Hi Roadsy,
Sorry you had to go through this long and painful journey. Abuse in its multiple forms does take a heavy toll so I appreciate that opening up about it does take courage.
I grew up in a toxic environment. My mother was physically and emotionally abusive, my father reacted to her explosive nature by being a tower of silence. Impenetrable and uncommunicative.
My mother's violent episodes alternated with less frequent silent ones. She just kept staring at us with scorn, reproach and hatred all rolled into long, murderous looks. I had no idea what I had done wrong and was terrified of not being able to correct whatever crime I had committed. Not being able to figure what the problem was would no doubt end in another beating session.
I found this silent treatment could be even more damaging than verbal of physical abuse. Its damage was more insidious, because of the uncertainty attached to it. And also because it stated clearly that I wasn't worth communicating with.
Communication is the backbone of any relationship. Without it, it is not sustainable. I can imagine the damage done and the distress endured over such a long stretch.
Knowing more about your current situation would allow us to come up with suggestions and provide some measure of assistance and support...We're here for you.
Please do not hesitate to post again. These forums are safe and you are in full control of your participation.
