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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Navy_Blue (Trigger warning) PTSD - Military related. Advice on how to control or prevent triggers from happening, especially as a loving Dad
  • replies: 42

Hello BB faithful,I wasn't sure if this fell into my previous threads categories and could not find an existing one, so started afresh-apologies if this is supposed to fit somewhere else on the site or I should have placed it in my existing threads.T... View more

Hello BB faithful,I wasn't sure if this fell into my previous threads categories and could not find an existing one, so started afresh-apologies if this is supposed to fit somewhere else on the site or I should have placed it in my existing threads.To cut to the chase for those who have not read my previous posts; whilst on Counter Terrorism deployment my team and I were seconds away from being blown to smithereens by a diesel fuelled IED. The situation then compounded itself by our team then having to witness the bad guys executing children amongst others at point blank range, whilst laughing as they fired single shots down their lines of victims. First off I should add, all victims were bagged (black bags over their heads) the bad guys then went down the line one by one firing a single shot above each victims head and then kick them over - this was seen as hilarious fun. The bags were promptly removed and then the true executions took place back down the line finishing with the children - some I can only guess as old as 12 the rest probably younger. We, my team, agonisingly were in no position to act to save any of these victims for various reasons I cannot discuss.At the time I was a first time dad,my first deployment away from my wife and then 9 month old baby girl. This I can only imagine fuels my triggers. I am now a father of three beautiful children and it has taken eight years for me to be finally diagnosed with PTSD. I have been seeing a psychologist and have recently been referred by my GP to see a psychiatrist. Sadly my first appointment is not until late Feb 2017. My triggers have been getting worse, the smell of diesel for starters, children screaming, loud noises similar to explosions or gunshots and I am way to protective over my children, when in reality they are just doing what children do (on play equipment, running, jumping etc...) Febuary seems so far away and whilst my GP has prescribed some medication to help me sleep, I am still awakening with horrid nightmares waking in a cold sweat and shaking. Added to all this I am recovering from major surgery, so trying to balance treatment and prioritise what needs attention first. I have received endless support from many CCs thus far, but after what had started as being a better day for me today went down hill rapidly after a significant unforeseen double banger trigger event. I way out of character lashed out at my children, much to their confusion and then quickly removed myself (cont)

Colzi5 lost and confused= Life
  • replies: 3

Hey all, Im lost. Long story short, here goes. My ex and i had a passionate relationship. I still to this day believe he is my soul mate, however the relationship was volatile. He mentally abused me which then led to him trying to kill me by strangul... View more

Hey all, Im lost. Long story short, here goes. My ex and i had a passionate relationship. I still to this day believe he is my soul mate, however the relationship was volatile. He mentally abused me which then led to him trying to kill me by strangulation. He went to jail for 8 months and during this time i went to visit him most weekends and wrote him letters. I found it hard to just forget about him. Once he got out of jail, he came back to me and we tried again to reconnect but he was just so paranoid about what i was doing each day (which was work BTW). After about 3 months, i couldn't do it anymore. it was not worth the ridicule. a couple of months after that i started seeing another man, whom i am still with but because i don't feel that same fire i did with my ex, i feel bored. now in july this year, i received a text message from my exs phone saying it was his brother texting and that my ex had passed away and it was my fault. i have struggled since then to grieve. i cry everyday, wonder what if this what if that. this put a strain on my relationship now. my exs old number, i used an app called whatsapp which is how we used to talk when he needed me to text him during this grieving process to help me get my feelings out and then one day the messages were read by someone. they said it was their new number, i didn't know them. so i told them lots of private things as i was trying to grieve. then two weeks ago i got a call from a no caller id late at night and it was my ex. he is alive. what am i meant to do? i thought i was lost before but now i cry more often, i wonder what have i don't wrong to deserve this? who would do this cruel thing. making someone believe they are dead when they aren't. i asked him and he reckons he knew nothing about it but i don't believe him. i am questioning everything now. my life, work, people i associate with. i wouldn't do that to anyone, not even the person i hated the most in this world. Can anyone help me deal with this?

Bradley2233 abusive friendship
  • replies: 4

Hi,not sure if im in the right place but here it goes. Ive been friends with this person for 2 years now, but it seems like 10 years, she is female im male. We have done everything together. Going road tripping, been to doctors together, been in hosp... View more

Hi,not sure if im in the right place but here it goes. Ive been friends with this person for 2 years now, but it seems like 10 years, she is female im male. We have done everything together. Going road tripping, been to doctors together, been in hospital together. We have both had each others back no matter how hard life has got but things are starting to change..Recently i moved closer to be with her as a friend to support her throughout what shes been going through lately (she has been sexually assaulted twice, abused, drugged up in the past, been through domestic violence, the lot! She has got out of a medical institution that i helped her out with a stable place and my mother. I took her to all her appointments as she dont have a licence.We have been arguing alot lately over the littest of things. Wether it would be my driving, my attitude or mood. But i fail to see what i do wrong and i do understand of what she is going through and i know that things dont just get better straight away. Well over the course of the last 2 weeks i have been thrown around like some piece of shit. Everything i do is so wrong, then other people get involved when she calls them and makes things worse, Ive been hit in the face numerous other times and it hurts. I never thought someone who i nearly class as my girlfriend would even do this to me and i feel like im stuck where if i leave her shes going to do something stupid of which shes threatened to do in the past, we both suffer from stress and anxiety and its tearing me to pieces inside trying to figure out what i should do. If i should just leave the friendship and go each separate ways how should i do it so that we both are happy or both leave on mutual terms. We have both openly admitted to each other we love each other and there is some deep feelings there but nothing is official and we are not dating or in a relationship but the way things are now, its stressing me right out. I do yell when i get hurt but i cant help being the way i am when i get hit i just sit there in silence and keep copping it and let it go.I dont want to waste a great friendship like this and im willing to do anything to keep it but i just dont have any idea on what to do i just want the abusive to stop because i cant take much more of it

Navy_Blue Recent diagnosis of PTSD and possible connection to years of anxiety and depression
  • replies: 29

Hello, I am new to this game however I am relieved to have found the confidence to reach out for help and support. I have been an officer in the ADF for over 15 years, I am married with three beautiful young children who are my everything.I had battl... View more

Hello, I am new to this game however I am relieved to have found the confidence to reach out for help and support. I have been an officer in the ADF for over 15 years, I am married with three beautiful young children who are my everything.I had battled depression and anxiety (and to an extent still do) shortly after returning from military deployments and at the time could not place a finger on the causes of my feelings of self worthlessness, lack of self esteem and general daily sadness. I have recently been diagnosed with PTSD and through this discovery a whole can of worms opened on several other self confidence issues and fears came into light.I am still being treated on AD but still experience bad days. To complicate and compound things more for me I am 40 years old and am just starting recovery for my second total hip replacement.My first was done 8 months ago.I have a lot on my plate and with a young family prioritising which area to focus on first is difficult as unfortunately they all feel as though one effects the other.After several years of trying to be a man and block it all away, I finally broke down and opened up and spoke in depth with my wife.Several reasons preventedd me from doing this earlier, (the PTSD issue) mainly the national security and secrecy act, but the fear of discussing my depression and anxiety with her were mainly from a fear of not being strong enough as a man or being inadequate in many ways.I still get PTSD triggers on a daily basis and as a rely I'm way over protective with my kids along with a lengthy list of other self negativity.The strong fear of not being man enough to cope with this stuff has severley effected my self confidence and I contantly feel inadequate as a man, husband and father.The fact I have 2 new shiny hips hasn't helped me in this department either.As a people pleaser in general, I am anxious that I am not good enough for my wife and that I am no longer seen as sexually attractive, strong (both physically and mentally) and fail to compare in any shape or form to her previous relationships. She remained in contact with some of her previous partners, which I have since explained hurts me, and she has promised to cease all contact.I can function sexually but she seems uninterested in any intamacy anymore. This just feeds my fears of inadequacy and self worthlessness. Just wanted to vent, looks like I have overshot my characters left... Thanks for listening, I might try and do this again soon. Cheers.

Courgette Just discovered PTSD
  • replies: 7

Hello there, I just discovered I have PTSD. Although I haven't yet had a 'formal' diagnosis, I'm reliably informed that what I experienced was a symptom. Basically, I was in an extremely violent and terrifying relationship for many years which I even... View more

Hello there, I just discovered I have PTSD. Although I haven't yet had a 'formal' diagnosis, I'm reliably informed that what I experienced was a symptom. Basically, I was in an extremely violent and terrifying relationship for many years which I eventually fled under threat of my life. That was almost 2 decades ago. I have avoided similar situations by avoiding relationships with men. They scare me frankly. Then recently, I found myself in a position where I was subject to someone else's fury, someone who I allowed myself to become emotionally involved with. What I experienced was: I momentarily blacked out. The room went white, I couldn't hear anything and my brain seemed to freeze or be about to burst, or both. Then I flew into a panic and reverted to my well-practised methods of appeasement. Has anyone else experienced similar?

Parity Feeling like I can't and won't come to terms with it
  • replies: 3

Knowing that some people have had truly horrible things happen to them it feels like my problem is tiny in comparison. Nevertheless, I'm finding it really hard to deal with. Recently my dog bit a friend of mine. He got a fright and snapped and hurt h... View more

Knowing that some people have had truly horrible things happen to them it feels like my problem is tiny in comparison. Nevertheless, I'm finding it really hard to deal with. Recently my dog bit a friend of mine. He got a fright and snapped and hurt him. Everyone has been great about it, especially my injured friend but I blame myself for not being able to prevent it from happening. I re-live it over and over (it happened right in front of me) and haven't been able to get to sleep. Everyone says it's not my fault but I can't shake it. I can't cope with the fact that I couldn't stop it. If anyone has had anything similar happen I'd love it if you could share it. Feeling confused and highly anxious and not sure how to come to terms with it.

lavendar Recovery Frustration
  • replies: 7

I have had PTSD since being assaulted by me ex a few months ago and am so frustrated by how easily triggers have pulled me back for the 4th time now. The frustration with dealing with police, trying to get into counselling, doing what I have needed t... View more

I have had PTSD since being assaulted by me ex a few months ago and am so frustrated by how easily triggers have pulled me back for the 4th time now. The frustration with dealing with police, trying to get into counselling, doing what I have needed to to move on and then BOOM a trigger knocks me back down again. I finish up at my job next week - I just can't work anymore. My workmates have not been supportive and in fact retriggered this current spell. I am so hurt by them - and withholding anger that he gets away with doing this to me (have just found he denied assault and due to lack of evidence will not be charged). I live in a community where I feel outnumbered by his associates - he is a well respected member of the community - and I feel like he is winning. All I can really do is go back to doctor for more medication and wait until I can finally get into counselling. I can barely function - I just want to hide from the world - this sucks.

Nickname_12936318-B287-40 Partner with Depression may be emotionally/verbally abusive
  • replies: 6

I'm seeking some help/advice regarding my unhealthy relationship. I've never posted about it before, so here it goes. I'm 23, and have a 4 y/o son. And have been in an 'on again, off again' relationship with his father for the past five years. He sle... View more

I'm seeking some help/advice regarding my unhealthy relationship. I've never posted about it before, so here it goes. I'm 23, and have a 4 y/o son. And have been in an 'on again, off again' relationship with his father for the past five years. He slept with four other women in the first three years of our dysfunctional relationship. The first while I was pregnant (I gave him another chance) the second (his ex) was three weeks after our son was born and he left us for her. A couple of months later he came back and said we could work things out. Then the third when my son was just under a year old. Then the fourth when my son was 2. He kept the fourth a secret for a year but it eventually came out. Now as that seems like a problem on its own, during this time and after (it has been two years now since he's slept with anyone else) he hasn't had much regard for my feelings and how I am dealing with all of it. He is dismissive, he doesn't support any decisions I make, he's always telling me what I'm doing wrong - telling me to rephrase myself, correcting me, telling me I have poor communication skills. He gets annoyed with me over such small things and it always feels like I am walking through a minefield. Any thought or opinion I state could potentially set off a huge argument, and then when we argue he puts the blame on me and walks off, leaving me feeling guilty for saying whatever I said. Nothing I do or our son does ever seems good enough. We could always do better. Be better. I've tried to leave him about four times this year as I have become increasingly anxious and depressed, however I always find myself giving him 'one more chance'. I sometimes think that maybe it's just his depression talking, but it's so hard not to take things personally when someone you love criticises you all the time. He isn't on medication, he doesn't want it and he won't seek professional help as he doesn't think it works. I however am seeking professional help as I don't know what to do anymore. Any advice or input would be helpful. Thanks in advance, Sparrow.

Luna1111 Ptsd sexual abuse
  • replies: 5

I found out about a year & half ago that my mother molestered me... i was very young & must have blocked it out But i remembered. After i remembered i told one person who then told other people. I have been so distressed & traumatised not only by wha... View more

I found out about a year & half ago that my mother molestered me... i was very young & must have blocked it out But i remembered. After i remembered i told one person who then told other people. I have been so distressed & traumatised not only by what my mother did but by the person telling other people. Its taken this long to try and face it. My mother doesnt know that i have remembered but im getting ready to confront her... i want to move on with my life without her in it.

Brokenpeices I think I'm going crazy
  • replies: 3

For the last week I have been feeling spaced out, constantly tired, dizzy, I'm also having blackouts where I lose time and memories, I'm seeing images that feel real and losing my cool over the smallest things, it's almost like my mind and my body ar... View more

For the last week I have been feeling spaced out, constantly tired, dizzy, I'm also having blackouts where I lose time and memories, I'm seeing images that feel real and losing my cool over the smallest things, it's almost like my mind and my body are seperate entities ATM and I feel like I don't have control over either of them, my body is jolting me back into reality but then I space out again, I feel like I'm going crazy and I can't do anything to stop it, I can't make it stop and I just want it to go away, I'm starting to fall deeper into my hole and I'm afraid I will hit the point of no return, I'm scared and I want to cry, I'm worried my girlfriend will leave me if I reach out for help, I'm afraid everyone will be angry if I admit myself because they will have to watch my children, but it's not going away