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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Dave02 I have thoughts that the whole world is conspiring against me
  • replies: 3

Hey all, I was diagnosed with PTSD and severe anxiety and severe depression about a year ago. I was in a motorbike accident which attributed to the PTSD back in Jan 2007, after nearly a 10 year long ice addiction I felt enough was enough and I kicked... View more

Hey all, I was diagnosed with PTSD and severe anxiety and severe depression about a year ago. I was in a motorbike accident which attributed to the PTSD back in Jan 2007, after nearly a 10 year long ice addiction I felt enough was enough and I kicked that habit around 18 months ago. In the time since I quit I have stayed strong to not go back to it despite learning these things since stopping and I've done well in that regards. I have been seeing a psychologist for the past 12 months, fort nightly, but I seem to just be getting worse and worse and it's now at the point in which I don't care for what happens to me at all anymore and I can't keep going on, I've lost 3 jobs in the past 6 months because half the time I can't even bring myself to get out of bed or out of the house. I have been given a script today for anti depressants and benzodiazepenes to deal with the anxiety when needed. My issue is I feel like this kind of medication is designed by governments/big pharma companies to dumb people down/control people/make them conform etc.. And whilst I know people that it has been helpful for, I can't get the thoughts out of my head that it's all just a front from the corporations to conspire against the population. I need help, my psych just doesn't seem to be helping, I don't know what to do anymore or how to get the thoughts that the whole world is conspiring against me, has anybody overcome these thoughts?

Webmistress Merry go round day & night (trigger warning: sexual assault)
  • replies: 14

Umm... I don't know where to start. All I can say is I am struggling with PTSD. Recently taken ill COPD stage 3. Chronic pain suffered with a dash of depression & learnt at 14 to switch off. I can not stop the memories the mind games have eaten at my... View more

Umm... I don't know where to start. All I can say is I am struggling with PTSD. Recently taken ill COPD stage 3. Chronic pain suffered with a dash of depression & learnt at 14 to switch off. I can not stop the memories the mind games have eaten at my core. Can't watch news, movies or any gatherings without flashbacks. I don't know how to move forward alone. I need help that is sure but what diagnosis do I look at. Started with PTSD & rest followed. Advice given is only see Pschologist that specialises in Trauma, not to do hypnotherapy, or see psychiatrist as it will only relive memories. Newsflash I relive them every day, night & now they control me. Team said outcome to have 1 less flashback a week is what I can aim for! I just need it all to stop. But they can't find trauma specialists where I am. I don't want to be the victim anymore but I am. How do you all here cope daily, hourly and deal with flashbacks??? Trying chat here as I don't know what to do? I read all subjects yet it's burnt in. 1 word over heard & its mind games round yr 42

Punkey PTSD & separation
  • replies: 6

Hello, i am a survivor of schild sexual abuse that left me with depression (or so I believed at the time) 25 years later I was finally given justice for my trauma with a long jail sentence. I'm not actually sure the work I put in was worth it. I'm do... View more

Hello, i am a survivor of schild sexual abuse that left me with depression (or so I believed at the time) 25 years later I was finally given justice for my trauma with a long jail sentence. I'm not actually sure the work I put in was worth it. I'm doubt most would agree but I should have just let sleeping dogs lie so to speak. I was doing ok before it was all rehashed out in a court room. Although I've always suffered depression I have since realised I now have PTSD. I'm not sure if it's always been that or just got worse due to the case being reopened. So there's a small run down of my screwed up life. I am now 35 years old and I've spent 15 years with the man I couldn't/can't imagine my life without. We've had our ups and downs obviously but he just doesn't deserve the way I am. I can't trust, I can't open up and let him in. He loves me I know this but he can't show it and I can't believe him say it! So we are now 2 weeks into a separation and I feel like I'm going crazy. I just want to run and wrap him up in my arms and tell him how much I do love him but I'm so unwell mentally that I can't because he is better off without me. The thought of not being with him shatters me though. I have been fighting these demons alone for so many years and pushed so many people away that I think I'm just better off alone at this point. I just miss him so much it physically hurts. I don't know what to do? I don't know how to love him like he deserves and how to get help so maybe one day I can possibly feel loved and needed. I have a warped sense of love, my looks and my own personal struggles impacted him so much that he simply is best to stay away I know that, he knows it but I don't think I can even keep breathing at this point.

Punkey Feeling ok.
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, in a previous post I said my marriage was over and I couldn't breathe, that I was going to psych and trying to finally get my PTSD under control. We I've seen a psych a couple of times now, he is amazing. We were able to talk a lot about... View more

Hi everyone, in a previous post I said my marriage was over and I couldn't breathe, that I was going to psych and trying to finally get my PTSD under control. We I've seen a psych a couple of times now, he is amazing. We were able to talk a lot about what's been going on in my life (I find it really hard to open up). We discussed so much stuff that the first time I came out a mess. I was almost screaming in pain it was so hard. But the 2nd time I came out refreshed and better. I came out with a game plan and an idea of what I can do to help me everyday. At the moment that is replacing negative thoughts with good ones. So when I look in the mirror and think I'm fat and horrid, I replace it with I'm perfect weight and my stomach is flabby due to 4 beautiful children I created it's really helping. I feel heaps better already. Still a long way to go but I'm sure I will get there. Update on my marriage. My husband is being an amazing support, even from his mothers house. He is constantly finding out more information on PTSD so he can better understand it. He tells me 10+ times a day how much he loves me and that he will not leave me for something out of my control ever. He will stay with his Mum until I am able to make a mentally stable decision about us but will not be going anywhere that doesn't include me and our children! Now that I'm felling better I believe him. If I start to question it I tell him that I need a reminder. He now understands and is working with me to make me well. Together we will beat the demons inside my head x I hope everyone is having a good day, if not know that you're not alone.

froddoesntkno Life is a funny thing
  • replies: 3

Life is funny. I grew up most of my life without a mother, she killed herself when I was 7 years old; although this was tough, I always looked at the positives in life and continued pushing forward. I found this hard at times in my life, my dad had a... View more

Life is funny. I grew up most of my life without a mother, she killed herself when I was 7 years old; although this was tough, I always looked at the positives in life and continued pushing forward. I found this hard at times in my life, my dad had also had multiple alcoholic suicide attempts, he would go through stages for months where he'd be blind drunk from dusk to dawn and then some. I was around 9 at this time and it happened all the way up to when I was 16, in stages, not consecutively. In my final year of school, one month to go; my dad was sentenced to 3 years in jail with potential of bail after 8 months. That left me lost, angry, sad, dissapointed an overwhelming feeling of emotions that I had never felt before. I remember thinking to myself "Why me?" I still think that to this day. People say everything happens for a reason, to learn a lesson but that's what school is for; me suffering through then suicide of my mother and all the things that happened with my father wasn't a lesson. It was pure pain. I'm sitting here today, 19 days till my 18th birthday, I lost my best friend a few days ago, and my job yesteday. Dreams of being a pilot but unable to achieve them, the government put a pause on VET FEE HELP which means I have to come up with 80k to put myself to flight school, working a minimum wage job with my only qualifcation being a year 12 certificate. While everyone else was deciding what they wanted to do with their life, I was trying to figure out how to pay rent, and pay for food and basically be a parent to myself because no one else could. I feel lost, people know my situation but no one cares. "I'm sorry that happened to you" the amount of times I've heard those words now make them meaningless. I feel nothing but sadness and pain rush through my bloodstream but I value life too much to make that pain go away. I can't sleep properly, every day I wake up and it feels like a dark cloud is following me everywhere I go, I can't see properly; life seems blurry and all I want to do is move away and start fresh, but I can't. I can't because I don't have the funds to, because I'm stuck paying for my life through centerlink and 14 dollar an hour jobs. Australia used to be a land of opportunites but now it just feels like hell. I've seen a therapist it doesn't help, i've talked to family it doesn't help. I am lost, I am hopeless and I need help.

plodalong Need sympathy today :(
  • replies: 6

hi, just another day and feeling overwhelmed and as if all this 'stuff' I am going through is never going to end. And I can't say too much for safety reasons. yes it is that bad. I had a d.v. order and had to give it up - partner fought it! I am on m... View more

hi, just another day and feeling overwhelmed and as if all this 'stuff' I am going through is never going to end. And I can't say too much for safety reasons. yes it is that bad. I had a d.v. order and had to give it up - partner fought it! I am on my own with the kids. Our lives have been impacted *so* much by what he did. And there is no sorry. There will be no sorry. Yes I do get support from family and friends..it just all keeps going. All this legal stuff, and being scared of what is coming next. And actually thinking I should update my will in case he takes my life. I am happy with my safety at the moment but I do get worried if there is a car outside late at night. You just listen until it goes away, and listen for footsteps. And I just fight every day to keep going and not let my kids know all the stuff I am carrying around. Its just hard. thanks for reading.

Something_Something PTSD after car crash
  • replies: 7

I dont even know where to begin. I was recently in a Highspeed 2 car crash. I dont really remember how i got out the car as the doors were fused shut, ive been told i kicked the window out and climbed though the broken glass. From there i was taken t... View more

I dont even know where to begin. I was recently in a Highspeed 2 car crash. I dont really remember how i got out the car as the doors were fused shut, ive been told i kicked the window out and climbed though the broken glass. From there i was taken to the local hospital and put into an induced coma to help with the swelling on the brain. Now for the reason im here; I cannot get into a car with crying the whole the whole time, even now as im typing remembering the the impact and the heat of the fire. i cant sleep. Im at breaking point and its only been a week since the accident. I dont know what else to say or ask. but any replies would be appreciated

cai Will I ever feel 'normal' again.
  • replies: 4

My mother died 4 years ago. I still feel as though I haven't emotionally accepted it. I know she's gone but I still feel like I'm waiting to see and talk to her... like this is only temporary. I feel confused thinking that she's dead and that's it, l... View more

My mother died 4 years ago. I still feel as though I haven't emotionally accepted it. I know she's gone but I still feel like I'm waiting to see and talk to her... like this is only temporary. I feel confused thinking that she's dead and that's it, like it's a mistake or something. When I see old home videos or think of a memory, I find it hard to relate to that person. She sounds happy and silly and I can't remember the last time I felt like that. This version of me feels like I've always been heavy... weighted down with underlying sadness. My memory seems to have gone, I don't remember a lot of the traumatic days I've gone through but I also don't remember much of being a child, of being a young adult, even of my own son's younger years (he's 3 this month). I look back on photos and most times I can't remember the moment that the photo is meant to remind me of.

QuinnH Was it actually abuse?
  • replies: 10

A couple at my church who are some of my close friends, have been very involved in helping me deal with my ex husbands affairs and abuse and move forward. However over time the husband became very flirtatious with me. We engaged in a lot of flirtatio... View more

A couple at my church who are some of my close friends, have been very involved in helping me deal with my ex husbands affairs and abuse and move forward. However over time the husband became very flirtatious with me. We engaged in a lot of flirtatious talk and texts that was generally playful, but started to make me uncomfortable. I liked the attention because it made me feel noticed and like someone might actually want me after the way my husband treated me and the affairs he’d had. But I also felt disgusted by that feeling, because I didn’t really want to be wanted by my friend because he was married. Then it progressed to him physically touching me in a sexual way. I perpetuated a lot of this because at first I simply liked the attention and physically my body 'wanted it' even though I really didn't want it from him and I think its a disgusting and despicable thing to do to my friend & their marriage. I wanted affection from him in the form of hugs and safe male contact, but when he started touching me more inappropriately it felt really wrong and went against everything I believe, but my body still wanted him to keep going and that makes me a really horrible person. I did repeatedly ask him to stop and push his hands away, but he would keep going and I wasn’t very forceful because I didn’t want to disappoint him or stop him from wanting to be my friend, which is pathetic. I was scared of losing his attention or affection at all, so I didn’t make myself as forceful as I wanted to be or definitely as I should have been.

Millers_Point_Survivor When a community is destroyed
  • replies: 1

I am looking for help coping with the loss of hundreds of my neighbours and local supports in a short time frame due to the wholesale sell off of social housing in what was previously a very strong, successful community. I have joined with others ask... View more

I am looking for help coping with the loss of hundreds of my neighbours and local supports in a short time frame due to the wholesale sell off of social housing in what was previously a very strong, successful community. I have joined with others asking the government to let our elders and people with disability to age in place but the minister is very positional and not engaged. Some of our neighbours have attempted suicide and others have being hospitalised and died. It is demoralising and relentlessly traumatic. I now have chronic physical ailments and am struggling to look after my family as well as struggling to maintain hope.

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