PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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HopefuG PTSD After DV Relationship
  • replies: 1

I was in a DV relationship which I ended in 2014 and moved State to get away. I received DV counselling and was going well (was on meds). The workplace where I worked closed in December 2015 (male dominated but very supportive male manager). I got an... View more

I was in a DV relationship which I ended in 2014 and moved State to get away. I received DV counselling and was going well (was on meds). The workplace where I worked closed in December 2015 (male dominated but very supportive male manager). I got another job but it didnt feel supported and I decided to move back to my original state as my ex partner is now in jail and my family are here. I got a job as a Manager of a small family own business with a male owner, I witnessed the owner speak very badly to my 2 female colleagues on a number of occasions and then he also did it to me, he wouldn't yell he would ridicule and be very sarcastic. At this point I started to feel like I couldn't relax my body my shoulders would be so tight and I had mega pains under my ribs, this has continued for the 9 months I was at the job which I have since left. I have since become aware that my ex partner is due to be released from prison on 25/4 so I obtained a VRO. Last week I was advised that it is likely he will be deported but I won't know this for sure for another couple of weeks. My ex has objected to the restraining order - this is the first contact I have had in 3 years as I closed any form of contact because he is such a psychopath. I went to a GP yesterday and he has referred me to a clinical Psychologist as he believes I have PTSD. I have made an appointment with the psych for next week I was really just wanting some support and some tips on how to manage my crazy body. I am not working atm as I want to get myself well. I have a partner who works FIFO he is great but he's tired when he's away and I don't want to keep dumping on him and just want to heal and get on with life. Any tips would be much appreciated.

survivor_angel Abuse Survivor Stories: How did you learn to love yourself after?
  • replies: 3

I am 23 years old, and recently gotten out of a two years abusive relationship. It has been a month since I left him and currently proud that I am in no contact. My ex was much older than me, and for the most part, he appeared very charming, loving a... View more

I am 23 years old, and recently gotten out of a two years abusive relationship. It has been a month since I left him and currently proud that I am in no contact. My ex was much older than me, and for the most part, he appeared very charming, loving and the perfect one in the beginning of the relationship. I should have recognise the signs such as he controlling ways, possessiveness and jealousy in the beginning but I took that as he cared and wanted to be a part of my life because he loved me. He kept me on a high from the start controlling when I could see him. Things took a bad turn when we started living together, then came the verbal swearing, the punching of walls and blaming me for everything that externally went wrong. I was accused of cheating and he started using my past which I opened up to him about early on and he was the one who asked me to tell him. I had two jobs then, and he asked me to quit one job promising that he wants to take care of me and spend more time with me only to blame me when we are financially short. Then came the physical abuse, and by then time, I was in trouble. He started by hitting me every once in two months, and the cycle got shorter. He used to apologise everytime after he hit me but it got shorter. As he switches from loving me, hitting me the next and then loving me again within a span of an hour. To make things worst he was a professional fighter and he was much bigger than me. Four weeks ago, I nearly suffocated and died when he a I was in hospital. The police had to arrest him, despite so he tells everyone that it was my fault and I deserve to be hit and made false accusations on social media against me. Now, I have an IVO order in place and slowly recovering. I promise to learn and love myself and heal. Any advice from fellow survivors?

3T The uglyness that is DV
  • replies: 10

DV does it really end, even when the physical and mental abuse stop. I have been in a DV relationship for 15 yrs although the physical abuse has stopped I still feel like I'm stuck in the uglyness that is DV. A certain look a raise in a voice and it ... View more

DV does it really end, even when the physical and mental abuse stop. I have been in a DV relationship for 15 yrs although the physical abuse has stopped I still feel like I'm stuck in the uglyness that is DV. A certain look a raise in a voice and it takes me back I can't breathe or think. I constantly blame myself for everything that goes wrong and still run through the check list in my mind of things that need to be done so he won't get mad. Does anyone else do this and does it get better. It feels like DV is always in the shadows waiting to rare its head again

louies PTSD
  • replies: 4

I'm currently battling depressing memories from my past. I suffer from PTSD from a past bad marriage and I have just recently moved in with my current boyfriend who is lovely and completely different to my ex husband. unfortunately though it is the f... View more

I'm currently battling depressing memories from my past. I suffer from PTSD from a past bad marriage and I have just recently moved in with my current boyfriend who is lovely and completely different to my ex husband. unfortunately though it is the first time I have moved away from my mother and father and I am now living with a man in my own place since my divorce. I am currently experiencing depressive memories and thoughts from the first time I missed out of home though this time it's completely different not sure what to do I love my partner and I want to be here with him but I'm also feeling very down and depressed at the moment. Is there anybody that has experienced anything like this before if so what do you recommend I do to get through this bad patch

Luka-_Ann starting to suffer PTSD & my partner is the reason why
  • replies: 3

5 years now ive been with my guy and it definitely hasn't been all happy endings. we have a two year old daughter who is our absolute world. my partner had been a meth addict since before i fell pregnant. our relationship deteriorated because of it b... View more

5 years now ive been with my guy and it definitely hasn't been all happy endings. we have a two year old daughter who is our absolute world. my partner had been a meth addict since before i fell pregnant. our relationship deteriorated because of it before i knew i was pregnant. when i realised i was pregnant my partner didnt want it, he wasn't there during my pregnancy, only when he wanted sex every fortnight or so. he came good then hated me again when we found out it was a girl we were having because he wanted a boy. he wasnt there during the birth despite me trying to get in contact with him, he showed up just after. things then kinda started to go okay between us both with our little newbie, he was still on crack everyday but it was a feeling of relief seeing him each day not when i had gone basically 9 months without him. after maybe 6 months he started getting alot worse, and i couldnt tolerate it much anymore, which lasted up until Oct 2016. hes a truck driver and is gone 3 nights a week, but when he was home he was never actually home, i never saw him unless he came to dump his dirty clothes or have a shower or sleep for 2 days then leave again with his influence. my daughter and i never saw him we never did anything together he never paid for bills or helped me financially despite him being on $1,800 a week. i fended for myself and our girl for the first year and a half, i remember many moments of grant lashing out at me like it was only yesterday. i still remember falling to my knees on my kitchen floor one day, screaming my lungs out, whaling with tears, with my phone in my hand just begging for him to come home. "please please come home please" things i asked everyday i remember, i remember the pain, i remember the trauma. i remember the loneliness, every night at 3am when i am still struggling to sleep because i dont know where you are, one more quick burst out of tears and show myself more self hate before i cry myself to sleep. the last 6 months hes been clean and sobar and back to his old amazing self, however im jus finding myself wanting to get away from him. i want to live separate without actually breaking up, i never gave myself the space i needed to heal myself and the trauma i went through for so long, i need time to miss him. hes so insecure because of his own fuck ups that its now taking its toll on me on another level and i am mentally drained. i just want to this so much but im so lost with how, doing so seems like a fairy tale

JayV Why do l feel like a leper?
  • replies: 7

Since telling the important people in my life about my mental illness some don't know how to talk to me? Some don't! Or this just paranoia brought on by my depression and anxiety and over thinking every thing? Jay

Since telling the important people in my life about my mental illness some don't know how to talk to me? Some don't! Or this just paranoia brought on by my depression and anxiety and over thinking every thing? Jay

Rosi_Z_ Cannot catch a break which ever way I turn
  • replies: 2

I woke this morning and opened an onlinenews paper only to find an image that more than closely resembled a piece of artwork I have been developing for many years. Hardly like to be a coincidence. I was about to start a painting of that image and had... View more

I woke this morning and opened an onlinenews paper only to find an image that more than closely resembled a piece of artwork I have been developing for many years. Hardly like to be a coincidence. I was about to start a painting of that image and had prepared a canvas to start today. The last year has been obstacle after obstacle. I have been threatened with death for reporting a violent incident - I live in Dept. Housing, I have been abused verbally and my dog has been kicked by the same person. I saw him punch a woman in the head and throw her to the ground so I know what he is capable of. I have reported everything to the police/RSPCA/Housing but nothing seems to change. I am becoming reclusive and live like a hermit except for my dog and I am thinking about giving her up because I don't want her to be harmed. I feel like I'm living in some sort of prison, where everything I do or make is stolen or damaged in some way. It's like I am slowly disintegrating or freezing over ... becoming immobile and just staring out of an empty shell.

rustee_nails In All My Life The Only Thing That's Still There For Me is the Bottle. nobody want's to be around someone this troubled .
  • replies: 19

all the posts i've read for hours here today are from people who've seen so much worse than me, been subjected to worse than me.but not only do they deserve their mental relief. they all seem genuinely likeable. but i'm a male sexual organ of a human... View more

all the posts i've read for hours here today are from people who've seen so much worse than me, been subjected to worse than me.but not only do they deserve their mental relief. they all seem genuinely likeable. but i'm a male sexual organ of a human being. in my 40 years, every friends ended up telling me i'm too much.alcohol,brain damage. i say things and do things that are beyond even blue. i have no one . please dont tell me everyone deserves redemption because they dont. i give every essence of my life that i can to charity to pay back some karma but it's never going to be a clean slate. i'm not morally corrupt but i have done what i've had to do as a white minority ,to survive in bad places growing up. i've tried every kind of support but after every appointment, i'm in the pub. they bring up memories that i don't wan't to ever ever have to deal with. i've almost lived longer than the doctors gave me after some life decisions turned brutal .thanks only to experimental surgery and luck during further attempts on my life. and i've read lots of books ,kept up with medical research, distract myself withe art,voluntary work,excerise, i meditate,do yoga,physio etc every day,been studying the latest brain elasticity research to fix mental damage. i feel like i do everything i can. i've seen the same dr for a decade. and see the pain clinic and a trauma coucelor. i do alot more that i dont need to mention,i haven't found anything new on this website. i just wanted to ask people who i don't get to talk to... i've gotten off of my pain/ anxiety meds 4 times in the last 25 years for over 18 months and nothing got better, i eat well and did more excercise ,more socializing but the pain and anxiety would well up with such self deprecation that i'd find the first bottle of 80% liquor and drink it like it was water in the desert. i have to add that i'm not just mental .the pain i'm in is unending and indescribable, to the point where i stepped into a road drunk last night and turned to see an 18 tonne truck barrelin up the gutter, and in the split second before he swerved ,i didn't think about my life, or my "loved" ones. all i thought was "thank god.it's over now." i'm not suicidal nor ever will be. guilt will keep me doing charity work 'til the day i die by accident or illness. but my question is: if alcohol makes hell bearable, then aren't the random bruises and scrapes worth it. doctors don't expect me to be alive in 15 years anyway.

sydneyharbour17 Assault/Anxiety - how to move on? [TRIGGER WARNING: SEXUAL ASSAULT]
  • replies: 14

Hi all, I'm not really sure where to begin, but about 4 months ago I was sexually assaulted by a guy I was seeing. We had been seeing each other for about 2 months and had a very complicated, but intense, relationship due to the fact that I was still... View more

Hi all, I'm not really sure where to begin, but about 4 months ago I was sexually assaulted by a guy I was seeing. We had been seeing each other for about 2 months and had a very complicated, but intense, relationship due to the fact that I was still healing from a previous 3-year relationship in which I had been severely emotionally-abused (gas-lighting, triangulation, lies, theft, silent treatment, you name it). The guy in question was under the influence of drugs when the assault took place and therefore couldn't remember it. When I confronted him about it the next day, he told me I was a liar and a perpetual victim. A week later, he told me he didn't feel anything for me anymore, that I was a terrible person, and then he cut me out of his life completely. Honestly, the things he did in the aftermath were more hurtful to me than the actual assault. I was seriously shattered by his behaviour but decided that the only thing I could do was focus on myself. My psychologist has helped me immensely in dealing with everything, and I am no longer depressed, with panic attacks becoming fewer and far between. My life at the moment is also very fulfilling. I do full-time uni, work 2 jobs, have a volunteer position at a mental health facility, and have 2 major holidays planned for this year. I also try to exercise regularly and maintain my hobby of writing. My anxiety, however, is still almost debilitating. My entire body is constantly tense and sometimes shaking, my sleep is shallow and unsatisfying so I am tired all the time, the smallest disappointment can send me spiralling off into a mini depressive-episode, I constantly have headaches, etc. Basically, what I am trying to say is that even though my life appears to going great, I still feel pretty horrible all the time, and I don't know how to make it better because I feel like I am doing everything right. One thing that I would also like to mention is that I still constantly miss the guy who assaulted me, and that makes my anxiety worse because I feel like there must be something wrong with me to miss someone who did that to me, especially when it has been 4 months since it happened and I only really knew him for 2 months. We go to the same university as well, so I see him often and every time he pretends I'm not there and it makes me feel terrible. So I guess what I'm asking is, what tips do you guys have for improving anxiety without medication, and how do I get over this guy? Thanks so much in advance.

K8k Where to start?
  • replies: 3

So I took my son to a social worker a couple of weeks ago and after talking to her for an hour she cracks my shell and tells me I have deep anxiety issues that I need to deal with (in a nice way), I knew I had things going on in my head but nothing t... View more

So I took my son to a social worker a couple of weeks ago and after talking to her for an hour she cracks my shell and tells me I have deep anxiety issues that I need to deal with (in a nice way), I knew I had things going on in my head but nothing that I thought was oozing from my being for others to see. Then she asks me if Im always this anxious (which I never noticed or understood I was) and somehow all of a sudden it all makes sense and I burst into tears as she gets me and understands that its hardwork being me. All a little bit daunting considering I was there to get help for master 2 and turns out I need to help myself to be able to relax and deal with his issues effectively. I always noticed when I didnt feel comfortable I would be out of breath (even if on a phone call or talking to a friend), that my mind doesnt ever shut off (I just thought others managed their thoughts better than I do) and that I get on edge, flustered & emotional when things are out of my control also that I fight to the end if life throws me a challenge (I had many different testing times and obstacles in my 35 years). I guess Im writing this to try to learn out more about myself and to understand and manage my mind and what I have always thought was normal but turns out there is more going on up there than your average joe.