Life is funny. I grew up most of my life without a mother, she killed
herself when I was 7 years old; although this was tough, I always looked
at the positives in life and continued pushing forward. I found this
hard at times in my life, my dad had a...
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Life is funny. I grew up most of my life without a mother, she killed
herself when I was 7 years old; although this was tough, I always looked
at the positives in life and continued pushing forward. I found this
hard at times in my life, my dad had also had multiple alcoholic suicide
attempts, he would go through stages for months where he'd be blind
drunk from dusk to dawn and then some. I was around 9 at this time and
it happened all the way up to when I was 16, in stages, not
consecutively. In my final year of school, one month to go; my dad was
sentenced to 3 years in jail with potential of bail after 8 months. That
left me lost, angry, sad, dissapointed an overwhelming feeling of
emotions that I had never felt before. I remember thinking to myself
"Why me?" I still think that to this day. People say everything happens
for a reason, to learn a lesson but that's what school is for; me
suffering through then suicide of my mother and all the things that
happened with my father wasn't a lesson. It was pure pain. I'm sitting
here today, 19 days till my 18th birthday, I lost my best friend a few
days ago, and my job yesteday. Dreams of being a pilot but unable to
achieve them, the government put a pause on VET FEE HELP which means I
have to come up with 80k to put myself to flight school, working a
minimum wage job with my only qualifcation being a year 12 certificate.
While everyone else was deciding what they wanted to do with their life,
I was trying to figure out how to pay rent, and pay for food and
basically be a parent to myself because no one else could. I feel lost,
people know my situation but no one cares. "I'm sorry that happened to
you" the amount of times I've heard those words now make them
meaningless. I feel nothing but sadness and pain rush through my
bloodstream but I value life too much to make that pain go away. I can't
sleep properly, every day I wake up and it feels like a dark cloud is
following me everywhere I go, I can't see properly; life seems blurry
and all I want to do is move away and start fresh, but I can't. I can't
because I don't have the funds to, because I'm stuck paying for my life
through centerlink and 14 dollar an hour jobs. Australia used to be a
land of opportunites but now it just feels like hell. I've seen a
therapist it doesn't help, i've talked to family it doesn't help. I am
lost, I am hopeless and I need help.
PTSD for Medical and First Responders
