Have You Ever Felt Like You Were Beginning To Lose Yourself? This Is My Struggle With Anxiety & Depression.

[simmy_grace]

I am 28 years old and I have always been a bright and happy person who loves life and has big dreams. I have a beautiful family, gorgeous friends, a wonderful job at a hospital working with lovely people, and I have a big passion for music, singing, and dancing.

Four years ago I was asked out on a date which I said yes to, and when I met up with this person for our date It wasn't until they got into my car that I realised that they were intoxicated. I was scared and I didn't want to make a scene so I tried to pretend that everything was ok and did my absolute best to maintain friendly conversation with him. As time went on in our date I told him I wasn't feeling well and that I needed to go home and he was totally fine with it, but as I got closer to the destination of where I was dropping him off his personality instantly changed.

I ended up in hospital overnight as I had been assaulted so badly, and I found out from the police that the man that did this to me was found and instantly sent straight to jail for 3 months due to his extensive criminal history...which I had no idea about.

I was so upset with myself, I was devastated in my poor judgement not knowing how dangerous this person was, and I was so scared about breaking this news about what this person had done to me..I felt like a disgrace.

After this incident I began to get really bad anxiety which I tried to seek help for by talking to councillors but I felt like nothing was working. I tried very hard for the next few years to manage this on my own but in the last 12 months I have started to feel very dark, empty, numb, extremely sad, and feeling like Im losing myself. After seeking help from my GP I have been diagnosed with moderate to severe anxiety and depression, and I am now on medication for both, and I have made an appointment to see a Psychologist.

My mum who is very supportive told me to look at the Beyond Blue website, and I thought I would share my story with you all. I am really struggling today, I don't trust people, I wake up not knowing how Im going to feel, and when I'm anxious or feeling down its really debilitating.

I know its a long road ahead, but I look forward to feeling my normal happy self again.

[JessF]

Hello simmy_grace, I'm so glad that you started by listing all of the strengths and good things about your life right now. This awful assault should not define who you are, and I know it's hard, but you need to hear this: it is not your fault. Not in the slightest. This man made a series of choices that resulted in the despicable decision to hurt you. We hear messages all the time, subtle and not so subtle, that women are supposed to be responsible for our own safety, the way we dress, when we go out at night, reading the tea leaves to see if someone is "safe" or not... the nastiest ones don't come with a neon sign attached. This was not your fault.

The anxiety you've felt in the wake of this incident is perfectly understandable. Your trust was betrayed, and it's still very hard to talk about these things. I hope you will feel supported here, especially in this forum, as there are many of us who have been through similar incidents and survived.

Thank you for posting your story and I hope to hear from you again soon.

[Gruffudd]

Hi simmy_grace,

Thank you for being brave and sharing. That was traumatic, what he did was not OK and definitely not your fault or having had poor judgement, he is responsible for his actions. When I had something similar happen to me it did take a long time. Psychologists, medication, exercise, eating properly, all those things helped.

Do you have a space somewhere that feels safe and you can relax? For me having a warm bath with the door locked and the lights off helps me have some time when I'm not feeling vulnerable.

I love all the positive things about you, you sound a fantastic family member, friend, and colleague. When I got to building up trust I started with the relationships I already had, because they are the people that matter most, right? With them in my corner I was ready for people I didn't know.

Here at Beyond Blue you have your very own online cheer squad. I hope to hear more of your story as it continues on.

Rob.

[kaimare]

Hi simmy_grace,

What happened to you was not ok and you have every reason to feel anxious. You and I sound very similar lifestyle-wise and I think working in a hospital makes your aware but more tolerant to peoples odd and inappropriate behaviour because in a hospital you maintain a fine line between tolerance and keeping the peace. I would have done the exact same thing in your situation and pretended to have a polite conversation and tired to make an excuse that was unrelated to him to try and get away. What he did was his choice and not yours.

How are you meant to know this man was dangerous and a criminal?? He was drunk - unfortunately, another thing you begin to politely tolerate working in a hospital.
Getting on track is hard but you sound like you have a great network of people to help you.