Trouble getting help

llemonade · ‎12-12-2016

Ok so something happened about 5 years ago and like the next day i got the guts to call mental health crisis team and they got me to agree that i wouldn't self harm and to see dr next day. So i get myself to dr the next day and try mention what happened and he kind of just brushed it aside. He was like "did you say 'no'" and i said "i was too drunk to say anything" and then he was like "oh good. do you want treatment for alcohol problem?". So basically just useless cause i had peer pressure problem not alcohol problem.

Anyways i managed to cope pretty well for a while. I was on anti depressant and anti psychotic because i had just been in hospital. But for the last 3 years since i been off meds I been really struggling and it feels a lot different/worse than depression/anxiety problems that i had issues with for more than half my life. I get all this rage at myself about everything and it's like my brain attacks me with all this self loathing and it freakin hurts and I have always had good understanding of myself and others but it is like i have had personality change and i just cant force myself to care. Which is strange because i used to care too much with all social anxiety stuff. Basically all i am is grumpy and cant concentrate and feel stupid all the time. It has gotten particularly bad the last 6 months with all this added stress and I almost daily i have mini breakdowns where i curl up on the floor or in bed for a few minutes clutching my stomach and coughing rather than breathing and getting all worked up with mental anguish. It is only for the last year that i start to think that maybe the way i been feeling for years is linked to stuff that happened 5 years ago and i keep going over stuff in my mind.

So anyway I decided to research and find a new good female GP and i went to get help for long list of everything but because i always had problems talking and get anxious and shutdown and with the added not being able to get my thoughts straight thing lately all I managed was get back on meds for depression/anxiety and just general check up and blood tests. Meds have helped a little. I feel a little bit clearer and like i'm coping slightly better but I'm still in hell and obviously need more help.

Also i having real trouble getting past that i am just overreacting and all is my fault and i am just a crazy idiot. dr also said i have vit D deficiency so maybe that makes your brain messed up or more likely i just messed myself up with all self medicating

llemonade · ‎12-12-2016

Sorry if none of that made sense. I spent ages pacing around the house and exhausting myself and giving myself a headache trying to find words. Then went to post and i thought i accidentally deleted instead of posting and was like everything just wants to prevent me getting any sort of help. Just wanted to say my stuff and ask how other people managed to go about getting help. Like did you just randomly blurt out at GP or something because that isn't working for me. i need to find other idea. It gets to stage where it just too hard to fight alone and need to find help but I just keep failing. The gods are against me or something. It's almost amusing

Doolhof · ‎12-12-2016

Hi Llemonade,

Welcome to the community here at Beyond Blue. What you have explained is something so many of us here experience so you are not alone in that!

One thing I have found helpful in the past is to write down how I am feeling, in dot points is fine, and hand that list to the Dr when I visit. I sometimes have trouble explaining how I am feeling as well.

There is a lot of information about depression and anxiety in the reference section. Reading some of that may be beneficial.

I have also used the phone help line on 1300 22 4636. I struggle at first to talk, but the people answering the phone are very helpful and supportive. There is also the Chat online service you might like to use.

One thing with the forum, it is not immediate like texting, the moderators check out the posts, so replies may take a little while.

Mental health issues sometimes make me feel like I am crazy, that is not the case, I have an illness that I need assistance with. You too may feel like you are crazy, it can be tough some days!

Do you have family or friends who are supportive?

Have yo read much on how to help yourself with your depression?

A lot of people on here mention exercise, eating healthy, getting enough sleep, mindfulness and so many other things to help them along.

You might find reading some other threads to be beneficial to you.

Hope some of this is helpful. Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

Janey123 · ‎12-12-2016

Hi llemonade,

You definitely aren't alone in how you are feeling. I started writing down in a journal some of the horrible things I was 'saying to myself' in my head at the end of each day and writing them down made me realise just how unwell I was talking to myself in that way, and how untrue they were! I think it is very easy to spiral into anxiety or depression when you 'talk' to yourself in such an awful way.

Also let me please state the obvious, what happened 5 years ago is in no way your fault! Whatever is happening now is not your fault! You are human after all, and it sounds like you are doing the best you can to start getting yourself right again.

I found reading the depression and anxiety pages on here before I went to the doctor to be really helpful. It is hard to clearly explain how messed up you feel to a stranger. By reading the pages, it helped me with the correct words and phrases to articulate how I was feeling on a daily basis (it gave me words like rumination and symptoms like being close to tears, or lashing out that I could use to explain how I felt to my GP. After a bit of questioning from the doctor I was given a diagnosis, no meds, but a mental health care plan to see a psychologist.

Perhaps you need to ask for a mental health care plan and some free psychologist appointments, they have helped me immensely. My psychologist said that you can get 10 free appointments each year, not just once so I hope to get some more this year. If the meds aren't helping, you should go back and keep trying to get yourself right.

All the best llemonade, go easy on yourself. If you need to talk, these forums are a great support.

Janey

llemonade · ‎20-12-2016

Thanks guys. I have been thinking a lot and I am trying to write a short note that I can hand to my dr when I next go for an appointment which will probably be early next year. I am trying to write the note now though so all my focus can be about stressing about actually handing the dr the note. Having difficulty putting pen to paper and even getting a couple of short sentences down