ex and i had a passionate relationship. I still to this day believe he is my soul mate, however the relationship was volatile. He mentally abused me which then led to him trying to kill me by strangul... View more

Hey all, Im lost. Long story short, here goes. My ex and i had a passionate relationship. I still to this day believe he is my soul mate, however the relationship was volatile. He mentally abused me which then led to him trying to kill me by strangulation. He went to jail for 8 months and during this time i went to visit him most weekends and wrote him letters. I found it hard to just forget about him. Once he got out of jail, he came back to me and we tried again to reconnect but he was just so paranoid about what i was doing each day (which was work BTW). After about 3 months, i couldn't do it anymore. it was not worth the ridicule. a couple of months after that i started seeing another man, whom i am still with but because i don't feel that same fire i did with my ex, i feel bored. now in july this year, i received a text message from my exs phone saying it was his brother texting and that my ex had passed away and it was my fault. i have struggled since then to grieve. i cry everyday, wonder what if this what if that. this put a strain on my relationship now. my exs old number, i used an app called whatsapp which is how we used to talk when he needed me to text him during this grieving process to help me get my feelings out and then one day the messages were read by someone. they said it was their new number, i didn't know them. so i told them lots of private things as i was trying to grieve. then two weeks ago i got a call from a no caller id late at night and it was my ex. he is alive. what am i meant to do? i thought i was lost before but now i cry more often, i wonder what have i don't wrong to deserve this? who would do this cruel thing. making someone believe they are dead when they aren't. i asked him and he reckons he knew nothing about it but i don't believe him. i am questioning everything now. my life, work, people i associate with. i wouldn't do that to anyone, not even the person i hated the most in this world. Can anyone help me deal with this?

Bradley2233 abusive friendship
  • replies: 4

Hi,not sure if im in the right place but here it goes. Ive been friends with this person for 2 years now, but it seems like 10 years, she is female im male. We have done everything together. Going road tripping, been to doctors together, been in hosp... View more

Hi,not sure if im in the right place but here it goes. Ive been friends with this person for 2 years now, but it seems like 10 years, she is female im male. We have done everything together. Going road tripping, been to doctors together, been in hospital together. We have both had each others back no matter how hard life has got but things are starting to change..Recently i moved closer to be with her as a friend to support her throughout what shes been going through lately (she has been sexually assaulted twice, abused, drugged up in the past, been through domestic violence, the lot! She has got out of a medical institution that i helped her out with a stable place and my mother. I took her to all her appointments as she dont have a licence.We have been arguing alot lately over the littest of things. Wether it would be my driving, my attitude or mood. But i fail to see what i do wrong and i do understand of what she is going through and i know that things dont just get better straight away. Well over the course of the last 2 weeks i have been thrown around like some piece of shit. Everything i do is so wrong, then other people get involved when she calls them and makes things worse, Ive been hit in the face numerous other times and it hurts. I never thought someone who i nearly class as my girlfriend would even do this to me and i feel like im stuck where if i leave her shes going to do something stupid of which shes threatened to do in the past, we both suffer from stress and anxiety and its tearing me to pieces inside trying to figure out what i should do. If i should just leave the friendship and go each separate ways how should i do it so that we both are happy or both leave on mutual terms. We have both openly admitted to each other we love each other and there is some deep feelings there but nothing is official and we are not dating or in a relationship but the way things are now, its stressing me right out. I do yell when i get hurt but i cant help being the way i am when i get hit i just sit there in silence and keep copping it and let it go.I dont want to waste a great friendship like this and im willing to do anything to keep it but i just dont have any idea on what to do i just want the abusive to stop because i cant take much more of it