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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Celery Raging PTSD
  • replies: 8

I did not know i had PTSD..I did not know i had dysthymia..all of my life i only knew i always felt different. After a life of being ostracised, physically abused and shunned by my family i just cannot take any more of this daily terrorism from my wo... View more

I did not know i had PTSD..I did not know i had dysthymia..all of my life i only knew i always felt different. After a life of being ostracised, physically abused and shunned by my family i just cannot take any more of this daily terrorism from my worn out brain. In early 2003 my father chose to suicide. I ran in slow motion to his side and tried in vain to help. I told him he would be alright and help was on the way. He cried. My mind leapt back to reality and realised he was not returning to this world. I shuddered and felt the guilt for not recognising his plan. My mother was released from life 6 yrs earlier and i had not seen her for almost a year. Her cold face looked worn out and fragile, her hair grey and​ lifeless. Once a beautiful woman full of life who tirelessly gave to the community..her facade to cap the shame and humiliation of living with physical and endless emotional abuse by the perpetrator, my father. My sister a nurse outcast me and not a word orated from the day she held me responsible for our fathers tragedy..not a whisper of comfort or support towards me..just contempt. I cared for my father for 2 yeras..the very same man who emotionally and physically abused me for my entire life..i loved my mother everyday despite her words of discourage and ostracism to me for not being like the sister who had already taken the position as the golden haired child. My deafness from infancy was an embarrassment to my family..i was not give the opportunities as it was viewed as a waste of time.. Yes the insidious and baffling disease of alcholism touched every family member and nor did my kid brother escape it...it took him deep into the hot earth at the age of 30. ​Now what am i doing here..everyday is an enormous, exhausting effort to keep slushing, pushing, dragging and thinking my life for survival..and i dont have to take a drink..I was spared from the wretched disease. When will my time be my time with not so much pain? Nightmares, guilt, shame and self torment are attached to me like black hot tar. I need to seek the courage to strip it back..i have not much time.

Nataley Traumatic Experience as a child
  • replies: 7

Hi there, Was wondering if anyone can help bring a bit of clarity here? Am I normal? I am 32 years old. I've never really received any professional help just the help of close family & friends. I feel I am a bit different from most people and struggl... View more

Hi there, Was wondering if anyone can help bring a bit of clarity here? Am I normal? I am 32 years old. I've never really received any professional help just the help of close family & friends. I feel I am a bit different from most people and struggle sometimes. I find that I get really annoyed & irritated at the smallest things a lot of the time and I can be quite a negative person and I feel its starting to effect my life and take over a bit. My husband doesn't really get it but he accepts me and is very patient. We as a family went through quite a traumatic experience. I was 13 years old and grew up in South Africa when the indecent happened. One Friday night we were all at home my mum, myself & 2 sisters. Dad was at the pub having a few drinks. Between leaving the pub and driving back home he was attacked and stabbed in his neck. He drove home parked the car walked up to the house and passed out on our front doorsteps. We opened the door and found him there still alive. We called the ambulance service and it took them just under 2 hours to arrive. In that time my mum was running around like a headless chicken. My oldest sister was the one who kept dad alive doing CPR and apply pressure to his wound until the ambulance eventually arrived. I even remember dad taking his last breath on my sisters lap. She gave him CPR and he came back. Anyways the ambulance arrived eventually my mom got in with dad and left for the hospital must have been around 12-1am. At about 4-5am my mum came alone home sat down in the lounge and told us dad had died. I do remember feeling very angry weeks after it happened. I was very close to my father. A few years later going into teenage years I starting smoking drinking & Drugs and dropped out of school and got involved with the wrong crowd and landed up in jail over night for the first time. (my father was a police officer lol he wouldn't be very proud of that) Anyways after being arrested for a night I woke up and came to my senses very quickly. I still smoke & have the odd glass of wine or 5 but no more drugs anymore since 20 years old. I've never been to get any professional help. But I find I get really, annoyed, angry & frustrated and very small insignificant things. I also find it takes me forever to make friends as people annoy me. I do feel like im very different to everyone else and being around people who small talk really does my head in. Is this normal? Thanks

Praxidike Anxiety from being stalked
  • replies: 7

Hi all, Over the past 11 months I have been the victim of stalking, intimidation and harassment. I have been followed, stared at constantly, cut off while walking along the footpath, and had my stalker trying to find out information about me through ... View more

Hi all, Over the past 11 months I have been the victim of stalking, intimidation and harassment. I have been followed, stared at constantly, cut off while walking along the footpath, and had my stalker trying to find out information about me through friends. I recently started counselling through my university but now that holidays are here there is no one I can talk to and I feel like my anxiety is getting worse. I have spoken to the police several times, but as most of this is occurring in public places, there is no trace of any evidence and the only option is an AVO. I am quite scared to go ahead with this as I do not want consequences – our children go to the same school and unfortunately changing is not an option. I failed an exam for uni earlier this year as I had been followed the evening before and I just couldn’t think straight. Just recently I went to our local library to study for upcoming exams and he followed me there too. I haven’t received my results yet, but there is a chance that I have failed a whole subject. I am devastated as I had really good grades up until six months ago. Since that happened I have been feeling so much anxiety. I get into bed at night and I can feel my heart pounding, I can’t sleep and it makes it so hard to get out of bed the next day. My head feels foggy, I can’t concentrate, and I am scared for my daughter. He has been asked to leave me alone, yet he continues. I am so angry, frustrated and upset about this and I just don’t know how to cope with the anxiety anymore. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

MM216 Struggling so much-PTSD and depression
  • replies: 3

I'm struggling every day, some days are so unbearable. Trying my best to lead a normal life, but it feels like a facade. I had a very confronting pregnancy loss 5 months ago, and unfortunately time is not healing all wounds. trying to manage physical... View more

I'm struggling every day, some days are so unbearable. Trying my best to lead a normal life, but it feels like a facade. I had a very confronting pregnancy loss 5 months ago, and unfortunately time is not healing all wounds. trying to manage physical symptons, as well as overwhelming depression, constant flashbacks and very negative thoughts. i cry all the time, and just don't want to feel like this anymore. My thoughts are so negative and sad, and I feel like I lost control of my ability to manage my thoughts and have a positive outlook. im doing everything I'm suppose to, like seeing a counsellor, opening up a lot more, having a better diet, I'm even seeing an accupunturist to help with relaxation. I'm so easily irritated, and everything sets me off. I'm snapping at my husband all the time, even though he's been supportive and doing his best to help me through this. I've never been so hopeless and depressed for this long- when will it get better?!??

PsychoticPanda PTSD Boyfriend Suicide Attempt + Birthday
  • replies: 2

2 years ago my boyfriend attempted suicide, I awoke on my birthday to him not breathing properly and tried to wake him up, then he muttered out some words. It was the morning of my 20th Birthday. One of the paramedics were extremely rude and laughed ... View more

2 years ago my boyfriend attempted suicide, I awoke on my birthday to him not breathing properly and tried to wake him up, then he muttered out some words. It was the morning of my 20th Birthday. One of the paramedics were extremely rude and laughed at the fact it happened on my birthday. I remember walking down the long corridor where i finally saw him laying there in resus. He should have died the doctors said. Back at home it was terrible, cries filled the room while they tried to sing happy birthday with the cake. 2 years later i still have those nightmares, i check if he's still breathing at night. I have severe allergies so make frequent visits to the hospital, the last time they put me in resus, to be exact the same room he should have died in. Birthdays haunt me, i used to love occasions but now their a burden, i can't handle the cake part. It's just constant reminders. Now that my birthday is once again approaching those feelings are getting worse, my friends insist on throwing me a party but what if that's just out of pitty? It's lovely of them but i can't help thinking that. I still keep the meds locked in a box I'm that paranoid. I hate birthdays. Yet i used to love them. I know it wasn't your fault given the circumstamces. i just want to forget it happened and I'm sure you do too.

Elizabeth CP Horrible dream triggering anxiety & bad feeling about myself
  • replies: 10

As background information I was diagnosed with PTSD related to being caught in a bushfire a child. Most of the time I am fine but find hot weather particularly if the fire danger is high I struggle. For the last week it has been hot and now my husban... View more

As background information I was diagnosed with PTSD related to being caught in a bushfire a child. Most of the time I am fine but find hot weather particularly if the fire danger is high I struggle. For the last week it has been hot and now my husband who I care for is sick. I am currently on some medication for a physical health issue which is making me feel blah! On top of that I am tired from lack of sleep due to heat & some health issues. Last night was very hot (although fire danger wasn't severe) & my husband was coughing & sounding very ill. This led to a very broken sleep. At one point I had a horrible dream about a bushfire where I couldn't think straight enough to organise myself so I could leave before too late. I found when I woke up I was still half in the dream & spent the rest of the night worrying about how useless I was. When I got up I was still breathing fast & feeling very shakey due to the anxiety & bad feelings brought on by the dream. I know it was a dream but that didn't stop it triggering the negative beliefs about myself caused by the original fire. Thoughts include feeling guilty & useless because I didn't do anything to help as a child with the dream reinforcing the fact that I still can't deal with situations where I need to act as a competent adult to prevent harm to myself or others. This then morphs into feeling useless anyway. I feel like when it is hot my life is put on hold. I'm unable to do anything useful and I can't do anything enjoyable. Summer stretches in front like a prison sentence. Does anyone else relate to this.

Ryan1978 Just had enough of this
  • replies: 8

Hi there Im new and not sure really what's driving me to write something on here. I've been suffering with PTS for about 13 years and my issues are all pretty much relate to Defence service and overseas deployments etc. I've come to a point where man... View more

Hi there Im new and not sure really what's driving me to write something on here. I've been suffering with PTS for about 13 years and my issues are all pretty much relate to Defence service and overseas deployments etc. I've come to a point where managing my avoidance, anxiety, nightmares, temper, over reactions to things are really weighing me down. Im just not coping with things and it's had a massive impact on my marriage and family. I'm not going to make excuses for myself, but I can't control myself and the way that I've become. Life has just become a struggle and Im not sure how to move things forward any more. My marriage is at breaking point, and I feel disconnected with everyone around me. My instincts are all pretty much just telling me to give up. I'm tired, emotional and exhausted!!

cai Numerous traumatic events and how to cope? Newbie.
  • replies: 5

I'm new here and just feel like I need to 'talk'. I lost my grandmother in 2006, then my mother passed away suddenly from medical negligence in 2013. My cousin died 6 months later. I broke up with my son's father while I was pregnant. My son was born... View more

I'm new here and just feel like I need to 'talk'. I lost my grandmother in 2006, then my mother passed away suddenly from medical negligence in 2013. My cousin died 6 months later. I broke up with my son's father while I was pregnant. My son was born prematurely with major health issues. I didn't get the opportunity to care for him until he was 6 months old as we were in hospital. I didn't get to hold him until he was a week old. Numerous times I feared I wouldn't take him home at all. I watched him struggle to breathe, him have numerous life saving operations and procedures. I would hear monitor alarms in my sleep. While my son was in hospital, my house was broken into and the last sentimental items I had of my mother and grandmother were stolen (wedding ring, jewellery). My stepfather was diagnosed with cancer and died 2 months later last year. Thankfully I got the opportunity to see him before he died, unlike my mother. My son has ongoing therapies and hospital stays which terrify me. I have severe daily anxiety since my mother died and have had panic disorder since I was 4 years old - every day seems like a battle to be 'normal'. I feel like I am alone in the world and it's an awful feeling. I am really struggling with my mother's death, most of the time I don't acknowledge that she's not here. I can look at photographs of her and it's like I'm looking at someone else. Like all of the emotion has been taken out. Disassociating I suppose. When I think of the person I was before all of this, I can't relate to that being me. I feel this underlying sadness all the time. The only shining light in my otherwise very lonely life is my son. I try to be the best mother I can to him but sometimes I feel as though I'm failing miserably. He deserves the very best and his existence makes me want to be the best person I can be. Thank you for reading if you've gotten this far. Any suggestions or ways to move forward from these things would be very much appreciated.

Ofna Unhappy and regretful
  • replies: 6

Hi, Forgive my formatting as thoughts and memories are flooding sometimes in an unordered fashion. Some background. Lost my biological father to cancer at age 7, mother remarried soon after to (at the time) an Army soldier who had PTSD from time in V... View more

Hi, Forgive my formatting as thoughts and memories are flooding sometimes in an unordered fashion. Some background. Lost my biological father to cancer at age 7, mother remarried soon after to (at the time) an Army soldier who had PTSD from time in Vietnam. As most may know, PTSD was a condition not fully understood until the eighties but this is still when he performed the most physical and mental domestic abuse mainly against my mother. To make matters worse my step-father has a narcissistic personality order I believe predates his Vietnam deployment. Although only anecdotal evidence leads me to this conclusion, I've had ample time to analyse someone I have not spoken for over 10 years. I really developed into a moody/angry young man. My twenties I regard as my darkest period. Was a tradesman but never held positions for too long. I think it was partly due to not enjoying the work. I do believe somewhere inside me there exists a friendly, funny and generous person but too often is suppressed by anxiety and sadness. I was friends with a fellow introverted high school student whom I spent too much time performing petty theft. Possibly a time in front of a judge put an end to that (no correctional time). Joined the Army Reserve at 18 and discharged after 18 years but all I remember is how angry and irrational I must have appeared to fellow soldiers. I have secondary-PTSD. I've had Government sponsored counseling and through that and self examination (surprisingly no alcohol or drug addiction) I believe I am better than I was. I used be easily triggered into anger and confrontation but feel I am able to control it much better. I'm now nearly 46 and I have nothing in my life to demonstrate any "normal" progress. I have been praised for opening a retail business 8 years ago but it doesn't feel that way. Some days are a struggle where I feel lost and the business is not very profitable due to this. I've not been in a personal relationship for over 13 years as I determined long ago it wouldn't be healthy for me and whomever I met. This is where I get the most criticism from people who care for me the most, but it is difficult to explain to others how destructive I feel I could potentially make it. I think that's enough. I must confess this has been therapeutic to write as something I did today left me rather anxious. Is it me or does anybody feel anxiety affects judgement? R

MarkJT Poor concentration due to PTSD
  • replies: 47

I like to think that for the most, i have recovered from PTSD, well as much as you can recover from it (just my beliefs) but my concentration is still very very ordinary. Has anyone experienced this? How do you improve your concentration? I know Dr G... View more

I like to think that for the most, i have recovered from PTSD, well as much as you can recover from it (just my beliefs) but my concentration is still very very ordinary. Has anyone experienced this? How do you improve your concentration? I know Dr Google will have some answers but I would prefer to hear from people who have lived it. I think a bit has to do how much mental energy it takes to keep yourself grounded and the lower amount of mental energy the harder it is to concentrate but even when i feel pretty energised, i still can't concentrate much. Be interested to hear other peoples ideas on this. Cheers Mark.