PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 274

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Nancy27 Blocked Memories of Abuse
  • replies: 2

Hi, I am new to BB and have been struggling with mental illness for as long as I can remember. I saw a psychologist two years ago when I got to a very low point. During these sessions, we spoke about sexual abuse when I was a child. I was abused by t... View more

Hi, I am new to BB and have been struggling with mental illness for as long as I can remember. I saw a psychologist two years ago when I got to a very low point. During these sessions, we spoke about sexual abuse when I was a child. I was abused by two separate 'family' members. one from when I was very little. I have never told any other person about this. Though I can not remember a lot of my child hood, from what I can remember, what my sister remembers and one offending family members path in life, the psychologist has said that she believes that my brain has not been able to deal with the trauma as a child and has blocked details to protect myself. After having meetings with her, I remembered more details, but still don't know what happened to me. I don't know what is worse, thinking about it and not knowing, or if I should seek help to unlock these memories. Has anyone else had blocked memories?? I had been going okay but the last few weeks I have completely lost my way again, I am so sad all the time, I can't sleep but am soo tired and I feel like crying at nothing. I have never told anyone apart from psychologist about the abuse, because I feel like I should be protecting everyone else. If I told my husband every time he went to touch me he would think of it, and I don't know how he would react to my family if I told him who it was. I cant talk to my mother, I have never been able to really speak to her about personal things. And I cant bring myself to tell my best friend who I love to bits because I don't want to burden her. My heart is so heavy right now. Thank you for listening

simmy_grace Have You Ever Felt Like You Were Beginning To Lose Yourself? This Is My Struggle With Anxiety & Depression.
  • replies: 3

I am 28 years old and I have always been a bright and happy person who loves life and has big dreams. I have a beautiful family, gorgeous friends, a wonderful job at a hospital working with lovely people, and I have a big passion for music, singing, ... View more

I am 28 years old and I have always been a bright and happy person who loves life and has big dreams. I have a beautiful family, gorgeous friends, a wonderful job at a hospital working with lovely people, and I have a big passion for music, singing, and dancing.Four years ago I was asked out on a date which I said yes to, and when I met up with this person for our date It wasn't until they got into my car that I realised that they were intoxicated. I was scared and I didn't want to make a scene so I tried to pretend that everything was ok and did my absolute best to maintain friendly conversation with him. As time went on in our date I told him I wasn't feeling well and that I needed to go home and he was totally fine with it, but as I got closer to the destination of where I was dropping him off his personality instantly changed.I ended up in hospital overnight as I had been assaulted so badly, and I found out from the police that the man that did this to me was found and instantly sent straight to jail for 3 months due to his extensive criminal history...which I had no idea about.I was so upset with myself, I was devastated in my poor judgement not knowing how dangerous this person was, and I was so scared about breaking this news about what this person had done to me..I felt like a disgrace.After this incident I began to get really bad anxiety which I tried to seek help for by talking to councillors but I felt like nothing was working. I tried very hard for the next few years to manage this on my own but in the last 12 months I have started to feel very dark, empty, numb, extremely sad, and feeling like Im losing myself. After seeking help from my GP I have been diagnosed with moderate to severe anxiety and depression, and I am now on medication for both, and I have made an appointment to see a Psychologist.My mum who is very supportive told me to look at the Beyond Blue website, and I thought I would share my story with you all. I am really struggling today, I don't trust people, I wake up not knowing how Im going to feel, and when I'm anxious or feeling down its really debilitating.I know its a long road ahead, but I look forward to feeling my normal happy self again.

Solosombra Don't want too sleep! I think I'm in trouble?
  • replies: 5

Does anyone else get this way? The last couple of years my sleeping patterns have gotten considerably worse due to very vivid flash backs and/or dreams I am now having! I have considered asking my doctor about possible sleep medication but am relucta... View more

Does anyone else get this way? The last couple of years my sleeping patterns have gotten considerably worse due to very vivid flash backs and/or dreams I am now having! I have considered asking my doctor about possible sleep medication but am reluctant as I don't want too become dependant on them too get too sleep but I feel like I am running out of ideas! Any help/advice is appreciated Kiamau

TTSP New to BB because I am sinking (distressing content warning)
  • replies: 8

Hello, I've just joined BB today.My 'name' for forums I chose because it's something I've told myself for a very long time - This Too Shall Pass.I'm 45 years old and am 17mths out from my 2nd abusive relationship.I have children and their welfare is ... View more

Hello, I've just joined BB today.My 'name' for forums I chose because it's something I've told myself for a very long time - This Too Shall Pass.I'm 45 years old and am 17mths out from my 2nd abusive relationship.I have children and their welfare is my focus, however the more time passes, the more I am struggling. They say time heals all wounds, but clearly not so.I am not someone who trusts easily or admits they aren't coping, but I'm reaching out because I can't shake this sinking feeling.

danger_mouse struggling with past domestic abuse
  • replies: 6

I'm not sure where to start, just that I'd like to start a conversation about domestic violence, surviving and thinking you've moved on, but 6 years later realising it's affected you more than you thought. No one is abusing me now, but my mindset is ... View more

I'm not sure where to start, just that I'd like to start a conversation about domestic violence, surviving and thinking you've moved on, but 6 years later realising it's affected you more than you thought. No one is abusing me now, but my mindset is still that of a victim and ive only just consciously realised this is happening and might be the stumbling block to making further progress with my anxiety and depression

brokenwings88 Stuck in limbo after 7 years of domestic violence and emotional abuse
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, bear with me this is a going to be a long drawn out thread but i just need to get this off my chest and hopefully get some guidance with how to push through.I married my high school sweetheart 7 years ago we have two kids 6 and 4, soon a... View more

Hi everyone, bear with me this is a going to be a long drawn out thread but i just need to get this off my chest and hopefully get some guidance with how to push through.I married my high school sweetheart 7 years ago we have two kids 6 and 4, soon after our marriage my husband started drinking heavily he would become mean and verbally abuse me, he would tell me i was worthless and so lucky to have him because no one else would want me which was a huge blow considering i already have very low self esteem and lack self confidence from my childhood where my dad would verbally abuse my mum and me.His drinking led to drug and steroid abuse and the verbal abuse turned physical. Around 5 years ago my anxiety and depression became so overwhelming i could no longer leave the house i had to rely on my mum to do my groceries and take my kids to school and after school activities. My husband would disappear every weekend on drug binges and return home angry and abusive. He has physically harmed me including in front of our children and smash the house up. I never had the courage to leave him. I needed him just like he would always say i did. My self esteem relied on him returning after his weekend binges even if he was abusive i would say to myself maybe im not so bad if he comes back to me. Its classic codependency i know but i felt of him as my lifeline.I suspected for years that he was unfaithful, we would fight about it to no end. I never found anything i just always had a feeling. He would shout and throw me around calling me insecure and crazy and i believed him. I honestly believed it was all in my head and all my fault. I blamed my depression for the way he treated me and two years ago i tried to take my life. I was sitting in the hospital bed feeling worthless and stupid and my husband came in crying apologizing and promising this was the wake up call he needed because he couldnt lose me.Surprise it wasnt. For either of us. His drinking and drug use worsened as did my depression.Just after christmas last year i finally had the courage to call the police when he escalated the violence against me, he was arrested, charged and an avo was placed stating he wasnt allowed at our home, to contact me, or see our kids. He breached the avo three times and is now he is in jail. I found out he was cheating on me every opportunity that he got. I feel like everything he is ever said is right i am worthless. I cant function now. I need help

Solosombra New to the forum! Not sure what I'm doing
  • replies: 5

Hello beyond blue community! I'm kiamau, pronounced " key R mo' I'm not sure what I'm really doing here besides the fact that not talking about my issues is really starting to get to me after 14 years and this seems like an easier transition in to ta... View more

Hello beyond blue community! I'm kiamau, pronounced " key R mo' I'm not sure what I'm really doing here besides the fact that not talking about my issues is really starting to get to me after 14 years and this seems like an easier transition in to talking openly I guess? I've never had a support system really and I'm not sure what to expect or what's expected of me but I guess theres a first for everything and I'm hoping BB can help and maybe I can help someone else too even if its just a ear to lend you! Stay safe guys/gals

DavidS 30 years and I finally told someone about my sexual abuse
  • replies: 4

I'm 42 and 30 years after I started being sexually Abused I finally told someone, my wife after being together for 19 years. For the last 2 years I have been getting flashbacks, this has caused major relationship issues, trying to block it out of my ... View more

I'm 42 and 30 years after I started being sexually Abused I finally told someone, my wife after being together for 19 years. For the last 2 years I have been getting flashbacks, this has caused major relationship issues, trying to block it out of my mind, this has caused my labidobto to basically disappear, I have neglected my wife's needs for intimacy, being caring, support for her needs. We have been so close numerous times to splitting for good, I've had thoughts of ending it all. I've been to doctors, psychologists and Havnt been truthfully and told them what happened to me as a child, I didn't think it mattered, I thought I deserved what happened to me, I was the fat kid without many friends and who would believe me? The pain, anxiety the feelings of anger and disgust are haunting me, I've tried to keep it together for so long which has caused more problems, my wife has asked if I have had an affair with men or women, I haven't! I went to see a doctor today with my wife, he has referred me to a psychologist, I have been taking anti depressants for over a year and they have made me worse, I've cried when my wife has asked me why I don't do anything for her, why do I treat her like shit all the time (I'm not abusive or violent) I don't take her anywhere or do nice things for her, but I do things for the very few friends I have and I don't have an answer for why I didn't thus. We had an argument this afternoon and I stormed out, I don't know what to do, u went back to work (I'm self employed) told my staff to deal with whatever this afternoon and I'm just sitting feeling very emotional and pissed off I've upset my wife again

pvroom PTSD after traumatic birth and newborn with serious illness
  • replies: 29

My son was born in April 2015 and it was traumatic. I had a healthy pregnancy but it all went wrong when he was born. He was born at 37 weeks but had stopped growing as my placenta had stopped working so he was more like a 33 weeker. The birth was 36... View more

My son was born in April 2015 and it was traumatic. I had a healthy pregnancy but it all went wrong when he was born. He was born at 37 weeks but had stopped growing as my placenta had stopped working so he was more like a 33 weeker. The birth was 36 hours, and I ended up having an assisted delivery and epidural which wasn't what I wanted. I never had time to think about this as soon after he was born he was taken to the nursery because he wasn't breathing and he then had to be resuscitated. He was moved to another hospital with higher level care, but then moved again after another 48 hours ending up in the NICU. He was intubated and it took him about 6 days to breath alone which is unusual for a baby of that gestation.We finally got him home after four weeks and at first I felt so happy but then after another month he started experiencing reflux and no one would listen to me about it. Eventually a paediatrician did and since then (8 months ago) it's been a rollercoaster of him improving a bit and then regressing again. I get very little sleep, he's up 5 times a night generally between 9pm and 6.30am. Hubby helps but as I'm still feeding him, I naturally have to do more.I'm seeing a psychologist for the anxiety and PTSD. It's coming up to his first birthday and I'm already wondering how it will affect me.

NotSoStrongAfterAll Fruitless search for hope
  • replies: 2

Hello and thanks for reading. I am 30-something and within the last five years I've experienced some immediate stressors - professional bullying, end of an emotionally abusive relationship and had trust seriously abused by trusted ones that have cost... View more

Hello and thanks for reading. I am 30-something and within the last five years I've experienced some immediate stressors - professional bullying, end of an emotionally abusive relationship and had trust seriously abused by trusted ones that have cost me considerable sums of money. Within this time I have also (finally) had some revelations about my past about events I had always explained as my fault, including multiple instances of sexual abuse when I was a child, by relative strangers and also a "father-figure". It came to light that my mother was aware of the grooming and failed to act.My father was similarly ineffectual in protecting me. More recently, I had a miscarriage which, despite being over-joyed at the news of my pregnancy, was met with apathy by both of my parents. Not even a follow-up text if I was okay weeks later. I finally put this to my mother and now she has rescinded contact. I am at my end. I spend my days trying not to drink and watching shows on my laptop. If I'm being "good" I will delay my first drink until 5pm and then I will drink to oblivion. I leave the house only when I need more alcohol. I had an eating disorder for over ten years (I've always been a total mess!) which I managed to overcome on my own. I had one visit with a psychologist many years ago to help me with this but he spent most of the first (and last) session asking about my sex life. My mother is a mental health worker and volunteered with LifeLine call centres for years, so I don't trust the avenues that are meant to help. I have retreated into a bubble and am terrified of coming out. Every time I try and emerge, something else seems to jump up and slap me in the face. I haven't even started on my intense dismay at the state of the world! I feel as though there is nothing anyone can do or say to help me regain my happiness. The anti-depressants helped for a while but now they just stave off the incessant tears. I have always been "the strong one" but I don't have the strength anymore. Your suggestions on a course of action will be immensely appreciated x