PTSD and Trauma

New diagnosis c-PTSD...on the starting line to recovery

replies: 1

Hi all, I'm new to this forum and have recently received a new diagnosis after struggling with anxiety for twenty years. I feel like I've arrived at the starting line of my recovery after having already run a marathon...It's really rough going at the... View more

Hi all, I'm new to this forum and have recently received a new diagnosis after struggling with anxiety for twenty years. I feel like I've arrived at the starting line of my recovery after having already run a marathon...It's really rough going at the moment. Just mentioning the trauma is traumatic for me, writing this post I'm teetering on the edge of deleting it, but I'm going to try to persist because I want more than this - I can't stand feeling trapped by the trauma and the resulting avoidance and isolation. I want to start by not letting my symptoms (intrusive/irrational thoughts that lead to intense anxiety and avoidance) prevent me from reconnecting to the world. This is kind of my little attempt at poking my head out and saying hi. So hi from me to whoever who is out there on their own road to recovery.

Fighting the feeling of being helpless

replies: 18

Hello, I was wondering if someone has experience with this feeling or could share with me what they did. I have a history of childhood abuse and trauma and started treatment for all sorts of things a while ago, but only recently shared this part of m... View more

Hello, I was wondering if someone has experience with this feeling or could share with me what they did. I have a history of childhood abuse and trauma and started treatment for all sorts of things a while ago, but only recently shared this part of my life that I buried deep inside. Most of my life I worked hard to get out of the victim role and I achieved a lot and built a family. Life has been crumbling for a while now and it is a regular fight with myself to do the things that are good for me (in the long run) - like going to the psych. I had a few very difficult weeks lately and a couple of days ago I realised that one of the things that makes me so angry is that I feel helpless again. I don't know why this is happening to me and why I feel the way I feel and I don't think people understand and really want to explain to me what's going on - or they don't know. I am desperate to find my strength again and be independent and confident in my decisions, I never wanted to feel like a victim again and I feel like that now, helpless and not knowing when it's going to end. I get angry that I'm dependent on mess to make me feel better - and that means I have to go to see someone for a script. My problem is that I start pushing people away when I feel that in my eyes they don't want to understand me or help me. I just feel like walking out the door and starting to run again. Thank you, Yggy x

PTSD

replies: 5

Hey guys I haven't been able to post on here for ages. I've been running from myself so fast I couldn't handle this site at all. So the short version I've been dead (my psych calls it numb) since 1999. I experienced some serious hell while dead but m... View more

Hey guys I haven't been able to post on here for ages. I've been running from myself so fast I couldn't handle this site at all. So the short version I've been dead (my psych calls it numb) since 1999. I experienced some serious hell while dead but my attitude was pretty much - well I'm already dead anyway (just waiting for my body to catch up). Then after a year of therapy, in October this year, like a miracle I woke up. I had a marvellous - very manic time, for a while. Then I started feeling. Not pretty!! Overwhelmed to the max! It's literally like everything that happened to me over all these years suddenly started hitting me or more aptly slamming into me. I ran and ran. Mainly by keeping myself very busy, especially trying to study. My PTSD has just slammed into me and given me a huge jolt. My brain literally doesn't work properly anymore. I've joked on here and with people in my life about my PTSD brain but I'd never actually accepted the reality of what that actually means. Right now I literally have blanks, I retain very little of what I read and remembering peoples names is now rare. Part of why I'm posting this is to try and accept this truth - Right now I probably can't study. As much as that upsets me what I find even harder to face is that the main reason for me having PTSD is long term constant trauma caused by one person - by not being able to study I can't help but feel as though she's still hurting me

Abusive parents and their effect on us, their children

replies: 44

In my case I never saw the treatment of me by my mother as being abused. No doubt in my mind the reason is- she would ty to convince me that her treatment of me is for discipline reasons or its how all parents bring up their children. It wasn’t until... View more

In my case I never saw the treatment of me by my mother as being abused. No doubt in my mind the reason is- she would ty to convince me that her treatment of me is for discipline reasons or its how all parents bring up their children. It wasn’t until I became an adult, around 21yo that I realised this level of control will never end. My tolerance lasted till I was 54yo and then the relationship, well I terminated it. The last 6 years have been wonderful, there was no other way. So if a child feels so aggrieved by his/her parent that there is no other option but to disown there must be something serious that has been ongoing for a long time. The problem is, that the parent is often in denial, for “I’m the parent” attitude often prevails in their mind if they are a controller. Might is right! No it isn’t parent- RIGHT IS RIGHT.! Lets go back a few generations. Say 1900. This period might be your great grandfathers time as a toddler. My granddad was one year old then. Many parents had traditional methods of parenting. Physical slapping or forcing children to do things was the norm. Dad was the law and mum was his servant unless mum possessed some incredible ways of manipulation in order to get things done her way. And her safety wasn’t secure either in many cases. Now 116 years isn’t that long ago in generation periods. Just 3-4 generations. I’m mentioning this because if that old fashioned method of life behind close door was adopted by the tyrants child and the grandchild…you could well be the next child to be abused. The handing down of methods of bringing up a child hadn’t changed regardless of its unacceptability in the modern world. However, as adults of the modern world with these forms of control becoming unacceptable we know it is wrong and we rebel. I can recall when my kids were babies. We were told not to breast feed, what to feed them, that we weren’t good parents, that we should be living in a home of more quality standard, that I should work more hours and “get a better job”. These expectations were unsustainable. My tolerance was finite. When this happens it is abuse. It’s at least “stepping over the line”. For your own mental health and stability begin to set your boundaries. Be clear, direct, consistent, firm, fair and allow some time for it all to sink in. Then if all fails don’t feel guilty. You did your best with a parent that didn’t want limits to their control. You were a puppet seen no other way. Tony WK

Not coping following traumatic 18 months. Not sure who can help.

replies: 6

My husband suffered a severe headache Xmas 2014. He went to the Dr several times but was told it was stress & sent home with paracetamol. Late Xmas day I took him to hospital & he was in a helicopter to Sydney within an hour. He had a ruptured aneury... View more

My husband suffered a severe headache Xmas 2014. He went to the Dr several times but was told it was stress & sent home with paracetamol. Late Xmas day I took him to hospital & he was in a helicopter to Sydney within an hour. He had a ruptured aneurysm & was close to death. We live 6 hours away so I raced home & grabbed my sons & we drove thru the night to Sydney. Early the next day he had surgery & with luck & a great surgeon he survived. We were told he was extremely fortunate not to have stroke like symptoms & we should not worry as the chance of recurrence was very small. All settled back down until June 2015. He had a routine scan to & we were told they had found 2 new aneurysms located in his brain. We were told all of the facts & had to decide. Surgery carried a risk of 40% death, 40% disability and 20% success. If he chose not to have surgery the risk of rupture started at 15% per year and increased approx 15% per year for the rest of his life. Because of our remote location & his previous problems rupture was likely fatal. Our son was getting married in August so we decided to consider all the info & make a decision after the wedding. Within a few days of deciding this my husband said he couldnt live with this hanging over him, he couldnt sleep & couldnt concentrate on anything else so we rang our neurosurgeon to book a surgery date as soon as possible after the wedding. We had a beautiful day celebrating our sons big day although everyone was acutely aware of the upcoming surgery. We both took 3 months leave from work and spent a fortnight at the coast together before the surgery. All the time anxious of what lay ahead. On November 8th 2015 my husband was led away to theatre and we waited. After about 5 hours we had a call to come to the ICU. The Drs were confident the aneurysms had been successfully treated. Now we just had to wait for him to wake up and see if his speech, sight etc was ok. Luckily everything was fine. He was discharged a few days later but I was hesitant to return home so far from hospital. Just as well as he had an allergic reaction to a medication and ended up back in hospital for 2 days. Now we are home and returning to 'normal' life but I just cant settle. I worry all the time, I cant eat or sleep. I cant concentrate at work, I cry a lot for no apparent reason. I know I should be happy everything is ok but I just cant and I dont know what to do or who to turn to. Thanks for listening to me rave on.

Unemployed, homeless, violent background, feeling overwhelmed

replies: 3

hi a little about myself...l am bipolar 1, ptsd,personality disorders, anxious and possibly depressed, im also unemployed and have been homeless for nearly a year now...l have spent a lot of my life in & out of psychiatric units, sometimes against my... View more

hi a little about myself...l am bipolar 1, ptsd,personality disorders, anxious and possibly depressed, im also unemployed and have been homeless for nearly a year now...l have spent a lot of my life in & out of psychiatric units, sometimes against my will, l come from a violent upbringing & family so l got to watch a lot of my friends & family members die, often in tragic circumstances...l am a substance abuser,have been since l was twelve, often to cope with the violence at home...l am disconnected from my two children, friends(only 2 left), and family who no longer want to be a part of my life which l understand because l have caused a lot of pain, to them family and friends.. l am completely detached from society. My support network is gone & doctors have told me they no longer know how to help, im in the too hard basket & am not young anymore, im in my late 30's. You could say that l am currently overwhelmed and while a positive attitude is a must, especially when hardest hit, its becoming extremely difficult to initiate this positivity in my current climate. The question is, can one come back from so many obstacles & no support networks? ps because of my homelessness & never staying in the one place more than a day or so l am told that support services can only help me if l stay in the catchment areas...this is most times impossible to do due to safety concerns, police harrassment and fear of abuse. While l live by my motto NEVER EVER GIVE UP, l hope l can maintain hope...thats all l have left. thanks for allowing me to vent...best wishes and good health to all you members out there, hopefully a silver lining awaits us all

Emotional abuse

replies: 14

Hello, I'm new here so I apologise if I am posting the in the wrong section. I've been searching the Internet for help and advice and any information I can gather about emotional abuse and just generally need to get this out. ive been with my husband... View more

Hello, I'm new here so I apologise if I am posting the in the wrong section. I've been searching the Internet for help and advice and any information I can gather about emotional abuse and just generally need to get this out. ive been with my husband for 20 years so ther is a lot of back story but I will try to write the main points. My husband is a doctor, a specialist. I have always been the one to do all the initiating, if I don't touch him we don't touch, if I don't talk we remain silent. He has rejected me sexually in the past. He doesn't use my name he will just talk at me, he doesn't try to kiss or touch me, he doesn't recognise/talk about my achievements or accomplishments, he won't say happy birthday to me and if he does give me a card he won't write my name on it, it's like I don't have an identity. When I delivered our kids he wouldn't go to any antenatal or scan appointments and would not hug, kiss or congratulate me when I had the baby..I have had cancer and needed an excision, he complained to me that he needed to take an afternoon off work to allow this to happen. years later he mocked me about it. He's very cold and appears to be in control but is passive aggressive and will often agree to things only to later shout at me. recently, and getting to my question, for years I have taken care of the kids, no help, no family or babysitters. we have 6 kids And u am so busy that I needed to hire a babysitter for two 4 hr mornings per week to help me, not for me, for them. He has encouraged me to get a babysitter yet as soon as I hired her, he told me I am lazy and that I do nothing for the kids. I was hurt by this and asked him why he treats me the way he does and in the space of 15 minutes he told me in his 'I'm a doctor and your a nobody voice' : you have OCD (trust me I do not). you have narcissistic personality disorder, you're just trying to have a go at me, I can have you committed. if I say something he doesn't like, this is what I hear. He denies and deflects everything. As he is a doctor, he thinks he can push me around and label me with disorders. I can't speak or ask him anything about his behaviour toward me without being shouted at. I asked him to help the children pick up toys and he told me I have OCD. There is so much more than this but I can't write it all. I just need to know what other people think because I can't talk to anybody else about this and I'm starting to feel the west and tear of this. Thank you.

new member - domestic violence

replies: 3

Hi i have never been on anything like this before but today i have hit rock bottom amd it all started a year ago when i was in a domestic violent relationship and i finally had the courage to tell someone about it amd take actioni decided to not go t... View more

Hi i have never been on anything like this before but today i have hit rock bottom amd it all started a year ago when i was in a domestic violent relationship and i finally had the courage to tell someone about it amd take actioni decided to not go to work and go to a family friends amd tell them everything and the police were called and i had him charged..even though it has been nearly a year i struggle with it everyday the smallest things can remind me of tje most horrible things i had gone through i have been to the doctors alot over the past few weeks and have now been told i have ptsd this is something i wamt to be able to overcome and i just wanted to talk to people that may understand as not everyone does and it is hard to talk to them thank you to who ever has taken the time to read part of my storey and i look forward to trying to help people but also maybe get the support and help from you guys aswell

I've had enough.

replies: 7

I have had enough of trying to deal with my thoughts and feelings every second of every day. My past haunts me and no matter how I try to cope with it, it never gets easier. After 16 years of the most horrific abuse and torture, and 22 years of tryin... View more

I have had enough of trying to deal with my thoughts and feelings every second of every day. My past haunts me and no matter how I try to cope with it, it never gets easier. After 16 years of the most horrific abuse and torture, and 22 years of trying to cope with it and live a 'normal' life, I've had enough. I self harm extensively and I often think about going that one step further, it would be so easy..........I've had enough! I go to counselling, have done on and off for 10 years and I am in touch with my GP, nothing helps. All of my memories are in my head all the time.........I've had enough.........I don't know what to do now.

Fed up with being abused and threatened by my 16 year old son

replies: 8

I am fed up and have had enough. My teenage son who is addicted to marijuana abuses me, threatens me and is so disrespectful everyday. It isn't just me he doesn't care who he does it to but I am the one that cops it the most. We have holes in almost ... View more

I am fed up and have had enough. My teenage son who is addicted to marijuana abuses me, threatens me and is so disrespectful everyday. It isn't just me he doesn't care who he does it to but I am the one that cops it the most. We have holes in almost every wall in our house from him, he has wrecked so much of our stuff, damaged our sheds and fences the list just goes on and on. Today he got so close to my face in a heated moment that his fringe was touching my forehead. He came so close to hitting me twice today. He sold my daughters tv today to buy his fix. I got the police out and again like every other time nothing happens. My marriage is suffering because of his behaviour, my eldest child has moved out because she no longer felt safe. We no longer feel safe. I have tried all sorts of counselling but he won't attend anything. He doesn't go to school, he doesn't work. I have got no idea what to do next as I am about to burst. We need serious urgent help but I have no idea. Would love him to go to one of those boot camps where they get there anger out and then chat it out and figure out what is wrong but again where do you start. Thepolice told me to kick him out. Where would he go? To be honest I don't care. I have lost all my motherly feelings for him he has just dragged me so far down that I don't care anymore..next time it happens which won't be far away he will hit me then the police will do something. Any suggestions. Thank you

Pinned discussions

PTSD for Medical and First Responders

replies: 276

All discussions

New diagnosis c-PTSD...on the starting line to recovery

replies: 1