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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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nobully Bullying at school can affect your entire life.
  • replies: 4

I was bullied at school not only by the kids but one real mean teacher. I kept it quiet from family because I didn't want to appear weak. The trauma created by Bullying at school can affect your entire life. I grew up not trusting anybody and had a f... View more

I was bullied at school not only by the kids but one real mean teacher. I kept it quiet from family because I didn't want to appear weak. The trauma created by Bullying at school can affect your entire life. I grew up not trusting anybody and had a fear of trying anything new in case people made fun of me. I still have very little faith in myself and my abilities and my self esteem is very low. I have auditory processing disorder which makes it very hard to focus and learn. Having this disorder at school, along with the stress of being bullied it became incredibly difficult to learn resulting in people labelling me dumb. I have 2 young sons now and get very defensive if they are bullied. Thankfully it hasn't been as bad for them. I do however have a niece who is very sensitive and was bullied for most her school years. She also doubts her abilities, has low self esteem and when she was around 10 developed obsessive compulsive disorder. There are a lot of schools out there that just are not doing enough to stop this. There were some incidents with my niece that should have resulted in the bullies being expelled from the school. Instead they were simply told not to do it again. My son had trouble at the same school. I told his teacher twice that a certain boy was being nasty to him. She did nothing a couple of weeks later the same boy was given an award for being considerate to others (even though he was still being nasty to my son.) My son and niece soon left the school. I now believe the same school is down to less than half the students. One of my hobbies is to write and record my own music. Most of my songs contain a message.I'm not the greatest musician but I do want to get my message across and maybe help inspire victims of bullies.

trace87 i know im shutting down again. i dont know what to do.
  • replies: 1

Hi. Im 29 female. My life has been packed with major events most negative some positive but short lived. At the age of 5 my parents divorced and docs put me in foster care for 6 months (my mothers friends who were orginally looking after us belted me... View more

Hi. Im 29 female. My life has been packed with major events most negative some positive but short lived. At the age of 5 my parents divorced and docs put me in foster care for 6 months (my mothers friends who were orginally looking after us belted me up. The school notified docs.) In this time my sister was at home with my mother. I returned home to who would soon become my step dad in the kitchen and our babysitter in the loungeroom. By age 6 i got first visitation with my father since the divorce. Things settled a bit from there. Age 17 xmas school holiday visiting dad. (He lived on acres in the country.) He went to the shop which was 2 hours away. And never returned. The police came to the house and announced he was in a fatal accident. The following day mum comes to get me. From here im never the same. I get back to school and the whole school knows. This was the first time i felt so numb, i didnt eat. I didnt talk. I wanted to be with him. I blamed myself as i was meant to be in the car too but took too long in the bathroom that day. By age 19 i meet a lovely guy at the dance club. We hit it off and are together 2.5 years. In this time we live together and get engaged. By age 22 we split. He stopped coming home. I chucked a sicky from work and went to his parents to find him with their neighbour, 6months after this my nan and pop pass away. Again im devistated and start believing i am cursed. I dedicate my time to work keeping the roof over my head and adopt a pup from the pound. Things go smooth again. 26 after 10years service at work im bullied so bad i attempt to finish myself but see my litte dog and i stop. From here im in house lockdown with family to rehab. I rehab and get a new job. New place and meet someone special. Now we have been together on n off 6 years. In that time i have been up and down. Cheated on n caught him but for some reason keep coming back. Sad part is we are living together now. And although he has changed alot and there are no others now. Im beginning to think its too late that im already too numb toward him after all this time, we live in seperate rooms. I started a new job 4 months ago. And im on workers comp for a shoulder injury and workplace descrimination. (Im the only female there). I feel myself cracking. The hopelessness and depression keep me awake at all hours. Im shutting down again Nothing no matter how hard ive faught or tried has ever panned out how ive hoped. I dont know wht my purpose is. Im lost.

AaronD PTSD episode on mountain debacle
  • replies: 2

Hi, This is my first post on here so please be gentle.I have a hobby making beads where proceeds go towards beyondblue and the Westpac Rescue Chopper.I had an episode on top of a mountain last week, however trying to turn that negative into a positiv... View more

Hi, This is my first post on here so please be gentle.I have a hobby making beads where proceeds go towards beyondblue and the Westpac Rescue Chopper.I had an episode on top of a mountain last week, however trying to turn that negative into a positive through ;IGY.The last week has been a real head spin, but I think I'm doing better now.Anyway please feel free to chat;IGY

Bobbie64 I keep losing time and dissociating and life just keeps throwing up one thing after another
  • replies: 2

Hi, This is the first time I have gone onto a forum so feeling overwhelmed. I am struggling really badly right now as I got diagnosed almost 2 years ago with DID. Prior to this I had a diagnosis of Chronic PTSD but this all changed when I lost my 23 ... View more

Hi, This is the first time I have gone onto a forum so feeling overwhelmed. I am struggling really badly right now as I got diagnosed almost 2 years ago with DID. Prior to this I had a diagnosis of Chronic PTSD but this all changed when I lost my 23 year old son 2 years ago. He needed to reach out for help and didn't know where to turn and now my whole life is upside down. It set off too many memories and I have been in and out of hospital for almost 2 years. I feel like nobody gets me, well guess in a way I got even understand what is going on in my own head apart from I keep losing time and dissociating and life just keeps throwing up one thing after another. Does anyone else have this diagnosis and i guess even if not going through severe depression and anxiety would be why many people are here. How can we change our thinking to be more positive when every day is such a struggle and there feels like there is no hope. I have a really good psychiatrist, however because i moved states my sessions are by skype so it is hard to talk about really indepth stuff as it means no support as such afterwards. Does anyone have any suggestions that have helped them? Thanks

another_Francis first post - childhood trauma
  • replies: 6

I was just wondering if anyone here went through major traumatic events between two and three. Followed by everyone pretending things didn't happen. Because of this, I have never known about life without trauma. All my trauma memories are dreams. Som... View more

I was just wondering if anyone here went through major traumatic events between two and three. Followed by everyone pretending things didn't happen. Because of this, I have never known about life without trauma. All my trauma memories are dreams. Sometimes, I can remember them through art I make. A lot of the times I experience trauma through the way I think, feel, see, and be. I am almost fifty and have made it through (luckily). Something will trigger me off and I will be unable to function, or think clearly, or know anything, really. I have learnt it is when the traumatised child inside comes out and wants to be recognised. I think it is pretty bad when your family blame you for acting like a traumatised person. To me, they were lying to me about who I am. I know they didn't know better, but I have to draw a line in the sand. Even now they don't want to know. If the outside world doesn't recognise, or believe you, how can you recognise, or believe yourself? I have had such a hard time finding a health professional who knows how to deal with someone with me. When their therapy doesn't work I feel like it is my fault. After seeing about eight or ten people I found a therapist who is ok, but even that person admitted knowing little about really young children, trauma and its effects. At least he believes me. My partner does too, but that's about it. I get so dysfunctional at times I can't navigate the world. It tires me out less nowadays because I don't fight it. I have to accept the inability to do much. Well I am trying to accept it. At times, I feel I am burden to my partner, but she is brilliant. Even so I hate it being dysfunctional, and then again knowing at those times I am honouring the near death experience scarred child within. My therapist says just go to bed. Sometimes I go down a hole like Alice in Wonderland, but it is an empty void. I say to my partner, can you come to bed and lie next to me because I'm scared, and she does and we lie there in silence and hold hands. There are no words to explain it. Sometimes I go so far deep down inside myself no one can reach me. Anyway ... getting stuff off my chest

Just Sara PTSD and Compensation; What is my worth?
  • replies: 5

With ANZAC Day coming up, I'm reminded of how WW1 and the signing of the Armistice Treaty is a metaphor for the PTSD symptoms I've suffered from early childhood, but more-so of my worth and value. As we all know, the treaty was signed on November 11,... View more

With ANZAC Day coming up, I'm reminded of how WW1 and the signing of the Armistice Treaty is a metaphor for the PTSD symptoms I've suffered from early childhood, but more-so of my worth and value. As we all know, the treaty was signed on November 11, 1918. (11:11) But few are aware of the process that took place afterwards. Representatives of allied nations gathered in a conference room to draw up a document outlining the Conditions of Peace. They spent many weeks debating compensation and aid to specific countries along with many other issues. But the main subject that couldn't be agreed upon was 'The Worth of a Soldiers Life'. After all issues were dealt with, how much compensation to pay the families of those lost in the war kept these representatives at a loss. Many gave up and the few that were left, tried desperately to sought out what a soldiers life was worth. Questions had to be answered; Rank Marriage status Gender (Nurses for instance) Were they an only son/child Age How many children did they have They eventually agreed on an amount (the same for everyone) and the process was done. That compensation was only for those killed. For the poor souls who survived the war, left to deal with PTSD and the affect it had on their families, there was little if any money. It seems ironic the term 'soldiers life' relates to their death and worth to those at home​. Those left behind alive also had a life torn from them. As a 'survivor' of sexual atrocities, physical trauma, physical and psychological abuse and extreme bullying in the workplace, I can say without hesitation, compensation isn't always available. But sometimes it is; only if I complain and follow it up. So what is my worth? What are the questions that need to be asked about my life and what I've lost; what could have been? Or is my value about something else? Is it what I'm worth to others or to myself or both? It felt good to write this. I'm embarking on legal action for compensation. These are some of the questions that need to be asked to identify the worth and value of my loss and what I was put through. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I'm worth fighting for. I needed to realise that. Cheers...Dizzy xx

Winduptoy New diagnosis c-PTSD...on the starting line to recovery
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I'm new to this forum and have recently received a new diagnosis after struggling with anxiety for twenty years. I feel like I've arrived at the starting line of my recovery after having already run a marathon...It's really rough going at the... View more

Hi all, I'm new to this forum and have recently received a new diagnosis after struggling with anxiety for twenty years. I feel like I've arrived at the starting line of my recovery after having already run a marathon...It's really rough going at the moment. Just mentioning the trauma is traumatic for me, writing this post I'm teetering on the edge of deleting it, but I'm going to try to persist because I want more than this - I can't stand feeling trapped by the trauma and the resulting avoidance and isolation. I want to start by not letting my symptoms (intrusive/irrational thoughts that lead to intense anxiety and avoidance) prevent me from reconnecting to the world. This is kind of my little attempt at poking my head out and saying hi. So hi from me to whoever who is out there on their own road to recovery.

Guest_2350 Fighting the feeling of being helpless
  • replies: 18

Hello, I was wondering if someone has experience with this feeling or could share with me what they did. I have a history of childhood abuse and trauma and started treatment for all sorts of things a while ago, but only recently shared this part of m... View more

Hello, I was wondering if someone has experience with this feeling or could share with me what they did. I have a history of childhood abuse and trauma and started treatment for all sorts of things a while ago, but only recently shared this part of my life that I buried deep inside. Most of my life I worked hard to get out of the victim role and I achieved a lot and built a family. Life has been crumbling for a while now and it is a regular fight with myself to do the things that are good for me (in the long run) - like going to the psych. I had a few very difficult weeks lately and a couple of days ago I realised that one of the things that makes me so angry is that I feel helpless again. I don't know why this is happening to me and why I feel the way I feel and I don't think people understand and really want to explain to me what's going on - or they don't know. I am desperate to find my strength again and be independent and confident in my decisions, I never wanted to feel like a victim again and I feel like that now, helpless and not knowing when it's going to end. I get angry that I'm dependent on mess to make me feel better - and that means I have to go to see someone for a script. My problem is that I start pushing people away when I feel that in my eyes they don't want to understand me or help me. I just feel like walking out the door and starting to run again. Thank you, Yggy x

amamas PTSD
  • replies: 5

Hey guys I haven't been able to post on here for ages. I've been running from myself so fast I couldn't handle this site at all. So the short version I've been dead (my psych calls it numb) since 1999. I experienced some serious hell while dead but m... View more

Hey guys I haven't been able to post on here for ages. I've been running from myself so fast I couldn't handle this site at all. So the short version I've been dead (my psych calls it numb) since 1999. I experienced some serious hell while dead but my attitude was pretty much - well I'm already dead anyway (just waiting for my body to catch up). Then after a year of therapy, in October this year, like a miracle I woke up. I had a marvellous - very manic time, for a while. Then I started feeling. Not pretty!! Overwhelmed to the max! It's literally like everything that happened to me over all these years suddenly started hitting me or more aptly slamming into me. I ran and ran. Mainly by keeping myself very busy, especially trying to study. My PTSD has just slammed into me and given me a huge jolt. My brain literally doesn't work properly anymore. I've joked on here and with people in my life about my PTSD brain but I'd never actually accepted the reality of what that actually means. Right now I literally have blanks, I retain very little of what I read and remembering peoples names is now rare. Part of why I'm posting this is to try and accept this truth - Right now I probably can't study. As much as that upsets me what I find even harder to face is that the main reason for me having PTSD is long term constant trauma caused by one person - by not being able to study I can't help but feel as though she's still hurting me

white knight Abusive parents and their effect on us, their children
  • replies: 44

In my case I never saw the treatment of me by my mother as being abused. No doubt in my mind the reason is- she would ty to convince me that her treatment of me is for discipline reasons or its how all parents bring up their children. It wasn’t until... View more

In my case I never saw the treatment of me by my mother as being abused. No doubt in my mind the reason is- she would ty to convince me that her treatment of me is for discipline reasons or its how all parents bring up their children. It wasn’t until I became an adult, around 21yo that I realised this level of control will never end. My tolerance lasted till I was 54yo and then the relationship, well I terminated it. The last 6 years have been wonderful, there was no other way. So if a child feels so aggrieved by his/her parent that there is no other option but to disown there must be something serious that has been ongoing for a long time. The problem is, that the parent is often in denial, for “I’m the parent” attitude often prevails in their mind if they are a controller. Might is right! No it isn’t parent- RIGHT IS RIGHT.! Lets go back a few generations. Say 1900. This period might be your great grandfathers time as a toddler. My granddad was one year old then. Many parents had traditional methods of parenting. Physical slapping or forcing children to do things was the norm. Dad was the law and mum was his servant unless mum possessed some incredible ways of manipulation in order to get things done her way. And her safety wasn’t secure either in many cases. Now 116 years isn’t that long ago in generation periods. Just 3-4 generations. I’m mentioning this because if that old fashioned method of life behind close door was adopted by the tyrants child and the grandchild…you could well be the next child to be abused. The handing down of methods of bringing up a child hadn’t changed regardless of its unacceptability in the modern world. However, as adults of the modern world with these forms of control becoming unacceptable we know it is wrong and we rebel. I can recall when my kids were babies. We were told not to breast feed, what to feed them, that we weren’t good parents, that we should be living in a home of more quality standard, that I should work more hours and “get a better job”. These expectations were unsustainable. My tolerance was finite. When this happens it is abuse. It’s at least “stepping over the line”. For your own mental health and stability begin to set your boundaries. Be clear, direct, consistent, firm, fair and allow some time for it all to sink in. Then if all fails don’t feel guilty. You did your best with a parent that didn’t want limits to their control. You were a puppet seen no other way. Tony WK