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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Bee-Jay Highly Sensative Person - Worthless, sad and alone.
  • replies: 3

I am hurting badly. I've had a crap year. I have always been a highly sensitive person, I remember as a child crying a lot. I remember other kids in the school yard saying to me 'why do you always cry', I didn't know the answer. 60kgs at the age of 8... View more

I am hurting badly. I've had a crap year. I have always been a highly sensitive person, I remember as a child crying a lot. I remember other kids in the school yard saying to me 'why do you always cry', I didn't know the answer. 60kgs at the age of 8, I didn't understand that was bad or not normal. I didn't buy the food, I didn't cook for myself ... How does an 8 yr old weight 60kg!?! It has lead to a life of morbid obesity. I remember things (just a few) from my childhood that I wish I didn't ... yet they are just fuzzy enough for me to be filled with self doubt that they happened. This makes me feel usless as well. I feel worthless. I feel like most of the people who are in my life must also feel that I am worthless. Though not isolated to this but it was recently my 40th birthday and the worthlessness ive always felt but never acknowledged until this year, was reenforced by almost all of the people in my life I would have otherwise expected to want to make sure I had a special day, That being said, there were a few angles who I think may have literally saved my life (namely my 6yr old while I adore but am fearful or not doing the best thing for him constantly... My brother who came from WA to NSW to surprise me and the ladies from my work who have witnessed my breakdown this year)... But my husband (who in the last few weeks I've come to realise is messed up as me) my so called best friends, my parents - none of them made any effort to ensure I felt special and valued and I can't get past it. my whole life until earlier this year, I've gotten by telling myself I'm special and I am amazing and I'm a good person and friend and I do good things etc ... But I have nothing left in the tank and I feel like no one else can be bothered and im not worth the effort. I wasn't cared for and protected the way I should have been when I was a kid. That's why I've made horrible choices and surrounded myself with people who don't value me ... I feel maybe there's nothing to value. I write this and then want to delete it A I don't even feel I'm worthy of posting here but I am desperate and I have to try to help myself because no one else is going to do it (nor should they). I want someone to wrap there arms around me, to tell me it is all going to be okay... And more than anything I want to feel/believe it!

drunkwitness Evil PTSD trap
  • replies: 6

Im an emergency service worker (11 years) dealt with the worst of the worst Diagnosed with PTSD (cumulatively building over my career), depression and anxiety Im really struggling day to day at the moment. I find it hard to do daily tasks including g... View more

Im an emergency service worker (11 years) dealt with the worst of the worst Diagnosed with PTSD (cumulatively building over my career), depression and anxiety Im really struggling day to day at the moment. I find it hard to do daily tasks including getting out of bed and other basic things like showering or engaging with anybody. I feel like its all too much at the moment and I've really had enough of feeling the way i do. Reaching out to others to maybe hear it does get better and it does pass. Each persons journey is unique i understand but interested in hearing other stories. Im nervous about the future. I don't know what to do. I had an episode in February 2016 after a disgusting week at work. Engaged with my psychiatrist and was hospitalised for 2 weeks. was taking anti-depressants for 2 years prior and whilst in hospital was prescribed medication and another anti-depressants along with medication for sleep and anxiety. I was off work for 5 months and attempted to return to work but my anxiety and PTSD made sure i failed so im off work again. I have practised mindfulness and constantly see my psychiatrist, psychologist and GP. Do behavioural therapy, read literature, even tried going to the gym for a couple of months. Some thoughts that keep swarming are: I am falling apart I have no future I have lost something I will never find gain I am not my old self I am helpless I have been damaged forever I have confusion, lack of concentration and feelings in day to day life Fear , guilt and shame are regular. I have a very supportive partner and two kids but at the moment i feel like my condition is so mentally exhausting not only for me but my partner and family.

Matala Saying what is on my mind (Trigger warning: sexual abuse)
  • replies: 6

I was sexually abused when I was a child by a step retaliative (my grandmothers parter). I had a difficult time through my teenage and early adult years. I am now 32 and had since found a certain amount of acceptance. I disclosed the abuse to family ... View more

I was sexually abused when I was a child by a step retaliative (my grandmothers parter). I had a difficult time through my teenage and early adult years. I am now 32 and had since found a certain amount of acceptance. I disclosed the abuse to family when I was 15 where I was told if my grandma left him he would go overseas and I would never be able to prosecute. At the time I thought I would eventually go to the police, but as time passed I didn't ever have the courage to do that, I told my grandmother how I felt but for some reason she continued to stay with him. When I was about 21 I decided that I couldn't continue to see my grandmother if she continued to live with him. My immediate family also cut off contact with her at this time too. So I spent many years wondering if I would ever see my grandma again. Last year I did found out that he died, and so, I spent about 6 months thinking of making time to see her again but deciding to put it off. About 3 months ago I decided to go and see her as I was worried that if I didn't do it soon then I might not ever see her. I have been very conflicted about this, one part of me is really happy to have her back in my life and the other part is extremely angry and confused regarding her choice to stay with him. When I do speak to her she sounds truely happy to hear from me but will sometimes brings him up casually, she has early dementia so I am not sure she realises how uncomfortable that would make me feel. It I know that she loves me dearly, which make it so hard for me to understand why she stayed with him and how she could have maintained any kind of relationship with him. Anyway, my brother recently split with his wife and for some reason memories from the abuse that I usually have have been feeling allot more distressing. I also had an experience where I saw someone on Monday who looked like him and it made me feel very uncomfortable.

Auric_halcyon Admitting it might be bad
  • replies: 2

I always thought that trauma was sort of the norm. Not everything good happens all of the time. Everyone has at least one or two ghosts in the closet. But the more I used to tell people about my past, the more horrified and shocked they would get. I ... View more

I always thought that trauma was sort of the norm. Not everything good happens all of the time. Everyone has at least one or two ghosts in the closet. But the more I used to tell people about my past, the more horrified and shocked they would get. I have sort of started to come to terms with the fact that my life has been the titanic. It serves as a lesson to others. I was sexually abused by a friends father of a close relative, none of my family or friends have ever known. It went on for a while, and I only began to realize how horrific it was when i was in my early twenties. I burned down my house (accidentally, left some candles on) when I was 16. I was rejected by my mother and my father for their new families. I'm bisexual, wiccan, and while I've always had a roof over my head and food in my belly, I hit a lot of rough patches I've had bible thrown at me "thou shalf not suffer a witch to live". I'm in and out of depression and self-loathing my whole life, I think the first time I came out of a cycle was when I was 11, I'd been in a constant darkness all through primary school. I'm an academic, highly intellectual person and I've always, always been overweight. Struggling with weight implies there is a battle. I have never picked up the torch to get rid of it for longer than a week. - School was never easy for me, because of the other students.I thought suicidal thoughts were just the norm. I knew most of my friends contemplated it intellectually, sometimes on a struggling level, but I was in college when I began to work out that I was in deeper than most people.I feel like at any given time, there is three versions of me inside my own head; the happy, fun loving smart gal, the depressed, hateful wrathful angry girl and this survivalist utalitarian, the girl who has dragged the other two through all of this. I think to survive, I've learned to compartmentalise everything. I don't deal with issues; I just thrust them down as far into the bin of baggage, and I try to just keep going. It used to work... now, I'm 28; and I am coming undone. Last year the first time in my life I saw a psychologist. Asking for help was for people withreal, serious issues. not little stuff like my parents not loving me or some rough childhood memories. For the first time in my life, things are stable, good, even. And I cannot handle it. I am falling into anxiety bad-habits and all that baggage is almost constantly resurfacing. I don't know what to do.

yecats1508 Loack of childhood memories
  • replies: 8

I have recently started to recall things from my childhood which I have never previously been able to remember. I need to be clear that I was never the victim of any physical or sexual abuse but I do believe that events in my childhood would classify... View more

I have recently started to recall things from my childhood which I have never previously been able to remember. I need to be clear that I was never the victim of any physical or sexual abuse but I do believe that events in my childhood would classify as ongoing emotional abuse and it is clear to me as an adult that they have had a profound effect on my mental well being. I have acute anxiety on and off for as long as I can remember and at one point about 5 years ago did have to take medication. I guess the problem I have now is that I am beginning to recall memories from my childhood which bring to light a number of events that I had previously not been able to recall and I am getting concerned as it is starting to cause a heightened level of anxiety for me and I do not want to end up where I was previously. In some ways I am fortunate that I could try and talk through these things with my mother (which is where all of this really comes from) but I am fearful that as she has in the past she will be very dismissive of discussing things and I will be left with more questions than answers. Does anyone think it is worth exploring these things through psychology, hypnosis etc or just letting things be and trying to move past it without any assistance. Sorry, there is probably not enough information here but happy to answer questions if someone needs more information. Thanks

LightLover I need answers
  • replies: 6

Hello, I think that I have been suffering from PTSD or some form of mental illness since I turned 18 (now 24). I have told my parents and friends on random one off occasions that I think I am not okay but people don't seem to respond. I feel anxiety ... View more

Hello, I think that I have been suffering from PTSD or some form of mental illness since I turned 18 (now 24). I have told my parents and friends on random one off occasions that I think I am not okay but people don't seem to respond. I feel anxiety everyday, all the time I cannot concentrate, I cannot work and I no passion, no drive no motivation to chase my dreams. I never feel good enough and I sometimes feel pain in my chest, physical pain that is from my brain..if that makes sense...it tingles down my arms and through my hands. My family and friends call it 'being lazy', 'everyone goes through this', 'it's normal'. I just cannot even function! How can this be normal! I'm lying to my family about studying at uni, I'm lying about applying fro jobs, I'm lying about everything because I feel so crap all the time that all I want to do is sleep so that I don't have to think. My father was an alcoholic and suffered from mental illness himself. My two ex boyfriends where abusive and I feel like now I am left with nothing, no confidence and no happiness. I have had 5 terminations from the ages of 18-22 and I feel that I let it keep on happening because I just did not care at all, about my body, about my future, nothing. To me looking back. It was my form of self harm. I would feel so in love with something and then I would take it away as a way of punishing myself. I wanted them every single time but my family would've disowned me. I couldn't bare the thought of hurting them anymore. I know my mind isn't healthy. I so badly want to succeed in my life and move forward but something inside is stopping me. I have put on a brave face for so long that I can't even hide it anymore. Everyone knows I'm different. They can all see it. People look at me and see someone 'beautiful', 'smart', 'funny' but they have no idea of how much it hurts to get up in the morning and show my face. I hate myself and I need help. I just don't know what to do. I saw a psychologist but she told me that this is how I will be for the rest of my life. She said I can't change it but I have to learn to deal with it. That has seriously and honestly given me zero help and has made me feel even more crap about my future prospects. All I want is to be able to function in this world and achieve things. However, right now and looking back on my past and the slow tiny progress I have made, this seems like it will never happen for me. I just want to be better and to get on with my life.

Guest_322 Abused as a child.
  • replies: 72

Hi, I'm not sure where to start. Suffice to say, and I don't want to go into the details, that I was abused as a child by a relative. It's a little hard for me to say "abused" as there's a part of me that feels it was all so surreal. Like I had made ... View more

Hi, I'm not sure where to start. Suffice to say, and I don't want to go into the details, that I was abused as a child by a relative. It's a little hard for me to say "abused" as there's a part of me that feels it was all so surreal. Like I had made it up in my head. Even as I've opened up to select people in my offline life, and they've called it abuse, I still find it hard to believe. I still feel like a drama queen. I mean, it wasn't that bad. Although I do have a whole range of trust issues and the like, I'm trying, and it's really hard. Trying to trust. Trying to take a chance on people. Trying to get through each day. And right now, trying not to cry because I've uni work to do ha, ha. I suddenly remembered something that my psychologist (have stopped seeing her for a while now) once said about how I missed out on so much as a child. That thought is upsetting. Anyway, that's enough. I'm getting emotional and I have a lot of uni work to do. Thanks for reading

TBEJ Trying to end an abusive relationship
  • replies: 8

I have been in a relationship for 2+ years with someone who treats me like I am the dirt on his shoe. The relationship is 100% emotional and verbal abuse. He has called me every name under the sun, while also blaming me for his depression and suicida... View more

I have been in a relationship for 2+ years with someone who treats me like I am the dirt on his shoe. The relationship is 100% emotional and verbal abuse. He has called me every name under the sun, while also blaming me for his depression and suicidal thoughts. Tonight he once again blamed me for his unhappiness, and started claiming he has bulimia just to trigger some sort of response from me. He expects me to beg at his feet and do anything to save him and this relationship. I used to, but not anymore. This same guy forces me into sexual acts no matter where I am or what I am doing. My uncle committed suicide 2 months after my friend passed away, and instead of being there for me and supporting me, he threatened suicide if I didn't perform sexual acts for him. I have done so this entire relationship just to avoid his anger and harsh treatment. But I am so sick and tired of feeling this way. I deserve so much more. Yet I have been having one hell of a time finding the courage to end it. Every single day I dread hearing from him again. I put myself into panic attacks when I see him calling my phone or sending me a message, because I expect him to treat me like garbage again until I do whatever he wants. I am in the middle of studying for my dream career, and working so hard in the workplace to obtain this career. I have serious family problems, and have lost 95% of my friends. I cannot keep doing this day after day. I need to start repairing my life and focus on more important things. I need happiness again. But how do I do it? How do I finally gain the courage to say its over? It has been over 2 years and I still haven't found the complete strength. I am constantly delaying it and changing my mind the next day. For some stupid reason, I feel as though I am hurting him by leaving. I don't know how to stop thinking that way..

MM216 Severe Anxiety-PTSD (physical symptoms too much)
  • replies: 3

Hi All, I've been suffering horrible physical symptoms from anxiety and PTSD. It's been ongoing for almost 5 weeks now. I recently lost a planned pregnancy through ectopic surgery (about nine weeks ago). It has left me with extreme sadness, shock and... View more

Hi All, I've been suffering horrible physical symptoms from anxiety and PTSD. It's been ongoing for almost 5 weeks now. I recently lost a planned pregnancy through ectopic surgery (about nine weeks ago). It has left me with extreme sadness, shock and the whole process was traumatic and caused me severe anxiety from the medical experience. I've always suffered from anxiety, but never experienced this unpleasantness before, except from a previous panic attack I had. my anxiety is mainly health related at this stages. I've seen several GPs, had blood tests done and all have given me the same feedback- it's anxiety. I've started to see a psychologist to help me deal with this. the daily symptoms include, dizziness and headaches and inability to focus. I've had trembling, shaking, itching and sweating and difficulty swallowing too. its been a vicious cycle, as soon as I start feeling it, I panic and worry something bad is happening to me which exasperates the symptoms. it's taking over my life and I just want to get better. i'm constantly replaying the event in my mind and it gets worst every Wednesday (the day I had the surgery to remove it). everytime I experience the symptoms, I panic and think something is wrong the doctors have missed something. i've pretty much recovered 100% physically. I just want to feel like myself again. breathing exercises are helping, but wondering what other techniques people have used. anyone experiencing similar symptoms? Thanks in advance. Mary

Cornstarch Male survivors of sexual abuse or assault
  • replies: 17

I am not a man hater because I was sexually assaulted by one. I love my male friends and taking a break from the tedious female psyche with them is blissful at times and a real hoot. I attempted to post some url resources for sexual abuse survivors a... View more

I am not a man hater because I was sexually assaulted by one. I love my male friends and taking a break from the tedious female psyche with them is blissful at times and a real hoot. I attempted to post some url resources for sexual abuse survivors as I am so worried with how they are coping and they did not pass. You really scare me sometimes brothers. I feel useless at times with the elements of coming to grips with this that are specific to males. They may be triggering so please be cautious and sensible when engaging with them. Maybe it is wisest you don't do it alone at all. You could read them with a trusted friend, sibling, neighbour, parent, partner or take your tablet or smart phone to your GP or health professional and chat about it with them. Australia is so far behind. Google: The Bristlecone Project, Jim Hopper, 1 in 6 and Dr Bessel van der Kolk