Hi Noidentity,
It's extremely brave of you to post on these forums and seek help. There are lots of very caring people here with lots of life experience (probably more than me!) who are always willing to help and listen.
It sounds like an absolutely abysmal set of circumstances you are in, there's no two ways about it. Verbal abuse is most definitely abuse - it's often said that 'words can never hurt me' but I don't believe that, in some ways it can be harder to deal with because you don't feel like there is a really 'physical' basis for taking action to move out of the relationship. You probably feel like the verbal abuse in itself isn't enough to justify action - but I think from the sound of it, in your case it really is. I know it sounds cliched but you can't fall into the trap of blaming yourself and believing whatever he tells you - it could potentially make things worse if you start to just accept it I think.
I think some pretty serious action is required on the basis that the current state is not sustainable at all and it doesn't seem like there's much of a chance of him just changing on his own. Perhaps some in depth relationship counselling? But my first thought would be to really consider your own health and the health of your kids and leave the relationship all together; just my thoughts of course, it's not like anyone here is going to pressure you into doing anything you don't really want to. Your past relationships etc shouldn't I think have a big bearing on such a decision - what matters is what's happening here and now and it doesn't sound good.
Even just talking to someone like a GP could be a good first step to think about as they would be more than willing to refer you onto other professionals whose job it is to fix such situations.
Hugh
