Just had enough of this

[Ryan1978]

Hi there

Im new and not sure really what's driving me to write something on here. I've been suffering with PTS for about 13 years and my issues are all pretty much relate to Defence service and overseas deployments etc. I've come to a point where managing my avoidance, anxiety, nightmares, temper, over reactions to things are really weighing me down.

Im just not coping with things and it's had a massive impact on my marriage and family. I'm not going to make excuses for myself, but I can't control myself and the way that I've become. Life has just become a struggle and Im not sure how to move things forward any more.

My marriage is at breaking point, and I feel disconnected with everyone around me.

My instincts are all pretty much just telling me to give up. I'm tired, emotional and exhausted!!

[White_Rose]

Dear Ryan

Hello and a warm welcome to Beyond Blue. I am sorry you are having these difficulties and I would like to help if I can.

I would like to ask you a few questions if I may. Are you receiving any help from any mental health professionals? This is a crucial point for someone in your situation.

As a short term action, can you contact the Suicide Call Back Service. The number is 1300 659 467 and is available 24/7. You can also browse their web page. www.suicidecallbackservice. org.au This is not a live link, you will need to copy and paste it in your search engine. They can also provide some counselling sessions with the same person who is a professional mental health practitioner.

That point when life becomes a struggle is very hard. I have been there, though for different reasons to you. It seems we all have our breaking point. This is why I suggest you talk to the people at the suicide callback service as they are best placed to offer help at the moment.

I expect they will also recommend you talk with your GP. If you are already using the services of a psychologist or psychiatrist, can you make an emergency appointment with them?

Please don't give up on yourself or your family. I do know what despair is and I want you to know that there is help out there. I tried to harm myself and frightened the socks off my family. I also got quite cross when people told me I was selfish and I should consider my family's feelings. Well it's partly true. My family deserve some consideration but I got cross because it seemed to me I was being told I did not matter, only my family. I think that shows what little ability I had to think straight.

Beyond Blue has a 24/7 helpline 1300 22 4636 and someone will there to talk to you.

Can you tell us a little bit more about yourself? Problems have a way of getting resolved by talking although I know this is not the usual face to face chat. Keep writing in here. When we know you a little better we can offer some ways of helping you further.

Mary

[kanga_brumby]

Ryan firstly may I say Thank you for your service to this country. Next please dont give up yet please. you have made the first step in the right direction. White rose has made some great suggestions. There is help out there you really deserve all the help you can get. Even talking about it in here anonymously might help. Once again thanks for your service.

Kanga

[Ryan1978]

Hi Mary

Thanks for the info, I appreciate you reaching out. I do see a psychologist fairly regularly and have found some of the strategies to be quite helpful.

The sypotoms vary depending on what's happening around me at the time. I guess hypervigilance is my biggest issue. I have a constant feeling of worry, a feeling that something awful is going to happen. I react to noises through the night and rarely sleep. I'm always on alert and looking for threats against my family and self.

the nights that I do sleep, I suffer nightmares and yell and scream in my sleep. My children and wife freak out and I'm often left trying to explain things..

I tend to overreact to every small thing and often explode with anger at my family. It may be something as stupid as a towel being left on a floor, or things just being left laying around the place... Just nonsense stuff. I've said horrible things to the people I love, things that hurt and that can never be taken back.

I avoid people, places, and things that remind me of things. Certain things can set me off with flash backs and I've found myself in many embarrassing situations crying and just losing the plot.

panick attacks are also pretty common.

I found out last year that my wife had been having an affair.. I can't really blame her, she's had a difficult time putting up with me.. We're all still at home but everything's tense as hell.

Everything feels like a constant struggle, and I just have varying levels of constant stress eating at me.

[Ryan1978]

Thanks Kanga

[PatT]

Hi Mate,

PTSD is so unfortunately common amongst veterans and the ADF has a number of current programmes available to former servicemen and women to treat PTSD. I'd recommend jumping on google and looking up your nearst ADF Health Centre and getting into contact with somebody regarding some treatment options. I personally experience PTSD from a childhood incident and trust me mate, you don't need to suffer alone. Psychotherapy can do wonders and you deserve the help on offer. All the best,

Pat.

[Ryan1978]

Hi Pat

Im covered through Veterans Affairs for my condition and see my psychologist pretty regularly. I'm not sure what psychotherapy involves.. I've heard the phrase bantered around a bit, perhaps I'll look into that.

Whats compounded things for me is just a heap of other stress factors. PTSD alone I've kind of come to manage to some degree, it's just in those times when life throws everything at you that I really struggle. The idea that I may lose my family and having very little control over that has just sent me into a flat spin.

thanks

Ryan

[Kazzl]

Hi Ryan, I also want to welcome you to beyondblue and thank you for your service.

You've had some very helpful responses. I just want to add - have you heard of Soldier On, a community-based support group for veterans struggling after service? The web address is soldieron.org.au. I understand it was started by veterans for veterans and their families, and is for any branch of the armed forces. Take a look, they offer a range of support and the chance to connect with fellow veterans in similar situations.

I also hope you'll keep posting with us.

Very best wishes to you

Kaz

[Starwolf]

Hi Ryan,

A warm welcome to the forums and a big thank you.

I often jokingly introduce myself as a Jane-of-all-trades in the PTSD department...though for different reasons to yours. Regardless of the root causes, we are/have all been experiencing an array of similar symptoms. Those can indeed infiltrate and negatively affect all areas of Life...and turn it into a dysfunctional mess. I can totally relate to how fed up and exhausted you are.

You have already received helpful suggestions. Perhaps you could research Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. A lot of useful info can be googled and advice accessed online. It has been helping many PTSD sufferers manage disruptive symptoms, regain control and the peace of mind and quality of Life that goes with it. All things that you so much deserve.

Kindest thoughts.