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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Ofna Unhappy and regretful
  • replies: 6

Hi, Forgive my formatting as thoughts and memories are flooding sometimes in an unordered fashion. Some background. Lost my biological father to cancer at age 7, mother remarried soon after to (at the time) an Army soldier who had PTSD from time in V... View more

Hi, Forgive my formatting as thoughts and memories are flooding sometimes in an unordered fashion. Some background. Lost my biological father to cancer at age 7, mother remarried soon after to (at the time) an Army soldier who had PTSD from time in Vietnam. As most may know, PTSD was a condition not fully understood until the eighties but this is still when he performed the most physical and mental domestic abuse mainly against my mother. To make matters worse my step-father has a narcissistic personality order I believe predates his Vietnam deployment. Although only anecdotal evidence leads me to this conclusion, I've had ample time to analyse someone I have not spoken for over 10 years. I really developed into a moody/angry young man. My twenties I regard as my darkest period. Was a tradesman but never held positions for too long. I think it was partly due to not enjoying the work. I do believe somewhere inside me there exists a friendly, funny and generous person but too often is suppressed by anxiety and sadness. I was friends with a fellow introverted high school student whom I spent too much time performing petty theft. Possibly a time in front of a judge put an end to that (no correctional time). Joined the Army Reserve at 18 and discharged after 18 years but all I remember is how angry and irrational I must have appeared to fellow soldiers. I have secondary-PTSD. I've had Government sponsored counseling and through that and self examination (surprisingly no alcohol or drug addiction) I believe I am better than I was. I used be easily triggered into anger and confrontation but feel I am able to control it much better. I'm now nearly 46 and I have nothing in my life to demonstrate any "normal" progress. I have been praised for opening a retail business 8 years ago but it doesn't feel that way. Some days are a struggle where I feel lost and the business is not very profitable due to this. I've not been in a personal relationship for over 13 years as I determined long ago it wouldn't be healthy for me and whomever I met. This is where I get the most criticism from people who care for me the most, but it is difficult to explain to others how destructive I feel I could potentially make it. I think that's enough. I must confess this has been therapeutic to write as something I did today left me rather anxious. Is it me or does anybody feel anxiety affects judgement? R

MarkJT Poor concentration due to PTSD
  • replies: 47

I like to think that for the most, i have recovered from PTSD, well as much as you can recover from it (just my beliefs) but my concentration is still very very ordinary. Has anyone experienced this? How do you improve your concentration? I know Dr G... View more

I like to think that for the most, i have recovered from PTSD, well as much as you can recover from it (just my beliefs) but my concentration is still very very ordinary. Has anyone experienced this? How do you improve your concentration? I know Dr Google will have some answers but I would prefer to hear from people who have lived it. I think a bit has to do how much mental energy it takes to keep yourself grounded and the lower amount of mental energy the harder it is to concentrate but even when i feel pretty energised, i still can't concentrate much. Be interested to hear other peoples ideas on this. Cheers Mark.

llemonade Trouble getting help
  • replies: 4

Ok so something happened about 5 years ago and like the next day i got the guts to call mental health crisis team and they got me to agree that i wouldn't self harm and to see dr next day. So i get myself to dr the next day and try mention what happe... View more

Ok so something happened about 5 years ago and like the next day i got the guts to call mental health crisis team and they got me to agree that i wouldn't self harm and to see dr next day. So i get myself to dr the next day and try mention what happened and he kind of just brushed it aside. He was like "did you say 'no'" and i said "i was too drunk to say anything" and then he was like "oh good. do you want treatment for alcohol problem?". So basically just useless cause i had peer pressure problem not alcohol problem. Anyways i managed to cope pretty well for a while. I was on anti depressant and anti psychotic because i had just been in hospital. But for the last 3 years since i been off meds I been really struggling and it feels a lot different/worse than depression/anxiety problems that i had issues with for more than half my life. I get all this rage at myself about everything and it's like my brain attacks me with all this self loathing and it freakin hurts and I have always had good understanding of myself and others but it is like i have had personality change and i just cant force myself to care. Which is strange because i used to care too much with all social anxiety stuff. Basically all i am is grumpy and cant concentrate and feel stupid all the time. It has gotten particularly bad the last 6 months with all this added stress and I almost daily i have mini breakdowns where i curl up on the floor or in bed for a few minutes clutching my stomach and coughing rather than breathing and getting all worked up with mental anguish. It is only for the last year that i start to think that maybe the way i been feeling for years is linked to stuff that happened 5 years ago and i keep going over stuff in my mind. So anyway I decided to research and find a new good female GP and i went to get help for long list of everything but because i always had problems talking and get anxious and shutdown and with the added not being able to get my thoughts straight thing lately all I managed was get back on meds for depression/anxiety and just general check up and blood tests. Meds have helped a little. I feel a little bit clearer and like i'm coping slightly better but I'm still in hell and obviously need more help. Also i having real trouble getting past that i am just overreacting and all is my fault and i am just a crazy idiot. dr also said i have vit D deficiency so maybe that makes your brain messed up or more likely i just messed myself up with all self medicating

Candicej I was robbed whilst I was home
  • replies: 2

Last week I was woken up at 5.40am to a loud what I thought was knocking on the door, I got up and checked the door and nobody was there, I got my dog and returned to bed, my dog soon jumped from my bed and ran into the yard barking, I got up and loo... View more

Last week I was woken up at 5.40am to a loud what I thought was knocking on the door, I got up and checked the door and nobody was there, I got my dog and returned to bed, my dog soon jumped from my bed and ran into the yard barking, I got up and looked outside, I couldn't see anything so again I got her and took her back to bed. Not even 5 minutes later my dog was on the end of my bed growling and peeking through my open bedroom door, I got up and stood at my doorway, that's when I saw a man in my living room. I started to scream and called out for my brother who quickly got up and chased the man out of the house and out of the yard. Unfortunately for weeks I had been hearing things in the yard and I'd just put it down to anxiety as my partner was in America. I am now having severe panic attacks especially at night, I lay awake and can hear every single noise, I got new locks for the doors, and am now OCD with them being locked and triple checking them. I'm to afraid of getting up in the dark, or even getting up early for work. I know time will heal and it will get easier, but the fear of them coming back is horrible and everytime I go to the bedroom door I still have the image of him just standing there.

FrankA Undiagnosed PTSD, Diagnosed BP2
  • replies: 11

I am about to condense my adult lifetime of illness into a few key areas. This year I voluntarily admitted myself into a private hospital that has a specialist psychiatric care. This came after the onset of a major depressive episode and aggravated a... View more

I am about to condense my adult lifetime of illness into a few key areas. This year I voluntarily admitted myself into a private hospital that has a specialist psychiatric care. This came after the onset of a major depressive episode and aggravated anxiety triggered by 12 months of workplace bullying and harassment. My psychiatrist diagnosed Bipolar 2. Unfortunately, I suffered acute liver failure caused by medication given to me while in hospital. I was fortunate to receive a liver transplant, however due to a virus, I now have an ileostomy, I had to relearn to use my arms, relearn to walk, I have an open wound and it doesn't end there. How does PTSD fit into my story? From 16 to 24 yo I was in a domestic violent relationship. I am now 38 and I still dream about many of the traumatic episodes. My scars cause me to drift into a almost visual daydream of how I got them. I cannot handle arguments and yelling and I come out fighting from fear. I avoid places, a whole town nearby, in case I see the perpetrator. I develop scenarios in my mind of this person ruining my life, murdering my family in revenge. These prevent sleep and again impact my dreams. I was threatened with death to never talk about these issue. I can't shake it. These years and the trauma has infected my life. Fast forward to this year. The emergency liver transplant, my 3 month stay in ICU and a further 2 months in the ward has wiped me out. BUT I have to remain strong for my DDs and DH. My anxiety is at max levels. I have periods of depression. I am supposed to have more surgery next year and I am frightened. All the while I dream about the DV and wake up with dream a 'hangover', when the emotions are so real the impact the next day. I can't make heads or tail of life ATM. I am a survivor but I am only just holding on. I feel like I have to show that I am strong when I am crumbling inside. No wants a person who complains about there problems. Everyone has there own problems. I rarely talk about my feelings, except to a select few and I don't want wear them out. I have a new psychiatrist now. He comes with the liver transplant and my recovery is going well. He agrees with me on the anxiety and depression, not so much the BP2. We have not even discussed the DV yet. It is all incredibly complex and all I can do is withdraw.

Brauche_Hilfe Should I stay or should I go or am I being mentally abused
  • replies: 10

Hello, my partner & I of 5 yrs are having relationship issues our relationship was perfect we would text constantly never miss a call My partner & I do not fight her 1st marriage she was physically abuse Her 2nd marriage mentally abused and still is ... View more

Hello, my partner & I of 5 yrs are having relationship issues our relationship was perfect we would text constantly never miss a call My partner & I do not fight her 1st marriage she was physically abuse Her 2nd marriage mentally abused and still is during our relationship not only by her ex but also by her kids I have never been accepted by her kids I have never gotten involved with her affairs. Was always told to remain neutral Aft about 1yr in her ex and kids started applying enormous abusive pressure on her the law has done nothing VRO's are not worth the paper written on i have watched her be mentally abused to the point that in February this year she all but left me!!! she moved back to her ex's place where he doesn't actually live but keeps the kids there and dissappears which forces her to go back to them here's the kicker her kids are 17 21 & 24 yet he won't let anyone leave so since feb she had basically moved back to protect her kids then went to a woman's retreat in Singapore for six weeks came back one of her kids did self harm and she ended up sitting by a hospital bed for 4 weeks she then moved to another place by herself and has not given me the address and still won't in the mean time I have seen her four times since Feb totalling about 6 hours her communication with me has been reduced to text messages Calls go unanswered and will only call when suites my SMS are sometimes answered some days she tells me we are all good and will be together and she will see me but she doesn't show I don't know if I am in a relationship anymore i have been patient long suffering and have supported her 5 days ago she just took of to the woman's retreat again didn't say a word just gone she called twice sent a few SMS more than what I have had in the past month she sounded happy says she loved me and was going to come back and sort things out She arrived back tonight all I have received is one message saying "I am home" she is meant to come to see me today but im worried she won't show I love her with all my heart I am scared to lose her because I know who she really is and this isn't her but what ever action I take I cannot seem to find a way in but I also feel Im being punished because of others I feel lost in life alone in my relationship i am anxious i keep exercising everyday but I have with withdrawn myself from everyone else this my friends is only partial but enough room for full story

blink-- Ptsd/depression
  • replies: 2

A few months ago I was diagnosed with ptsd and eventually I got better. At the moment I'm relapsing and I'm going downhill more and more everyday. I've got problems at home as well as all the stress in my mind. With Christmas coming up I love to get ... View more

A few months ago I was diagnosed with ptsd and eventually I got better. At the moment I'm relapsing and I'm going downhill more and more everyday. I've got problems at home as well as all the stress in my mind. With Christmas coming up I love to get people nice presents but I just can't work I'm so so low. I got a good job and ended up quitting after a day (today) because I'm just a big mix of depressed, stressed and having flashbacks. I feel pathetic and weak and I can't talk to anybody because no one gets it. Probably the only job I could hold down right now is youth work which I have a passion in but I'm not quite finished my course yet so I don't know if I'll even get a job anytime soon. Sorry for the rant I honestly just can't function right now and I don't know what to do I feel like a pathetic, weak waste of space

James32 PTSD Signs after serious assault at work
  • replies: 6

Hi all, i I was wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation and may be able to provide some advice, guidance or insight where I should go from here. About 3 months ago, I was seriously assaulted at work. I work in juvenile justice and wa... View more

Hi all, i I was wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation and may be able to provide some advice, guidance or insight where I should go from here. About 3 months ago, I was seriously assaulted at work. I work in juvenile justice and was punched over 20 times to the head and neck area resulting in multiple injuries. I have since returned to work, but not on full operational duties and may not be able to ever return to full operational duties which may see me ultimately leave the department I work for. having previously worked in policing and ambulance, I have been exposed to multiple terrible and traumatic incident scenes before, but the ones that haunt me most now are from a vicious unprovoked attack back in August. constant reoccurring dreams and visions, unable to concentrate, unable to sleep or attempt to have a normal sleep pattern, irritable, emotions all over the place and not even been able to get out of bed at times. i am seeing a psychologist that deals with police and emergency service workers primarily that is great and work is trying to offer as much support as they can but even they are hesitant to return me to full operational duties ever again in case it happenes again or even gets worse. Where too from here? I love my job and love the support of close family and friends but day by day it doesn't seem to be getting any better or easier. I am not prepared to go on any anti represent medications period as any thought of that would definitely end any career prospects now or in the future that I do have. Any advice would be appreciated.

JPL_ Long time ago hey!
  • replies: 3

I feel the need to scream but instead I cry. Should I scream and just let go or cry some more

I feel the need to scream but instead I cry. Should I scream and just let go or cry some more

Navy_Blue (Trigger warning) PTSD - Military related. Advice on how to control or prevent triggers from happening, especially as a loving Dad
  • replies: 42

Hello BB faithful,I wasn't sure if this fell into my previous threads categories and could not find an existing one, so started afresh-apologies if this is supposed to fit somewhere else on the site or I should have placed it in my existing threads.T... View more

Hello BB faithful,I wasn't sure if this fell into my previous threads categories and could not find an existing one, so started afresh-apologies if this is supposed to fit somewhere else on the site or I should have placed it in my existing threads.To cut to the chase for those who have not read my previous posts; whilst on Counter Terrorism deployment my team and I were seconds away from being blown to smithereens by a diesel fuelled IED. The situation then compounded itself by our team then having to witness the bad guys executing children amongst others at point blank range, whilst laughing as they fired single shots down their lines of victims. First off I should add, all victims were bagged (black bags over their heads) the bad guys then went down the line one by one firing a single shot above each victims head and then kick them over - this was seen as hilarious fun. The bags were promptly removed and then the true executions took place back down the line finishing with the children - some I can only guess as old as 12 the rest probably younger. We, my team, agonisingly were in no position to act to save any of these victims for various reasons I cannot discuss.At the time I was a first time dad,my first deployment away from my wife and then 9 month old baby girl. This I can only imagine fuels my triggers. I am now a father of three beautiful children and it has taken eight years for me to be finally diagnosed with PTSD. I have been seeing a psychologist and have recently been referred by my GP to see a psychiatrist. Sadly my first appointment is not until late Feb 2017. My triggers have been getting worse, the smell of diesel for starters, children screaming, loud noises similar to explosions or gunshots and I am way to protective over my children, when in reality they are just doing what children do (on play equipment, running, jumping etc...) Febuary seems so far away and whilst my GP has prescribed some medication to help me sleep, I am still awakening with horrid nightmares waking in a cold sweat and shaking. Added to all this I am recovering from major surgery, so trying to balance treatment and prioritise what needs attention first. I have received endless support from many CCs thus far, but after what had started as being a better day for me today went down hill rapidly after a significant unforeseen double banger trigger event. I way out of character lashed out at my children, much to their confusion and then quickly removed myself (cont)