Struggling so much-PTSD and depression

[MM216]

I'm struggling every day, some days are so unbearable. Trying my best to lead a normal life, but it feels like a facade.

I had a very confronting pregnancy loss 5 months ago, and unfortunately time is not healing all wounds. trying to manage physical symptons, as well as overwhelming depression, constant flashbacks and very negative thoughts. i cry all the time, and just don't want to feel like this anymore. My thoughts are so negative and sad, and I feel like I lost control of my ability to manage my thoughts and have a positive outlook.

im doing everything I'm suppose to, like seeing a counsellor, opening up a lot more, having a better diet, I'm even seeing an accupunturist to help with relaxation.

I'm so easily irritated, and everything sets me off. I'm snapping at my husband all the time, even though he's been supportive and doing his best to help me through this.

I've never been so hopeless and depressed for this long- when will it get better?!??

[white knight]

Hi MM, welcome

It might not get a lot better for some time. Climbing a tall mountain can't be done in the short term.

You are doing good things towards recovery. Like a cocktail of remedies you need to tackle this problem with as many things as you can. Coming on this forum is another string to your bow. Read, read, read. Make reading a thread a nightly ritual.

Relaxation is another string ud add to your collection. Muscle tensioning exercises are great over the long term. Listen to Maharaji- sunset on YouTube and others he has.

Keep praising hubby.

Other ideas are covered in the following threads. Google them

Topic: be radical- beyondblue

topic: who cares for the carer?- beyondblue

Topic: what life's like at the end of the tunnel- beyondblue

Tony WK

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi MM216,

Thanks for your post.

I'm really sorry to hear about the loss of your baby; it sounds like it's been really hard but I also see you've made an extraordinary effort in such a short time. In only 5 months, you're now doing all of this to help you get the best chance of recovery; you're not only seeing a counsellor (which in itself is a big deal), but also being aware of your eating and stress levels.

I wish that getting better was easy and quick; but it's not. It's a hard and slow process. Lots of people say 'when will I get over this loss?' and it's not about getting over it - it's about getting through it. This baby could have been apart of your life, and it wasn't, which is sad, and every part of you deserves to be sad about it.

One thing that might help is keeping a journal; if you don't have one it can seem a bit silly, but it can be a great way to help process everything that's going on and let go of all this trauma. It can also be therapeutic in seeing how far you really have come even when you can't see it yourself. Hopefully if your counsellor is a good one they too will be constantly reminding you of how far you've come and all the progress you've made already.

If you're looking for more things to try you could also look at mindfulness. I can see that you've practiced that already because you said you've been irritated and snapping at your husband. The fact that you can recognise that yourself is a good sign, because it's allowing you to be more aware of how you're coping and reacting. Mindfulness can also be a great way to try and get our minds to 'get present', which is about focusing on the here and now. Although there may be times where you feel like you're crying everyday and having negative thoughts, there also might be moments that aren't as bad - and over time they can grow and grow.

Hope this helps.

[MarkJT]

MM216, I cannot think what it would be like to walk in your shoes with the loss of a baby as I have never felt that but i feel so sorry for you. You have gone through a massively traumatic episode. One that will live you for the rest of you life but the key is, in time you will learn to cope again and you will get your life back.

Nearly four years ago i was hospitilised with PTSD, depression and anxiety from an incident i attended as a police officer some 10 years prior to that. I was very fortunate to square away in my mind very early that it would be years before I am functioning properly again. I initially set a goal of five years but after 2.5 i was back at work full time.

Now I am not saying these timelines will be applicable to you but as Tony says above, it will take longer that 5 months. Coping skills are the key. Learn mindfulness, keep that diet on point, exercise and educate yourself on these matters.

You are certainly not alone. As unfortunate as that is, there are so many women that are in your situation. You have a supportive husband and you are doing the right things so far. Keep going, keep seeing the counselor, learn mindfulness, keep engaging with us in here - we are here to help guide you through this journey that you are on.

Mark.